THERE IS STILL HOPE!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS LOVELY PEOPLE!!!!

Christmas apart from being a time where we celebrate the birth of Jesus, (the Messiah) it is also a time when people are reminded that the year is almost over. The latter causes people to think deeply about their lives and some even weep with deep thoughts on why some of the things and events they wished and prayed for have still not come to pass. For some people, Christmas is a time to reflect on their lives, the way they have lived, mistakes they have made and so on. These thoughts and reflections make some people give up on their hopes because they think: "since it did not happen before Christmas, it cannot happen again". 

I do not think that it is a coincidence that Christmas fell on our relationship day. No, it isn't. There is definitely a reason for this and I pray that the reason would be made manifest in your life. We write today just to encourage you not to give up on those dreams and desires of yours. Yes, it might not have come to pass but there are still 6 days left for God to turn your situation around. If nothing happens within the 6 days we have left till the end of this year,  do not give up still. We also write to encourage you to follow God and live in accordance with His ways because He cares for you, yes YOU! And there is HOPE in Him.

Once again, it's Christmas and we are reminded of Jesus, how He was born and what He came to do on earth. He came to set us free from bondage that we may forever live with God and have fellowship with Him. God cares so much for each and everyone of us and this is the reason He sent Jesus (whom we celebrate today) to die for us. When we have a relationship with God, he leads us in the right path and tells us what decision to make in different areas of our lives and at different times. Truly and truly, God can lead you to the right person to get married to and save you from someone that would make your life miserable. God knows all things and you need to be in touch/connected to Him to have this great experience. 

No matter what the situation is, Jesus can save you and help you make the right decisions. He is the saviour of the world! He is the one who can save you from all the hurts and guilt that you feel inside if you will allow Him. Have you been through so much hurt and so much pain? Do you feel dejected and lonely? Allow Him touch you and save you. 

He beats you and you find it hard to leave him because of the numerous threats to end your life if you do? Jesus can save you!

She emotionally abuses and blackmails you and you are scared to leave because you believe that you can never find a better woman? Jesus will save you and bring a better woman your way!

You're settling for less because you think he or she is your last option. Who told you that? Who told you that a better person won't come?

I use this opportunity to speak to your life that you will be set free from any form of bondage and relationship that is bad for you. God will turn your situation around and make you a shining star. You have the power to say no to any toxic relationship so make use of that power. This power lies in Jesus and you need to be ready to devote your life to Him to experience a breakthrough. God does not lie and He says that whoever calls on the name of Jesus, would be saved. Please call on Him and get saved from that situation. 

You deserve to be treated right, you deserve to be loved. You deserve to be saved and you will be saved because there is HOPE in Jesus.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

IF HE HASN'T TALKED ABOUT IT AFTER 2 YEARS...2

As we said last week, the man I discussed with said that it is important to avoid being with 'time-wasters'. The truth is that some men and women alike get into relationships just for the fun of it and it would be sad for you to be in such relationship especially if it means so much more to you than it means to the other person involved. You need to be wise and prayerful so that you do not end up with or you're not currently with a time-waster. While some delays are genuine (i.e. the guy or the lady is still trying to sort out some important aspects of their lives), some others are intentional and are done in a bid to waste the time of another. You deserve more than to be with someone who just wants to waste your time especially when it is evident that this person is maritally ready.

He also said that in 2 years, a serious man would say something about the end goal. Talking about it or saying something about it does not mean that the time is now. It just means that he is involving you in his plans and you're aware of such plans. If a man wants to get certain things from a person he partners with in business, he will definitely state it at the beginning or along the line. He will never make the mistake of not stating it at all because he knows that failure to mention his desires could be a sign of non-interest and could lead to some loss. This illustration is applicable to a relationship. If he means business, he will not hesitate to let you know. If he intends to get married to you, he would not be ashamed to say it at one point or the other.

Also allow me drop this here - if you're in an undefined relationship (i.e. he does not know or see you as his girlfriend or you do not know whether you are his girlfriend), this does not apply to you o. The first thing you will need to sort out is whether you are in a relationship or not. 

Now back to the main issue - If you've prayed and you're sure that this is the person you should be with and you are both ready, there is really no need to keep counting down. 4 years down and you're not married. So what's the point of the relationship? A count down relationship or one that should lead to marriage? You might really need to re-evaluate your relationship by ensuring that you are in it for the right reasons and that you're not being delayed or delaying someone unnecessarily. 

Also, I believe that dating with the hope that one day, he will tell you that he has decided to get married to you isn't right. As earlier said, a man knows what he wants before he goes for it and so should a woman. Although it might not be in a woman's place to ask a man if he intends to get married to her, but it is in her place to know why he wants to be in a relationship with her. Is it possible for this reason to change along the way? Yes! Some people start a relationship with the intention to get married but along the way somethings happen and they are unable to get married. This is understandable but at least they got into it for the right reasons.

All that we have said is not to say that you  should leave your boyfriend because in 2 years he hasn't said anything about marriage. Neither is it for you to force him to get married to you. It might just be a time to do some checks and balances. What exactly is going on in the relationship? Are you both mature? Are you both ready? If your answer to these questions are YES, then you will need to discover what is causing the delay.

Wisdom is profitable to direct and I pray that God will give all of us wisdom. Thanks a lot for staying with us on this. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown 

IF HE HASN'T TALKED ABOUT IT AFTER 2 YEARS...

Growing up, I wanted to know so much about many things but for one reason or the other, I realised that majority of my questions were centred around marriage and relationships. One beautiful day, I walked up to a man I respect so much and I asked: "how long do you think a person should be in a relationship for before they decide to get married?" He answered and said: "1 (one) to 2 (two) years is fine". This stayed with me for a while and then I had another discussion with someone else. 

Before I move on to the other discussion I had, let me just say that when he gave that response, he was not saying that the number of years to spend in a relationship is limited to 1 to 2 years, it could certainly be more. Also in his response, he was not referring to 14, 16 or 18 year olds. I just had to state this so that one 14 year old who is currently in a relationship would not think that by age 16, it is okay for her boyfriend and herself to get married. By his response to my question, he was referring to mature people. Yes we can say that maturity is not equal to age but please not a 16 or 18 year old. Thank you. (Smiles). 

Now to the second discussion - I know of many people who courted for 6 to 7 years and got married but I also know of some other people who courted for that long but decided to go their separate ways. I really could not fathom this especially because I felt some people could consider this a waste of time. So I asked another question: "if two mature people (both age wise and character wise) have been dating for 3 to 5 years and the man does not seem to say anything. What should the lady do? Is it right for her to pop the question by herself or should she just be expectant that he would one day say something?"

Without thinking for long, he said "Ife, from the day a mature man starts dating/courting, he knows what he wants from a lady and that is the reason he came to you in the first place. If he wants to get married to you, his conversations would be centred around that 'sometimes' but if he really doesn't care about that part of the relationship, he would avoid saying anything about it. If two mature people are in a relationship for more than two years and no serious discussion about marriage has come up, then you might need to think deeply about what you are really doing and maybe move on".

I was still curious and I wanted to know more but the last statement he made got me thinking. Does that mean that once it is 2 (two) years and he hasn't popped the question, a break-up should happen? No! There is so much more he said that I might not be able to say here because I don't want to bore you but in essence he was trying to drive home a point. Many people get into relationships these days just to be able to say that they have a boyfriend or girlfriend or to say that they are in a relationship with someone. Some others get into relationships in a bid to avoid the pressure from friends and family members asking for when they would get married. The major reason for getting into a relationship should be marriage and that is why you need to pray about this before you take any step of such. Although the essence of a relationship (i.e. marriage) has been watered down, it still does not change the fact that that is the real essence.

He also said that it is important to avoid being with someone who is a "time-waster'. We shall continue with this next week. Thanks for stopping by, we truly do appreciate your support.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown 

HOW LONG DO I WAIT BEFORE I MOVE ON?

I have had numerous discussions with people in relation to the above topic and I think it's high time I wrote about it. The first thing I would like to say is that people get into relationships for different reasons and they also break up for different reasons. As a result of this, there is no specific time that would suit everyone and no comparison can or should be made because every situation is different.

Moving on after a break up is dependent on the person involved and the circumstances that led to the break-up. For some people, after a break-up with their boyfriend or girlfriend, they decide that they would not get into another relationship with someone else until they are completely healed or until they have completely gotten over the terrible feeling of being jilted or whatever the case may be. Some other people go into a relationship immediately after a break-up not necessarily because they planned to but because while they were trying to get over the heart break, someone else was there to console and encourage them and it just made sense to be with that person.

We are all different and we react to hurt or disappointment differently. This is one of the reasons you should not compare your situation to that of another person. Although, there is no hard and fast rule about this, one very important thing is that you need to ensure that you have gotten to a point where your heart has totally forgiven the person that broke-up with you or that you broke up with . The reason for this is that it is not good to carry along gabbages from a previous relationship into a new one as this would affect how you treat or view the new person in your life. You really should not go into a relationship comparing the former guy or lady to the new guy or lady because they are totally different people. Making comparisons in your heart or through your words and actions is the worse thing you can do to a person you are in a relationship with. Nobody likes this, nobody wants this and you would not like it if you are on the receiving end of such behaviour.

I also need to point out that it is not every break-up that leads to one person or the other being extremely hurt. There are some break-ups that happen based on a mutual understanding and agreement between the two people involved and as such, it might be easier for such people to move on. While it might take some people a year or more to make the decision to be with someone else, it might take a shorter time for other people. The fact that Tola got into another relationship one week after she encountered a break-up does not mean that Bimbo can and should afford to do the same.

Take home point: Make sure you are completely healed of the former before you get into the new one. Ensure that you have learnt from the mistakes you made in the past or the things you did not do right (if any) before you move into another relationship. The fact that your friend got into a new relationship a month after she had a break-up in her previous relationship does not mean that that same time frame applies to you. There is no specific amount of time to wait for before moving on, you move on when you know you are ready to and you're the only one that can determine that.

Thanks for stopping by.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown