RIGHT RELATIONSHIPS ARE KEY!

I am excited to be writing today because although I haven't been in the right frame of mind, God has given me the strength to put this post up and I am very grateful.

If it's your first time here, I want to say a big thank you for choosing to visit our blog. A round of applause for you, yes you! I have something juicy for you so please stay tuned till the end (don't leave me).

On this blog, we discuss different areas, challenges, strengths and anything you can think of that is associated with relationships.  Relationships are very important and more important is building right relationships. There are different types of relationships and I  believe none of these should be taken for granted. We all should be desirous of having great and healthy relationships in every area of our lives.

Some of the types of relationships are: relationship between husband and wife; parents and children; siblings; boyfriend and girlfriend; colleagues; pastoral; mentor and mentee etc. These various types of relationship are essential and we really should ensure that we build the right relationships everywhere and at all times. 

Many of us like to have good relationships (husband and wife or boyfriend/girlfriend) but in order to succeed at this kind of relationship, we must succeed at the other relationship types. If we are able to relate well with our parents, siblings, mentors, colleagues etc. we shouldn't find it difficult to build the right relationship with our spouses. 

Today, I'll like to talk about the relationship with our siblings. Numerous times, I have mentioned or discussed the need to have beautiful and admirable relationships with our siblings. Siblings are one of the groups of people that we cannot choose. God put our siblings in our lives for a good reason and we need to respect, love, support, appreciate, cherish, pray for, encourage them. 

My desire to see all kinds of relationship work (in this case siblings) has led me to writing a book on the ideal relationship that siblings should share and I invite you to read this book and share with as many people as you can. It is not free but my team and I have made it really affordable. For now, it would only be available on digital platforms (Amazon, Okadabooks, Litireso) and the links would be shared on these instagram handles tomorrow (30th September) - @ife_abbie and @asiblings_love. 

Please see the flyer below for more details.

Thanks a lot for stopping by and we hope to hear your views after reading the book.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

MY EX WANTS US TO REMAIN FRIENDS

Rachael and Gabriel were in a relationship for 3 years. They had a good relationship and everyone admired what they had. However, somethings came up and they had to break up the relationship. It was painful for both of them but they had to go their separate ways. Some years later, Gabriel found someone that he really loved and they got married.

Ever since Gabriel and Rachael broke up, Gabriel made attempts to be friends with her but she vehemently refused to be his friend. Although he is married now, he still likes her but as a friend and nothing more. Rachael doesn't have a specific reason why she doesn't want to remain friends with Gabriel but she just feels it is not right to.

If you were Rachael, what would you do?

The truth is that the answer to this question is individualistic as opposed to a generalistic. It is peculiar to each person and we cannot give a general answer. While some people are comfortable with being friends with their ex boyfriend or girlfriend, some others will forbid it. It is okay not to be comfortable with being friends with your ex and it is also not bad to be friends with your ex.

One major thing to ensure is that you have completely healed from the hurt and you are in a good place (if at all you want to consider it). There are so many things to put into consideration and ask yourself:

•  Have you healed completely from the hurt you felt when you broke up?

• Are you still attracted to this person such that if you become friends again, you might not be able to control yourself around him or her?

• Was the previous relationship an abusive or toxic one?

• Have you forgiven him or her for whatever he or she did?

• If you're in a new relationship or marriage, does your partner feel threatened or does your partner feel uncomfortable with such friendship?

• Does this person remind you of things that you will rather not remember?

• Are there positive benefits to being friends with this person?

• Do you like this person as a friend and wouldn't want to destroy the friendship?

The above questions are non-exhaustive but might aid in making the decision on whether to be friends with your ex or not.  You know yourself better than anyone else and so you are in the best position to determine if it is okay to remain friends with your ex. 

Please remember not to compare yourself to your friends or other people. The fact that your friends are comfortable being friends with their exes doesn't mean that you should. Find out what's best for you and be sincere with yourself.

Thank you so much for stopping by and please drop your comments. Have a blessed and fulfilled week. God bless you.

OneLove, 

SomzyBrown.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH TALKING ABOUT GENOTYPE?

Tayo: My guy, how you dey na? How that babe wey you dey follow yarn? (My friend how are you doing? How is that lady that you said you were interested in getting into a relationship with?)

Tunde: Tayo please forget about her. This whole relationship matter is just very tiring. One moment you think you have finally met the woman of your dreams only for that same lady to disappoint you. 

Tayo: Disappoint? How? I thought you said she also liked you?

Tunde: Well I thought so as well. We were catching up with ourselves one day and I asked her for her genotype. She got so upset and decided that she won't talk to me again. Please is it wrong to ask for the genotype of someone you are interested in? Derin is a good lady but what she did surprised me.

Tayo: Are you being serious right now? Derin did that? There's nothing wrong in asking for the genotype of someone you are interested in getting into a relationship with. I am really appalled that Derin would do such. 

Tunde: Mr brother, I never expected such from her too. In this day and age who does that? Who has issues with being asked about genotype? Isn't it even better to know before you get into a relationship so as to avoid surprises when you are already deeply in love? I've heard of stories of people who failed to have this conversation before they got into a relationship and did not even talk about it at the beginning of the relationship. They waited till they were very intimate before discussing it and they realised that they both had the AS genotype. It was extremely difficult to break the relationship they had built for years but they had to. This led to so much bitterness and I don't want that to happen to me.

Tayo: Can you imagine that? That's why it is important to have these conversations even before you get into a relationship. It's not enough to see someone that you love or you're compatible with, does your genotype match? I personally cannot take this risk. I know that there are certain people who by faith got married to someone that they were not medically compatible with but it is a risk that I'm not willing to take. If a lady wants to get angry and stop talking to me because of that, she is more than allowed to but that wouldn't stop me from asking. I don't even think anyone should be upset about genotype questions.

Tunde: I was so surprised Tayo. I know what my uncle and his wife had to go through because of this ignorance. They had a child who had the SS genotype and because of the struggles she went through, she hated her parents for a long time. I don't think I want to put any of my children in such position. This is something that can be avoided so why take the risk? Tayo, you know how I am when it comes to relationships, I put in my best. I don't want to be so committed only to realise that it can't work.

Tayo: We are on the same page my dear friend. I'm so sorry to hear that Derin did this but hopefully you will get a better lady and one that wouldn't have any issue with such pertinent question. 

Tunde: Amen! I hope so because some ladies these days are just full of surprises. It is well though...

To be continued...

Thank you so much for stopping by. We hope this conversation is not one that you have a problem with as a lady or a guy? Please let us know what you think about this.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

I AM SCARED! PLEASE HELP...

 

I came across a picture recently and the lady was asking about a guy she is in a relationship with who is so nice to her but a big time bully to his sister. She asked if she should run or maybe she is just over thinking things. See picture below. 

Before we delve into this fully, I'ld like to say that relationships are very important and the way we treat family members, friends, colleagues matter a lot. It is not enough to look at how your boyfriend or girlfriend treats you. You need to open your eyes and mind to discover how he or she treats other people around him or her. How does he or she relate with his or her family members? How does she treat her friends? How does he treat his colleagues at work? How does she talk to her mentors? These and many more are the questions you need to sincerely and genuinely ask yourself when you're in a relationship. 

It is important to take note of these things because the truth is that a person being nice and friendly to you alone poses a problem. It means that he would some day treat you the way he treats this other person or people. Do not be too blinded by love not to recognise the important things. You do not want to get into marriage and start wondering why you were not quick enough to spot a red flag.

Back to the above picture and question, the lady is asking if she should run...what do you think please?

Is it possible for him to be that way with his sister and never be that way to his girlfriend/fiance or wife when or if he finally gets married to her? In my opinion, the chances are high that when he gets married to her (if he does), he'll treat her the same way he treats his sister now. She is just his girlfriend now so that part of him might not be evident towards her but the moment they are in the same space and he feels he is in control, there is a high probability that he would maltreat her or abuse her. 

There are a lot of people undergoing abuse today and many are scared to leave or run away. They suffer in silence and cannot even talk to anyone about it. Some people saw signs while they were courting but it is possible that some others did not imagine that their spouses would abuse or hurt them. They are in a state of confusion because they are helpless.

Please if you find yourself in such situation, it might be hard but you need to run for your life. The truth is that abuse is deep and even though it may seem like physical abuse only, it begins to eat into other parts of your life and will affect you deeply. Your mental health is very important so please be wise!

Considering what others would say is not enough reason to manage or decide to remain in an abusive relationship. You deserve way more than to be treated like trash or an animal so please run for your life. 

Personally, I would not advice the lady who asked the question or anyone in her shoes, to remain with such a person. If he can abuse his sister, he can do the same to you except he changes. And you need to be one hundred percent sure that he has totally changed before you consider getting into a relationship with him. But please do not wait there, waiting for him to stop the abuse, run and watch from afar.

Thanks a lot for stopping by and please let us know what you think about this situation. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

WHERE IS MY HUSBAND???

 

"Babe! I'm tired. I've been waiting and waiting and trusting and trusting but what have I received? Nothing! Many people have given prophecies about my future husband and that he is going to come soon but we're gradually getting to the end of the year and he hasn't shown his face." Tayo said to her friend Bolu.

"Hmmm, tell me about it my dear. I know how it feels cos me too I've been praying. My mum even called me recently and before she said anything I told her not to ask me any question that would upset me. She wasn't happy to hear that cos she just called to say hello. I have become very touchy when it comes to this topic. She even said that my dad had a dream that I got married before the end of the year. Hmmmm, we are in Septemnber already o, I don't want to say I doubt that it can still happen this year but it's hard to believe that it's a possibility". Bolu responded.

Are you bothered, worried, frustrated, disappointed that the right man or woman hasn't come yet? Are you about to lose hope or faith in the possibility of meeting that right person before the end of the year? Are you worried that 2020 is almost coming to an end and you have no clue on when you will get married or even be in a relationship with that right guy or lady?

It's okay to be concerned but please do not dwell on it. The plan of the devil is to bring thoughts to your mind that would make you lose faith in God but please do not give in to the stupid thoughts he brings to your mind. I know that it's not exactly easy because you think almost all your friends are married or even people you call 'aburo' (younger sister or brother) are engaged. All these may be happening, people may send their invitation cards and what not but please note that you are different and unique and your turn would come soonest.

While wishing you a new month and praying that God sorts you out soonest, I want to encourage you not to give up. Yes, we are in the last quarter of the year but a miracle can still happen. Four (4) months is not too small for God to bring your wife or your husband your way. 

Please do not lose hope! Don't stop trusting God. He cares about you and He wants you to be happily married. He is too faithful to fail and His word and promises will come to pass in your life. God instituted marriage and if it is your desire to get married, He will bring this to pass in Jesus name. Please be encouraged and trust God to do that which no man can do. You will look back at this time and rejoice at whom God has made your husband or wife. 

While waiting, please do not settle for less. Do all the things that you desire to do! Have good fun. Enjoy your life but don't engage in activities that you won't be proud of in the future. 

Thank you so much for your constant support and for always taking out time to check my blog. God bless you.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.