YOU DESERVE A ROUND OF APPLAUSE!

In less than seven (7) hours, it would be time to say that we are in a new year - 2020.  Yaay!!! We made it to the end of 2019 and we shall experience 2020 soon.  This is really exciting and you surely deserve a round of applause. 

Today is the last day of the year 2019 and I am sure many of us have been reflecting on how the year went. Many of us had expectations and while some came to pass, maybe others did not but this is not a time to feel bad at all. Rather, it is a time to be filled with hope and the assurance that all things work together for our good. It may not seem like you have things to be grateful for but if you search deeply, you will realise that you have more than enough to be thankful for about the year 2019. So please give yourself a round of applause for being fantastic and for surviving the year 2019. I am also very grateful for you, yes you, thanks for staying tuned and for being a consistent reader. 

We are beginning the year 2020 on a very BIG note. By this, I mean that we will experience the fulfilment of all and even more than the things we hoped to happen in 2019. It is my prayer that none of our expectations will be cut short and all our heart desires will be met according to God's will. 

Concerning relationships and marriages which is our core on this blog, it is my prayer that:

God will bless marriages and make people who are married and expecting, bring forth their own children. God will bring the right men and women as husbands and wives for those that have been trusting God either for a husband or for a wife. God will restore broken homes and cause His perfect peace to reign in every home. We will have the right connections and relationships in Jesus name. God will heal the brokenhearted and replace ashes with beauty. God will also give everyone a heart of forgiveness to forgive those who have wronged us in one way or the other. (AMEN!!!!)

Have a fulfilled and fun filled year guys. Please do not allow any form of negativity in your mind about 2020.  Forget about the things that did not work out or go according to plan and be grateful for your life. Once again, you deserve a round of applause for making it to the end of the year and for entering into 2020. Let every bad thought, opinion, negativity be dropped in 2019. Welcome to 2020, we shall have good news all year round in Jesus name, Amen. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

DON'T GIVE UP...STAY STRONG

Tunde: (picks a call from his mum) Mummy good evening ma. I'm not sure I will be coming home for Christmas but hopefully before the end of the year I'll come around ma...

Dayo: Guy, I thought you said you will go home for Christmas, why have you suddenly changed your mind?

Tunde: Bro, it is not a sudden change of mind o. I really want to go home for Christmas but I've been thinking of the events that might take place. My siblings will be around with their spouses and children and I'm so sure that I will not escape the private talk with my mum on when I am bringing her a wife and giving her grandchildren. My other siblings have given her grandchildren but she is not satisfied until I give her mine. We've had this discussion almost every year for the past 5 years and I just need a break from that.

Dayo: I totally understand you Tunde. Many of my friends and colleagues got married this year. I am even part of the groom's men for one of my friends whose wedding is coming up on the 29th of this month. I remember him saying "this year won't pass me by..." and it didn't. But for me, I had hope at the beginning of the year that this year would be my year but Biola messed up so we're back to square one. My mum and Dad have also been on my case but then I can only keep hoping that I will find the right woman and at the right time.

Tunde: It is well Bro, God will do it in His own way and at his own time but really nobody should put us under any pressure.

Some of us might have a similar situation to that of Tunde and as a result might be scared to go home for the festive season because of the numerous questions on when you will get married. This write-up is to encourage you not to be discouraged or disheartened. You might have had plans and hoped like Dayo that you will get married this year but please this is not enough to make you give up on those dreams and desires of yours. Yes, it might not have come to pass but there are still seven (7) days left for God to turn your situation around. If nothing happens within the 7 days we have left till the end of this year, do not give up still. We also write to encourage you to follow God and live in accordance with His ways because He cares for you, yes YOU! And there is HOPE in Him.

We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year in advance. We hope to see you in the new year. God bless you real good and may He grant your heart desires according to His will in Jesus name, amen.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

IS IT OKAY TO SAY THAT ALL MEN ARE THE SAME??? 2

There are so many discouraging stories out there and there is a likelihood for people to give up on relationship or marriage or to think that they can never have a great experience. Whilst it is true that people have had it tough in marriages and relationships, their experiences are not sufficient and should in actual fact not be sufficient to make one say that one's experience would be the same. 

As we saw in the conversation between Ibukun and Shola last week, the fact that Ibukun's mum and her sister had been abused by the men that they got married  to and that her own fiance had also abused her does not mean that every man out there is an 'abuser'. As her friend advised, generalising such experiences and saying that all men are like that would do no good. Rather, it would put in so much fear such that when she meets someone (I.e. a man that is a good man and not an abuser) she might not recognise this because of the stereo type.

Although the title of this article points at men, it is the same for women. Some  men have had bad experiences with women (though it is something they rarely talk about because of the way they are wired) and as such there is also a tendency for a guy or man to be scared of getting into a relationship or even getting married at all. The same thing applies here, not all women are the same and the fact that you have had it tough with one woman or some women, doesn't mean that you cannot have it good with  a woman.

Not all men are the same!

Not all women are the same!

Your experience can be different!

Do not generalise!

Be positive!

Do not give up!

I really use this opportunity to pray for those who have been abused or maltreated by one or many men/women. I pray that your heart gets healed and that you are able to forgive those who have hurt you. I also pray that you will see a reason to trust again and that your next relationship experience (hopefully the last) would be a pleasant one which would counter your previous experience(s).

Thank you so much for stopping by, we hope to see you soon by God's grace. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown. 

IS IT OKAY TO SAY THAT ALL MEN ARE THE SAME???

"That's how all men are! I don't think you can find one that is not like this..." said Ibukun to her closest friend Shola. "Ibukun! You cannot just generalise like that! Not all men think that you have to be abusive to a lady to earn her respect" Shola tries to explain to Ibukun. "Well I have proof Shola. I grew up seeing my dad treat my mum like trash. He would talk to her anyhow and sometimes beat her for the singular reason that she had a different opinion from his. My mum had no say in the house and it just made the way my dad treated her look normal. 

"I'm sorry about that Ibukun. I understand what you mean but I don't think your mum's experience is enough proof that all men are like that." "My mum is not the only proof Shola, my elder sister has been married for just about a year and it feels like ten years already because of the scars both on her body and in her heart. She is bitter everyday but she cannot leave her marriage because she has learnt 'endurance' from my mum. This is something that I hoped will never happen to me. Tomi knew about the whole situation with my family and I somewhat thought that engaging him in all that was happening would make him treat me better but I was wrong. He has done the exact same thing that I dreaded all my life. So maybe in actual fact, this is how all men are. I was hoping that along the line I would see someone that is different from the picture of my dad and brother-in-law but that person seems really far away and I just may never find a different person."

"Ibukun! Ibukun! Don't talk like that please. I cannot fully say that I understand how you feel but I don't think it's right to talk like this. You guys are not even married yet so there's still hope and I know that you can find a man that would truly love you, not abuse you and respect your opinion even if it differs from his. Please get it out of your head - it is not normal for a man to be abusive (emotionally or in whatever way) and any man who is, does not deserve you. The fact that it happened to your mum and to your sister does not mean it should happen to you. In fact you must ensure that history does not repeat itself. You have to break this chain so as to avoid passing on the same experience to your children. You deserve to be treated right, in fact every woman does, so don't settle for less because you think that's the best you can ever get.

To be continued...

Thank you so much for stopping by, we hope to see you next week by God's grace.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

YOU CAN MAKE THINGS WORK...

On my way out with some of my friends, we heard some women having a conversation and one of them said “if my husband does…I will just divorce him”. This struck a conversation between us and we expressed our shock as to how nowadays people are not willing to tolerate even the littlest mistake in marriage. In the words of one of my friends, “people treat marriage like relationships”. Although relationships are not just to be broken anyhow (hence the need to be extremely careful before getting into one), a relationship can be broken. A relationship is way different from a marriage because you have not yet said “I do” to the person you are with.

Marriage is way different and it is sadly gradually becoming really trivialized. He comes back late from work and you go “I cannot deal with this” or maybe she forgets to cook for you and you go “I am tired of this woman”.  No one is trying to say that coming back late from work is good or bad but then, you cannot at the slightest mistake/error/mishap say that you want to divorce a man or a woman. The truth is that the other woman that you think will cook that food when you divorce this one or the other man you think would come back early from work when you divorce him, might do that but then they would also have areas that you are not comfortable with. So are you going to keep divorcing and remarrying? Think about this!

The problem we have nowadays is that because this divorce thing has become very common, many people (especially youths) now go into marriage with the idea that “if he/she misbehaves, I will divorce him/her”. This is a very wrong mentality and we need to be careful about this. It is wrong and highly unadviceable for you to ever go into a marriage with the idea behind your heart that once your partner does something wrong, you will just get a divorce. I remember a Pastor once said “My wife and I made up our minds when we got married that divorce is not an option” and this got me thinking. We can learn from this: DIVORCE SHOULD NOT BE AN OPTION and should not be the first thing we think about when something in our marriage goes wrong.

Sadly but truly, people are no longer willing to tolerate even the littlest thing and this is really bad. There are extreme cases, I agree that might warrant you making that decision and I would not go into that today. But my focus is on the fact that we need to start renewing our minds about this divorce thing. We need to start working on being patient and tolerant people and not giving up at the slightest opportunity or mistake.

If you are already married, please try not to think of divorce at the slightest opportunity. Please try to be willing to make things work no matter what it may cost you. Your marriage is not a football ground where players can just be changed anyhow. Marriage is deeper than this and so we need to be extremely careful. Please be patient! I am not in your shoes and I might not know how difficult it is for you at the moment but you can think deeply about it. Your marriage is workable! Maybe just a little patience, a little understanding will help. If you are going through this, I really pray God helps you with this and gives you wisdom.

For those of us that are not yet married, we need to consciously get this mentality out of our heads! Please do not get married to anybody with the thoughts that “if he or she makes a mistake, you will just get a divorce”. This is wrong. We have to build ourselves to the level that we become very tolerant and patient people. Marriage is the coming together of two different people from different backgrounds and sometimes with different characters. What this implies is that there would be a clash but then how you handle the clash or differences is what matters.

God’s standard has not changed and this is different from belonging to the old school or new school. God says that “He hates divorce” and so that is His standard so why do we think that being a 21st century Christian or person changes this standard? No! It does not in anyway.

I really pray for each and every one of us (myself inclusive) that God will help us to understand the real essence of marriage so that we do not take it for granted. I pray that we exhibit the fruits of the Spirit so that our marriages will be better for it. I pray for a high level of tolerance and understanding in Jesus name (Amen!)

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

DO YOU HAVE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT MARRIAGE?? 2

Hello beautiful and amazing readers, supporters, encouragers. Thank you so much for stopping by today again. Two weeks ago, I shared a write-up written by a relationship and marriage counsellor. We were to continue with it last week but it was International men's day and so we used that opportunity to celebrate the men. We are back to where we stopped two weeks ago and I really hope that you are blessed by the continuation post below:

******************************************

Babe&Bros, 

Let's talk frank talk!!

...

10. O baby, I know your drive and success, but trust me, from Bible to Africa, if a man cannot lead you, you aren't supposed to marry, AT ALL! Perhaps, some humility and submission lessons in Sunday school would do you a world of good. 

11. Look at you, "Daddy's boy", & "Mummy's girl", if we follow the Bible, those two are meant for your past in order of priority when marriage comes. 'For this cause a man shall LEAVE'. The cleaving will be required between spouses alone.

12. Babe, I think you should be afraid of a man who doesn't listen to any message on relationships, nor reads books in that line and 'knows it all'. His elder brothers are those who have damaged marriages all over the place; men who should lead rightly but who are too empty and don't know it and are too proud to learn.

13. Don't let anyone deceive you, marriages may fail everyday but it is not the same for all of us! Whilst no one is perfect by all means, a lot of homes are built on God's perfect principles and you can aim for the same.

14. Get in the garage and find a gauge. Gauge your temperance and tolerance, if you aren't working on it and seeing improvement, you could make marriage hard on yourself and the one you love.

15. What has been the common issue between you and all your friends? What have people complained about you the most? Stop defending yourself and ask real questions? Are they all so wrong or I need to check me?

16. All your pretense will end with marriage if you don't end it now. God will plant someone so close to your reality you won't have time to wear the mask.

17. My sister, my brother, except you don't want to ever get married, improving your character is not an option, it is a core course.

18. Guy, thank her for her understanding and for not being materialistic, but don't plan on staying financially humble, that's unfair to all the prophecies God has given her for the future. Work and give her even what she won't ask for!

19. If you are still single, congratulations!!!

You can still get it right. Be true to yourself, be honest with your future and be kind enough to your destiny!

Mr. Ocholi Okutepa

Thank you once again for stopping by, God bless you.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

DO MEN HAVE EMOTIONS???

We live in a world where women are not only believed to be the ones who can express emotions but also the ones who have emotions. But is this true? No! Men have emotions! Men can be emotional too! Yes they are built and told by society not to cry and to 'man up' but like women, they can feel, touch, cry, laugh, be sad, be happy etc.

Today's writeup is supposed to be the concluding part of last week's write-up but I came across another write-up which is about the men and being that today is International men's day, I  thought it appropriate to share with you all. Before you read the post, i'ld like to plead that we appreciate the men in our lives. I know that some of them might have hurt us but there are still good ones who need to know that they are good and that they matter in this world. The next paragraph introduces you to the write-up and I really do hope you learn from it. 

...Men Have Pains Too....

 A woman said to me, 'It took me years to really know that men cry too.  I took my husband for a super human.  I see him leave the house everyday and come back providing for us.  One day as I had left the house and he was at home,  I remembered that I needed to take something along,  I turned back and headed home.  As I got home,  I tried going through the back  door which was closer to the window of our room. 

Lo and behold,  I heard my husband crying like a baby asking God to help me get a job so I can help him fend for the family.  He has never complained to me before but that day,  I broke down in tears realizing that my husband has held much of his pains alone"  

A young married lady went to her mother and complained that her husband has not always bought things she wanted from him. The mother asked her, 'How many of those things have you bought for yourself?". She stayed quiet and said, 'But he is my husband?". The mother replied her, 'Have you ever found out the things your husband wants you to buy for him?". 

Men always try to hide their pains. 

A woman was invited to preach at women conference and as she was preaching,  she asked all the working class women to stand out.  They humbly did.  And she asked them, 'When you get your salary, how much do you give to your  husband as a seed?". Before your money gets to anywhere else, the priest in your life which is your husband should get something from you.  Even if he is a rich man,  sow a seed in his life.  Sometimes,  we women don't know that our husbands need something from us". 

Men can be financially broke and pretend to have everything.

Most men are married but they live lonely lives.  Sometimes, ask your husband out.  Men are not always as busy as women think. You have to understand that your husband has pains and needs too.  Don't judge him by his incapability to provide the things you want from him.  Sometimes,  he might not have the things you want. 

Men also have emotional needs and problems. Men still cry for love.

🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕

From the post by Okwuosa Maryann on Instagram.

Thank you so much for stopping by to read our post this week. We look forward to seeing you next week. Please once again, appreciate the men around you and let us be reminded that they have emotions and they also deserve to be treated right.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

DO YOU HAVE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT MARRIAGE?

This is more like a letter even though not in a letter format to every interested party. I came across it and just thought it would be beneficial if I share it with you my beloved readers and supporters. 

Enjoy the read below.

 Babe&Bros, 

Let's talk frank talk!

1. The level of failed or bad marriages should not scare you, it should make you think! Why do some still have it good? What are they doing differently?

2. Conquer negative thoughts about marriage before you say 'I do'. Your predominant thought will define your marital experience.

3. Are you praying for your future spouse? That is the best way to condition them before marriage. Ask God for specifics.

4. Your biggest challenge is that you think you understand marriage. The worse part is that you think you know them. You don't even know yourself!

So pray for everything: you, them, tomorrow, everything.

5. My dear friend, please be honest with yourself: how do you react under pressure? Multiply it by 2 or 3 and predict how much prayer you need about your reactions in marriage.

6. Have you thought about living with someone everyday of your life and keeping it fresh, sweet and exciting? Have you thought about bills and kids? Have you thought about temptations and trials? What about family and in-laws?

7. Your spouse will come with a crusade or perhaps a baggage of relationships you haven't chosen. 'In-law things'. Some would be brothers, sisters, Mother and Father even Uncles and Aunties. My dear, get ready!

8. Money! Are you running broke before pay day running just your own single life?

So what's your financial plan when a spouse and their extended dependents list add to the expenditure list with little or no contribution towards the budget? What are your thoughts about expanding streams of income?

9. Bros, there is just so much of 'I love you' that can manage the relationship. It will come to a time that even if she is not materialistic, 'I love you' alone would mean hunger, bad dressing and an appearance of a husband that the Bible calls 'infidel'. Use your brain as you pray!

10. O baby, I know your drive and success, but trust me, from Bible to Africa, if a man cannot lead you, you aren't supposed to marry, AT ALL! Perhaps, some humility and submission lessons in Sunday school would do you a world of good. 

We will drop the above for easy digestion and continue from where we stopped next week. You are important to us and we are glad, excited, grateful that you stopped by to read this write-up by Mr. Ocholi Okutepa.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown 

DOES HE TICK ALL THE BOXES? 2

A list is a great way to put your thoughts together and to ensure that you have taken note of the important things to you as a person. As such, having a list of things that you desire in a future spouse is not a bad thing. However, it is important to consider the reality that you may not find someone with all the attributes in your list because as we said in the previous post - NOBODY IS PERFECT. So what then happens to your list? Does it mean you have to put it aside and lower your expectations? NO! Your list is still valid,  even though some analysis and re-ordering might be necessary in order to avoid waiting forever for ‘the one’. 

The first thing is to consider the components of your list. There is usually a high tendency for people to lay emphasis  on physical and material things over and above other things because that is what they see first. If your list consists of primarily physical and material things, you might need to take a step back and think about more important things like character. The reason for this is that physical and material things are temporary  (i.e. do not last long) and it is not impossible to be miserable even with a spouse that has all the physical and material things you desire. 

Another thing to consider is dividing your list into two sections: ‘non-negotiables’ and ‘negotiables’. This will help put things into perspective and define your priorities.  

‘Non-negotiables’ as the name implies are attributes that you cannot overlook. They are core aspects of a person’s character, personality, and behavior that are deal-breakers i.e. if the person doesn’t tick those boxes, you will have to say bye-bye. This section should comprise of things that are at the core of who the person is. A great example for Christians is the biblical instruction to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. This means that for a Christian, a prospective spouse’s beliefs should be non-negotiable. 

Other things that fall under this category are: values, mindset, character, maturity, and so on. The reason why they are non-negotiable is because they can significantly impact your life. For instance, someone who is materialistic and believes life is all about money will easily put their greed above the needs of their spouse which will negatively impact such person’s spouse. 

‘Negotiables’ on the other hand are areas which though relevant, you are willing to bend on. These comprise mostly of physical things and relatively trivial things which will not matter in the long run and have no bearing on who the person is. The most common examples are physical attributes and material possessions. There’s nothing wrong with wanting someone who drives the latest car, has an hour glass figure, or is from the same tribe as you but we must not allow the absence of such attribute put us off a prospective spouse especially if the person ticks the boxes under the non-negotiables section.

There is the need to ask yourself why that attribute is so important and what impact it will have on your future in the long run. Again there’s nothing wrong with desiring certain physical attributes and material possessions but if you allow them have greater or equal weight with the core things like character and/or faith, there is the risk of making a wrong decision or turning away some really great people. 

Also consider that some things can change/ be changed. For instance, someone with a bad fashion sense can learn how to dress better while someone who drives the latest car today may not do so tomorrow. The transient nature of such things shows that major decisions should not be hinged on them. We must not allow ‘packaging’ lead us astray.

Ultimately, as a Christian, it is important to be led by the spirit of God and not just your desires in making a decision about a future spouse. In addition, you should ensure that the kind of person embodied in your list would want to be with someone like you especially in the non-negotiable areas. If you want someone prayerful or diligent, ask yourself if you exhibit such skill. If you do not, what steps are you taking to ensure that you develop in that area you’re lacking? Chances are that someone who is prayerful would also want a prayerful spouse.  

Thanks a lot for stopping by. We hope to see you here again. Please drop your comments if you have any.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown 

DOES HE TICK ALL THE BOXES?

Fantasies are bound to happen, plans for life are expected to be in place, bucketlist are also expected to be available but a not too recent trend are the qualities and what to expect from a MAN. Nothing is wrong with having a list of expectations of the preferred man that a lady would love to spend the rest of her life with. If we do not think it  through and pen it down, how then are we expected to remember or know what to look out for in a man. The List can be endless from TDH (Tall, Dark and Handsome) to working in an "oyel" company, to having a ride, having an apartment of his own etc..... 

Becca had a list of what she expected and wanted in a guy. As a focused and determined lady, she never compromised on this list especially the major ones. She had a picture of a perfect home with a perfect man and everything being blissful. She wanted a ready made, plug and play bespoke kind of man. A lot of men had actually walked up to her, some with the best of intentions and others to waste her time, because of how beautiful and smart she is. They all never ticked all the boxes on her list and she never hesitated in letting them go. According to her, "it is possible to get a man that is all round perfect".

She decided to attend a younger cousin's wedding where the chairman of the occasion offered an advice to the single ladies there - "There is always the right man for every woman and vice versa but never look out for the perfect because God does not work with the perfect, He uses the imperfect to perfect all things. There is no perfect man or woman out there but you can make everything perfect. You can make an imperfect man or woman into being your perfect man or woman. It is good to have a list but be careful not to lose the right man or woman for you because he or she does not tick all the boxes on your list."

The above speech hit Becca "below the belt" and she is questioning her principles and list. Is it wrong to have a wish list for the kind of man one wants? Should this list be the all in all or should it be one that is flexible?

We would like to know your thoughts on this so please do drop your comments. Thanks for stopping by. We reposted this  write-up because we think it is still relevant.

OneLove

SomzyBrown

Falling in Love vs. Staying in Love

A friend of mine once said:

I have discovered that love does not guarantee the success of a relationship. Love cannot help you stick to one person all year round, and on the other hand, cheating is not always a product of not loving your partner. In fact, loving someone does not guarantee not falling in love with someone else.

Relationships work out mostly because of our head and not our heart. It works out because of our emotional maturity, empathetic intelligence and self discipline because time will come when you’ll see more beautiful, handsome, romantic, intelligent, sexy, rich, curvy and God fearing people than the one you’re in a relationship with.

In those times, love will not help you; self control will help you, emotional intelligence will come to your rescue and commitment will keep you going. With those characteristics, no matter how you feel for someone else, the person you’re committed to will rank first in your life.

You think happily married people do not see better people than the ones they got married to? You think they do not feel funny sometimes? You think they do not catch feelings for other people? They do! But the understanding that commitment is greater than feelings is the great arsenal that do destroy that impulse. You can fall in love with anyone, but building a relationship takes absolutely more than what attracted you to them and takes more than love.

We are too fond of loving when it’s convenient and sweet. We are too fond of loving when love is there but that can only last for just the first 3-6 months of the relationship. After then, you’ll realize that the feelings have dropped, it’s now your responsibility to make it work, not love’s responsibility.

Relationships cannot be ready-made. You have to build it and it’s never always about love, it requires commitment and intelligence. On the long run in marriages, it’s not just love that keeps them together forever, it’s determination and commitment.

Everyone falls in love; it takes little or no effort to do that. But staying in love? Building a relationship? Only the strong and committed ones do that. That is why we must find that one person and commit to that one, discipline yourself and bridle your emotions.

Building a relationship is hard work, it is like building a career, it is like pursuing a dream. It’s always tough, at some point it will be so bitter but you can make it work by putting your heads together, you can scale through the trying time by being focused and committed.

The kind of love that attracts two people together is not the kind of love that will keep them together. Be emotionally strong and be self disciplined.

This is a deep one o! I enjoyed reading it and I hope you did too. It's better to stay in love! Thanks for stopping by and we hope to see you next week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

THE CONSEQUENCE OF PRIDE

The consequences of pride in a marriage or relationship could be irreversible. If someone tells you that he/she has a perfect marriage or relationship, just know right away that he/she is not telling the truth. Couples fight and fight badly for that matter, but it's the ability to revise ones stand, communicate with respect, and be honest with each other, that determines the survival of any marriage or relationship. 

If you remove pride and arrogance in your marriage or relationship, you would realise that the relationship/marriage is already 90% promising, stable, peaceful and can stand the test of time. It is important to invest in your marriage through giving, talking and compromising here and there. Your business as a stakeholder should be what to do to make your home peaceful and stable for you, your spouse, and your children's enjoyment. 

Stop running to third parties who equally have their own challenges which they are probably hiding and managing. You may end up getting nothing positive or helpful from such friends, family members, church/mosque members, and colleagues to whom you are exposing or trading what should be the secrets of your home. However, when push comes to shove, you might need to speak out or go for counselling. 

A broken home is like a war. No party goes uninjured. Each party goes with an injury that they nurse for the rest of their lives. That is the reality. Whichever party claims unaffected/uninjured is a chronic liar, chronic pretender, and an unrepentant soul, l mean he/she is stone hearted. Such a person has no idea of what a good home should be. He/she is ignorant of the positive impact of unbroken relationship on the home itself, the community, the church/mosque congregation, and the society at large. 

No amount of success in life could compensate for failure at home. Ensure that your home is not scattered. Repair it now before it is too late. If your home is experiencing separation now, ensure that you shed your pride and compromise to arrest it from drifting to a broken home. 

Stop narrating your home affairs around to seek sympathy. Most people you have taken your story to, and are supporting you, are in their own homes, keeping their homes intact, sympathising with you, while you are already out of your own home. 

To be sincere with you, what you will be treated to outside your home will not be what you bargained for. Think now and go back. May God help and bless you. In marriage, we are all managing each other and there is no perfect marriage and till death, couples must continue to manage each other. If your marriage will last, manage your spouse, there is no perfect marriage out there. 

Anonymous

I came across this write-up and thought I share it with you. I have added one or two words/sententences to it but I hope we have learnt one or two things from it. Although I agree with majority of the writer's message, I would state that if your life is at risk in that relationship or marriage, please seek help. However, do not let pride make you allow little issues destroy your relationship or marriage.

Thank you so much for stopping by, we hope to see you soon. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

TRUE LOVE REQUIRES SACRIFICE

Every kind of relationship requires that we put in efforts to make it work. Relationships with friends require a lot of sacrifice. Relationship with God requires a lot of sacrifice. Relationship with your spouse requires a lot of sacrifice as well as patience and some other virtues that we know about. Is it easy? I must confess - it is very difficult but it is workable.

Someone (elderly) recently said that it is sad that now adays many people are not willing to make sacrifices or exercise patience with their spouses and this should not be. The willingness to make sacrifices and make things work is highly important and we all must be ready to do this.

Siblings quarrel because they are different and although some of them have the same background and upbringing, they still fight against each other. Now you're in a relationship with someone who you were not even brought up with and you expect that you will agree on everything? Let me shock you- it is IMPOSSIBLE!

No matter how close you are to your spouse, there will be issues. What matters is your maturity at handling it. I am an advocate of being in a relationship with or getting married to someone of like-mind and like-passion but no matter how similar you are, there will still be issues. 

The first thing I would advice each of us to do is to understand first and foremost that there is a difference between a man and woman and a lot of difference in the way they think and analyse issues. Taking the step to understand this doesn't mean that there won't be issues but at least you have taken a good step in ensuring that you do not always misinterpret his/her action and words.

Men and women think differently. Most times a man means what he says but many times, a woman doesn't mean what she says. For example, a woman can say "I am tired of this relationship and I just want it to be over already. He doesn't care and he doesn't have my time..." The truth is that she is tired because he doesn't care and so if he changes by becoming more caring and spending more time with her, she would be happy. She doesn't necessarily want the relationship to be over.

A man is most times rational while women are most times emotional. Women say things depending on how they feel at the moment but men think things through and go through a lot of process before they say things.

Learning to understand each other is key! Making sacrifices for each other is important! Don't give up so easily or quickly so that you do not make the same mistake in the next one you run to.

Thanks a lot for stopping by and we look forward to seeing you next week by God's grace.  God bless you.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

BE GRATEFUL!

Gratitude! Gratitude! Gratitude!

I've been thinking since the beginning of the week about many people who have made life worth living. People who have gone out of their way to ensure that I am happy and fine. People who genuinely care about everything that concerns me. Sometimes I wonder why I get so much care and love and many times I do not think that I deserve it. However, it is something I am grateful for. I do not think that I appreciate people as much as I should and I know there are also some people like me.

Having a support structure in this life is very key and so it is necessary to appreciate those who make sure that we are supported. I am sure you have such people in your life and I really want to encourage you to think about these people and express gratitude to them. It could be your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, parents, siblings, colleagues, neighbours, friends, classmates etc.

No matter how bad a person is in life, it is impossible not to have at least one friend or at least one person that has shown you love and care. Many times we take for granted the sacrifices that our friends and family members make for us. We forget to take out time to appreciate the people who go all out to ensure that we are fine. This should not be the case. I would advice and encourage us to express gratitude to everyone who has been there for us. This action would require that we think deeply but I think it is worth the stress if it is in anyway stressful. 

Gratitude is important to God but it is also important to express gratitude to everyone who has been there for us in one way or the other. Please take out time to think and appreciate these people who have been there for you. God bless us as we say "thank you".

Thank you so much for stopping by and we look forward to seeing you next week. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

I JUST MISSED MY TARGET! 2

Aderinola Makinde is a beautiful lady with a beautiful heart and she is loved by everyone everywhere she goes. She is the only child of her parents and her parents have an amazing marriage. She admires their marriage so well and she has always hoped that she will get married to someone who would make their marriage be as great as that of her parents.

The Makindes love their daughter so much and she is their only biological child so they have poured out all of their love to her (as can be seen from the dialogue from last week). Although they are very loving, they are also very disciplined and they ensured that they did their best in bringing up their daughter correctly. They have never troubled her about bringing a man home but Aderinola seems to have set a target for herself and because she has not been able to meet up with this marital or relationship target, she is losing her mind and about to give up. 

She expressed missing a marital target to her dad and he was not happy to hear that. He reminded her of the fact that it is God who knows who and what is best for her and that it is not necessary to set a target for marriage or beat herself up when things do not go the way she wants. He further told her that himself and her mum always pray for every area of her life and although her marital life is part of that they are not in a hurry and would never put pressure on her. "At the end of the day, we are more concerned about who you get married to than when you get married" said her dad. Her parents love her, they are praying for her and are not putting any undue pressure on her.

This is just to encourage someone who is giving up or about to give up. Maybe like Aderinola you have set a marital target for yourself and the man or woman does not seem to be co-operating or coming forth. Please and please do not beat yourself up about this. The fact that it has not happened is for a reason but don't put yourself under undue pressure. The right man or woman will come for you so please stay calm and trust God. Man may fail but God never fails. Take your desires to Him and he will grant them in His own way, at His own time and in accordance with His will. If your parents are part of the pressure or the cause of the marital target, please get a mentor or if you already have one, seek advice from them. Don't get depressed over what might be a blessing to you.

 It is better to get it right late than to get it wrong early

Thanks a lot for stopping by and we hope you have learnt one or two things from this post. Please feel free to share if you've been blessed. See you next week by God's grace.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

I JUST MISSED MY TARGET!

Tope Makinde: Aderinola! Aderinola! Aderinola! How many times have I called you?

Aderinola: (Remains silent as she does not know what to say to her mum). 

Tope Makinde: What is your problem? What exactly is wrong with you? You did not go to work yesterday and I didn't say anything. You have refused to go today as well and you're not saying what the matter is.

Aderinola: Mummy there's nothing wrong. 

Tope Makinde: So you just don't feel like going to work, is that what you're trying to tell me? 

Aderinola: Mummy I just need time to rest!

Tope Makinde: Rest? Rest! Okay but it is only if I am not your mother that I would not know that this kind of rest is not normal. You have also refused to eat. Please! Don't kill yourself o!

Tope Makinde: How is Segun? Does he know that you are taking time off to 'rest'?

Aderinola: (muttering to herself). As if he is not the cause of this problem.

Tope Makinde: What did you say? 

Aderinola: Nothing mummy. He knows that I am taking time off work. Mum if you don't mind, can I just be left alone?

Tope Makinde: I will leave you alone but only on the condition that you will tell me what the problem is this night. I cannot allow you stay another day in this house without knowing what the problem is. 

(Tope Makinde leaves her daughter's room and goes straight to her husband)

Tope Makinde: Darling, the apple of your eyes is not acting okay. She has been absent from work for two days now and she's telling me she just wants to rest. 

Dare Makinde: Well if she says she needs to rest then maybe she just wants to rest from all the stress of work. She is allowed to do that, isn't she? At least you're always the one encouraging her not to kill herself because of work.

Tope Makinde: I know that rest is good and I am am advocate for rest but this rest does not seem normal to me. Please I know that she will most likely tell you what the problem is so just ask her when you're free.

Dare Makinde: Okay, I'll do that my dear. But if you're worried that something is wrong, let us say a word of prayer for her.

(Parents hold hands together and spend some minutes praying for their daughter).

(Later that evening, Dare Makinde decides to check up on his daughter and finds her crying)

Dare Makinde: My baby, the apple of my eyes...what is the matter? Why are you crying? (He moves close to her and gives her a warm hug)

Aderinola: (Crying on his shoulders, she did not know when she screamed) Daddy I had a target! I had a target! But now I have missed it!

Dare Makinde: Target? So why don't you explain to them at work and ask for more time? 

Aderinola: That's the problem. It is not a work related target.

Dare Makinde: So what kind of target is it?

Aderinola: It is the target I set for myself to...

To be continued.

Thanks a lot for stopping by and we look forward to seeing you next week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

WHO SHOULD TAKE CARE OF YOU? 2

This is the continuation of last week's write-up by Mrs. Debola Deji-Kurunmi. I hope you enjoyed it and I do hope you enjoy this as well.



If you don't care for you; if you don't love you; if you don't respect you - that's basically the most important person in your life refusing to commit to you. It counts! It matters! And the impact is far-reaching.

I know this because many times, when I sit in a counselling session with couples; I often see women who don't love themselves arm-twisting their husbands to do that for them. This is a sad reality, because it is only in self-exploration and self-affection (not in a selfish, compulsive way; but with healthy love, discovery, and growth) that you know enough about yourself to invite others in, and teach them how to love you. And this, is a Lifelong Quest.

If you take care of yourself, it will show in the following things:

1. Inner Speech - How you speak about yourself to yourself 

2. Growth - How you consciously commit to become a better version of yourself.

3. Relationships - The kind of people you give access into your life and space.

4. Decisions - The choices you make, and how they impact on your sanity, safety and satisfaction in life.

5. Happiness - How you enjoy life and deliberately seek out opportunities to experience daily joy, humor and fun! (Now, this one is based on your personal values. If your values are right, your idea of pleasure won't be damaging.)

6. Healing and Recovery - How you confront, process and heal trauma, stress and pain; so that you don't get permanently damaged by the hard knocks of life.

7. Work and Purpose - How you intentionally build your work around your highest meaning and life's purpose - beyond merely making money and growing a status.

8. Challenge - The willingess to take increasing demanding paths because you want to stretch yourself into the Next Level!

9. Investment - What you do with your money is a proof of what you consider most important in life.

10. Spirituality - How you grow your connection with God, so that your highest self (unhindered by pain, pretense or pressure) can emerge, and you can offer your highest good to humanity.

So LITMUS Test for this Week -

Look at these ten above, and write out your scores (on a scale of 1 (very low) to 10 (perfect)) to see how you are doing with Caring for YOU!

Please partake in the above test so that you will figure out how well you are doing with caring for yourself. 

Thanks for stopping by and we look forward to seeing you next week. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

WHO SHOULD TAKE CARE OF YOU?

• 

I came across this write-up by the amazing Mrs Debola Deji-Kurunmi and I was blessed by it so I thought to myself "why not share it with your readers? It will be very useful and insightful". I followed my heart and that is why I am sharing the below with you. The topic was slightly changed but the message is the same. Enjoy your read!



Years ago, when I was in the University; a young man asked me out and wanted to get into a relationship with me. I really liked him though I was just 17 and knew better than to start a relationship at that time. But this guy basically got himself an apartment in my heart! I couldn't stop thinking about him, and I think one of the things that stood him out was this - he said to me "I am not here to take advantage of you Debola. I want to take care of you. I want to help you reach your highest potential on this campus. I want to support you and love you!" Omo, see lireeks!!! (I made up that spelling, don't look at any Dictionary).

I was blown away, because it is in human nature to be drawn to those who commit to us, those who care for us, those who watch out for us, those who nurture us! This is an underlying definer for many women, in making marriage choices, plus it has gotten others into trouble, falling in love with a man just because he was showing a lot of compassion and concern.

Hopefully, as you read tonight; your mind happily strays to people in your life who genuinely care for you! Shout out to many women who get pass my roles and titles; and step into School Mummy shoes with me. "DDK, have you eaten? What are you doing awake at 2.40am? You look tired in that video, chill off girl!" Or like Sarah Adewusi yesterday "DDK, I am sending moimoi to you, please take note." Lol!!! Now, I consider a freezer full of moimoi, the height of earthly love. Hahahahaha...

But hey, let's get past all these amazing people who care for us, for a moment. Or even those who don't. Let's shift the focus on ourselves. Do you know you actually owe yourself love, admiration, respect, and commitment to growth? You do! You're going to live the longest with yourself. You are your private haven, the closest human voice in your heart. You are the longest-standing witness of your life - a journey dating from birth till now. 

We will continue with the remaining part of this write-up next week by God's grace and we will partake in the test that Mrs. Deji-Kurunmi has adviced we partake in. Until then, stay blessed and please TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

WHY ARE SOME CHRISTIAN GUYS BORING??

Michelle and David met in Church, they both believe in God and have a relationship with God. They are lovers of God and so this makes it easy, right? But there seems to be an issue - Michelle loves God but she also believes that you can have fun as a Christian. Let's take a quick break - how many of us believe that as Christian couples or Christians in a relationship, we can have fun or that it's okay to have fun? Okay, I see you all and I see those who do not believe that Christians should have fun. In my opinion, fun is good but it depends on the definition of fun. I love to have fun! I love to go out! I love to hang out and guess what? I am a strong Christian, I don't joke with my faith in anyway.

Back to Michelle and David. David on the other hand does not believe in going out, hanging out etc. He believes in spending time with Michelle but that seems to be all. Although David is a good man, Michelle is bored to death. "David is too boring! He makes it really difficult to enjoy the relationship..." she says. She has tried to explain to him that there are certain things that they need to do together apart from reading the bible, attending service together or watching Christian movies in his house. 

Michelle because of this serious boredom is considering breaking up with David. David as said earlier is a good guy but he needs to open up. You don't have to go clubbing to have fun, you don't have to do things that are against your faith to have fun and I think this is where many Christians get it wrong. There are different things that one can do to have fun without compromising one's faith.

Going out to see a movie is one - you might say this is expensive but here's a secret, some cinemas have days that movies can be watched at a discount, look out for those days and take her to see a movie. She doesn't need to know how much you spent and even if she knows, you're cutting your coat according to your size. Go out to a restaurant/eatery - it doesn't have to be expensive (if you sincerely cannot afford it) but just going out to eat is romantic to many ladies. Take her shopping but don't forget to clearly state how much she is allowed to spend because at the end of the day, you cannot give what you don't have. Go with her to a salon to a salon to make her hair etc.

Please being a Christian is not a licence to be boring! Relationships and marriages should be interesting. Let us all find out what interests our partner and try to do these things even if it's once in a while.

Feel free to drop your ideas or suggestions as well. Thank you so much for stopping by and have a blessed week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown