HOW TO MAKE LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORK.

Last week, we began an interesting topic on long distance relationships and we shall dive right into it today. Although I have been in a long distance relationship before, I wouldn't say that I am an expert at this. I have worked on a few tips that I believe might help people in long distance relationships but I am pretty sure there are more.

1. Organize dates - This could be movie dates or any kind of date. Decide to see a movie together or the same movie at different times and then talk about how you felt while watching it or discuss your learning points. You can also send clips of the parts you enjoyed the most as this would give you both something interesting to talk about.

2. Hobbies: Discover each other's hobbies and encourage yourselves to do something about it. For example, if you partner loves to shop, you can encourage him/her to go shopping and talk to you about it. If you have the means, you can send some money or deliver a gift to him/her, encouraging them to carry out this hobby of theirs. You can also ask questions surrounding your partner's hobby. "How did basketball go today? Who won? How do you feel about the game" When is the next game" etc.

3. Communication: This is key in every relationship and the importance cannot be over emphasised. Please talk about anything and everything, from the beginning of your day to the end. Many times, ladies talk more than the guys but guys please you also need to share your experiences. Apart from talking, also learn to listen to your partner (don't always provide a solution just let him/her know that you are there and that you care). 

Also please engage in a lot of video calls so you can see each other, notice your reactions etc.,  this is the closest to being physically together though it can not be the same. Chat on Whatsapp and different social media platforms but do more of calls and voice notes, it could make you feel closer to each other.

4. Settle Differences: In any relationship, keeping malice affects the relationship negatively and so this is something that we must avoid at all costs even if you have to be the one to play the fool sometimes. This is more important in a long distance relationship especially if you can't see your partner or might not see him or her in a while. The moment you allow issues linger for too long, you build a gap that might be difficult to mend. So as quickly as possible, settle your differences and focus on being better people. 

5. Constantly Celebrate Each other: Whether or not you're a social media person, you will need to do this as often as possible. Put his/her picture on social media - WhatsApp status, Instagram etc. this would make them know and feel loved and appreciated. Everyone loves to be celebrated so let your partner know that you're rooting for them at all times and also do this publicly.

6. Stay Committed: You can have friends of the opposite sex but ensure that there are clear boundaries between you. Be open to your partner about these friends and leave no room for doubt or suspicion. Try as much as possible not to hide anything from your partner because some day and in a way that you wouldn't like it, he or she might find out. Honesty is key in making your relationship work so please be open and committed. 

We'll stop here for now. I know there are many experienced long distance relationship people here, so please if you have further tips to share with us, please do. After reviewing it, we will be glad to share it on the blog.

Thanks a lot for stopping by and we hope to see you soon. God bless you and have a blessed week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

WHY DOES BAD NEWS SPREAD FASTER...?

Talisha is married with three kids and has been married for 10 years. She recently had a discussion with her friend where they shared a lot about their marriages. Stephanie has been married for 8 years and has 2 handsome boys. In the cause of their discussion, they both agreed that their marriage journeys have not been so smooth (which is expected) but one thing was common, they have both enjoyed their marriages. Also speaking sincerely, they both said that if they were given the chance to do it again, they'll get married to their current spouses and live their lives with them.

The truth be told - "there is no perfect marriage" but another truth is that there are marriages with good reports and amazing experiences. It is however sad that the people enjoying their marriages rarely talk about it. We hear more about the marriages that are failing, the couples getting a divorce, the ones with different forms of abuse etc. more than we hear about the successful marriages.

There is no doubt that there will be ups and downs in marriage - I mean you're coming together with someone that you've never lived with and you are both from different backgrounds and all but then marriage is a good thing and some people are having a swell time.

If the people who are having it rough come out to express their distaste or regrets about marriage, then I believe the people who are having it good and enjoying their marriages should also come forward to talk about the success of their marriages. This has nothing to do with bragging or being proud and I think this is one of the reasons many people have refrained from sharing their success stories. 

Talking about the success of your marriage doesn't mean that you are proud, rather it shows that you are grateful.

If a successful business man comes out to share tips and to talk about the success of his business, would he be considered proud? I don't think so. Rather, many others will be encouraged to work hard knowing that it is possible to attain success in their business. It's the same thing with marriages, many young people need to be encouraged on getting it right maritally and on the fun in marriage itself but if they don't hear the success stories, there really isn't much motivation for them.

Conclusively, there are a lot more successful marriages than people share. We allow the bad stories flood the air, discouraging others and making them think that all marriages are bad. No! Not all marriages are bad. There are successful marriages and these people need to share their stories more. 

Thank you so much for stopping by. Hope to see you soon. If you have a good story, please put it out there and let others especially the single ones be encouraged.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

COMMITMENT!

We live in a world where it has suddenly become okay not to be committed in a relationship or marriage especially the latter. A lot of people have normalised non-commitment and this should not be the case. 

Commitment to a relationship or marriage is very key even though the message out there says otherwise. It is very possible to stay committed to that man/woman regardless of the ups and downs that you will encounter. Ups and downs are normal in every relationship or marriage, it just depends on your ability to manage it. 

Commitment according to the Cambridge Dictionary is the "willingness to give your time or energy to an activity, job...". I like this definition because it talks about 'willingness'. It is a sacrifice that we all have to make because situations will arise that will make us tempted to do otherwise. At all times, we must hold on to and stay committed to our spouses especially in our marriages.

I hope you enjoy this short poem on commitment:

Take my hands as I take yours

On our knees, we forge this union

Before the Father of Light

Together, We will withstand storms

Life throws at us

We will conquer territories

With our Faith in Him

We will chase out darkness

In the heart of men 

With our mouth

We will speak forth light

Our home will be a safe Haven

For men destitute of God

Our model is Christ:

In Love and Forgiveness

In Conduct and Words

In Faith and Hope

In Life and Death.

Till we see the Father,

In Life or Death.

Dolapo Oyesiji 

Thank you so much for stopping by. God bless you and see you next week by God's grace.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

ONCE YOU MESS UP, THAT'S IT! 2

Still on the topic we began last week... Please do not be quick to give up! Do not be quick to say that you're done when a simple understanding or analysis or apology could solve the issue you have with your partner.

If you are already married, please try not to think of divorce at the slightest opportunity. Please be willing to make things work no matter what it may cost you. Your marriage is not a football ground where players can just be changed anyhow. Marriage is deeper than this and so we need to be extremely careful. Please be patient! I am not in your shoes and I might not know how difficult it is for you at the moment but you can think deeply about it. Your marriage is workable! Maybe just a little patience, a little understanding will help. If you are going through this, I really pray God helps you with this and gives you wisdom.

For those of us that are not yet married, we need to consciously get this mentality out of our heads! Please do not get married to anybody with the thoughts that “if he or she makes a mistake, you will just get a divorce”. This is wrong. We have to build ourselves to the level where we become very tolerant and patient people. Marriage is the coming together of two different people from different backgrounds and sometimes with different characters. What this implies is that there would be a clash but then how you handle the clash or differences is what matters.

God’s standard has not changed and this is different from belonging to the old school or new school. God says that “He hates divorce” and so that is His standard so why do we think that being a 21st century Christian or person changes this standard? No! It does not in anyway.

Also if you're unmarried, start practicing and learning how to be patient cos you will need it a lot in your marriage. There will be frustrating and trying times but you can't just back off once s/he messes up.

I really pray for each and every one of us (myself inclusive) that God will help us to understand the real essence of marriage so that we do not take it for granted. I pray that we exhibit the fruits of the Spirit so that our marriages will be better for it. I pray for a high level of tolerance and understanding in Jesus name (Amen!)

Thank you so much for stopping by. God bless you and have a blessed week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown