WHY ARE SOME CHRISTIAN GUYS BORING??

Michelle and David met in Church, they both believe in God and have a relationship with God. They are lovers of God and so this makes it easy, right? But there seems to be an issue - Michelle loves God but she also believes that you can have fun as a Christian. Let's take a quick break - how many of us believe that as Christian couples or Christians in a relationship, we can have fun or that it's okay to have fun? Okay, I see you all and I see those who do not believe that Christians should have fun. In my opinion, fun is good but it depends on the definition of fun. I love to have fun! I love to go out! I love to hang out and guess what? I am a strong Christian, I don't joke with my faith in anyway.

Back to Michelle and David. David on the other hand does not believe in going out, hanging out etc. He believes in spending time with Michelle but that seems to be all. Although David is a good man, Michelle is bored to death. "David is too boring! He makes it really difficult to enjoy the relationship..." she says. She has tried to explain to him that there are certain things that they need to do together apart from reading the bible, attending service together or watching Christian movies in his house. 

Michelle because of this serious boredom is considering breaking up with David. David as said earlier is a good guy but he needs to open up. You don't have to go clubbing to have fun, you don't have to do things that are against your faith to have fun and I think this is where many Christians get it wrong. There are different things that one can do to have fun without compromising one's faith.

Going out to see a movie is one - you might say this is expensive but here's a secret, some cinemas have days that movies can be watched at a discount, look out for those days and take her to see a movie. She doesn't need to know how much you spent and even if she knows, you're cutting your coat according to your size. Go out to a restaurant/eatery - it doesn't have to be expensive (if you sincerely cannot afford it) but just going out to eat is romantic to many ladies. Take her shopping but don't forget to clearly state how much she is allowed to spend because at the end of the day, you cannot give what you don't have. Go with her to a salon to a salon to make her hair etc.

Please being a Christian is not a licence to be boring! Relationships and marriages should be interesting. Let us all find out what interests our partner and try to do these things even if it's once in a while.

Feel free to drop your ideas or suggestions as well. Thank you so much for stopping by and have a blessed week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown 

"DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT..."

I was going through some messages on a group chat when someone dropped this write-up and I thought to share it with you all. Many of us are very guilty when it comes to how we relate with our spouses and the words we say to them. We all need to be very careful when we talk or respond to what is said to us because we might be hurting our spouses with our words. 

Please read through the write-up below and I'm sure you will learn one or two things on how to communicate better with your spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend.

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A lot of times, couples get pissed off with each other by the way they respond to each other. We can do better if we learn to give our responses in the *affirmative* and not in the *combative*. Let's  read the following:

1. *Statement:* Are you okay; is anything the matter?

- *Wrong response:* Can't you see yourself; what kind of question is that?

- *Right response:* I'm not feeling fine; I think I need some attention.

2. *Statement:* I got wounded in kitchen.

- *Wrong response:* I've told you to always be careful with knife.

- *Right response:* Oh sorry, let me have a look. Please be more careful with knife.

3. *Statement:* I'll like to eat corn flakes.

- *Wrong response:* No way! It's for the children; and that's for one month! Take garri if you are hungry.

- *Right response:* Okay, you can eat a little. I trust you'll give us money to buy another.

4. *Statement:* I'm really hungry.

- *Wrong response:* Even I myself have not eaten since morning.

- *Right response:* Oh sorry, let's see if there's something you can manage for now.

 5. *Statement:* Why don't you do it this way?

- *Wrong response:* Why is it that you always find fault with what I do?

- *Right response:* Well, I've tried this before and I think it will work. If not, I'll try that.

6. *Statement:* I want more food.

- *Wrong response:* Ha-ha, it has finished. You want to finish all the food in the house?

- *Right response:* Sorry, please manage that for now. We are down on food stuff.

7. *Statement:* Handle that thing carefully please.

- *Wrong response:* Am I that daft? You will just be talking to me as if I don't have any sense.

- *Right response:* Yes dear, I will.

8. *Statement:* Haven't you finished what you are doing?

- *Wrong response:* You are seated there doing nothing and you are asking if I've not finished!

- *Right response:* It will still take a while; can you please lend me a hand?

9. *Statement:* I bought this on my way; I thought it will be useful.

- *Wrong response:* How much did you buy it? What! That's too expensive - wọ́n ti gbá ẹ!

- *Right response:* Thank you; it will indeed be useful. Thanks for the surprise.

10. *Statement* :Am feeling Horny today, I will like us to make love.

*Wrong Response* : Ha ha, is it food. Am tired ooo.

*Right Response*: Whaooo. Dear, for it to be mutual enjoyment, can you please wait till early in the morning. I'm so tired right now.

*_A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.*

The above is not to comdemn anyone but to help improve our communication skills with our spouses. 

I hope we gained something from this, please feel free to share. I pray that each and everyone of us will be better at communicating with our spouses by saying the right words and giving the right responses. 

 Thank you so much for stopping by. Have a blessed and fruitful week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

TAKING MALE BAE OUT - NAY OR YAY?

Tare and Blessing had it good for them. They had been friends for about a year when they decided to take it to the next level. Tare loved Blessing because amongst other things she was unique and different from other ladies that he had seen or been in a relationship with. From the moment they got close, he had it in mind to marry her because to him “she is the perfect one”. Their relationship got better and better day after day and this was one admired by everyone around them.

There was something they did together which was so admirable and maybe was one of the things that made Tare love Blessing the more. Unlike some other ladies, Blessing looked for every opportunity to get Tare a gift. She made sure she bought gifts for Tare not just on his birthdays but just to express her love for him.

On one of the days they went out to get food, they had finished eating and as Tare was about to pay for the food, he got informed that someone had paid for it and guess who that person was? He looked at Blessing and could not utter a word. “What manner of lady is this?” He thought to himself. Now she was not doing this because Tare was broke, in actual fact he had some good cash. He was not ‘wealthy’ but he was very comfortable. Blessing just believed that Tare did not have to do it all the time.

One afternoon, Blessing heard Tare and  his friends discussing about how girls are just out there to spend guys’ money and all. During the conversation, Tare boldly told them that not all ladies are like that and that although he was not trying to be proud, his babe (i.e. Blessing) is not that kind of person and as a matter of fact, she looks forward to buying him stuff and she takes him out sometimes. He also pointed out the fact that Blessing does not have so much money but with the little she has, she believes in sharing with him. He mentioned that he tries to stop her sometimes but the fact that she is always willing to, thrills him. Tare’s friends were surprised and one of them shouted “are you being serious? abeg no dey lie give us joor (don’t lie to us). In this generation of ours, no girl would do that.” Tare could not but smile. He went on to tell them that he thought so until he met Blessing.

Blessing on the other hand in a quest to know if her actions were a ‘taboo‘, decided to ask her friends about it. She had not finished asking the question when they all told her to stop. “Why should you spend your money on a guy when he should be the one spending on you”. She tried to explain the fact that guys shouldn’t always do it alone but her friends were not ready to listen to her. According to them, she was talking trash.

My question now is: apart from birthdays and maybe anniversaries for those that are married, is it wrong to buy things for your spouse? Is it wrong to decide to pay for his food on some occasions?

I think many ladies enjoy being on the receiving end and we have gotten so used to this that we think it is the norm. As ladies, we need to get out of the habit of always wanting the guy or husband to do everything and everytime because it does not have to be so. Yes, the guys/men will not request for it because society says that they are in charge but this is something that should be done out of love. It does not have to be forced, it should come from within. From the conversation between Tare and his friends, this act by ladies is one that would be admired and appreciated by men.

Blessing is a lady, Blessing believes in sharing, Blessing does not let Tare spend money on her all the time, Blessing spends money on Tare and takes him out sometimes. Let us be like Blessing..

Thank you so much for stopping by, please drop your comments. We need to know your opinions and views on this.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

I'VE GOT JOY IN MY RELATIONSHIP

So this has been on my mind lately regarding JOY in relationships. Every relationship is filled with the good, bad, ugly, ups and downs, interesting times and not too interesting times but the beauty of it all is to never let anything take away the joy and love within.

JOY according to the Webster dictionary is defined as the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires.  It is also defined as the expression or exhibition of such emotion.

What defines your JOY? What brings you JOY? Is your JOY attached to material things or your partner?? Does what you regard as JOY depend on immediate feelings or emotions? Do you have a defined goal and purpose with your partner regarding your relationship? You need to understand that JOY differs from happiness and people do mix this up. Happiness is mostly dependent on and influenced by external events occurring now while JOY is an inbuilt feeling not easily influenced by external factors and are mostly good feelings irrespective of current outcomes.

In maintaining JOY in your relationship, the following principles are to be observed:

• Always have and maintain a right perspective to all situations irrespective of the factors around you. What you focus and feed rightly, you give strength to.

• Contentment is regarded as a state of happiness and satisfaction. No one is perfect, be contented with what you have especially with your partner but that does not mean one should not strive to improve.

• Life is filled with challenges, so expect battles and as the “boy scout” motto says – BE PREPARED… also stay strong.

• Always remember that discipline improves and understand the reason for the discipline, that’s the only way it can be effective.

• I love this principle of you having a core as this showcases your confidence and a chance to prove your worth.

• In the process of having a core, ensure you have a long term vision with your partner as this will give you direction.

• Always remember to love life and live it to the fullest wisely. Take a break from the norm, give yourselves a treat, enjoy the moment.

• “A fool’s way is right in his own eyes but whosoever listens to counsel is wise”, cultivate an attentive listening habit and never cease to seek counsel as no man is an island of knowledge.

• Always pursue inner peace with yourself as this will open your mind to creativity alongside a life without worry.

• Oh yes, LOVE YOURSELF 1st because you cannot give what you don’t have. When you are able to do this, you will be able to love your partner and others easily.

• Never go weary of being good as this conquers evils. You cannot conquer evil with evil.

• Discover friendship and first of all be friends with your partner because true friendship survives the test of time and hardship.

• Learn to easily forgive as love prospers when a fault is forgiven. Never dwell or linger on an issue for too long as this widens the gap between the two of you.

• A grateful heart will always be a joyful heart. Be grateful for all things as this opens many doors to greater things

• Allow yourself to cry it out when you have a bad day but never dwell on it for too long. Pick yourself up and refocus. You are human and it’s okay to have a meltdown.

Always remember that JOY takes time, it is like you sowing a seed and there will always be a harvest time but the ground (your heart) in which you plant the seed will determine the number of fruits you will reap. Therefore, guard your heart with all diligence because out of it flows the issues of life.

Thanks for stopping by, we hope you enjoyed this write-up. Have a blessed and fruitful week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown