DO YOU HAVE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT MARRIAGE?? 2

Hello beautiful and amazing readers, supporters, encouragers. Thank you so much for stopping by today again. Two weeks ago, I shared a write-up written by a relationship and marriage counsellor. We were to continue with it last week but it was International men's day and so we used that opportunity to celebrate the men. We are back to where we stopped two weeks ago and I really hope that you are blessed by the continuation post below:

******************************************

Babe&Bros, 

Let's talk frank talk!!

...

10. O baby, I know your drive and success, but trust me, from Bible to Africa, if a man cannot lead you, you aren't supposed to marry, AT ALL! Perhaps, some humility and submission lessons in Sunday school would do you a world of good. 

11. Look at you, "Daddy's boy", & "Mummy's girl", if we follow the Bible, those two are meant for your past in order of priority when marriage comes. 'For this cause a man shall LEAVE'. The cleaving will be required between spouses alone.

12. Babe, I think you should be afraid of a man who doesn't listen to any message on relationships, nor reads books in that line and 'knows it all'. His elder brothers are those who have damaged marriages all over the place; men who should lead rightly but who are too empty and don't know it and are too proud to learn.

13. Don't let anyone deceive you, marriages may fail everyday but it is not the same for all of us! Whilst no one is perfect by all means, a lot of homes are built on God's perfect principles and you can aim for the same.

14. Get in the garage and find a gauge. Gauge your temperance and tolerance, if you aren't working on it and seeing improvement, you could make marriage hard on yourself and the one you love.

15. What has been the common issue between you and all your friends? What have people complained about you the most? Stop defending yourself and ask real questions? Are they all so wrong or I need to check me?

16. All your pretense will end with marriage if you don't end it now. God will plant someone so close to your reality you won't have time to wear the mask.

17. My sister, my brother, except you don't want to ever get married, improving your character is not an option, it is a core course.

18. Guy, thank her for her understanding and for not being materialistic, but don't plan on staying financially humble, that's unfair to all the prophecies God has given her for the future. Work and give her even what she won't ask for!

19. If you are still single, congratulations!!!

You can still get it right. Be true to yourself, be honest with your future and be kind enough to your destiny!

Mr. Ocholi Okutepa

Thank you once again for stopping by, God bless you.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

DO MEN HAVE EMOTIONS???

We live in a world where women are not only believed to be the ones who can express emotions but also the ones who have emotions. But is this true? No! Men have emotions! Men can be emotional too! Yes they are built and told by society not to cry and to 'man up' but like women, they can feel, touch, cry, laugh, be sad, be happy etc.

Today's writeup is supposed to be the concluding part of last week's write-up but I came across another write-up which is about the men and being that today is International men's day, I  thought it appropriate to share with you all. Before you read the post, i'ld like to plead that we appreciate the men in our lives. I know that some of them might have hurt us but there are still good ones who need to know that they are good and that they matter in this world. The next paragraph introduces you to the write-up and I really do hope you learn from it. 

...Men Have Pains Too....

 A woman said to me, 'It took me years to really know that men cry too.  I took my husband for a super human.  I see him leave the house everyday and come back providing for us.  One day as I had left the house and he was at home,  I remembered that I needed to take something along,  I turned back and headed home.  As I got home,  I tried going through the back  door which was closer to the window of our room. 

Lo and behold,  I heard my husband crying like a baby asking God to help me get a job so I can help him fend for the family.  He has never complained to me before but that day,  I broke down in tears realizing that my husband has held much of his pains alone"  

A young married lady went to her mother and complained that her husband has not always bought things she wanted from him. The mother asked her, 'How many of those things have you bought for yourself?". She stayed quiet and said, 'But he is my husband?". The mother replied her, 'Have you ever found out the things your husband wants you to buy for him?". 

Men always try to hide their pains. 

A woman was invited to preach at women conference and as she was preaching,  she asked all the working class women to stand out.  They humbly did.  And she asked them, 'When you get your salary, how much do you give to your  husband as a seed?". Before your money gets to anywhere else, the priest in your life which is your husband should get something from you.  Even if he is a rich man,  sow a seed in his life.  Sometimes,  we women don't know that our husbands need something from us". 

Men can be financially broke and pretend to have everything.

Most men are married but they live lonely lives.  Sometimes, ask your husband out.  Men are not always as busy as women think. You have to understand that your husband has pains and needs too.  Don't judge him by his incapability to provide the things you want from him.  Sometimes,  he might not have the things you want. 

Men also have emotional needs and problems. Men still cry for love.

🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕

From the post by Okwuosa Maryann on Instagram.

Thank you so much for stopping by to read our post this week. We look forward to seeing you next week. Please once again, appreciate the men around you and let us be reminded that they have emotions and they also deserve to be treated right.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

DO YOU HAVE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS ABOUT MARRIAGE?

This is more like a letter even though not in a letter format to every interested party. I came across it and just thought it would be beneficial if I share it with you my beloved readers and supporters. 

Enjoy the read below.

 Babe&Bros, 

Let's talk frank talk!

1. The level of failed or bad marriages should not scare you, it should make you think! Why do some still have it good? What are they doing differently?

2. Conquer negative thoughts about marriage before you say 'I do'. Your predominant thought will define your marital experience.

3. Are you praying for your future spouse? That is the best way to condition them before marriage. Ask God for specifics.

4. Your biggest challenge is that you think you understand marriage. The worse part is that you think you know them. You don't even know yourself!

So pray for everything: you, them, tomorrow, everything.

5. My dear friend, please be honest with yourself: how do you react under pressure? Multiply it by 2 or 3 and predict how much prayer you need about your reactions in marriage.

6. Have you thought about living with someone everyday of your life and keeping it fresh, sweet and exciting? Have you thought about bills and kids? Have you thought about temptations and trials? What about family and in-laws?

7. Your spouse will come with a crusade or perhaps a baggage of relationships you haven't chosen. 'In-law things'. Some would be brothers, sisters, Mother and Father even Uncles and Aunties. My dear, get ready!

8. Money! Are you running broke before pay day running just your own single life?

So what's your financial plan when a spouse and their extended dependents list add to the expenditure list with little or no contribution towards the budget? What are your thoughts about expanding streams of income?

9. Bros, there is just so much of 'I love you' that can manage the relationship. It will come to a time that even if she is not materialistic, 'I love you' alone would mean hunger, bad dressing and an appearance of a husband that the Bible calls 'infidel'. Use your brain as you pray!

10. O baby, I know your drive and success, but trust me, from Bible to Africa, if a man cannot lead you, you aren't supposed to marry, AT ALL! Perhaps, some humility and submission lessons in Sunday school would do you a world of good. 

We will drop the above for easy digestion and continue from where we stopped next week. You are important to us and we are glad, excited, grateful that you stopped by to read this write-up by Mr. Ocholi Okutepa.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown 

DOES HE TICK ALL THE BOXES? 2

A list is a great way to put your thoughts together and to ensure that you have taken note of the important things to you as a person. As such, having a list of things that you desire in a future spouse is not a bad thing. However, it is important to consider the reality that you may not find someone with all the attributes in your list because as we said in the previous post - NOBODY IS PERFECT. So what then happens to your list? Does it mean you have to put it aside and lower your expectations? NO! Your list is still valid,  even though some analysis and re-ordering might be necessary in order to avoid waiting forever for ‘the one’. 

The first thing is to consider the components of your list. There is usually a high tendency for people to lay emphasis  on physical and material things over and above other things because that is what they see first. If your list consists of primarily physical and material things, you might need to take a step back and think about more important things like character. The reason for this is that physical and material things are temporary  (i.e. do not last long) and it is not impossible to be miserable even with a spouse that has all the physical and material things you desire. 

Another thing to consider is dividing your list into two sections: ‘non-negotiables’ and ‘negotiables’. This will help put things into perspective and define your priorities.  

‘Non-negotiables’ as the name implies are attributes that you cannot overlook. They are core aspects of a person’s character, personality, and behavior that are deal-breakers i.e. if the person doesn’t tick those boxes, you will have to say bye-bye. This section should comprise of things that are at the core of who the person is. A great example for Christians is the biblical instruction to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. This means that for a Christian, a prospective spouse’s beliefs should be non-negotiable. 

Other things that fall under this category are: values, mindset, character, maturity, and so on. The reason why they are non-negotiable is because they can significantly impact your life. For instance, someone who is materialistic and believes life is all about money will easily put their greed above the needs of their spouse which will negatively impact such person’s spouse. 

‘Negotiables’ on the other hand are areas which though relevant, you are willing to bend on. These comprise mostly of physical things and relatively trivial things which will not matter in the long run and have no bearing on who the person is. The most common examples are physical attributes and material possessions. There’s nothing wrong with wanting someone who drives the latest car, has an hour glass figure, or is from the same tribe as you but we must not allow the absence of such attribute put us off a prospective spouse especially if the person ticks the boxes under the non-negotiables section.

There is the need to ask yourself why that attribute is so important and what impact it will have on your future in the long run. Again there’s nothing wrong with desiring certain physical attributes and material possessions but if you allow them have greater or equal weight with the core things like character and/or faith, there is the risk of making a wrong decision or turning away some really great people. 

Also consider that some things can change/ be changed. For instance, someone with a bad fashion sense can learn how to dress better while someone who drives the latest car today may not do so tomorrow. The transient nature of such things shows that major decisions should not be hinged on them. We must not allow ‘packaging’ lead us astray.

Ultimately, as a Christian, it is important to be led by the spirit of God and not just your desires in making a decision about a future spouse. In addition, you should ensure that the kind of person embodied in your list would want to be with someone like you especially in the non-negotiable areas. If you want someone prayerful or diligent, ask yourself if you exhibit such skill. If you do not, what steps are you taking to ensure that you develop in that area you’re lacking? Chances are that someone who is prayerful would also want a prayerful spouse.  

Thanks a lot for stopping by. We hope to see you here again. Please drop your comments if you have any.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown