WHY I HAD TO FINALLY LET MEN GO.

Tega and Oluchi met at a Tutorial centre for ICAN in Port Harcourt. He liked Oluchi because of her friendly nature and the fact that she was a smart lady also attracted her to him. Tega was a good guy and Oluchi was a lovely lady. The two began their friendship and it was fun because they both had a lot in common. They spent a lot of time studying together and from this activity, discovered more about themselves. Oluchi was a nice, friendly and playful lady. She had a lot of male friends and Tega had just been added to the list. 

Although Oluchi was a sweet and nice lady, her actions had been misinterpreted times without number. In fact her mum had once warned her about her 'too friendly nature' "Nne, be careful how you show this your friendly nature to men abeg! You know how they think so biko don't pass across the wrong message... Remember what Mama Obinna said? Please I don't want trouble" "Mama, you know as well as I do that I am always careful especially when it comes to guys or men. You also know that Mama Obinna just wanted to tarnish my image...But I have heard you Mama, I will be more careful" 

Oluchi had no idea on how to reduce the way she cared and showed love because it was just in her nature to do so. She understood perfectly what her mum meant but she was not sure of how to go about it. Obinna's mum had told her mum that Oluchi was always trying to force herself on her son and that she did not like it. Oluchi was surprised to hear it as she thought that her friendship with Obinna was very clear. This statement by Mama Obinna and the reminder her mum gave really affected her. She then decided to stop talking to guys and the idea of having close male friends was thrown into the gutters because she was scared of them saying that she was leading them on or that she wanted something extra from them.

The attempt at taking this step was extremely hard for Oluchi and she kept feeling bad because a part of her was about to be taken away all in the name of not giving a wrong impression. The truth is that Oluchi preferred guys to ladies because she just felt that ladies had too much trouble. Where was she going to start from? And was she sure that she wouldn't keep getting these misinterpretations from men? It was indeed a hard step to take. It was during this attempt to stay away from men that she met Tega. "Tega seems different and I just hope that he would not misinterpret my actions like others have done" She said to herself.

To be continued...

Thanks a lot for stopping by and we hope to see you next week by God's grace. Please keep staying safe and I know that this phase would come to an end very soon in Jesus name, Amen.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

HE LED ME ON 2

Our friendship continued even after he graduated from the University. He made a first class and was the best graduating student of his set. After he graduated, he got into the Nigerian Law School, after which he had to undergo the mandatory National Youth Service. Being employed in one of the best law firms in Nigeria was not surprising as he is very intelligent.  He worked for some months before he travelled to London for his Masters degree.

I knew his trip to London for Masters would lead to a separation and distance between us for at least 9 months but I was hopeful. In the beginning of the distance, I did not really feel his absence because he called every night on whatsapp video call. Even when he changed his number to a UK one, he called to ensure that I had his new number and to avoid communication gap. 

I figured out later that his dad is very wealthy and influential and this discovery made me realise why he could afford to have a car as a student in the University (which was not common) and also travel to London for his Masters degree. I was consoled in the fact that if things worked out between us, he would be the guy who would help me come out from the chains of poverty that I had wallowed in all these years. I was hopeful!

We kept communicating and on one of such days, I asked about his marriage plans. He informed me that he had the intention to get married immediately after his masters programme. By my calculation, I would be close  to the end of my youth service at the same time and I would also be ready to get married. I was happy as this calculation was in line with his. My dreams of finally settling down with a successful man who would support my career as well was gradually coming to reality.

We continued our communication every night until few months to the end of his Masters program. During this period, he stopped calling frequently and the chats reduced drastically. I called several times but his phone rang unanswered. I also sent series of messages which he left unreplied. Whenever he decided to pick my call or reply my messages, he would apologise but the next minute, we were back to him not picking and not replying.

My instincts told me something was wrong but I couldn’t place it until I was told he had returned to Nigeria. I tried making up or at least finding out what the problem was but to no avail. I kept getting rejections and being ignored until that fateful day when my friend called me to break the news to me - He was getting married to someone else.

I became the laughing stock of the town. "How did you think that he would get married to you?" Some asked me. Truly, we were not in the same social class and even though I had struggled to get a better life for myself than I had before, I still wasn’t good enough for him. I cried, but as I cried I couldn’t help but ask some silly rhetorical questions: If he knew from the beginning that I wasn’t good enough for him, why did he come in the first place? Why was he so nice to me? Why did he come so close? Why did he take special interest in my affairs? Why did he become my friend? Why did he keep admiring my shape and making me feel special? Why did he do all that he did? Why? Why? Why? 

Unfortunately, it seems that even as I write this story, I would never get any answer to these questions. I had been broken and my innocent heart was shattered. I slumped into depression, developed low self-esteem and inferiority complex and I swore never to love again. My name is Cindy and this was my first attempt at love, marriage and relationship.

Chidinma Grace Nwokocha 

Thanks for stopping by and we hope to see you soon by God's grace. Please stay safe and may God keep us all, amen.

OneLove, 

SomzyBrown.

HE LED ME ON

I woke up that fateful Saturday morning to a phone call from my best friend. "Babe!" She screamed over the phone. "Your crush is getting married soon. I mean Ken." This must be one of Sharon’s silly pranks as usual. I thought. She was very good at playing pranks, but this was not a good day for this so I rebuked her immediately. "Come online let me show you something." Out of curiousity, I turned on my data and my eyes were greeted with Ken’s wedding invitation on all my friends status. Ken was actually getting married to another lady, but that was not the worst part. He was getting married on my birthday. I quickly switched off my phone, locked my apartment and hurried out, heading straight to the bridge under which flowed a large body of water.

I met Ken 7 years ago, at a time when I was facing serious financial challenges. I had just been admitted to study law in the prestigious faculty of law, University of Nigeria. Ken was in his penultimate year and the LAWSA president at that time. I lost my dad the year I was born and my mum died in my final year in secondary school. Having worked hard to pass my WAEC and JAMB exams to gain admission to study law, I was worried about how to finance my education. I sat down alone at the corridor of the first year class. He was coming to invite the first year students to the induction ceremony organized by LAWSA every year for freshers and on seeing me in that mood, stopped by to talk to me.

"Fine girl...", he began, "what are you doing sitting here all alone?" I replied that I was fine but he insisted on talking to me. I finally opened up to him about my financial challenges. He asked for my number and I obliged him after promising to attend the induction ceremony. He promised to pick me up at 5pm after lectures and left. I couldn’t take my mind off his ever smiling face. I was sure a lot of people had seen me sitting in that position but nobody ever stopped to ask me what was wrong. This was one person who genuinely took keen interest in my well-being and although I had promised myself that I would simply focus on my studies and make the best grades I can make and not engage in any form of relationship, I couldn't help but wonder if I wasn’t already falling for this stranger.

True to his words, at 5pm prompt, my phone rang and he informed me that he was outside the female hostel. I hurried downstairs to see him looking as fashionable as ever. He came in his car and we left together for the ceremony. As part of his commitment towards my education, he paid my fees for that year and for all the subsequent years so that all I have to worry about was money for feeding and textbooks. Despite that, he still gave me money from time to time and took me out whenever he was available.

He made it a point of duty to stop by my class to ensure that I was fine before going to his class every morning. And just when I thought that he was just a nice person and there was nothing really attached to it, he began to take particular interest in my dressing. On saturdays, he would take me shopping and would insist on me picking clothes that were fitted and brought out my exact shape. He complimented me all of these times and would tell me how I looked beautiful in those clothes and how I should endeavour to wear clothes that brought out my shape. How I should also consider contesting for Miss LAWSA, the faculty’s beauty pageant.

To be continued...

Chidinma Grace Nwokocha

Thanks so much for stopping by and see you next week by God's grace. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

THE STALKING STALKER MAN! 3

Kindly read the previous write-ups so that you are able to follow

....

That was nine years ago. Yesterday evening, I delivered a cake to one of my distant cousins whose mother-in-law was to clock 60 in about a week. When I entered her house with the cake, Joshua was sitting on the sofa in a white t-shirt and jean. I almost didn’t recognize him because of his afro and the beards that lined his jaw. "Joshua!" I screamed in excitement. We hugged. We had lost touch since my parents moved from Lagos to Osogbo and I travelled out for my Master’s degree. My cousin just stood there, watching us.

 "Sis Lizzy, I have missed you. Look at how fresh you are. So you reside here in Abuja?" Joshua asked. "Yeah. My husband was transferred here few months ago. Joshua, You just forgot about me ehn. "Joshua chuckled. ‘I’ve been trying to reach you. I’m so sorry.’

"Are you based here too?" He shook his head. "No, my fiancée lives here." It was then I noticed an elegant lady sitting beside him. I froze.

"Lola!"

The lady smiled and rushed to my side. Memories of the incident at the secretariat returned and I couldn’t hold back the laughter. I stared long at her and looked at Joshua. "I can’t believe this!" "We are getting married in two months." Joshua said.

My mouth opened. Lola held Joshua’s hand. "Yes ma’am. And you are invited to our wedding." She reached into her bag and brought out a wedding card.

"How did this happen?" Joshua narrated how he had met Lola at the NYSC orientation camp. He was standing on the queue for registration when she called his name. He’d been shocked to see her. "The experience at the secretariat was still fresh in my mind. I just said hi and looked straight ahead." Lola rolled her eyes playfully at him. "I felt hurt when he reacted that way. He avoided me throughout the orientation camp. I was really upset." Joshua turned to Lola. "Remember the day we met at the mammy market, I was eating when you brought your food and sat beside me."You wouldn’t even look at me and you answered me in monotones. I cried that night."

I smiled, sitting down curious. "Were you already having feelings for him?" Lola nodded. "I started having those feelings towards the end of 300 level, but I knew there was no way Joshua would ever talk to me. When I saw him at the orientation camp, I felt God wanted to give us a fresh start. But Joshua didn’t give me the chance." I chuckled. "You can’t blame him." Joshua leaned forward. "When we ended up in the NCCF family house, I knew there was no way I could avoid her anymore. I saw her every day. During the morning devotion, at the bible study, in the kitchen, on my way to my p.p.a. We just kept bumping into each other."

"He was the reason I left the family house for my own apartment. My pillow can testify to those wet nights. When he kept ignoring me, I pleaded with God to take the feelings away but he was so stuck in my heart and I was frustrated. I tried getting into another relationship just to distract myself but I was out in a couple of weeks. It was worse because I kept seeing him at the family house when we had our meetings."

Joshua squeezed her hand and smiled. "I can’t even remember how we became friends." Lola laughed. "I can’t forget. Rural rugged. We sat beside each other on our way to Gangara. We talked about the incident."

"Yes I remember!" Joshua exclaimed.

My cousin clapped her hand. "This is interesting. Lola, you didn’t gist me your love story like this o."

Lola giggled. "The day I introduced Joshua to my parents, I was so scared. But they didn’t even recognize him. With his muscles and beards, he’d changed. Mum loved him the moment she set her eyes on him. It was long into the preparation for the wedding that I reminded then of that incident. My parents were shocked at first and then they laughed about it."

Joshua looked into Lola’s eyes. "She is the best thing that ever happened to me." Lola covered her face with her hands.  "I’m blushing."

I stared at these beautiful souls, mesmerized. I stood up to leave. It was almost time to pick up my kids. As I drove out, I thought of how beautiful life would turn out if we run with God’s plan only as he gives us instructions per time.

**

The writer also wrote some other things encouraging everyone to be patient and to seek God's phase concerning every decision.

Thank you so much for following us through on this series, some of the lessons we can learn are: You do not need to show everyone that you are a loverboy/lovergirl; the fact that God has told you something about who your spouse is, does not mean you should start stalking the person. You need to ask for wisdom and direction.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

THE STALKING STALKER MAN! 2

Please read last week's post so as to follow this series

...

At the beginning of my final semester, I had an appointment with the vice president of my fellowship, a petite lady we refer to as Mama, concerning the forth coming cultural Sunday. She wanted me to bake the cake for the event and had planned for us to meet to discuss on the cost involved.

As I approached the fellowship secretariat, I saw a white Ford parked in the compound. Some of the fellowship members were hanging around and I was wondering what was going on. When I tried to open the door, it was locked. I heard loud voices inside. I knocked. The treasurer opened the door and allowed me in.

Right there in the center of the room, Joshua was on his knees. A woman who bore a striking resemblance to Lola stood close to a pot-bellied man. Lola stood at a corner, staring at the floor. There was a police officer in front of Joshua. "Stand up. We are going to the police station." The policeman said, his hands firmly by his side. Mama went on her knee, pleading with the police officer. I joined her. Soon, the fellowship excos were pleading with Lola’s parents. Joshua remained on his knees, tears running down his face. "Why will a responsible young man be following my daughter up and down like a dog." Lola’s father barked. Lola’s mother clapped her hand. "Lola is our only child. We will not take this nonsense!"

The fellowship president stood in front of Lola’s father. "Please sir, Have mercy on him. They are both members of this fellowship and we are assuring you that this will not happen again." Lola moved close to her father and wrapped her hand around his waist. He glanced down at her and you could easily tell that he adored her. "Dad, please let him go." He turned his gaze to Joshua. "If I hear that you come close to my daughter again, you will regret that you were ever born."

Outside a small crowd had gathered. Most of them were the fellowship members. They talked in whispers, watching Lola’s parents leave the secretariat. Joshua was in my room that evening. He looked so beaten as he lay quietly on my bed. He didn’t eat the food I made even though it was his favourite. Later that night, he returned to his room.

When we got to the gate of his hostel, I tried to cheer him up. "You’ll be fine." I whispered.

For some weeks, Joshua’s story trended in the fellowship but soon everybody forgot about the incident. After my defence, I got ready to say farewell to my undergraduate life. Joshua was in my room the eve of my departure, as I packed my belongings into my big box. "Yesterday, during my devotion, that incident with Lola flashed back and I had to ask myself, how did I get that far? What I did was horrible." Joshua said as he rolled my mattress and tied it with a rope. "I’m glad you learnt your lesson. That fear of losing what we so desperately desire can cause us great embarrassment. The best is to trust God to bring our desires to fulfilment."

"I sent her an apology letter. She responded. She said she was sorry for embarrassing me. I wanted to reply and let her know that it was all my fault. But I felt going back and forth with letters will just resurrect the old feelings." I smiled. "God will lead you to the right person." "Big sis, marriage is the last thing on my mind now. My focus is to grow in my relationship with God and develop myself. Did I tell you I registered for a programming course?" "Really? That’s very cool." He smiled. "Yeah. I want to build my tech career and just get a life. I’m not sure I want to think of a relationship for a long time. Maybe I won’t even marry."

To be continued...

Thank you so much for stopping by, we will continue next week by God's grace.  Till then, stay blessed and have a wonderful week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.