THIS WASN'T HOW I PLANNED IT!

 

If you're one of those people who have been pressured or asked numerous questions about not being married, this is for you. I know you might have heard this a million and one times but seriously this is the truth - it is Better to get married late than to get married to the wrong person.

A lot of people get pressured into getting into a relationship or marriage. Some parents would even say to their wards "Just bring any one home" "There's no perfect one out there so just bring someone home to us". As a result of this, many do not do their due diligence properly, they bring 'anyone' home and decide to get married to 'anyone' not taking their time to prayerfully discover if this 'anyone' is the right person for them.

I had a discussion recently with some people and I said that parents or guardians who make their children rush into getting a relationship or marriage are the same ones that would be full of regrets when they discover the wife or husband of their child is not who they thought he or she was. 

In my opinion, it is better to wait and be sure that you want to be with someone or that you are both compatible in all important areas before jumping into the decision of marriage.

So just incase you're angry at the fact that things didn't go the way you planned or expected, please know that it is somehow going to work out for your good. Please do not be pressured and thanks for not yielding to all the pressure that might have come your way.

Yes, it's the end of 2021 and you really hoped that that handsome man would find you or that you'll find that beautiful woman and it hasn't happened yet. I know that there were a lot of disappointment, heart break and what not but please do not give up! Remain hopeful and prayerful and you'll share the testimony of how God worked it out for you. 

Managing just anyone shouldn't be an option for you. People who go into marriages saying there's no perfect one and settle for less are most times full of regrets. Please be patient, work on yourself, engage in activities and be hopeful cos although it's the end of the year, God is writing your story and so it's not the end of  your life.

He'll come; She'll come and in due time by God's grace.

Thanks for coming to this blog every now and then and thanks for being amazing. God bless you real good. Merry Christmas in arrears and a happy new year in advance.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

PAIN, SHAME AND GUILT...2

Memories of all that my dad did to me as a young girl affected me in so many ways. I became really shy and all that clouded my mind was how mean and heartless my father was. My friends always talked about the lovely relationships they had with their fathers and this made me really jealous. I wished I could say same but any discussion about my dad brought serious tears to my eyes.

Talking to guys became very scary for me because it felt like they were all the same and would do the same thing to me and so I avoided the male gender like a plague. I thought I could even have some as friends but I was too scared to allow my last experience repeat itself. 

I had vowed never to forgive him for the hurt, the pain and the shame I felt as a result of his wicked nature and inability to control himself.  But then I met someone...

We became close and I fell in love with him. However, I was really bitter and this affected our relationship. He tried to be patient but now that I think about it, I wouldn't have been patient with me at that time as well. I lost him and it was sad so I knew I had to fix this problem. I spoke to a senior friend who in turn introduced me to a Therapist. 

Undergoing Therapy wasn't the easiest thing but it was certainly the best thing ever. I had to express how I felt in a way that I had never done before and I felt relieved (at least to an extent). During this period, I discovered and  decided to forgive my dad. Hmmmmm, this was extremely difficult but it was highly necessary because without this forgiveness, I was going to remain hurt and I would keep hurting everyone around me. 

It took time to understand and grasp why I had to be the one to forgive. "Shouldn't it be my dad running to me for forgiveness for all that he did to me as a young daughter of his?" I thought but then my Therapist said that I needed healing and I needed to be a happy person again and so if I wanted all of this, I had to forgive and let go.

I became a better person after forgiving my dad. I gradually became capable of talking to guys and maintaining friendship or relationship with them.  I am definitely in a much better place as I regain my dignity and sanity.

If you have a similar experience, please speak to someone about it and take the step of forgiving whoever might have abused you or wronged you. You are doing it for you because you deserve to be free and happy.

Thanks for reading my story. I hope it has inspired you in one way or the other. 

Anonymous

Thanks for stopping by. God bless you and see you soon. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

PAIN, SHAME AND GUILT.

There's so much to say yet so little to explain. So much has happened to me within this short period of my life than even some older people. I mean where do I start from? Is it from the abuse I experienced by my own father? Strange right? Well, maybe not so strange. My blood father took advantage of me when he was supposed to be the one person that protected me from any form of abuse. Yes, I mean my biological father, not my stepfather...

I had no clue what was going on cos I was really young and naive. I couldn't talk to my mum about it because she always went on about how much she loved and trusted her husband. Was I going to be the one to destroy her 'sweet' marriage? Oh no! I wasn't going to do that. 

My dad would casually call me to his room especially when he knew mum was busy in the kitchen and would touch different parts of my body especially my private part. He would have sex with me and what not.  The first time this happened, it was extremely painful and I became so withdrawn. My mum noticed and would ask for why I had suddenly become a quiet girl but I couldn't say a word.

I went from being at the top of my class to nearly missing the last position in my class. This wasn't funny at all. The saddest part of this was that I'll get beaten by the one person that was behind my failure. He'll beat me and call me all sort of names but still come for my body. Sad right?

My poor and innocent mother noticed that my father was fond of me and she was happy that he was close to his first daughter. She even got worried that my dad wasn't as close to my other Siblings as he was to me. God forbid! Thank God he wasn't trying any rubbish with them at least so I thought.

To be continued...

Thank you so much for stopping by, we hope to see you soon.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

I THOUGHT I COULD FIX IT...

 

Seek help! Seek help! Be a receiver of help. 

How often do you say to yourself- "I've got this figured out"; "I'll be fine"; "I'll fix this"...

While it is true that you can fix somethings and while it is true that you indeed will be fine, you cannot fix everything by yourself.

I once wrote about the need of a mentor in one's life and this is key because sometimes you need to talk to people that have gone ahead of you but also ensuring that they are right for you and have the same mindset or belief or values as you do.

What happens if you don't have a Mentor? There must be someone in your corner or space that you can talk to. It could be a sibling, distant relative, senior friend, close friend, aunty, uncle, colleague etc.

Many people suffer from the "I'll be fine " syndrome because they bottle a lot in and do not end up being fine. I've been here a few times and I know it's terrible and uncalled for. It's not worth it. Many times I have conversations with God about how I feel but other times, I need to talk to someone physically.

I am here to encourage you to seek help!

There was a time in my life that I went through something that almost broke me and almost made me lose my self-worth. I couldn't even believe that this was happening to me. I couldn't really talk about this to anyone because I felt so ashamed to open my mouth to say that I was going through that stuff. But guess what? I finally opened up to few people. Things didn't turn around immediately but I felt light after having these conversations with some people I respect. Not all of that issue is resolved but I'm in a better place.

To be honest, this is something I struggled with for a long time. I don't like to ask for help not because I am proud but majorly because I hate to bother people with my issues. Many times, we cannot sort out our issues ourselves and we need to be willing to admit this and seek help. However, this help must be sought from the right people. Be sure that you can trust this person you want to pour your heart out to.

Even the Bible encourages us to seek and we shall find. If you're struggling with anything at all, do not hesitate to ask for help. The fact that your mum, dad, aunt, uncle or close friends appear to be able to handle things doesn't mean you should put yourself under pressure.

Get all the help you can afford to get, you will feel better if you do!!!!!!

Thanks for stopping by.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

WHY THE BEEF?

Bridget is getting married and she informs her friends about this new phase of her life but while some of them are happy for her, some of them begin to pass rumors around that she forced herself on the guy or maybe she's even pregnant. None of the rumors are true but they are a sign that they are not happy about the good thing that is taking place in their friend's life.

Many of us are very guilty of this. We do this often - We see our friends doing well in their relationship or marriage and we 'beef' them. We get jealous and spread rumors about them instead of rejoicing with them. You hear that a friend, acquaintance or colleague is getting married or has just had a child and for some reason known to you alone, you are unhappy.

This is not good and I'm here today to encourage us to stop. I saw a picture after I had written this and it really summaries my message to you today. I'll like to encourage us to rejoice with those that rejoice. The fact that it hasn't yet happened to or for you, is not a licence to be unhappy or jealous. Learn to celebrate people's successes. Your turn would come and instead of people spreading rumors about you, you will want them to celebrate with you.

Although this is in regards to relationships, it is applicable to every area of life. We all need to form the habit of rejoicing and celebrating with people. There's absolutely no reason to mock people's victories, downgrade it or water it down. If you want people to rejoice with you, then you must rejoice with others. And even if you cannot be bothered about people rejoicing with you, still rejoice with others.

Whenever a negative thought comes to your heart about your friend, colleague or loved one who is doing well or celebrating milestones, pray for them and say it loud that you rejoice with them. This way, you'll be able (if you're serious) to erase any ill feeling or thought towards them.

I hope that we will all try to be better people and that we will celebrate people's wins instead of spreading false rumors or downgrading their victories. If they are getting married, celebrate with them. If they've just gotten a new appointment, celebrate with them, if they are pregnant or they've just had a child, celebrate with them.

Thanks for stopping by. God bless you real good. Have a blessed week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

HE TICKED ALL BUT ONE!

I have had series of conversations with people (especially married) about this and I have discovered that many people did not have ALL their boxes ticked. Some had majority of the things on their list ticked, some did not have plenty things ticked and for some it was half and half. I also realised that although not all the boxes were ticked, many of these people went on to get married or get into a relationship with these people. The question is why?

For some people, they said that they realised that many of the things on their list wasn't relevant or at the core of what they really wanted. Some wrote the list because their friends had a list and did not want to be the odd one out. Regardless of what inspired you to have a checklist, it is okay to have one but please review often and with the help of God you'll do this rightly. It is important so that you're not driving people away because of the things that are minute or unimportant.

I know of someone I respect so much who said she had all her boxes ticked except for one thing on the list but guess what? She decided to get married to the man. She struggled with it for a bit but resolved that she could do away with that one thing even though it would require a lot of things and sacrifice from her.

For me, God-fearing; family-man; good cook; good looking etc. were some of the things I was particular about and so even though there were other things on my list, theae once stood out and I could make a decision based on them. I struggled with some other things which were on my list but not present in him or some things that I didn't want but I resolved with myself that those things were not at the core of me and although they were cool, they were not 'so important' (i.e. they would not affect me or the relationship negatively).

In summary, it is okay to have a list but don't be too rigid with the list. Be willing to adjust or do away with some things on your list. Sometimes the things on your list are not as important as what you really need in a person and God might be trying to tell you this. There's no perfect person but this also doesn't mean you should settle for less. However, be willing to review and accommodate certain things (you know those things better). 

Allow God lead you in making this decision and it's my prayer that you get it right maritally in Jesus name.

Thanks for stopping by, God bless you real good.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

CAN ONE PERSON TICK ALL THE BOXES?

 

When we talk about ticking all the boxes, what do we mean? Okay so let's explain in the simplest way possible and with an example: 

Bayo desires to get into a relationship or marriage and has certain attributes that he'll love to see in a lady that he intends to be with (e.g. great cook, outer beautiful, intellectual etc.) Bidemi wants to be with a guy who has six packs and plenty money etc. While some people (especially ladies), write down these attributes, some others just have it in their head and are quick to move on when a potential guy or lady doesn't meet up.

Is it wrong to have a list? Absolutely not! Everyone is allowed to have expectations of the preferred man or lady that they would  love to spend the rest of their life with. The List can be endless from TDH (Tall, Dark and Handsome), beauty queen to working in an "oyel" company, to having a ride, having an apartment, having a figure eight shape, 'lepa', six packs etc...

But what happens when a man or woman doesn't tick many or some of the boxes that you have either in your heart or on paper? Should you take a risk to be with such a person with the hope that things would be fine? Sometimes the things on these lists are overrated or too stringent, they may be things that are possible to find in a person but they may also be very rare attributes. Deciding to keep waiting for a person that ticks ALL the boxes when the unticked ones are things that do not really matter or things that can be changed easily, might not be a wise decision.

The truth is that many times we know what we want but do not necessarily know the kind of person we need and because of this many of us either end up with the wrong person or neglect the right person for us. God knows who is best for us, He knows who we need as against who we want and if we involve Him, He'll help us know when we're just being ridiculous or the things to take off the list.

To be continued...

Thanks for stopping by and God bless you.

OneLove

SomzyBrown

SHE BROKE MY HEART...

Sunday got into a relationship with his beautiful girlfriend, Blessing. It seemed like they had it going smooth but in less than 3 months, the so called 'blissful' relationship was over. Sunday thought he was going to get married to Blessing and if anyone had told him otherwise, he would have fought with the person. Sunday was unhappy about how things turned out and was confused for a while on what to do.

The question is: After a breakup up, what next? Should you eat yourself up or what exactly should be done?

The first thing I would like to say is that people get into relationships for different reasons and they also break up for different reasons. Eating yourself up because one relationship didn't work out the way you thought it would is not worth it. Although hard and painful, you have to move on and enjoy your wonderful life. Nobody likes to be dumped but no one likes to be with someone that cannot put him or herself together.

Moving on after a break up is dependent on the person involved and the circumstances that led to the break-up. For some people, after a break-up with their boyfriend or girlfriend, they decide that they would not get into another relationship with someone else until they are completely healed or until they have completely gotten over the terrible feeling of being jilted or whatever the case may be. Some other people go into a relationship immediately after a break-up not necessarily because they planned to but because while they were trying to get over the heart break, someone else was there to console and encourage them and it just made sense to be with that person.

We are all different and we react to hurt or disappointment differently. This is one of the reasons you should not compare your situation to that of another person. Although, there is no hard and fast rule about this, one very important thing is that you need to ensure that you have gotten to a point where your heart has totally forgiven the person that broke-up with you or that you broke up with . The reason for this is that it is not good to carry along gabbages from a previous relationship into a new one as this would affect how you treat or view the new person in your life. You really should not go into a relationship comparing the former guy or lady to the new guy or lady because they are totally different people. Making comparisons in your heart or through your words and actions is the worse thing you can do to a person you are in a relationship with...

To be continued...

Thank you so much for stopping by. God bless you.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

HOW FAR IS TOO FAR?

When we talk about cheating, most times we refer or we are referring to men. I'm not exactly sure why this is so because the truth is that both men and women have the capacity or the capability to cheat on their partners. 

This is a very sensitive topic and it is one that keeps coming up in almost every conversation nowadays. Many people have had terrible experiences with unfaithful partners or spouses and it is quite a discouraging experience for some. It is very sad that many of the things that shouldn't be normal are now the order of the day. You hear things like "all men cheat so just be grateful that your partner still takes care of you". No! This shouldn't be. 

The moment you decide to be in a relationship or to get married, you are making the decision to be faithful and committed to this one person. You owe yourself as well as the person you're with, the duty of faithfulness. I don't care what goes on around you or the fact that many people are trying to make 'unfaithfulness' seem like it is normal and uncontrollable. It is very controllable but you have to guard your heart, your mind, your soul, your body, your conversations etc. Be careful of what you listen to and what you allow into your space. Listen more to testimonies of faithful and committed people than the opposite. Be intentional about making your relationship or marriage work.

The truth is that we all know when we are going too far in our conversations with the opposite sex but sometimes because we  enjoy the attention we are getting, we refuse to stop right there and then. It is important that we all make decisions to stay faithful in our relationships because whether you're a man or a woman if you haven't made a conscious effort to stay faithful or to stay committed, you will get tempted and when the temptation comes you will most likely yield to it. 

This is a call to each and everyone of us whether you are a man or a woman, cheating is bad and it begins from the inability to set boundaries with so called 'close' friends. The truth is that sometimes you know when you've gone or when you're going too far in having conversations or sharing certain pictures or part of your life with somebody of the opposite sex. We all need to watch it  and we all need to be careful. 

We all need to make the commitment of faithfulness and break this annoying 'norm' that seems to exist in our day. In previous times, cheating was frowned upon and the few people who engaged in it were judged by their friends or family members and called to order but nowadays, faithfulness is rare and people who choose to be faithful to their marriages or relationships are mocked. God requires that we are faithful to our spouses - that's His standard and we should strictly adhere to this.

This should not be the case. We can all be faithful in our relationships and marriages. We can all decide to take this step no matter what we see happening around us whether by people close to us or not. We can be faithful and we will be faithful by God's grace. I pray God helps each and everyone of us in Jesus name.

Thank you so much for stopping by. God bless you.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

DESPITE HOW BAD... MOVING ON WAS NECESSARY.

Tayo had become so mean and uncaring to me and I wasn't sure why he was being like that. Like I said earlier, I went to his house but he shut me out. He didn't open the door for me and even though I stayed out for a bit longer, he didn't come out. This incident made me know that he had made up his mind and was totally done with the relationship. I wish he told me why he all of a sudden stopped loving or maybe liking me but then he didn't. Even if I had offended him, (which I was unaware of), it couldn't be so bad as to totally shut me out of his life.

I tried to get over Tayo but it was really difficult. I spoke to my friends about it because none of it made sense to me. I tried to wait for Tayo hoping that he would come back to his senses and reach out to me or apologize for just deciding out of the blues to shut me out but this was a dream that never came true. Sadly but importantly, I had to move on with my life. It was a good relationship but then it had obviously come to an end, hopefully for good.

Getting into another relationship was the least thing on my mind at the beginning of the year...I thought and hoped Tayo would be the last guy I'll be with but I was very wrong. Things had changed and it was time to make that decision again. It was a difficult one but I had to move on.

I got into a relationship after 2 years and although I was with someone really amazing (in my opinion), I was finding it difficult to enjoy the relationship. I later discovered that this issue was as a result of my experience with Tayo. I had not gotten over the surprising incident and this was affecting my relationship. I spoke with a senior friend about it and he advised me to get closure. By getting closure, he explained "Talk to Tayo and let him know how you felt and still feel then make the decision to forgive him. Although difficult, try to pray for him so that forgiving him would be easy." This was hard but it was definitely needed. 

Calling Tayo was difficult but more difficult was the sleepless nights I had thinking about whether or not he would respond to my request to have a conversation with him. Thankfully, he responded and I was able to pour out my heart to him. He sounded remorse and had a lot of excuses as to the silent treatment but none of that meant anything to me anymore. I had gotten what I needed by pouring my heart out and in my opinion, prayer would solve the rest. Gradually, I began to appreciate and enjoy my new relationship.

I don't know what your experience in relationships have been but if you have had a bad experience or a relationship that didn't end well, you need to get closure because failure to do so could make you have a terrible experience in your next relationship.

Thank you so much for stopping by, I hope that you are able to get closure where you need to by God's grace and to move on with ease.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

I HAD TO GET CLOSURE!

My name is Juliet and although I have been involved in a lot of relationships, I am still single. Please don't join my parents in asking why I am still single because I do not have an answer to this question and I'm being serious. I have been in long relationships that should have led to marriage but then like they say "things happen!". 

I am a very beautiful lady and no I'm not trying to brag, I'm just stating the obvious. However, I have been in relationships with the handsome, ugly and unkempt. To be honest, I think I have seen it all when it comes to relationships but hopefully the man I get married to will be the handsome and perfect person for me. I shared this to state that although I am very beautiful, I am not selective. Once I like you and you like me, we are good to go (smiles).

Sharing my story is not one that I do often but then I am sharing it this time because there's been an argument/discussion about whether or not you need to get closure after a relationship comes to an end. In my opinion, you do not need closure for every relationship but there are certain relationships that you must get closure for. If it was just a fling (nothing serious), you don't necessarily need to get closure because you guys were not serious to begin with. However, if you guys were serious (not necessarily talking marriage) but you loved each other and you had to go your separate ways because of one reason or the other,  you'll definitely need closure.

Tayo was a good guy whom I knew loved me and I loved sincerely. We were in a relationship for about 2 years (this is one of my long relationships). He wasn't so handsome but he had a great personality and we clicked on many angles. Things were going okay until he started avoiding me. This was strange because it happened suddenly. There was no fight, quarell and I didn't think I had done anything wrong to warrant the silence. Even if I had done something wrong, he could have told me about it instead of giving me attitude and avoiding me.

During this period, I was the one making efforts to call, text, check up on him. No efforts were made by him. I don't know how people do it but as an adult, if someone offends me, I will talk to the person and try to see how we can resolve it. Even if we don't resolve it, I'll make sure it is addressed one way or the other. 

Tayo's attitude was so annoying and I wasn't enjoying it at all. I made attempts to visit him in his house but he never opened the door for me the few times he was at home.

To be continued...

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

  

SHE COMPARES ME TO HER EX!

Bimpe and Bolaji have been together for a few years. They love each other and this is obvious to everyone who knows about them or sees them together. Like every relationship, they have had little issues here and there but so far, they have been successful at settling all discords. There is however an issue that Bolaji seems not to be able to get over with. It saddens his heart every time he remembers and although he has tried to explain things to Bimpe, she does not seem to understand his point of view.

Bolaji is certainly not a perfect man (no one is) but the moment Bimpe complains about something, he tries his possible best to work on it. Bimpe who fails to recognize that different relationships work differently, makes the mistake of comparing their relationship to that of Tunde and Sayo. Tunde and Sayo look like a perfect couple because they are always giggling, going out and doing some stuff that Bimpe considers to be great. Bolaji does not find this funny but Bimpe keeps doing it. One day she says he is different from her ex and another day, he does not treat her like Tunde treats Sayo.

A lot of things happen in people’s relationships or marriages that you know nothing about. Although it is not wrong to admire people’s relationship, the greatest mistake that you can make is to compare your own relationship to another. The truth is that you can never know the entirety of what goes on in another person’s relationship. You only see the picture they paint and so although they might look perfect, they might not actually be and although they might look imperfect, they might just be having a swell time. Some people show genuine love but some others pretend about it.

If you have issues in your relationship, settle it without making reference to how another couple settled their issues. Trust me, issues can be settled amicably and this would take the two people involved coming to an agreement of what they did wrong and deciding on how to avoid such in the future. Comparing your spouse to another lady or guy that you have seen out there would make the situation worse. So even if your intention is to draw the attention of your spouse to a bad behavior or attitude, if you do this by comparing him or her to that other person, you might end up losing him or her.

I have heard people say: “men do not like it when their babes or wives compare them to other men out there”. Although this is very true, I would like to say that it goes both ways and comparison is not good for anyone. Women as much as men, do not like to be compared to other women. Like I said earlier and I am saying again: “If you want your spouse to work on something, tell him or her in a very nice way and you can definitely do without comparing him or her to another person”.

Another reason it is adviceable to refrain from comparison is the fact that it could weaken your spouse whether you realise it or not. You might say that that is not your intention but then that might be the effect. Some people based on the comparison exercise that goes on in their relationship or marriage, just tell the ‘comparer’ to go be with the ‘comparee’ since he or she thinks that that person is the ideal man or woman. You really do not want to make him or her think unnecessarily, so avoid comparison and save your marriage or relationship.

Relationships and marriages work differently. The fact that one idea or act works well with party A does not mean that the same will work for party B. I know that it is easy to say and not exactly easy to do but then efforts have to be made to avoid this. Comparing yourself, your relationship or your marriage to another will not make you or your relationship better, it will rather make it worse.

Thanks a lot for stopping by. God bless you real good.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

I WISH SHE WAS EXACTLY LIKE MY MUM!

As human beings, from two different backgrounds, we are bound to have differences. It is important to note that it is VERY OKAY to disagree with each other and it is VERY OKAY to be unhappy about a few things that your spouse does. However, what is not okay is to begin to compare your spouse to other people, especially your Parents. 

When you have a very good relationship with your parents, sometimes, you automatically want your spouse to behave like them. For the ladies, you may be looking out for 'sweet Daddy' moments in your husband, while the men may be looking for 'your mum' (Sweet mother) in your wife.

Both ways, we are wrong!

I remember seeing a quote a while ago which was about comparing our behind the scenes to someone else's highlight and I thought to myself, this applies to marriage as well. Some of us compare our spouses 'behind the scenes' to our parents 'highlights' and this should not be.

We want a family man, husband, father, provider, best guy, go to person etc... We want a woman that can keep a home, a wife, a mother, a cook, a best friend, a prayer partner etc... All these things are possible but you  need to give your  spouse time.

Your parents didn't become all that they are overnight. God worked on them and they put in efforts daily until they became these people we admire so much. They went through a lot of 'agreeing to disagree' moments, unending compromises, deep sacrifices and an overdose of communication to become who they are today (the list is endless, because different strokes apply to different folks).

Can I shock you? Your parents are still learning how to be better to/for each other. Marriage is a University that one can never graduate from. There are things our parents will never tell us, and there are struggles they will never share with us. In the same vein, there are things we will never share with our kids.

Life is in stages, we learn, unlearn and relearn everyday. Please give your partner a breathing space. Support him/her by praying for them, and you will see results.

PS: We need to stop looking for our Fathers or Mothers in our partners, everyone is unique in their own way. There was something you saw in him/her in the beginning. Hold on to whatever it was/is, and help them build on it positively.

Oluwasade O.

Thank you for stopping by, and we will be back next week. God bless you

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

HOW THE JOURNEY TO FOREVER BEGAN.

"You are welcome" her father said to me as I walked into the house and I responded saying thank you. I had learned a few Igbo words so I used some of them as I responded to their greetings and questions. I was asked loads of questions and I believed I did well but guess what? And the end of it all, they said they were not going to give me a feedback yet. In their words "we have to meet with the elders and then decide." I was more than ready to get married to Sandra but her parents were making it difficult. Why should it be so difficult because we are from different ethnic groups?

At this point, I was so frustrated and furious that I couldn't say a word to Sandra or her parents. Although I got to Sandra's village with my hopes high (I mean after serious prayer and fasting), I left the village so sad and heartbroken that I couldn't say a word to Sandra or anyone. My mum kept calling all through my journey back but I couldn't pick up because I wasn't sure of what to say. 

I got home and decided to stay away from Sandra for a bit because I didn't want to take out my disappointment and frustration on her but this was quite difficult. I loved her so much that it was hard to stay away from her. She tried to encourage me to give them time but I wasn't having any of it. I had tried my best and I was beginning to agree with my friends. Indeed, there are other ladies and maybe I should really just move on with the hope that I'll find someone else. While all these were going through my mind, Sandra said "If you really love me and want us to spend our lives together till old age, please bear with me and my parents. I have tried talking to them and it's very tiring but please be patient..."

This was hard. I really loved Sandra and I was willing to wait for her parents approval but I was just tired at the amount of time it was taking. Despite the thoughts and temptation to give up, I made up my mind to wait.

Few weeks later, I got a call from Sandra's mum giving me the good news. I was more than excited to hear that the 'Elders' had decided in my favour. We were so excited and we began to make plans and preparation for marriage and in less than 6 months, I got married to the woman of my dreams. The wait was long but in the end, it paid off and we were both full of joy.

Thanks a lot for staying through with me on this. I hope that you've learned one or two things from my story.

Anonymous

Thanks for stopping by, we hope to see you soon. God bless you.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

FINALLY SOME GOOD NEWS...

I was really worried about Sandra and the fact that I was the reason she was frustrated was enough frustration for me. I thought deeply about what to do and then decided to talk to my mum. I mean she was the only one I could think of at that time.

My mother is a prayer warrior so I pleaded with her to pray to her God to touch the hearts of Sandra's parents. There are other beautiful ladies but you can't get married to just 'anyone'. Infact some of my friends had told me about their own experiences and rejection from their to be in-laws and how they had to move on with their lives but I didn't care. I had made the choice on who I wanted to get married to and I was not going to change my mind because of something like this.

My mother called for a 7 day prayer and fasting (she could be extra sometimes) and despite the fact that I love food so much, this was an important issue so I took it seriously. My siblings also joined in this prayer and fasting and it was a refreshing time. Two days after we ended the prayer and fasting, Sandra called me just before close of business and said she had something to tell me but that we had to see physically. I wasn't sure whether to be excited or not but I believed that God had answered the prayers of my mum, my siblings and I so I had faith that it was good news. 

There were no prior plans to pick her up from work that day but guess what? Your guy added it to the plan straightaway. She looked a lot better and somewhat excited so this gave me some hope as well. I couldn't wait so I asked her what the information was and she said that her parents had asked for me to come see them. Whao! I was ecstatic. I told her we would go during the weekend.  I bought a lot of fruits and vegetables and took a lot of money along to appease my soon to be in-laws. I was hopeful!

The journey to the village was long but finally we arrived in good condition even though I was knackered. I ensured I was on my best behavior and I was ready to answer any questions they threw at me. From the look of things, Sandra's mum was a bit excited but the look on her father's face was not encouraging at all. It was good enough that they had asked for me to come so I tried to remain positive.

To be continued...

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

WHAT'S THERE NOT TO LOVE?

We started out really happy and joyous and I wanted this to be the norm for us.  I was ready to do anything to ensure that nothing took away this joy and peace that we felt in our relationship. I loved her so much. I had introduced her to everyone around me even my parents. My parents are not the best with inter-tribal marriages but I convinced them that I knew she was the right one for me. Although very reluctantly, they approved of her and we began to make subtle plans towards our wedding. She seemed so excited, even though we hadn't gotten any feedback from her parents. I guess acceptance from a man's family really does mean a lot to a woman or don't you think so?

We spent time together a lot. I always picked her up from work even though her workplace wasn't so close to mine but I loved her so much that I always wanted to spend more and more time with her. She loved it and some of her colleagues hailed her about my gesture saying that while some of them had to hustle for 'danfo' (public transportation), she got a free ride home almost everyday. She shared this with me and we laughed about it. I wasn't doing it because it was convenient but because I really did love her and was willing to make sacrifices for her. I guess this counts as something deep right? (smiles).

She made a lot of sacrifices for me as well, many of which I might not be able to share. Sandra is a good woman and I just couldn't wait to spend the rest of my life with her. Her poise, body-shape, smile, intelligence, approach to life, what was there not to love about this beautiful angel? Nothing to be honest! There's no perfect human out there. Lol, thanks for the reminder but guess what? Sandra was just perfect to me and perfect for me. To me, that was all that mattered. 

Although my parents had come to love and accept Sandra, she was having it really difficult with her parents on the other hand. They were not ready to accept a Yoruba boy from Ogun State regardless of the wealth or affluence that I had. "You must get married to Obinna or someone from our village whether you like it or not" they constantly said to her. We laughed about it many times but sometimes it made her really teary. Sandra loves her parents (who doesn't?) but she also loves me and this situation put her in a fix and she just wished our parents would understand that she really wanted to be with me. 

On one of the days back from work, I noticed that she wasn't smiling or happy. "Why would my angel be downcast" I thought to myself. I had to ask her to share what the issue was and she told me she was getting frustrated at the whole events and she wasn't sure of what to do about her parents. The pressure was getting too much and she was tired. This made me sad but how exactly could I help or make things better? I was the reason she was in this position anyway.

To be continued...

Thanks a lot for your time and support and we hope to see you next week. God bless and keep you and yours.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

 

WHY SHOULDN'T I LOSE HOPE?

 

I'm not sure what you might be going through right now or the events that have occurred in the past few days, weeks, months, years etc. But I just want you to know that things will surely get better if you don't give up. It is often said that it is those who do not give up that end up having a testimony and that's the truth because the moment you give up, you've closed the gate to the possibility of something happening. Imagine you go knocking at a door and for some reason they don't open immediately, the moment you turn back you're unsure of whether the door would have been opened or not. 

The below poem is just to encourage you not to give up on your relationship or marital or any kind of goals or hopes that you have. Keep pushing and stay strong and I pray that very soon, the wait would be over by God's grace. In the end, I pray that you'll have testimonies and you'll be glad you waited and didn't give up.

When I look to the sky

It all of a sudden looks dry

What exactly could be happening

If the moon& stars aren’t dying?

My hope seems to be lost

My heart counts the cost

Why on earth am I living

If I can’t help the shivering?

My thoughts are very weak

And my soul seems to leak

The bloodshed is too real

That I just have to be still.

I wonder if things will ever change

Every time I open a new page

This is just too much too bear,

But nobody seems to notice my fear.

I look to the Heavens& see a Creator

that loves and cares for me like a mentor

“Don’t lose hope”, he says to me

although this is hard, I’ll let things be.

There’s so much more to life than these

Everything would be fine& I would enjoy the bliss

Things happen but they will surely get better

My hope will get back as I read His letter.

Thank you so much for stopping by and we hope that you enjoyed reading this poem. See you next week by God's grace.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

HOW TO MAKE LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORK.

Last week, we began an interesting topic on long distance relationships and we shall dive right into it today. Although I have been in a long distance relationship before, I wouldn't say that I am an expert at this. I have worked on a few tips that I believe might help people in long distance relationships but I am pretty sure there are more.

1. Organize dates - This could be movie dates or any kind of date. Decide to see a movie together or the same movie at different times and then talk about how you felt while watching it or discuss your learning points. You can also send clips of the parts you enjoyed the most as this would give you both something interesting to talk about.

2. Hobbies: Discover each other's hobbies and encourage yourselves to do something about it. For example, if you partner loves to shop, you can encourage him/her to go shopping and talk to you about it. If you have the means, you can send some money or deliver a gift to him/her, encouraging them to carry out this hobby of theirs. You can also ask questions surrounding your partner's hobby. "How did basketball go today? Who won? How do you feel about the game" When is the next game" etc.

3. Communication: This is key in every relationship and the importance cannot be over emphasised. Please talk about anything and everything, from the beginning of your day to the end. Many times, ladies talk more than the guys but guys please you also need to share your experiences. Apart from talking, also learn to listen to your partner (don't always provide a solution just let him/her know that you are there and that you care). 

Also please engage in a lot of video calls so you can see each other, notice your reactions etc.,  this is the closest to being physically together though it can not be the same. Chat on Whatsapp and different social media platforms but do more of calls and voice notes, it could make you feel closer to each other.

4. Settle Differences: In any relationship, keeping malice affects the relationship negatively and so this is something that we must avoid at all costs even if you have to be the one to play the fool sometimes. This is more important in a long distance relationship especially if you can't see your partner or might not see him or her in a while. The moment you allow issues linger for too long, you build a gap that might be difficult to mend. So as quickly as possible, settle your differences and focus on being better people. 

5. Constantly Celebrate Each other: Whether or not you're a social media person, you will need to do this as often as possible. Put his/her picture on social media - WhatsApp status, Instagram etc. this would make them know and feel loved and appreciated. Everyone loves to be celebrated so let your partner know that you're rooting for them at all times and also do this publicly.

6. Stay Committed: You can have friends of the opposite sex but ensure that there are clear boundaries between you. Be open to your partner about these friends and leave no room for doubt or suspicion. Try as much as possible not to hide anything from your partner because some day and in a way that you wouldn't like it, he or she might find out. Honesty is key in making your relationship work so please be open and committed. 

We'll stop here for now. I know there are many experienced long distance relationship people here, so please if you have further tips to share with us, please do. After reviewing it, we will be glad to share it on the blog.

Thanks a lot for stopping by and we hope to see you soon. God bless you and have a blessed week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

WHY DOES BAD NEWS SPREAD FASTER...?

Talisha is married with three kids and has been married for 10 years. She recently had a discussion with her friend where they shared a lot about their marriages. Stephanie has been married for 8 years and has 2 handsome boys. In the cause of their discussion, they both agreed that their marriage journeys have not been so smooth (which is expected) but one thing was common, they have both enjoyed their marriages. Also speaking sincerely, they both said that if they were given the chance to do it again, they'll get married to their current spouses and live their lives with them.

The truth be told - "there is no perfect marriage" but another truth is that there are marriages with good reports and amazing experiences. It is however sad that the people enjoying their marriages rarely talk about it. We hear more about the marriages that are failing, the couples getting a divorce, the ones with different forms of abuse etc. more than we hear about the successful marriages.

There is no doubt that there will be ups and downs in marriage - I mean you're coming together with someone that you've never lived with and you are both from different backgrounds and all but then marriage is a good thing and some people are having a swell time.

If the people who are having it rough come out to express their distaste or regrets about marriage, then I believe the people who are having it good and enjoying their marriages should also come forward to talk about the success of their marriages. This has nothing to do with bragging or being proud and I think this is one of the reasons many people have refrained from sharing their success stories. 

Talking about the success of your marriage doesn't mean that you are proud, rather it shows that you are grateful.

If a successful business man comes out to share tips and to talk about the success of his business, would he be considered proud? I don't think so. Rather, many others will be encouraged to work hard knowing that it is possible to attain success in their business. It's the same thing with marriages, many young people need to be encouraged on getting it right maritally and on the fun in marriage itself but if they don't hear the success stories, there really isn't much motivation for them.

Conclusively, there are a lot more successful marriages than people share. We allow the bad stories flood the air, discouraging others and making them think that all marriages are bad. No! Not all marriages are bad. There are successful marriages and these people need to share their stories more. 

Thank you so much for stopping by. Hope to see you soon. If you have a good story, please put it out there and let others especially the single ones be encouraged.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

COMMITMENT!

We live in a world where it has suddenly become okay not to be committed in a relationship or marriage especially the latter. A lot of people have normalised non-commitment and this should not be the case. 

Commitment to a relationship or marriage is very key even though the message out there says otherwise. It is very possible to stay committed to that man/woman regardless of the ups and downs that you will encounter. Ups and downs are normal in every relationship or marriage, it just depends on your ability to manage it. 

Commitment according to the Cambridge Dictionary is the "willingness to give your time or energy to an activity, job...". I like this definition because it talks about 'willingness'. It is a sacrifice that we all have to make because situations will arise that will make us tempted to do otherwise. At all times, we must hold on to and stay committed to our spouses especially in our marriages.

I hope you enjoy this short poem on commitment:

Take my hands as I take yours

On our knees, we forge this union

Before the Father of Light

Together, We will withstand storms

Life throws at us

We will conquer territories

With our Faith in Him

We will chase out darkness

In the heart of men 

With our mouth

We will speak forth light

Our home will be a safe Haven

For men destitute of God

Our model is Christ:

In Love and Forgiveness

In Conduct and Words

In Faith and Hope

In Life and Death.

Till we see the Father,

In Life or Death.

Dolapo Oyesiji 

Thank you so much for stopping by. God bless you and see you next week by God's grace.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

ONCE YOU MESS UP, THAT'S IT! 2

Still on the topic we began last week... Please do not be quick to give up! Do not be quick to say that you're done when a simple understanding or analysis or apology could solve the issue you have with your partner.

If you are already married, please try not to think of divorce at the slightest opportunity. Please be willing to make things work no matter what it may cost you. Your marriage is not a football ground where players can just be changed anyhow. Marriage is deeper than this and so we need to be extremely careful. Please be patient! I am not in your shoes and I might not know how difficult it is for you at the moment but you can think deeply about it. Your marriage is workable! Maybe just a little patience, a little understanding will help. If you are going through this, I really pray God helps you with this and gives you wisdom.

For those of us that are not yet married, we need to consciously get this mentality out of our heads! Please do not get married to anybody with the thoughts that “if he or she makes a mistake, you will just get a divorce”. This is wrong. We have to build ourselves to the level where we become very tolerant and patient people. Marriage is the coming together of two different people from different backgrounds and sometimes with different characters. What this implies is that there would be a clash but then how you handle the clash or differences is what matters.

God’s standard has not changed and this is different from belonging to the old school or new school. God says that “He hates divorce” and so that is His standard so why do we think that being a 21st century Christian or person changes this standard? No! It does not in anyway.

Also if you're unmarried, start practicing and learning how to be patient cos you will need it a lot in your marriage. There will be frustrating and trying times but you can't just back off once s/he messes up.

I really pray for each and every one of us (myself inclusive) that God will help us to understand the real essence of marriage so that we do not take it for granted. I pray that we exhibit the fruits of the Spirit so that our marriages will be better for it. I pray for a high level of tolerance and understanding in Jesus name (Amen!)

Thank you so much for stopping by. God bless you and have a blessed week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

ONCE YOU MESS UP, THAT'S IT!

Some years ago, I went out with some of my friends and we heard some women having a conversation where one of them said “if my husband does…I will just divorce him”. This struck a conversation between us and we expressed our shock as to how nowadays people are not willing to tolerate even the  'littlest' mistake in marriage. In the words of one of my friends, “people treat marriage like relationships”. Although relationships are not just to be broken anyhow (hence the need to be extremely careful before getting into one), a relationship can be broken. A relationship is way different from a marriage because you have not yet said “I do” to the person you are with.

Marriage is way different and it is sadly gradually becoming very trivialized. He comes back late from work and you go “I cannot deal with this” or maybe she forgets to cook for you and you go “I am tired of this woman”.  No one is trying to say that coming back late from work is good or bad but then, you cannot at the slightest mistake/error/mishap say that you want to divorce a man or a woman. The truth is that the other woman that you think will cook that food when you divorce this one or the other man you think would come back early from work when you divorce him, might do that but then they would also have areas that you are not comfortable with. So are you going to keep divorcing and remarrying? Think about this!

The problem we have nowadays is that because divorce has become very common, many people (especially youths) now go into marriage with the idea that “if he/she misbehaves, I will divorce him/her”. This is a very wrong mentality and we need to be careful about this. It is wrong and highly unadviceable for you to ever go into a marriage with the idea behind your heart that once your partner does something wrong, you will just get a divorce. I remember a Pastor once said “My wife and I made up our minds when we got married that divorce is not an option” and this got me thinking. We can learn from this: DIVORCE SHOULD NOT BE AN OPTION and should not be the first thing we think about when something in our marriage goes wrong.

Sadly but truly, people are no longer willing to tolerate even the littlest thing and this is really bad. I agree that there are extreme cases that might warrant you making that decision and I would not go into that today. But my focus is on the fact that we need to start renewing our minds about this divorce thing. We need to start working on being patient and tolerant people and not giving up at the slightest opportunity or mistake.

To be continued...

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

WE TOOK SO MANY THINGS FOR GRANTED.

Olumide and Shola decided that they were going to get married after being in a relationship for six (6) years. Too long right? Well, this is a topic for another day. Thankfully their parents were in support of their marriage and there was no issue at all. They were both from wealthy families and so funds for the wedding was not an issue. They got married and their wedding was the talk of town. However, in a recent discussion with Olumide, he mentioned that they were so concerned with the wedding going well that they did not prepare well for the marriage life itself. 

According to Olumide, "this is a mistake that many people make these days. They take the preparation for marriage for granted and focus majorly on the wedding, failing to recognize that the wedding is for just one (1) day while marriage takes a long time and infact is for a life time."

Going into more details, Olumide said "We got into marriage and the first few months were like hell." "I mean I wasn't expecting it to be all rosy but I wished I had senior friends or mentors or people who could have told me what to expect in marriage. I was at the verge of calling it quit when I realised that all we needed to do was understand each other. Don't even ask me about our spiritual life. It was nothing to write home about and this is another thing that we took for granted. We both felt we had walked with God so well and we failed to involve Him in our marriage." He continued. 

"We eventually had to attend a counselling session if we wanted the marriage to work and that was when we realised that it was the little things that threatened the success of our marriage. We realised how we were so engrossed in wedding preparation that zero attention was given to marriage preparation. The fact that we had put God on the side because we felt it was our thing and we could handle it ourselves was also another thing that we had taken for granted." He said regrettably.

"Our marriage is a lot better now and there is a lot more connection and understanding between Shola and I. We are not there yet but we are a work in progress and we have indeed made significant progress in our lives and marriage."

I'm sharing this to encourage people in the process of getting married or planning to get married someday. It's okay to have a fantastic wedding but don't do this at the expense or detriment of your marriage. Delegate as much as you can when it comes to wedding preparation but marriage preparation requires a lot and requires you and your partner putting in the work. Do your research well; have mentors that you both can talk to; involve God; be tolerant and understanding etc.

I hope you have learnt a thing or two today. Thank you so much for stopping by. God bless you. Have a blessed week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

WHEN 'MAN-NING' UP DOESN'T CUT IT! 2

Sometimes in a bid to ‘Man Up’ and go through challenges alone without seeking help and speaking up when we feel overwhelmed, we slip into God’s role and lose sight of God and His place in our lives. When we believe we can do all things with our own might, we want to fix it all by ourselves. We allow the pressure of life and societal norms or ‘ab-norms’ weigh us down, sometimes we feel if we cast all our cares upon Him, it makes us feel weak or powerless and men are not supposed to be weak right? WRONG! 

God's strength is made perfect in our weakness; I mean, If we could do life on our own and were that powerful then we wouldn’t need a savior. “Jesus answered them, “Do you finally believe? In fact, you’re about to make a run for it—saving your own skins and abandoning me. But I’m not abandoned. The Father is with me... In this godless world, you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart, I’ve conquered the world ” (John‬ ‭16:31-33‬ ‭MSG)‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬

“Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go...But don’t, dear friend, resent God’s discipline; don’t sulk under his loving correction. It’s the child he loves that God corrects; a father’s delight is behind all this.” (Proverbs‬ ‭3:5-12‬ ‭MSG‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬)

So my fellow men! 'Don’t tight the world to your chest' (permit my Swahili). Societal norms were created by imperfect people like us and most of these rules are not right. I mean we live in a society where good is the new bad, orange is the new black and many twisted truths just to suit perverted narratives. We cannot afford to have this same society guide how we interact with life so the first thing we need to do is turn to the one who created life itself - God and accept you are not in control, give your life to the One who subdues our fears because honestly, that’s all that really is.

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life... I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” (Matthew‬ ‭11:28-30‬ ‭MSG‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬)

Secondly, prayerfully choose your friends (those who genuinely love you, want the best for you and you can confess your faults to without fear of ridicule) and lastly join a Christlike community to build you up.

For us as Christians, we have a sure foundation we can rely on to get help and we have the light to illuminate our darkness when we are overwhelmed. What are we doing with the light we have? We are not light to shine among light, we are to shine in darkness so let’s go out into the world and shine. Through the help of the HolySpirit, we can be the help to that man or woman around you or be the messenger of hope……BE THE MESSAGE! Speak up about your truth (God being our truth and how he helps us overcome challenges), speak up to the right community when you’re down, speak to the people around you who need hope. Be the message in your own niche and let’s change the narrative.

If you are in a position where a man confides in you about a challenge, don’t blame him or call him weak or tell others of his situation; encourage him in the Lord and let the HolySpirit guide you to be the light in his darkness. We all need each other and we all need God so Man Up! when you need to, Speak Up! when you need to but above all God Up! ALWAYS!!! even when it seems you don’t need to.

Samuel Idiake

Thank you so much for stopping by. God bless you and see you soon.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

WHEN 'MAN-NING UP' DOESN'T CUT IT!

 

Man up! Man up! Until there’s a Man down!. How many men have to go down before we start speaking up and stop ‘Man-ning’ up?

So many men like myself have heard the phrase ‘Man Up'! like a million times from childhood, or other phrases like ‘Be a man’, ‘Na Man you be’, ‘Chest the pain like a man’, ‘Men don’t cry’ etc. but men do cry or sometimes want to cry but we bottle up our emotions for fear of being called ‘weak’.

Growing up, my father was my childhood hero and best friend; living through childhood with him, my 3 sisters and my mum was a lot of fun before my younger brother joined the fun when I was 11. However, that fun was cut short when I was 16 - my dad died and everything changed. I remember when we heard the news, my sisters were wailing, my mum was all over the place, my brother was just 4 but seeing my mum’s state also started crying but everyone around was telling me to ‘Man Up’, ‘You are now the man of the house’, ‘You have to be strong for your mum and siblings’, ‘Don’t cry, na man you be’ but I was hurting, hurting really bad, I had just lost my best friend few days to my graduation from secondary school, we had great plans together but now he’s gone and I’m not allowed to cry because I’m a man. I mean, who in the life of Papa Ajasco wrote that rule.

The first and probably the last time I really cried about my dad’s death was two weeks after his burial. I caught myself alone in the house and I cried like a baby. I cried because I had been in a lot of pain, ‘sifia pains’  but masking it all along and the burden was becoming too heavy to carry so I cried uncontrollably. I cried like my life depended on it cos it probably did; but after that I wiped my tears, washed my face and ‘became a man’ again cos I was now the ‘Man of the house’. I have to be strong for my mum and siblings, never to be caught crying or weak (sigh!). It’s been over a decade since his death and I do not think I have completely healed from that hurt and pain bottled up within me (heavy-sigh!)

The truth is that men are not immune to pain but we live in a society that makes speaking up about our pain look like weakness when it is in fact a strength. I believe the whole culture of absorbing issues and not talking about it as men, has done more harm than good and this needs to be changed. Many men are hurt and have never spoken about their hurt to get help, healing or closure because they have been told to 'man up'. Instead they go about hurting people cos ‘hurt people’ hurt other people. Society expects men to bottle up their pain/feelings and then in the same breath complain of African men being unromantic.

My dear, we were trained to be emotionless and it affected how we love too; if you overly express love, they’ll call you a woman, if you make yourself completely vulnerable to your spouse, they’ll say you have been brainwashed, you’re under a spell etc. What then does it mean to be in love if you can’t be vulnerable to your spouse but that’s a topic for another day. It’s almost like the only emotion we are allowed to express is anger, strength and any other emotion that doesn’t make you look vulnerable or weak and this is extremely sad.

I totally believe in being responsible, accepting responsibility for your actions and the consequences of your actions, facing your challenges head on and never backing down, always striving to be the best, making the best of whatever situation you find yourself and always being optimistic but the reality is that MEN ARE NOT SUPERHUMANS! 

To be continued...

Samuel Idiake

COMPARISON CAUSED ME MORE HARM...

I was scared that Francis wouldn't give me a chance. I pushed him away when he came asking that we make things work  even though I had no reason to do that. Our issue was solely because of my stupid decision but he still made attempts and I was foolish to push him away.

This event broke me so badly and till today I regret allowing comparison affect my relationship. Francis and I would have made a perfect couple to be honest. I always looked forward to the day that we would get married but that's all in the past now. I've shared this story to plead with and advice you based on my experience. Please don't ever compare your life, relationship, marriage to that of any one. Whether or not you have the full story, please restrain from this act. I'm actually pleading with you.

Comparison does more harm than good and it makes you think that there is something better happening outside your life or situation. Yes the things going on in other people's lives, relationships, marriages might be sweet and interesting but it's not enough to make you make rash decisions. Be grateful for what you have and your position. Admire other people but do not compare yourself to them.  

Many people fail to understand that people most times do not show the struggles and hard times that they go through. We look at the 'fun' 'good things' happening around people and we judge based on that which should not be. If you knew the secrets and events behind the scene of some people's lives, you will be grateful for your life and not compare it to that of another. Also let me say that even if people do not have bad sides or challenges, you still do not have a reason to compare yourself or events to theirs. You are unique and different so please face your life and guard it well.

Francis's girlfriend learnt the hard way but she got the necessary lesson and won't make such a mistake again. I really hope that by following her story, you have also learnt one or two things.

Thank you so much for stopping by. God bless you real good.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.