JUST BEFORE MY WEDDING...I HAD A PANIC ATTACK 3

Getting into another relationship was hard for me but I did it anyway. I knew that we were not compatible but I was ready to manage because I wasn't sure I could ever get someone better. However, along the line, I discovered that someone else was pregnant for him and so we compulsorily had to end the relationship. I had failed to listen to all the people I respect who warned me about Tony and I had failed to obey the instructions of the only Person that orders my footstep (God) so I guess that pregnant lady had to show up for me to come to my senses.

My relationship story is one that I had to share because I was at a point in my life where I felt it was never going to work out fine with me and any guy. But God turned my situation around and I will be getting married to the love of my life in a few days. Don't worry, I am sure that we are getting married this time (smiles). The way this one happened is actually beyond me. This person has always been in my corner, always admired me but never said a word about it. Many people around me excluding myself knew that he liked me. He spoke to my Pastor who doubles as my Mentor before finally deciding to propose marriage to me and the rest they say is history. 

I have gone from trusting God to doubting Him and to trusting Him again and in all I can say that God cares so much about me and that is why he saved me from the previous relationships and 'almost marriage'. He has brought my husband to me and I can boldly say that he is the bone of my bone and the man that is right for me. He isn't perfect, well neither am I or anyone else but he is Godsent.

I have shared my story with you to encourage you. Please do not give up. No matter how you've been treated in the past, God still has the best plan for you and the way that man or woman would show up in your life, would surprise you. Another advice I would love to give is this - a lot of people would put pressure on you and you could even put pressure on yourself but it is not worth it. It is better to wait and get it right than for you to decide to be with someone out of desperation and therefore make a decision that you may regret for the rest of your life.

That right man or woman would come so please do not give up and do not be desperate. As the year comes to an end, please instead of weeping over the relationships or other things that haven't worked out well, think of the things that have worked out well - I am certain that there are some things to be thankful for.

Thank you so much for staying with us during this series. I hope that you have been inspired in one way or the other. God bless you real good. 

Also thank you for coming every week to this place to read and get inspired. I appreciate you all so much and I thank God for all your support. See you in the new year by God's grace. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR IN ADVANCE!

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

JUST BEFORE MY WEDDING...I HAD A PANIC ATTACK 2

 

"You are an amazing person and I really wanted to get married to you but there is a lot going on right now in my life and I don't think we can go ahead with this marriage. I can't do this anymore. I am truly sorry." He said to me.

"What? Are you joking? It's a month to our wedding and you're saying this! You did not even have the courtesy of meeting with me physically to discuss this. This must be a joke. You must be pranking me..." These were the words and questions I intended to ask but I was in so much shock that I couldn't mutter a word.  I cried profusely and uncontrollably. I had sent out invites to my friends and loved ones. My mum had invited all her family members as she couldn't contain the joy that her first daughter was getting married. I had told my mum that I wanted something really small but you know how mothers are, she ignored my request and went ahead to announce to the world.

It was a terrible period for me but I had to gradually move on. It was difficult! I cried every single day. I actually thought I was going to die. I was sick for days and was admitted in the hospital. I could not but think about all the plans and most importantly the fact that I thought I was getting married to the love of my life. It was when I was at the hospital that I summoned the courage to tell my mum about the break-up. She was so broken and couldn't say any word to me. She wept, I wept, we wept together for hours. She felt terrible and she blamed herself for the mishap. I told her it had nothing to do with her.  She had gotten to like him so much but then God knows best. 

How could someone move swiftly from marriage plans to not being ready to get married? If he knew he wasn't ready or interested, why did he propose? Why did he make himself known to my family? Why? Why? Why? What did I do wrong? Wasn't I good enough?. I had a lot of questions on my mind and I was not myself. 

I moved from being joyful to being sorrowful but God helped me and after a full year, I was able to fully get over it. A lot of guys kept showing interest in me during the year of my healing from an almost marriage but I just wasn't ready to be in a relationship again because I wasn't sure of what to expect. I struggled with the thought that this could happen again and so I decided it was better to remain single.

After a while, I got into another relationship and I'm not sure if it was out of desperacy but I almost made a terrible mistake...

To be continued...

Thanks for stopping by and we hope to see you next week by God's grace. God bless you and Merry Christmas in advance.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

JUST BEFORE MY WEDDING...I HAD A PANIC ATTACK

I was at a point in my life where I almost gave up on the possibility of ever getting into a good relationship or ever getting married. A lot has happened in my life and I am not even sure of where to begin the story from. There are so many stories about the different relationships and experiences I have had but I'll share a few with you. 

I was in a relationship with this guy named X. I referred to him as the love of my life because it appeared as though God carefully and deliberately crafted him for me. He seemed to be everything I had prayed for. Obviously, he had his bad sides (everyone does) but his good sides outweighed his bad sides. We had courted for a year plus when he said he wanted to get married to me. I was so excited about this. Everyone in my family already knew him well so there was no need for further introduction. He hadn't proposed with a ring but I wasn't bothered. I wasn't bothered because I had no reason to doubt that we were going to get married to each other. Things went on quite smoothly until a month to our wedding.

Spending time with family is something that is highly important to me. The fact that I knew I was getting married soon made me want to be with my family and spend more time with them before marriage took me away from them. On one of such days, I was busy gisting with my mum when I got a call from my fiancè. I was so excited that I left my mum's presence to receive this love call from the love of my life. His voice sounded really low and I got worried about him. "Are you fine? What's wrong? Why are you sounding like this?" were some of the questions I asked. At this point, I was worried because I thought something had gone wrong with him. I loved him too much to see him downcast and I wasn't going to have it at all. 

Just as I finished asking those questions, he gave a response. "I'm so sorry that this is happening. I am truly sorry and I hope you will find a place in your heart to forgive me..."  I couldn't move my body at this point. "Was he going to tell me that he had cheated on me? It was a month to our wedding! How would I handle hearing such a thing? Or what was he about to say to me?" These thoughts ran through my head as he spoke. 

Trying to stay calm in the midst of troubles and fears has always been my strong point so at this point, I chose to stay calm. I allowed him finish what he was about to say.

"You are an amazing person and I really wanted..."

To be continued...

Thank you so much for stopping by and we hope you enjoy the rest of the week. God bless you real good.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

I'M NOT GETTING A DIVORCE!

 

On my way out with some of my friends, we heard some women having a conversation and one of them said “if my husband does…I will just divorce him”. This struck a conversation between us and we expressed our shock as to how nowadays people are not willing to tolerate even the littlest mistake in marriage. In the words of one of my friends, “people treat marriage like relationships”. Although relationships are not just to be broken anyhow (hence the need to be extremely careful before getting into one), a relationship can be broken. A relationship is way different from a marriage because you have not yet said “I do” to the person you are with.

Marriage is way different and it is sadly gradually becoming really trivialized. He comes back late from work and you go “I cannot deal with this” or maybe she forgets to cook for you and you go “I am tired of this woman”.  No one is trying to say that coming back late from work is good or bad but then, you cannot at the slightest mistake/error/mishap say that you want to divorce a man or a woman. The truth is that the other woman that you think will cook that food when you divorce this one or the other man you think would come back early from work when you divorce him, might do that but then they would also have areas that you are not comfortable with. So are you going to keep divorcing and remarrying? Think about this!

The problem we have nowadays is that because this divorce thing has become very common, many people (especially youths) now go into marriage with the idea that “if he/she misbehaves, I will divorce him/her”. This is a very wrong mentality and we need to be careful about this. It is wrong and highly unadviceable for you to go into a marriage with the idea behind your heart that once your partner does something wrong, you will just get a divorce. I remember a Pastor once said “My wife and I made up our minds when we got married that divorce is not an option” and this got me thinking. We can learn from this: DIVORCE SHOULD NOT BE AN OPTION and should not be the first thing we think about when something in our marriage goes wrong.

Sadly but truly, people are no longer willing to tolerate even the littlest thing and this is really bad. There are extreme cases, I agree that might warrant you making that decision and I would not go into that today. But my focus is on the fact that we need to start renewing our minds about this divorce thing. We need to start working on being patient and tolerant people and not giving up at the slightest opportunity or mistake.

If you are already married, please try not to think of divorce at the slightest opportunity. Please try to be willing to make things work no matter what it may cost you. Your marriage is not a football ground where players can just be changed anyhow. Marriage is deeper than this and so we need to be extremely careful. Please be patient! I am not in your shoes and I might not know how difficult it is for you at the moment but you can think deeply about it. Your marriage is workable! Maybe just a little patience, a little understanding will help. If you are going through this, I really pray God helps you with this and gives you wisdom.

For those of us that are not yet married, we need to consciously get this mentality out of our heads! Please do not get married to anybody with the thoughts that “if he or she makes a mistake, you will just get a divorce”. This is wrong. We have to build ourselves to the level that we become very tolerant and patient people. Marriage is the coming together of two different people from different backgrounds and sometimes with different characters. What this implies is that there would be a clash but then how you handle the clash or differences is what matters.

God’s standard has not changed and this is different from belonging to the old school or new school. God says that “He hates divorce” and so that is His standard so why do we think that being a 21st century Christian or person changes this standard? No! It does not in anyway.

I really pray for each and every one of us (myself inclusive) that God will help us to understand the real essence of marriage so that we do not take it for granted. I pray that we exhibit the fruits of the Spirit so that our marriages will be better for it. I pray for a high level of tolerance and understanding in Jesus name (Amen!)

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

DEPRESSION WAS INEVITABLE BUT...

Can I just take this moment to say thank you for supporting this vision! Thanks for coming here every Tuesday to read our blog. Some of you even go as far as sharing it with your friends and we do not take this for granted. Thank you! Thank you! One thousand tongues would not be enough to express our gratitude to you. God bless you real good. You are important, in fact VERY important to me and that's why I have to do this.

Happy new month my people. Isn't God amazing? When were we wishing each other a happy new year and now we are at the tail end of the month. Whao! God is truly amazing and we thank Him for bringing us this far. 

I really don't know how this year has been for you. I don't know the struggles that you've had, neither do I have an idea of the painful events that might have occurred in your life. Personally, this year has been a great one for me. A lot has happened (some good, some not too good) but regardless of what may have happened, I am extremely grateful to God for keeping me and standing by me. I am also very grateful to family and friends who have stood by me and have been a strong support system.

I've lost close relations and I know that some of you reading this might have gone through the same. However, I'm here to encourage you - there are still four weeks or more till the end of the year and this means that miracles, joy, favour, abundance can still occur before the year finally ends.

You may have lost out on some things or people but you did not lose out on God (I hope) and He is going to surprise you greatly. For some people, depression seemed inevitable but they came out of it by God's grace and through friends and family.

I'll like to advice that we spend the remaining days we have left, thanking and appreciating God and the people that have stood by us. Many people could have given up or gotten depressed if they had no one to cheer them up or encourage them to stay strong. No one should take this for granted. This is why I started this post by thanking you because you've been a huge part of my year and I do not take it for granted.

I hope you are able to do this. Thanks a lot for stopping by and I'll see you next week by God's grace. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

MY MUM IS A GREAT WOMAN BUT MY WIFE ISN'T!

As human beings, from two different backgrounds, we are bound to have differences. It is important to note that it is VERY OKAY to disagree with each other and it is VERY OKAY to be unhappy about a few things that your spouse does. However, what is not okay is to begin to compare your spouse to other people, especially your Parents. 

When you have a very good relationship with your parents, sometimes, you automatically want your spouse to behave like them. For the ladies, you may be looking out for 'sweet Daddy' moments in your husband, while the men may be looking for 'your mum' (Sweet mother) in your wife.

Both ways, we are wrong!

I remember seeing a quote a while ago which was about comparing our behind the scenes to someone else's highlight and I thought to myself, this applies to marriage as well. Some of us compare our spouses 'behind the scenes' to our parents 'highlights' and this should not be.

We want a family man, husband, father, provider, best guy, go to person etc... We want a woman that can keep a home, a wife, a mother, a cook, a best friend, a prayer partner etc... All these things are possible but you  need to give your  spouse time.

Your parents didn't become all that they are overnight. God worked on them and they put in efforts daily until they became these people we admire so much. They went through a lot of 'agreeing to disagree' moments, unending compromises, deep sacrifices and an overdose of communication to become who they are today (the list is endless, because different strokes apply to different folks).

Can I shock you? Your parents are still learning how to be better to/for each other. Marriage is a University that one can never graduate from. There are things our parents will never tell us, and there are struggles they will never share with us. In the same vein, there are things we will never share with our kids.

Life is in stages, we learn, unlearn and relearn everyday. Please give your partner a breathing space. Support him/her by praying for them, and you will see results.

PS: We need to stop looking for our Fathers or Mothers in our partners, everyone is unique in their own way. There was something you saw in him/her in the beginning. Hold on to whatever it was/is, and help them build on it positively.

Oluwasade O.

Thank you for stopping by, and we will be back next week. Please feel free to leave a comment below, God bless you all.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

GIRLFRIEND ALLOWANCE - YAY OR NAY? 2

The issue my friend had with his 'exes' was the fact that they made him feel responsible for them. He was in the same University with one of them and she always needed one thing or the other from him. She demanded for things like it was her right not caring whether he could afford those things or not.  This got him really frustrated and that was what led to us having this discussion.

Some people that are very close to me know that I find it hard to ask people for things (especially guys) and this is because I do not think that anybody owes me anything. Even if I decide to ask you, if you say you cannot give what I have asked for then I should not take it against you because in all honesty, you owe me nothing. I have heard some ladies threaten to break up with a guy if he refuses to get them a particular thing. In my opinion, I do not think that it his responsibility to give you things or get you anything and everything. If he decides to, that is fine but should this be an ‘everytime’ occurrence?

Some ladies are also of the opinion that they should get weekly or monthly allowance from their boyfriend because he is responsible for them or for whatever reason. I am personally not in support of this because I feel the boyfriend is being given a duty that shouldn't be his. People have differing views on this and I would really love to know what you think. So please, drop your comments in the comment box and let us get some more enlightenment on this issue.

Having said that men do not have a duty to be providers for their girlfriends, it is also important to state that this is not a licence for men to be selfish or stingy. Yes, you don't have a duty to give an allowance but you're in a relationship and giving is one of the activities that must take place in a relationship. We have also established that giving is not just for the man in the relationship, it is for both parties. So as a lady, you must not only be willing to receive gifts but to give as well.

Thank you so much for stopping by and we hope to see you again next week by God's grace. Please share your honest and sincere opinions on this because apparently, many people have the same questions to ask.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown 

GIRLFRIEND ALLOWANCE - YAY OR NAY?

Sometime ago, I had a conversation with some young people and one of the things that was discussed had to do with ‘giving’ and ‘receiving’ of gifts.

“I got into a relationship with someone I really loved and because I loved her, I could do almost anything for her. I love to give gifts, especially to someone I really love and so this was a reoccurring event for me. Many times, I could just see something really nice and decide to get it for her, this was not a big deal at all. There was a day, I saw a beautiful shoe and without thinking twice, I decided to get it for her because I thought she would like it. She did like it and I felt really happy. Buying things for a girl that I love is not a problem but the annoying aspect is that this never happens or rarely happens to me. Is there a taboo for ladies to give gifts to guys?” Mr. S said

Now this question got me thinking deep. Is there really a taboo for a lady to buy a gift for a guy? My answer to this was no! “I do not think there is a taboo for ladies to get things for guys but I just think that many ladies have gotten so used to being on the receiving end that they find it difficult to give gifts to guys that they love or that they are in a relationship with” I replied. 

“Okay, I am glad you have a different view concerning this because many ladies (at least the ones I have spoken to) have the opinion that it is the duty of guys to always buy gifts and they (ladies) have no part to play in that” he said.

After establishing the fact that the giving of gifts should be reciprocal (i.e. ladies should be able to give guys gifts as well), something else came up and this had to do with the fact that he had experienced ladies always asking for things from guys. This is different from getting gifts because when you get a gift for someone, you most times do this without the person asking for it. “Why do some ladies think that it is the responsibility of a guy that they are in a relationship with to always get them stuff? I can decide to get you things but you shouldn’t make it seem like it is my duty to always get you things.”

While he was saying this, I knew that he had had some very bad experiences and that was why he spoke the way he spoke but then my question to him was “is it then wrong for a lady you are in a relationship to ask you for something she knows that you are capable of giving to her?”. “No that is not my point” he replied. “A lady can ask, in fact anyone can ask for something from the other person but this should not be an ‘everytime’ thing. Asking for things every single time is draining and for crying out loud, this person is just your boyfriend and not your father. It is the responsibility of a father to care and provide for your needs so do not make your boyfriend one.”

To be continued...

Thank you so much for stopping by, we really do appreciate you.

OneLove, 

SomzyBrown.

WHY SOME RELATIONSHIPS FAIL 2

Ruth continued speaking: 

The Psychiatrist made me realise that because of the events that took place during my childhood, I felt that I wasn't good enough if someone (a man) had not said that to me. She walked me through self-love and adviced that I begin to love myself, understand myself and enjoy my company. 

************************************************

Although there are many reasons why relationships fail, I'll like to discuss one important one which is lack of SELF-LOVE.  Many people seem to struggle with this and it could be the major reason Sharon was upset. Self-love means loving yourself but more than that, it means not looking for satisfaction from someone else. Part of self-love includes enjoying your company. Enjoying your company doesn't mean you shouldn't have friends or get into a relationship. Not at all! I'm an advocate for relationships so I cannot advice otherwise. However, when you are in a relationship,  you shouldn't allow the presence or absence of your partner dictate your happiness. Even while in a relationship, you must be able to enjoy your own company. 

Self-love helps you discover who you truly are - your likes, dislikes, hobbies, activities etc. You must be able to discover these things and love yourself for who you are if you must succeed in a relationship. It is very okay for your partner to compliment and validate you (in fact, this is highly recommended) but you must be able to do this to yourself as well such that when your partner doesn't, you are not downcast or sad.

Have you ever looked into the mirror and told yourself how beautiful or handsome you are? Have you ever commended yourself for being so hardworking and committed to the things that matter to you?  Have you ever told yourself how lucky your partner is to have you in his or her space? If your answer to these questions are in the  negative, please you need to begin to change that.

Self-love is not an avenue to be lackadaisical, rather it is an avenue to love yourself and be sincere with yourself. This means that you cannot only claim the positive side of self-love, you must be willing to discover the negative side and improve on such areas.

Informing your self of the areas you need to work on and taking feedbacks on such areas is good but do not dwell on any negativity please. Take feedbacks from yourself and others but move on quickly even while working on those areas that are necessary for your growth.

If you can succeed in loving yourself, knowing yourself and working on yourself, you would not be a burden to your partner when he or she comes into your life. Also when your partner isn't giving you the attention you deserve like Sharon, instead of mourning, you will be able to love yourself and enjoy your company.

 Thank you so much for stopping by and we hope to have you here next week. We hope this write-up was useful to you in some way. Please share and leave your comments. Thank you and God bless you. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

WHY SOME RELATIONSHIPS FAIL.

Sharon: Ruth, I don't feel loved anymore and I don't really know what's happening. Charles used to be in my space a lot when this relationship started and sincerely speaking, I enjoyed every bit of it. Now he seems so busy and I don't understand why I cannot cope with that. I know he loves me but I can't seem to enjoy my life without him being around. I don't know if this is because I have gotten too used to him. 

Ruth: Sharon, I understand you. I don't think anyone should be too busy for their partner but could it be that you are feeling this way because you haven't been as busy as you used to be? Being in a relationship is cool but you need to get to the point where you are also comfortable with being around yourself because the truth is that your partner would not always be around you. It is not also wise to let your happiness or joy be dependent on his presence. It is okay to miss him and look forward to spending time with him but please you need to build your own circle and be full of life whether or not he is around.

Sharon: Hmmmm this makes a lot of sense but that's really hard, especially if it is something you are not used to. I understand the importance of building your own circle but how do you do this when you are so used to being around someone that his absence almost makes you go nuts?

Ruth: Good question Sharon. I used to be like that a long time ago. I know I have been in many relationships that you know about but I learnt this lesson really late. For a long time, I thought that I could not be happy without a man and this led to me getting into different relationships. I thought that the only way I could derive joy and satisfaction was by being with these guys or men. I enjoyed some of the relationships but I certainly have regrets over some of them.

There was a particular guy who made me feel worthless. I think he got to know that I loved him so much and couldn't do without him so he capitalised on that. He said all manner of things to me, he abused me physically and mentally that I almost lost my mind. I knew the right thing was to leave him but it was the most difficult thing. He called me all sort of names and I was beginning to believe that I was who he said I was. I couldn't talk to anyone about the things I was going through because we looked so perfect to many people and I wasn't ready to be ridiculed. 

Thankfully, aunty Tabitha came visiting one of the days there was an incident with him. She noticed that I was down and asked for what was wrong but I denied that anything was wrong. I tried to pretend that everything was okay but she pressed until I told her everything. She asked me to see a Psychiatrist and paid for my session with the Psychiatrist.  It was during this session that I realised what the problem was. 

To be continued...

Thanks a lot for stopping by, I hope to see you next week. Please keep staying safe and may God heal our Land, amen!.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

COUPLE CRUSH - WAY TO GO?

A few years ago, I came across a celebrity couple on Instagram. They looked so adorable together and I totally fell in love with their love.

They became my couple crush🤩 and I talked about them a lot. (Well, to anyone who cared to listen). At the time, I would go to their individual pages on Instagram, just to check out their photos/videos and captions. 

I watched almost every of their wedding clip that I came across, and I will just be 'awwwwing' up and down. (Lol)

I remember my bestie and boyfriend (Now husband) got tired of me, because I was always looking for videos of them, and I would grin at the sight of it.

Fast forward to few years later, I heard that their marriage was over. Ah! This one hit me really hard.

I kept wondering how two people that looked so adorable and inseparable could go their separate ways. Like, how is it possible to look so in sync and then fall out of love?

Ever since then, I stopped having any couple crush. (I cannot put myself through the stress of high blood pressure on another person's issue). I just admire them and look away.

Moral of my story:

• You can admire a couple but don't judge your relationship by what they portray to you.

• Picture perfect doesn't mean the relationship is perfect.

• No relationship is perfect, however, you can have two people that are perfect for each other. (Pray to God to give you the one that is perfect for you).

• Don't put pressure on your partner to be like your 'couple crush' and do not compare him/her to anyone (People show you only the side they want you to see).

• Never covet another person's relationship, every relationship is unique. (Draft your relationship rule book yourselves).

• Do not pray for your relationship to be like another person's, because you never know what battle they are fighting. (Who knows, God may just grant your wish, if you are not careful).

• Instead of wishing/praying to have another person's relationship, evaluate your relationship, talk about what needs to be fixed and take it to God. (Individually and together as a couple).

He (God) is ever ready to work with an open, teachable and willing heart.

Oluwasade Oladeinde

Thank you so much for stopping by and thanks to our guest for this beautiful write-up. We hope to see you next week by God's grace. 

OneLove

SomzyBrown.

HE IS MARRIED BUT I LOVE HIM...

 

"No, please don't tell me that you want to go ahead to get into a relationship with that man. Please don't say that I beg you!" Said Tricia

"I've always known you to be smart so yes that's what I intend to do. Do you have a problem with that Tricia?" Stephanie responded angrily.

"Of course I have a problem with that Stephanie. Why on earth would you decide to get involved with a married man? There are still good single men out there so why must it be someone that is married? Please leave someone's husband alone!"

"Miss Adviser, thank you very much for the advice but I'm sorry, this advice cannot fly. I have made up my mind and I will do just what I want to do. Maybe you can ask the single men that are available why they are not coming around because I cannot keep waiting. I've waited for too long and I'm done. Even the ones that are available are not mature so what are we then saying?

"I know waiting could be hard, tiring and difficult but Stephanie, I do not think that the solution to this is being with a married man. Morals aside, what if his wife finds out? Also if marriage is the desired place, are you saying that you will get married to him? How will you feel if you were married and someone did this to you?

"I haven't said that Tricia but all I know is that I love this man and I'm not going to allow you or his wife take him away from me."

...

A lot has been said about this topic and to be honest, it is a painful thing to go through. Some people (ladies and men) do not think there's anyhing wrong in getting into a relationship with a married person. I'm not here to sugarcoat anything - IT IS WRONG! 

There is a reason why they are married and it is not in your place to destroy anyone's marriage even if they appear to be having a rough time. You will get married some day and I'm sure you won't be happy to hear that someone is messing around with your spouse. 

If he or she is married, please leave him or her alone. Although it could be tempting, there's no tenable reason to get into a relationship with a married person. Even if they promise the whole world to you, please do  not yield to this temptation.

Furthermore, I always advice that if you have a friend of the opposite sex that is married, you need to give him or her some space. If you feel you missed out on such person, I'm sorry about that but you cannot change the fact that they are married. If you want to remain close friends with such person, wisdom is profitable to direct. One wise thing that you can do is to get close to the spouse. However, no matter what, do not be the reason for a marriage to break-up.

Married men and women please also leave the single guys and ladies alone. Stay faithful to your spouse, please and please.

Thank you so much for stopping by and I hope to see you again next week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

IT IS OKAY TO JUST BE FRIENDS

 

Meeting people is one of the things I enjoy the most. Some people refer to me as a friendly person but it is beyond this for me, I LOVE meeting people and having conversations with them about themselves and life in general. I have met many people and I am so sure that  chapter is not over yet. I have also had many close friends whom I really appreciate and would love to remain my close friends but I have lost some friends due to one reason or the other. Some wanted something that I could not offer and vice-versa but in all, I am rest assured that the right ones have stayed and will always stay.

Now down to our main discussion – The question is – Can I be in a relationship with any and every person I admire? Must there be something ‘extra’ with every close friend I have?

Have you ever looked at someone and tried to imagine if you guys could work something out? Have you ever wondered why you never got into a relationship with that beautiful and pleasant lady or why that handsome, hardworking and good looking guy never deemed it fit to ask you out? “She is so cute! She is all I want in a lady!” you will say and this is because you admire her so much and you think you guys will make a good couple. Well, you might be right but will you always be right?  How many times have you felt this way and how many people have you felt this way towards? Good question right?

In all honesty, I have admired some people and I have thought to myself “I think we will make a good couple, God what are you saying?” or I would go – “God why can’t you just make him talk to me or say something to me”. I am quite sure that such thoughts have crossed your mind as well so we are in this together (excited!). But really, let us examine this – can we in all sincerity get into a relationship with every ‘dear’ friend that we have? Is it possible to date every beautiful lady or handsome guy that we meet?

Yes you will have many friends, yes you will meet a lot of people but can I shock you? You cannot get into a relationship with every close friend you have! You cannot be in a relationship with everyone that asks you out or shows signs that they want to be with you. The sooner you discover this, the better for you. Also the sooner you realise this, you will learn to appreciate friends and not always expect that something ‘extra’ would come out of the friendship. It is good to get married or get into a relationship with your friends but this would not happen with every single friend you have. 

I have written this article to encourage YOU not to always think of the possibility of being in a relationship with everyone you meet or come in contact with.  Please focus on building friendships because this is highly important in life. If we dated every other person, who will be our friends? If we got into a relationship with every one that asked us to get into one with them, who will be our close friends? Some people are just meant to be friends and nothing but friends and some others are meant to be close friends and nothing but close friends. Some others (very few) are meant to be more than friends and more than close friends but this is a discussion for another day. The moment we begin to take just friends for close friends, close friends for just friends and so on, we might be making terrible mistakes. So people, let us watch out and be careful!!!

Thanks for your constant support. Until we meet again next week, remain blessed.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

RIGHT RELATIONSHIPS ARE KEY!

I am excited to be writing today because although I haven't been in the right frame of mind, God has given me the strength to put this post up and I am very grateful.

If it's your first time here, I want to say a big thank you for choosing to visit our blog. A round of applause for you, yes you! I have something juicy for you so please stay tuned till the end (don't leave me).

On this blog, we discuss different areas, challenges, strengths and anything you can think of that is associated with relationships.  Relationships are very important and more important is building right relationships. There are different types of relationships and I  believe none of these should be taken for granted. We all should be desirous of having great and healthy relationships in every area of our lives.

Some of the types of relationships are: relationship between husband and wife; parents and children; siblings; boyfriend and girlfriend; colleagues; pastoral; mentor and mentee etc. These various types of relationship are essential and we really should ensure that we build the right relationships everywhere and at all times. 

Many of us like to have good relationships (husband and wife or boyfriend/girlfriend) but in order to succeed at this kind of relationship, we must succeed at the other relationship types. If we are able to relate well with our parents, siblings, mentors, colleagues etc. we shouldn't find it difficult to build the right relationship with our spouses. 

Today, I'll like to talk about the relationship with our siblings. Numerous times, I have mentioned or discussed the need to have beautiful and admirable relationships with our siblings. Siblings are one of the groups of people that we cannot choose. God put our siblings in our lives for a good reason and we need to respect, love, support, appreciate, cherish, pray for, encourage them. 

My desire to see all kinds of relationship work (in this case siblings) has led me to writing a book on the ideal relationship that siblings should share and I invite you to read this book and share with as many people as you can. It is not free but my team and I have made it really affordable. For now, it would only be available on digital platforms (Amazon, Okadabooks, Litireso) and the links would be shared on these instagram handles tomorrow (30th September) - @ife_abbie and @asiblings_love. 

Please see the flyer below for more details.

Thanks a lot for stopping by and we hope to hear your views after reading the book.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

MY EX WANTS US TO REMAIN FRIENDS

Rachael and Gabriel were in a relationship for 3 years. They had a good relationship and everyone admired what they had. However, somethings came up and they had to break up the relationship. It was painful for both of them but they had to go their separate ways. Some years later, Gabriel found someone that he really loved and they got married.

Ever since Gabriel and Rachael broke up, Gabriel made attempts to be friends with her but she vehemently refused to be his friend. Although he is married now, he still likes her but as a friend and nothing more. Rachael doesn't have a specific reason why she doesn't want to remain friends with Gabriel but she just feels it is not right to.

If you were Rachael, what would you do?

The truth is that the answer to this question is individualistic as opposed to a generalistic. It is peculiar to each person and we cannot give a general answer. While some people are comfortable with being friends with their ex boyfriend or girlfriend, some others will forbid it. It is okay not to be comfortable with being friends with your ex and it is also not bad to be friends with your ex.

One major thing to ensure is that you have completely healed from the hurt and you are in a good place (if at all you want to consider it). There are so many things to put into consideration and ask yourself:

•  Have you healed completely from the hurt you felt when you broke up?

• Are you still attracted to this person such that if you become friends again, you might not be able to control yourself around him or her?

• Was the previous relationship an abusive or toxic one?

• Have you forgiven him or her for whatever he or she did?

• If you're in a new relationship or marriage, does your partner feel threatened or does your partner feel uncomfortable with such friendship?

• Does this person remind you of things that you will rather not remember?

• Are there positive benefits to being friends with this person?

• Do you like this person as a friend and wouldn't want to destroy the friendship?

The above questions are non-exhaustive but might aid in making the decision on whether to be friends with your ex or not.  You know yourself better than anyone else and so you are in the best position to determine if it is okay to remain friends with your ex. 

Please remember not to compare yourself to your friends or other people. The fact that your friends are comfortable being friends with their exes doesn't mean that you should. Find out what's best for you and be sincere with yourself.

Thank you so much for stopping by and please drop your comments. Have a blessed and fulfilled week. God bless you.

OneLove, 

SomzyBrown.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH TALKING ABOUT GENOTYPE?

Tayo: My guy, how you dey na? How that babe wey you dey follow yarn? (My friend how are you doing? How is that lady that you said you were interested in getting into a relationship with?)

Tunde: Tayo please forget about her. This whole relationship matter is just very tiring. One moment you think you have finally met the woman of your dreams only for that same lady to disappoint you. 

Tayo: Disappoint? How? I thought you said she also liked you?

Tunde: Well I thought so as well. We were catching up with ourselves one day and I asked her for her genotype. She got so upset and decided that she won't talk to me again. Please is it wrong to ask for the genotype of someone you are interested in? Derin is a good lady but what she did surprised me.

Tayo: Are you being serious right now? Derin did that? There's nothing wrong in asking for the genotype of someone you are interested in getting into a relationship with. I am really appalled that Derin would do such. 

Tunde: Mr brother, I never expected such from her too. In this day and age who does that? Who has issues with being asked about genotype? Isn't it even better to know before you get into a relationship so as to avoid surprises when you are already deeply in love? I've heard of stories of people who failed to have this conversation before they got into a relationship and did not even talk about it at the beginning of the relationship. They waited till they were very intimate before discussing it and they realised that they both had the AS genotype. It was extremely difficult to break the relationship they had built for years but they had to. This led to so much bitterness and I don't want that to happen to me.

Tayo: Can you imagine that? That's why it is important to have these conversations even before you get into a relationship. It's not enough to see someone that you love or you're compatible with, does your genotype match? I personally cannot take this risk. I know that there are certain people who by faith got married to someone that they were not medically compatible with but it is a risk that I'm not willing to take. If a lady wants to get angry and stop talking to me because of that, she is more than allowed to but that wouldn't stop me from asking. I don't even think anyone should be upset about genotype questions.

Tunde: I was so surprised Tayo. I know what my uncle and his wife had to go through because of this ignorance. They had a child who had the SS genotype and because of the struggles she went through, she hated her parents for a long time. I don't think I want to put any of my children in such position. This is something that can be avoided so why take the risk? Tayo, you know how I am when it comes to relationships, I put in my best. I don't want to be so committed only to realise that it can't work.

Tayo: We are on the same page my dear friend. I'm so sorry to hear that Derin did this but hopefully you will get a better lady and one that wouldn't have any issue with such pertinent question. 

Tunde: Amen! I hope so because some ladies these days are just full of surprises. It is well though...

To be continued...

Thank you so much for stopping by. We hope this conversation is not one that you have a problem with as a lady or a guy? Please let us know what you think about this.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

I AM SCARED! PLEASE HELP...

 

I came across a picture recently and the lady was asking about a guy she is in a relationship with who is so nice to her but a big time bully to his sister. She asked if she should run or maybe she is just over thinking things. See picture below. 

Before we delve into this fully, I'ld like to say that relationships are very important and the way we treat family members, friends, colleagues matter a lot. It is not enough to look at how your boyfriend or girlfriend treats you. You need to open your eyes and mind to discover how he or she treats other people around him or her. How does he or she relate with his or her family members? How does she treat her friends? How does he treat his colleagues at work? How does she talk to her mentors? These and many more are the questions you need to sincerely and genuinely ask yourself when you're in a relationship. 

It is important to take note of these things because the truth is that a person being nice and friendly to you alone poses a problem. It means that he would some day treat you the way he treats this other person or people. Do not be too blinded by love not to recognise the important things. You do not want to get into marriage and start wondering why you were not quick enough to spot a red flag.

Back to the above picture and question, the lady is asking if she should run...what do you think please?

Is it possible for him to be that way with his sister and never be that way to his girlfriend/fiance or wife when or if he finally gets married to her? In my opinion, the chances are high that when he gets married to her (if he does), he'll treat her the same way he treats his sister now. She is just his girlfriend now so that part of him might not be evident towards her but the moment they are in the same space and he feels he is in control, there is a high probability that he would maltreat her or abuse her. 

There are a lot of people undergoing abuse today and many are scared to leave or run away. They suffer in silence and cannot even talk to anyone about it. Some people saw signs while they were courting but it is possible that some others did not imagine that their spouses would abuse or hurt them. They are in a state of confusion because they are helpless.

Please if you find yourself in such situation, it might be hard but you need to run for your life. The truth is that abuse is deep and even though it may seem like physical abuse only, it begins to eat into other parts of your life and will affect you deeply. Your mental health is very important so please be wise!

Considering what others would say is not enough reason to manage or decide to remain in an abusive relationship. You deserve way more than to be treated like trash or an animal so please run for your life. 

Personally, I would not advice the lady who asked the question or anyone in her shoes, to remain with such a person. If he can abuse his sister, he can do the same to you except he changes. And you need to be one hundred percent sure that he has totally changed before you consider getting into a relationship with him. But please do not wait there, waiting for him to stop the abuse, run and watch from afar.

Thanks a lot for stopping by and please let us know what you think about this situation. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

WHERE IS MY HUSBAND???

 

"Babe! I'm tired. I've been waiting and waiting and trusting and trusting but what have I received? Nothing! Many people have given prophecies about my future husband and that he is going to come soon but we're gradually getting to the end of the year and he hasn't shown his face." Tayo said to her friend Bolu.

"Hmmm, tell me about it my dear. I know how it feels cos me too I've been praying. My mum even called me recently and before she said anything I told her not to ask me any question that would upset me. She wasn't happy to hear that cos she just called to say hello. I have become very touchy when it comes to this topic. She even said that my dad had a dream that I got married before the end of the year. Hmmmm, we are in Septemnber already o, I don't want to say I doubt that it can still happen this year but it's hard to believe that it's a possibility". Bolu responded.

Are you bothered, worried, frustrated, disappointed that the right man or woman hasn't come yet? Are you about to lose hope or faith in the possibility of meeting that right person before the end of the year? Are you worried that 2020 is almost coming to an end and you have no clue on when you will get married or even be in a relationship with that right guy or lady?

It's okay to be concerned but please do not dwell on it. The plan of the devil is to bring thoughts to your mind that would make you lose faith in God but please do not give in to the stupid thoughts he brings to your mind. I know that it's not exactly easy because you think almost all your friends are married or even people you call 'aburo' (younger sister or brother) are engaged. All these may be happening, people may send their invitation cards and what not but please note that you are different and unique and your turn would come soonest.

While wishing you a new month and praying that God sorts you out soonest, I want to encourage you not to give up. Yes, we are in the last quarter of the year but a miracle can still happen. Four (4) months is not too small for God to bring your wife or your husband your way. 

Please do not lose hope! Don't stop trusting God. He cares about you and He wants you to be happily married. He is too faithful to fail and His word and promises will come to pass in your life. God instituted marriage and if it is your desire to get married, He will bring this to pass in Jesus name. Please be encouraged and trust God to do that which no man can do. You will look back at this time and rejoice at whom God has made your husband or wife. 

While waiting, please do not settle for less. Do all the things that you desire to do! Have good fun. Enjoy your life but don't engage in activities that you won't be proud of in the future. 

Thank you so much for your constant support and for always taking out time to check my blog. God bless you.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALRIGHT!

When I look to the sky

It all of a sudden looks dry

What exactly could be happening

If the moon& stars aren’t dying?

My hope seems to be lost

My heart counts the cost

Why on earth am I living

If I can’t help the shivering?

My thoughts are very weak

And my soul seems to leak

The bloodshed is too real

That I just have to be still.

I wonder if things will ever change

Every time I open a new page

This is just too much too bear,

But nobody seems to notice my fear.

I look to the Heavens& see a Creator

that loves and cares for me like a mentor

“Don’t give up”, he says to me

although this is hard, I’ll let things be.

There’s so much more to life than these

Everything would be fine& I would enjoy the bliss

Things happen but they will surely get better

My hope will get back as I read His letter.

Thank you so much for stopping by and we hope that you enjoyed reading this poem. See you next week by God's grace.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown 

I DON'T NEED A MENTOR!

I met Bidemi some years ago and he was everything that I prayed for in a man. We started a relationship and things were going really well. Bidemi was interested in getting married to me, well so he said. I was happy to hear this but I tried not to get too excited until he had put a ring on it. You know how you hear of stories where the guy had professed love and intention to get married but one thing or the other happened and he went on to be with someone else. I didn't want to get too excited until I was sure that this was really going to happen. I loved Bidemi so much and I knew he loved me but I was patiently waiting for him to take appropriate steps in this regard.

As much as we loved each other, we had our differences which often led to a misunderstanding. Sometimes it took us days to resolve our issues and other times it took a longer period. Whenever we had serious issues, I really wished we could talk to someone about it but there was no one to talk to. I had a Mentor but when I asked about who his Mentor was, his response was "I don't need a Mentor!" I was shocked to hear this but I decided that I was going to explain the reason we all need a Mentor. After I explained this to him, he agreed that having a Mentor is key especially because you need to be accountable to someone. 

Agreeing to the importance of a Mentor was not sufficient, so we took steps to find a married couple who could mentor us in our relationship. He also got a Mentor in his field. We chose a couple that we can run to when the chips are down and who will be able to redirect us and ensure that we are on the right path in our relationship and later on, our marriage. This really helped us as we both could talk to neutral people about some important things in our lives without being judged and without them taking sides. We have learnt a lot, we are still learning a lot from them and we are more than grateful to have them in our lives.

Mentor! Mentor! Mentor! Many people agree that it is important to have a Mentor in their career and/or line of business but some people do not think that it is necessary to have Mentors in their relationship or marriage. Mentors are very important for everyone. As an individual, you need a Mentor but if you're in a relationship and you're serious about it (hoping to get married) you also need a Mentor, strongly!

Just in case you're wondering who a Mentor is and what role they play - A Mentor is a person who provides guidance and support to another person who looks up to him/her. A Mentor is expected to lead you and ensure that you're on the right path and when you fail or make an error, correct you and redirect you. This is my own definition but I hope it somewhat helps in understanding who a Mentor is and what role they should play in your life.

In choosing a Mentor(s) especially when it comes to relationship or marriage, please ensure that you choose people that share the same or similar value so that they do not advice you to do things that you do not believe in or things that are against your values. Like Bidemi and Tolani, things have gotten better in their relationship because they got a Couple as Mentors who have been able to help them and guide them rightly.

Beware of people who do not see the need to have Mentors because it means that they do not want to be accountable to anyone and this is a danger sign. There must be someone that he or she looks up to and you can talk to when he or she is misbehaving or having a downtime.

You need a Mentor especially in your relationship or Marriage. You need someone that you can talk to and ask questions. They have gone ahead of you and so you can learn from them and even avoid making the mistakes that they made. You do not know it all and you can never know it all so please do not underestimate the value of having a Mentor(s) in your life and in your relationship. Like we said earlier, ensure that you choose the right person. Also please ensure that whoever you both choose as Mentors are neutral people. By neutral, I mean not your parents or a relative because there is a tendency that they will take sides with either of you.

We hope that you see the need to get a Mentor(s) especially in your relationship. Thank you so much for stopping by and we hope to have you here again. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

SEXUAL COMPATIBILITY- IS THIS A THING?

"Babe I really love and cherish you. You are the best thing that has happened to me and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Tade said to Mayowa. "I love you too baby and I would love to spend the rest of my life with you but I don't think I can fulfill the condition you talked about" Mayowa responds.. "Babe, if you love me you will do anything to make this work". "I really love you but allowing you check me out to find out if we are sexually compatible isn't something I will do. If you can't get married to me without that then maybe we should go our separate ways..."

I have had numerous discussions with different people and this write-up is from one that I had recently. During this discussion, I was asked a question - "how do I know if I'm sexually compatible with someone before we get married?" I gave an answer which I would share with you all. 

To be honest with you, there is nothing like sexual compatibility before marriage and this is not a question that should pop up especially if you are a child of God. The only way you can discover whether or not you are sexually compatible with someone is by engaging in sexual activities before marriage which is not allowed.

 If you believe that God LED you to be with the guy or lady that you're with, then you should trust that God has sorted out your sexual compatibility with that person. It is not in your place to start trying and checking to see if you are sexually compatible with someone because that would lead you to engaging in fornication which is a sin.

Many guys in trying to justify the need to check out sexual compatibility usually give the example that when you want to buy a car you have to test it to be sure that it is what you really want. Whilst this excuse has been going on for a long time, it talks about a car and not a person so it doesn't fly. A car is a thing, you are a person and you are totally different.

As a Christian, please you do not need to test the waters, you do not need to start trying sex out before marriage. Please wait patiently for when you are married to this person because really how many people will you check sexual compatibility with?

To answer this question, I said NO. My answer remains the same whether you're getting married in 5 days, 2 weeks, 3 months, 1 year, 4 years etc. You cannot know if you are sexually compatible with someone before you get married to them. You'll discover after you've gotten married.

I'm not saying that it is easy. Far from it! I'm only saying that you should have faith and trust that the person you have decided to get married to is sexually compatible. If after you've gotten married, you are not impressed, then work together to satisfy each other. In fact that's supposed to be the fun in marriage. You're expected to keep trying things out with your spouse, discovering yourselves, experimenting, etc.

You're not condemned or judged for making a mistake if you have made one but please do not try checking how compatible you are with a person before you get married. If he or she says its s condition in their family or village, please find your way. It might be hard but there are benefits attached to it. 

I pray that God will help each and everyone of us in Jesus name.  Amen. 

Thanks a lot for stopping by and we hope to see you next week by God's grace.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

APPRECIATING THE ONE YOU LOVE

Do you remember all the promises you made to me at the car park in our first year? How the trees waved and the crickets stridulated just to confirm they were witnesses to this union. The moments we shared under the moonlights; those simple words that helped us get through every other day?

We always knew what we wanted. We planted this love and groomed it daily, cut off behaviors and people that were like weed to us. My dear it’s our tenth year and we have remained steadfast and true to one another. To be sincere, there have been times I’ve thought of leaving this route and following some other humans that can be compared to angels, beautiful and shiny, but I’ve come to realize you are the only one that has been sent to guide my life. 

Now we are here with real life experiences. Remember the elders said we’d find out the strength of our love when we grow old? We’ve come this far already. We are older and wiser yet stronger even though we are in between jobs and not having it great. Getting married to you was the best thing that happened to me. The morning kisses, reading while I lay beside you, eating your burnt food, sharing chores, the fights and how we settle them. How you remained simple and sweet.

Do you see those wonderful kids that you bore me? They’ve brought me joy and happiness. Don’t get jealous, you remain the only one that brightens our lives. You know we are getting grey, old and weak but you’ve stayed true to those promises we made under those trees a very long time ago. 

As I listened to one of my all-time favorite song by Chrissie Hynde and UB40, I realized how you’ve been lifting me whenever I’m down and when I’m sad, you’ve been my favourite clown. 

 Mojirola Tortema

This appreciation letter is to remind us of the fact that it is important to appreciate the one we love. Many times we get so busy and carried away doing other things but celebrating and appreciating our spouses. This should change. We all need to learn to celebrate and appreciate those we love not just on their birthdays or anniversaries. Everyday, the one you love deserves to be appreciated and celebrated.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

UNDERSTANDING WHAT MEN LOVE IS KEY! 2

Today, we continue with the 10 things that men love...

6. MEN LOVE TO BE PRAISED: Candidly, I love praising men, the praise of man is my natural territory! When I noticed it almost landed me in trouble as men kept giving the chase, I stopped it altogether and focused on my husband. If you are a man-praiser, you will never lack a man's love all your life! You will be pampered, loved and cherished! I've never met a single man who does not respond to praise! Stingy, selfish, bitterly critical women who see nothing good in their men never have lasting marriages! Praise your husband silly! Appreciate his efforts in your life. Look out for his good qualities and sing it in his ears daily! I love praising my husband, it gives me deep pleasure doing so, he sure deserves it and he enjoys listening to it.

7. RESPECT HIM: Ladies who shout at their fiance, order him around and disgrace him in public because she has a masters degree in international marketing will stay a long long time as single before she finds an old man to marry! You must be humble if you want to be under any man's roof! Respect is the food of every man. Learn to respect your fiance, show honour to your husband. Saying "yes sir" when appropriate won't make you less of a woman! Learn how to talk to a man. Some women just don't know how to talk! Never correct him in public, don't send him on an errand in front of his friends, stop making jest of him in front of the children, it's bad!!!

8. SUBMIT TO HIM: God states it clearly, "wives, submit to your husbands." Submit your body and other things when he needs them. If you have any trouble with that, ask God, not me. Why was Abraham madly in love with Sarah? She didn't allow her exceptional beauty to make her proud, she was a very submissive, respectful wife who called her husband "Lord." Submission is also not just about the things you say but the way you act. You can say Lord but still not be submissive. 

9. SUPPORT: Men want women who can support whenever they need help. Render help to your husband even before he asks for it. Be willing to and ready to support your husband whether things are rosy or not. Please do not leave him to handle his problems by himself. He got married to you for a reason and this is one of your roles in his life as a HELPER.

10. MEN GO THROUGH SEASONS: The season of little, the season of managing, the season of abundance! No man wants a woman who runs away when he has challenges only to show up when he has made it and has millions flowing in his account!

Men are not difficult at all. These and more are what makes a man tick, thrive and enjoy the woman he has vowed to spend the rest of his life with. Can you be that kind of woman? Do you have what it takes to make your husband happy and fulfilled? Think about it.

Dr. Becky Enenche

Thanks a lot for stopping by and we hope you learnt a lot from this beautifully written piece. We hope to see you next time by God's grace. Till then, please stay safe and stay joyful. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

UNDERSTANDING WHAT MEN LOVE IS KEY!

Men are the simplest species I've ever handled in my life. No man is difficult, ignorance is what makes it difficult. If you want men to fall in love with you and to treat you like the greatest treasure on earth, you must understand what makes a man a man, the right buttons to click and how to enjoy a sweet, blissful, heaven on earth marriage with him!

1. MEN LOVE THEIR WORK: They are passionate about their work. A man must succeed. Not making progress in life is like being impotent, he feels castrated! You must understand this and give him space to succeed. This requires time, efforts, focus, sleepless nights. To demand he spends all his waking hours watching a romantic movie with you is to turn him to a perpetual failure! Idle ladies who  disturb their fiance at work per minute, per second to fill their lives are a big turn off!

2. MEN HAVE EGO: He needs it to be the head of his home and succeed. You must distinguish between ego and pride. A man with a healthy ego will listen to you but firmly and lovingly let you know his final decision. A man with pride won't listen to you at all, snob you and treat you like trash! A man with a healthy ego is not a dummy! Some women expect their men to take all their advice and follow all their instructions, that's not possible! He can't take everything. He will take the ones that make sense and put aside the ones that will land you in trouble. He is the head. You can't force your ideas on him, you can only advise, the final decision lies in his hand, shikennah!

3. MEN ARE MOVED BY SIGHT: It's so amazing so many ladies are ignorant of this. Look, if you don't want that guy to have sex with you, COVER-UP whenever you are with him. I don't understand how a Christian sister will go to her fiance's house with a mini skirt and your laps thrown apart right in front of him!... I pity men honestly, the temptation they face daily, only the God of heaven Himself understands because women are refusing to understand! In marriage, you must deliberately make your husband chase you around for sex, just one look at some wives, all the sexual desire the husband has flown right through the window! Stinking mouth, bushy armpit, torn underwear, ragged pant, smelling wrapper, etc. Yet the man is surrounded by sweet-smelling, well dressed, tantalizing, head swooning babes at work! You must keep packaging and re-packaging! Get a transparent bra that pushes the central focus forward, jaw-dropping lingerie, sex triggering perfumes and blow his imagination off as often as you can (this is strictly for the married).

4. MEN WANT PEACE OF MIND: Nagging, criticizing, shouting, yelling, abusing and cursing can destabilize a man, you should minimize it as much as possible in fact, stop it altogether. Some men hate coming home early because the troublesome wife will nag life out of him till late in the night! Once he wakes up, she repeats the cycle until he leaves home!...Men run towards women who give them peace not shatter them to pieces!

5. MEN LIKE QUALITY FOOD: Unless he didn't give you enough money or he likes it, concoction rice with ground pepper, onions, coconut oil and Maggi is an insult to him! Watery stew that drops to his elbow while eating is a big bomb on his head! Egusi soup that looks as if garri is sprinkled over a pot of water is a big slap on his face! His money should reflect what you cook, please! Maximize what you have, treat him like a king.

To be continued...

Dr. Becky Enenche

Thanks a lot for stopping by.  I saw this write-up and thought to share though we edited/omitted some part of it. We hope to see you next week. God bless you and please keep staying safe.

OneLove, 

SomzyBrown.