DESPITE HOW BAD... MOVING ON WAS NECESSARY.

Tayo had become so mean and uncaring to me and I wasn't sure why he was being like that. Like I said earlier, I went to his house but he shut me out. He didn't open the door for me and even though I stayed out for a bit longer, he didn't come out. This incident made me know that he had made up his mind and was totally done with the relationship. I wish he told me why he all of a sudden stopped loving or maybe liking me but then he didn't. Even if I had offended him, (which I was unaware of), it couldn't be so bad as to totally shut me out of his life.

I tried to get over Tayo but it was really difficult. I spoke to my friends about it because none of it made sense to me. I tried to wait for Tayo hoping that he would come back to his senses and reach out to me or apologize for just deciding out of the blues to shut me out but this was a dream that never came true. Sadly but importantly, I had to move on with my life. It was a good relationship but then it had obviously come to an end, hopefully for good.

Getting into another relationship was the least thing on my mind at the beginning of the year...I thought and hoped Tayo would be the last guy I'll be with but I was very wrong. Things had changed and it was time to make that decision again. It was a difficult one but I had to move on.

I got into a relationship after 2 years and although I was with someone really amazing (in my opinion), I was finding it difficult to enjoy the relationship. I later discovered that this issue was as a result of my experience with Tayo. I had not gotten over the surprising incident and this was affecting my relationship. I spoke with a senior friend about it and he advised me to get closure. By getting closure, he explained "Talk to Tayo and let him know how you felt and still feel then make the decision to forgive him. Although difficult, try to pray for him so that forgiving him would be easy." This was hard but it was definitely needed. 

Calling Tayo was difficult but more difficult was the sleepless nights I had thinking about whether or not he would respond to my request to have a conversation with him. Thankfully, he responded and I was able to pour out my heart to him. He sounded remorse and had a lot of excuses as to the silent treatment but none of that meant anything to me anymore. I had gotten what I needed by pouring my heart out and in my opinion, prayer would solve the rest. Gradually, I began to appreciate and enjoy my new relationship.

I don't know what your experience in relationships have been but if you have had a bad experience or a relationship that didn't end well, you need to get closure because failure to do so could make you have a terrible experience in your next relationship.

Thank you so much for stopping by, I hope that you are able to get closure where you need to by God's grace and to move on with ease.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

I HAD TO GET CLOSURE!

My name is Juliet and although I have been involved in a lot of relationships, I am still single. Please don't join my parents in asking why I am still single because I do not have an answer to this question and I'm being serious. I have been in long relationships that should have led to marriage but then like they say "things happen!". 

I am a very beautiful lady and no I'm not trying to brag, I'm just stating the obvious. However, I have been in relationships with the handsome, ugly and unkempt. To be honest, I think I have seen it all when it comes to relationships but hopefully the man I get married to will be the handsome and perfect person for me. I shared this to state that although I am very beautiful, I am not selective. Once I like you and you like me, we are good to go (smiles).

Sharing my story is not one that I do often but then I am sharing it this time because there's been an argument/discussion about whether or not you need to get closure after a relationship comes to an end. In my opinion, you do not need closure for every relationship but there are certain relationships that you must get closure for. If it was just a fling (nothing serious), you don't necessarily need to get closure because you guys were not serious to begin with. However, if you guys were serious (not necessarily talking marriage) but you loved each other and you had to go your separate ways because of one reason or the other,  you'll definitely need closure.

Tayo was a good guy whom I knew loved me and I loved sincerely. We were in a relationship for about 2 years (this is one of my long relationships). He wasn't so handsome but he had a great personality and we clicked on many angles. Things were going okay until he started avoiding me. This was strange because it happened suddenly. There was no fight, quarell and I didn't think I had done anything wrong to warrant the silence. Even if I had done something wrong, he could have told me about it instead of giving me attitude and avoiding me.

During this period, I was the one making efforts to call, text, check up on him. No efforts were made by him. I don't know how people do it but as an adult, if someone offends me, I will talk to the person and try to see how we can resolve it. Even if we don't resolve it, I'll make sure it is addressed one way or the other. 

Tayo's attitude was so annoying and I wasn't enjoying it at all. I made attempts to visit him in his house but he never opened the door for me the few times he was at home.

To be continued...

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

  

SHE COMPARES ME TO HER EX!

Bimpe and Bolaji have been together for a few years. They love each other and this is obvious to everyone who knows about them or sees them together. Like every relationship, they have had little issues here and there but so far, they have been successful at settling all discords. There is however an issue that Bolaji seems not to be able to get over with. It saddens his heart every time he remembers and although he has tried to explain things to Bimpe, she does not seem to understand his point of view.

Bolaji is certainly not a perfect man (no one is) but the moment Bimpe complains about something, he tries his possible best to work on it. Bimpe who fails to recognize that different relationships work differently, makes the mistake of comparing their relationship to that of Tunde and Sayo. Tunde and Sayo look like a perfect couple because they are always giggling, going out and doing some stuff that Bimpe considers to be great. Bolaji does not find this funny but Bimpe keeps doing it. One day she says he is different from her ex and another day, he does not treat her like Tunde treats Sayo.

A lot of things happen in people’s relationships or marriages that you know nothing about. Although it is not wrong to admire people’s relationship, the greatest mistake that you can make is to compare your own relationship to another. The truth is that you can never know the entirety of what goes on in another person’s relationship. You only see the picture they paint and so although they might look perfect, they might not actually be and although they might look imperfect, they might just be having a swell time. Some people show genuine love but some others pretend about it.

If you have issues in your relationship, settle it without making reference to how another couple settled their issues. Trust me, issues can be settled amicably and this would take the two people involved coming to an agreement of what they did wrong and deciding on how to avoid such in the future. Comparing your spouse to another lady or guy that you have seen out there would make the situation worse. So even if your intention is to draw the attention of your spouse to a bad behavior or attitude, if you do this by comparing him or her to that other person, you might end up losing him or her.

I have heard people say: “men do not like it when their babes or wives compare them to other men out there”. Although this is very true, I would like to say that it goes both ways and comparison is not good for anyone. Women as much as men, do not like to be compared to other women. Like I said earlier and I am saying again: “If you want your spouse to work on something, tell him or her in a very nice way and you can definitely do without comparing him or her to another person”.

Another reason it is adviceable to refrain from comparison is the fact that it could weaken your spouse whether you realise it or not. You might say that that is not your intention but then that might be the effect. Some people based on the comparison exercise that goes on in their relationship or marriage, just tell the ‘comparer’ to go be with the ‘comparee’ since he or she thinks that that person is the ideal man or woman. You really do not want to make him or her think unnecessarily, so avoid comparison and save your marriage or relationship.

Relationships and marriages work differently. The fact that one idea or act works well with party A does not mean that the same will work for party B. I know that it is easy to say and not exactly easy to do but then efforts have to be made to avoid this. Comparing yourself, your relationship or your marriage to another will not make you or your relationship better, it will rather make it worse.

Thanks a lot for stopping by. God bless you real good.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

I WISH SHE WAS EXACTLY LIKE MY MUM!

As human beings, from two different backgrounds, we are bound to have differences. It is important to note that it is VERY OKAY to disagree with each other and it is VERY OKAY to be unhappy about a few things that your spouse does. However, what is not okay is to begin to compare your spouse to other people, especially your Parents. 

When you have a very good relationship with your parents, sometimes, you automatically want your spouse to behave like them. For the ladies, you may be looking out for 'sweet Daddy' moments in your husband, while the men may be looking for 'your mum' (Sweet mother) in your wife.

Both ways, we are wrong!

I remember seeing a quote a while ago which was about comparing our behind the scenes to someone else's highlight and I thought to myself, this applies to marriage as well. Some of us compare our spouses 'behind the scenes' to our parents 'highlights' and this should not be.

We want a family man, husband, father, provider, best guy, go to person etc... We want a woman that can keep a home, a wife, a mother, a cook, a best friend, a prayer partner etc... All these things are possible but you  need to give your  spouse time.

Your parents didn't become all that they are overnight. God worked on them and they put in efforts daily until they became these people we admire so much. They went through a lot of 'agreeing to disagree' moments, unending compromises, deep sacrifices and an overdose of communication to become who they are today (the list is endless, because different strokes apply to different folks).

Can I shock you? Your parents are still learning how to be better to/for each other. Marriage is a University that one can never graduate from. There are things our parents will never tell us, and there are struggles they will never share with us. In the same vein, there are things we will never share with our kids.

Life is in stages, we learn, unlearn and relearn everyday. Please give your partner a breathing space. Support him/her by praying for them, and you will see results.

PS: We need to stop looking for our Fathers or Mothers in our partners, everyone is unique in their own way. There was something you saw in him/her in the beginning. Hold on to whatever it was/is, and help them build on it positively.

Oluwasade O.

Thank you for stopping by, and we will be back next week. God bless you

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.