Desires - Marriage - Core Values 2

 

Marriage is very deep and everyone knows it.  The people who say it is not, do not mean what they say because if they look deeply, they will discover that it is not something to joke with. It is a joyful thing to get married (no doubts) but I think the joy only comes when you are with the right person. Being with the right person makes the marriage a pleasant and blissful one. There will be challenges, (but of course) however it will be easily sorted out.

 

 

Like you might imagine, the idea of getting married to Tunde made me think deeply about my life.  He was quite persistent but I was not ready to forego my values and principles because I wanted to get married. He is a good, caring and loving person and everyone who has met him says that about him but each time I imagined us being married, I thought about a lot of things. The truth is that no matter how good a person is, once there is a particular aspect that you know you cannot cope with, it is not adviceable to go on. Going on would mean taking a risk and you really do not want to take that risk. 

 

There were many things that he wanted me to engage in  even before marriage (things that I might not be able to state here) and I told him that such could not happen. These things to other people might be  a walk over but for me it wasn't. I was not ready to change or compromise the things that are important to me because I really wanted to get married. 

 

Apart from Tunde, some other people have shown interest in me but one thing or the other has made it impossible for me to see myself get married to them. I am not trying to discriminate and I never will but really, the people that have come my way so far are not people that fit. If it is not religion/faith clash it is the clash of principles. If it is not anger issues it is... it has been one thing or the other  but I am hopeful. Sometimes I wonder if I am doing something wrong or surrounding myself with the wrong people but I do not think so. Yes,  I totally agree that no body is perfect but somethings are possible. I believe it is possible to meet that man that is just perfect for you.

 I have gotten tempted several times to drop my values and just go for whatever comes my way but on a second thought, I have decided to hold on to them. If it was about things like- height, dressing, stature, I could easily change my mind but when it comes to things that define my person, I would not yield to letting them go. If these values were wrong or bad, maybe I will have a second thought but they are not so I will stick with them till someone who shares the same or similar values comes.

 

I really do not want to get married out of desperation and it is not even right to do so. I desire to be married and to be happy in my marriage and I am sure this will happen soon. It's been hard and not very encouraging  but I am not giving up. One thing I know is that 'he' will surely come and at the right time. 

If by any chance you have felt this way, know that you are not alone. It pays not to compromise especially the things that define you because you might end up with regrets. As long as your values, principles and beliefs are right and for a good cause, do not let them go. It will surely pay in the end!

Anonymous

Thanks for stopping by and we hope to see you next week by God's grace.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

Desires - Marriage - Core Values.

The idea of getting married was one that always got me happy. I looked at my friends make the decision to get married and I was really excited. I got invited to a lot of weddings both by close friends and not so close ones. I loved and enjoyed celebrating with my friends and loved ones, I mean what else could I possibly do. I cannot count the number of bridal trains that I have been on and the number of people that I have been chief bride's maid for. In fact I got to plan some of my friends wedding and I was happy. All of these was so much fun to me at the time but the same cannot be said right now.

 It was my birthday last week and guess what? I turned 32! It immediately dawned on me that I am not getting younger anymore. I have a slim and small body accompanied with a baby face and to be honest, maybe that has contributed a great deal to my not realising that time is ticking and I am not getting younger anymore. I began to look deeply and think about my life and I discovered that all my close friends and people I grew up with are married. I am happy for them but I cannot stop thinking about my life and why I have to be the odd one out. Sometimes I wonder if there is a problem with me but what can I do? It is what it is!

I really want to get married but it does not seem like a possibility right now. Nobody seems to be interested in me and I really wonder why. It's not like no one has shown interest in me, it is just that the ones that have shown interest in me do not seem serious to me. Now don't get me wrong! Some people think I am too picky but I do not think I am. Yes, I want to get married but then I would not just jump at anyone who shows an interest in me. I almost made that mistake once and I do not want to make it again, I will rather chill than jump at it even though I really want it.

There was a time I thought it was time and it had to happen at that time and with that person.  I met this guy at one of my friend's wedding and we got talking. I really liked him and of course he liked me very well. We got really close but all along I knew that we had different values and there was going to be a clash. Sometimes I had to bend my values to please him and sometimes he bent his to please me. Apart from the clash in values, we were cool but the fact that there is a clash in values, isn't that a big issue in itself? These clashes are not minor ones but very serious ones.

He had talked about marriage but I was not sure I wanted to get married to someone that I will always have a clash with. It was hard to accept but I knew that things could not work. My thought was "would we have to do this everytime if we get married?" My core values define me. I believe in making compromises but not when such compromise will greatly affect your person. My values were and are still very important to me.

I shall continue with my story next week but what do we think? Should you trade your values because you want to get married? Please leave your comments.

Anonymous

Thank you so much for stopping by, we hope to see you next week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

CAN I KEEP MY BOYFRIEND AND MY BEST FRIEND???

There is always a tendency to have a close friend whom we are comfortable with and who we can share things with. Many times, regardless of the kind of conversation(s) or event(s) that bring us close, friendships sometimes end up developing into something really great.  Looking back at our lives, we will realize that many of the best buddies we have today started through  growing up together or bonding; through school activities or meeting at functions or business gathering or events which ended up becoming a good foundation through which we made best friends or best buddies.

Although these best buddies do not necessarily have to be involved in each other’s day to day events nor speak all the time, important decisions or acts cannot or might not be taken without involving them. The closeness we are referring to is not necessarily restricted to people of the same sex. It also applies to people of the opposite sex and this leads us to our main focus in this write-up.

A friend of mine once had a best friend and these two were very very close. They shared almost everything they had and could practically talk to each other about every and anything. They had both decided that nothing was going to go on between them (i.e. relationship) but they made the decision to remain best friends. Despite being close friends, they were not romantically involved but they were extremely close.

She knew almost every member of his family and he also knew every member of her family. The lady however got into a relationship. Before this happened, she discussed everything with her best friend and so he knew about her decision to get into a relationship. In fact, he advised her on the things to do and the things not to do. She was not willing to lose someone that had been her best friend for years and so she held on to the guy as her best friend.

Her boyfriend definitely got to  meet his girlfriend's 'best friend' as expected and he duly observed the closeness. In the course of the relationship, he discovered the closeness and attachments involved between/among the friends and he began to get extremely jealous (I really do not blame him for this though). This jealousy got really bad and led to the shaking of the table thereby causing a rift in the relationship.

He spoke to her about this but for a reason best known to her, she did not see anything wrong in trying to keep her boyfriend as well as her close friend. According to her "they are two different people, playing different roles in my life and so I really do not understand why my boyfriend should be jealous. My best friend has been there for more than 5 years but my boyfriend just came into my life, why should I leave the former for the latter?"

They repeatedly discussed this issue because he felt her attention was divided but instead of getting a positive result, it led to series of terrible arguments which finally resultied to the boyfriend asking her to choose between himself and the close friend.

My question now is, IS IT IDEAL OR MORALLY RIGHT TO MAINTAIN A CLOSE FRIENDSHIP WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX DESPITE BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP??

PLEASE DROP YOUR COMMENTS.

Written by Tobiloba.

Thanks for stopping by. We hope to see you next week by God's grace.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

CAN I EVER LOVE OR BE LOVED??? 5

I thought that was the end until he again asked me to come closer to him which I vehemently refused. He forcefully pulled me close and began to touch my breast and other private parts of my body. I wanted to scream aloud but I remembered that my younger sisters were sleeping. As if he knew what was on my mind, he immediately took a scarf that was lying on the chair and used it to cover my mouth.

I was clueless as to what to do and I was so scared. "What if he did something worse?" I continually tried to force myself out of his ugly arms but he was obviously stronger than I was. I prayed silently that this will come to an end but it looked very  impossible. "Can someone just come home right now?" It was an impossibility for dad to come home at that time but I prayed within me that such miracle would happen. The fear of what he could do got me thinking. This was a horrible feeling.

As if the harrasment was not enough, he forcefully had sex with me. He made me lay down on the chair and began the process. This was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. I could not even imagine that I had become a victim of rape. I cried my eyes out while he felt really fulfilled. I might not be able to go into details of all that happened to me afterwards and how he tried to clean up the mess but I know that I did not remain the same from that day.

This incident affected me greatly and I could talk to nobody about it. I felt ashamed of myself even though I knew it was not my fault. The sight of him became extremely irritating. "Is this the same Uncle that I once trusted and cherished? How could he think of doing this to me?" Different thoughts ran through my mind.

I wanted to talk to my mum about the incident but I did not know how to. I  told her to stop allowing him pick us up from school or stay with us at home alone but she refused to listen to me because I could not give a reason for my suggestion. She later noticed that I was beginning to create distance between myself and uncle Chinedu and everytime she asked for what the matter was, I shyed away from it.

Although it never happened again and mum never got to know, the whole experience with Uncle Chinedu toiled with my mind and my psychology. I could no longer trust anyone. Seeing a man was a damaging sight because Uncle Chinedu seemed to be the definition of a man. This experience has made it impossible for me to have a conversation with guys/men or even talk about them. I believe I have lost my capacity to love or even be loved  because of this ugly experience. I have kept this to myself for so long and I feel better being able to share this. Sharing my story, however does not mean that I have overcome but hopefully (some day), I will see myself as that person that can love or be loved.

Thanks for staying with us on this! We hope to see you soon.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown