COMPATIBILITY IS KEY!

Some time ago, a write-up was shared on a group that I am part of and I found it interesting and educative. Although majority of the write-up is from an author unknown to me, I have added a few things to it. The writeup is titled: "6 MATES YOU MUST MARRY".

One of the ways your marriage will not add to the rate of divorce in our world today is if you get married to your mate. However, if you are married already, in order to avoid being a contributor to the divorce rate in the world, you must make your spouse your mate!

You see this statement 'Am I your mate?' does not apply in marriage. You must marry your mate. The different dimensions that you and the person you want to marry or you are married to must be mates on are as follows:

MARRY YOUR SPEAKING MATE: Get married to someone  you can speak to, someone you can understand and that can understand you. Communication is very crucial in marriage and it is the bedrock of any marriage. It is not adviceable to get married to someone that is not on the same page with you such that when you are referring to 'A' he or she will be referring to 'Z'. It is also not adviceable to get married to someone that makes you afraid and scared to express yourself. Once there is a dichotomy in your speaking and understanding level, you may not enjoy that marriage. So many men go to the bar to hang out with friends and gist till 11pm because they know their wives cannot engage in any meaningful or intellectual discussion. So many women also prefer to hang out with their friends, because they know their husbands' mentality when it comes to vital issues and discussions is very low. Get married to your speaking Mate!

MARRY YOUR SCHOOL MATE - By this I mean, get married to someone you can learn with and someone with whom you can improve on things.  Get married to someone that belongs to the same or similar school of thought as you. It is not adviceable to get married to a 'Mr know all' or 'Mrs know all'. Do not get married to  someone who is rigid and not open to new ideas, new ways of doing things, or new innovations. Marriage is a great institution. From day one till death do you part, you will keep learning. Marry your 'school' mate - someone who is ready to learn with you, someone who is willing to allow you grow while s/he also works on developing him/herself.

MARRY YOUR SPIRITUAL MATE: Marriage is not just a social union. It is also a spiritual union. Please get married to someone who knows the same God that you know. Do not get married to someone whose believe of God is different from yours. Two can't work together except they be agreed ( Amos 3:3, Joshua 23: 11-15, 2 Corinthians 6:14-18). The spiritual controls the physical, even in marriage. Check for spiritual compatibility in that person you want to get married to. Being with someone  with the same spiritual background as you, makes things easier than you can ever imagine. You really do not want to be with someone that you cannot discuss or study your religious book with or someone that you cannot pray with. This does not mean that there would not be issues, but you can win your battles together and easily by engaging in the same spiritual activity. 

To be continued next week...

Thank you so much for stopping by. We hope to see you next week. God bless you and enjoy the remaining days of the week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

I DON'T KNOW WHY I CHEAT!

Cheating has become a big issue in marriage. Faithfulness goes beyond not sleeping with someone that is not your spouse, it includes your level of intimacy with the opposite sex. So if you see it as more fun to chat with a particular opposite sex always, always saying everything about your home to a particular opposite sex, always telling them your wins and struggles first (before considering your spouse), always picking hidden calls, you touch private places with someone that is not your spouse, you share emotions with someone else… If you're engaging in one or more of the above, then you could be regarded as someone who is cheating. In other words, you do not necessarily need to have sex with the person you have those conversations with before being tagged as a cheat.

"Cheating is not always about sex". 

"Affairs are way beyond sex, and a lot more about desire: desire for attention, desire to feel special, desire to feel important," Perel says. It is 'that' desire that keeps you wanting what you cannot or should not have. This could mean sex, which is true for most men, or companionship, which is most often the case for women, according to Fisher.

Some activities to look out for are:

1. Talking to other people and giving attention to them as much as you give your partner...
2. Sexual intimacy
3. Emotional intimacy
4. Flirting
5. When one starts to develop feeling for someone else other than their spouse.
6. Even without actual physical contact. Cheating is cheating. It's just like saying you met someone on the internet and doing online dating but because nothing intimate has happened, you say you didn't cheat. Oga/Madam, you have cheated!
7. Giving your children more attention (physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially) than your spouse is cheating.

The big question is: Why do people cheat???

The reason people cheat is very simple. In my opinion, people cheat because they want more than they are getting or more than they have. People cheat because no matter how challenging or tough their relationship with their spouse is, they have not learnt to turn the other cheek and be content. People cheat because it looks easier to be with someone else. They cheat because the other man or woman is capable of doing things to them that their spouse can't do or isn't doing. Some people cheat because they are idle. Overall, people cheat because they are highly indisciplined!

How can we avoid this popular but unacceptable act called "Cheating"?

Nothing validates cheating! No matter the situation, there is no tenable excuse for cheating! Having said that, it is important for husbands and wives to be responsible and to ensure that they perform their respective roles and duties in the home. As partners, you should communicate more and spend quality time with one another. This would help in preventing cracks in your marriage. It is important to know that before you do anything, you need to think about it (is my conscience saying it is right? will my spouse be happy about it? if my spouse does the exact same thing to me, will I be happy?).

Ayomide Agbeja

Thank you so much for stopping by and I hope you've learnt one or two things from this beautiful write-up by our guest writer. We hope you had a lovely valentine period. See you next week by God's grace.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

VALENTINE IS COMING...DO YOU NEED A BOYFRIEND?

The first time I heard the song - "valentine is coming, you don't need a boyfriend/girlfriend - all you need is Jesus", I had a good laugh because I just felt the person was really creative with the song and in the real sense of it, with Jesus it feels like you have many boyfriends.

It's that time of the year again! It seems like this is the most popular time of the year (I might be wrong though). Everyone is talking about it and in different ways - there are some people who cannot wait to spoil their spouse with all the love in the world during this period. Some others are hopeful that someone (maybe a secret admirer) would send a gift or show some love to them! Some others are angry at the hype that comes with this season - I mean shouldn't we love our spouses everyday and in all seasons? There are certain people who have decided that this is a season to sell themselves short - give their body to those who do not deserve it, just to show that they are going with the flow of the season.

What category do you fall into?

To be honest, we shouldn't be angry at or  with this season because it is here to stay. It has been this way for as long as I can remember. I remember that in high school, there was always a competition and we were always looking out for those who got gifts from their 'Scope' (boyfriend/girlfriend). Some of us never got anything with all our hopes but we thank God all the same. So this is to say that Valentine day/season is here to stay and it ain't going nowhere.

Go with the flow (i.e. enjoy the season) but don't put yourself under any kind of pressure. It is not compulsory to have a boyfriend or girlfriend just because of Valentine cos after this celebration ends, what happens? Please do not lose yourself in the process of showing or receiving 'love' during this season. Remember that your body is the temple of the most High so don't allow anyone tell you otherwise.

I am a strong believer in showing love everytime and anytime we have the opportunity to. Valentine presents one of many opportunities to show love so please show love to your partner and if you don't have one, don't feel sad or pressured. Take yourself out, do something fun with friends. Have the best of time! Give yourself a gift, if that's what you feel like doing and don't feel bad about it.  I saw a video of someone who bought himself a gift, rang the bell and dropped the gift. He then went inside, opened the door and received the gift with 'awwwwwwwwww' moments. You don't have to be extreme but make yourself happy without doing things that you will regret.

Let me use this opportunity to wish you Happy Valentine's day in advance. We love you and please stay safe!

Thanks a lot for stopping by, we hope to see you soon.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

THERE'S NO PERFECT MAN OUT THERE...2

 

"...Dad I'm not young anymore and I understand your concerns. I know that sometimes you want to be able to brag about having a child that is married and that you have grandchildren. Your concerns are valid but at the same time, I cannot just settle for any Tom, Dick and Harry because of how you feel. I've felt bad, I have cried, wept, been downcast but that hasn't changed anything. However, I have decided not to give up. I have waited this long so I'll rather get it right than rush into something because you want me to or because my friends are all married."

Guys so let's talk!

While it is true that there is no perfect man or woman out there, no one should get into a relationship just because they want to or because there is a lot of pressure from family and friends. We must ensure that we prayerfully make the choice of our life partners because when the chips are down, parents or loved ones who pushed us into getting into a relationship as quickly as possible, will not be there to save us. 

There is a kind of confidence you have when you get into a relationship or marriage with someone you are sure is compatible with you and someone you were led by God to be with. This doesn't mean that you won't quarrel or have misunderstandings. You will! But this cannot be compared to the quarrels and misunderstandings that will occur between you and the person that you're incompatible with or you know isn't right for you.

Please my friends, my brothers and sisters. Do not settle for less because of the saying that there is no perfect man or woman out there or because you are scared that it is impossible to meet the man or woman that you have prayed about or you really desire to meet or get married to. Please go into a relationship, get married with the confidence that you're with who is right for you. You need to be sure that the man/woman is perfect for you and the other party also has to be sure that you are the right one.

Thank you so much for stopping by and we hope to see you next week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.