YOU DESERVE A ROUND OF APPLAUSE!

In less than seven (7) hours, it would be time to say that we are in a new year - 2020.  Yaay!!! We made it to the end of 2019 and we shall experience 2020 soon.  This is really exciting and you surely deserve a round of applause. 

Today is the last day of the year 2019 and I am sure many of us have been reflecting on how the year went. Many of us had expectations and while some came to pass, maybe others did not but this is not a time to feel bad at all. Rather, it is a time to be filled with hope and the assurance that all things work together for our good. It may not seem like you have things to be grateful for but if you search deeply, you will realise that you have more than enough to be thankful for about the year 2019. So please give yourself a round of applause for being fantastic and for surviving the year 2019. I am also very grateful for you, yes you, thanks for staying tuned and for being a consistent reader. 

We are beginning the year 2020 on a very BIG note. By this, I mean that we will experience the fulfilment of all and even more than the things we hoped to happen in 2019. It is my prayer that none of our expectations will be cut short and all our heart desires will be met according to God's will. 

Concerning relationships and marriages which is our core on this blog, it is my prayer that:

God will bless marriages and make people who are married and expecting, bring forth their own children. God will bring the right men and women as husbands and wives for those that have been trusting God either for a husband or for a wife. God will restore broken homes and cause His perfect peace to reign in every home. We will have the right connections and relationships in Jesus name. God will heal the brokenhearted and replace ashes with beauty. God will also give everyone a heart of forgiveness to forgive those who have wronged us in one way or the other. (AMEN!!!!)

Have a fulfilled and fun filled year guys. Please do not allow any form of negativity in your mind about 2020.  Forget about the things that did not work out or go according to plan and be grateful for your life. Once again, you deserve a round of applause for making it to the end of the year and for entering into 2020. Let every bad thought, opinion, negativity be dropped in 2019. Welcome to 2020, we shall have good news all year round in Jesus name, Amen. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

DON'T GIVE UP...STAY STRONG

Tunde: (picks a call from his mum) Mummy good evening ma. I'm not sure I will be coming home for Christmas but hopefully before the end of the year I'll come around ma...

Dayo: Guy, I thought you said you will go home for Christmas, why have you suddenly changed your mind?

Tunde: Bro, it is not a sudden change of mind o. I really want to go home for Christmas but I've been thinking of the events that might take place. My siblings will be around with their spouses and children and I'm so sure that I will not escape the private talk with my mum on when I am bringing her a wife and giving her grandchildren. My other siblings have given her grandchildren but she is not satisfied until I give her mine. We've had this discussion almost every year for the past 5 years and I just need a break from that.

Dayo: I totally understand you Tunde. Many of my friends and colleagues got married this year. I am even part of the groom's men for one of my friends whose wedding is coming up on the 29th of this month. I remember him saying "this year won't pass me by..." and it didn't. But for me, I had hope at the beginning of the year that this year would be my year but Biola messed up so we're back to square one. My mum and Dad have also been on my case but then I can only keep hoping that I will find the right woman and at the right time.

Tunde: It is well Bro, God will do it in His own way and at his own time but really nobody should put us under any pressure.

Some of us might have a similar situation to that of Tunde and as a result might be scared to go home for the festive season because of the numerous questions on when you will get married. This write-up is to encourage you not to be discouraged or disheartened. You might have had plans and hoped like Dayo that you will get married this year but please this is not enough to make you give up on those dreams and desires of yours. Yes, it might not have come to pass but there are still seven (7) days left for God to turn your situation around. If nothing happens within the 7 days we have left till the end of this year, do not give up still. We also write to encourage you to follow God and live in accordance with His ways because He cares for you, yes YOU! And there is HOPE in Him.

We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year in advance. We hope to see you in the new year. God bless you real good and may He grant your heart desires according to His will in Jesus name, amen.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

IS IT OKAY TO SAY THAT ALL MEN ARE THE SAME??? 2

There are so many discouraging stories out there and there is a likelihood for people to give up on relationship or marriage or to think that they can never have a great experience. Whilst it is true that people have had it tough in marriages and relationships, their experiences are not sufficient and should in actual fact not be sufficient to make one say that one's experience would be the same. 

As we saw in the conversation between Ibukun and Shola last week, the fact that Ibukun's mum and her sister had been abused by the men that they got married  to and that her own fiance had also abused her does not mean that every man out there is an 'abuser'. As her friend advised, generalising such experiences and saying that all men are like that would do no good. Rather, it would put in so much fear such that when she meets someone (I.e. a man that is a good man and not an abuser) she might not recognise this because of the stereo type.

Although the title of this article points at men, it is the same for women. Some  men have had bad experiences with women (though it is something they rarely talk about because of the way they are wired) and as such there is also a tendency for a guy or man to be scared of getting into a relationship or even getting married at all. The same thing applies here, not all women are the same and the fact that you have had it tough with one woman or some women, doesn't mean that you cannot have it good with  a woman.

Not all men are the same!

Not all women are the same!

Your experience can be different!

Do not generalise!

Be positive!

Do not give up!

I really use this opportunity to pray for those who have been abused or maltreated by one or many men/women. I pray that your heart gets healed and that you are able to forgive those who have hurt you. I also pray that you will see a reason to trust again and that your next relationship experience (hopefully the last) would be a pleasant one which would counter your previous experience(s).

Thank you so much for stopping by, we hope to see you soon by God's grace. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown. 

IS IT OKAY TO SAY THAT ALL MEN ARE THE SAME???

"That's how all men are! I don't think you can find one that is not like this..." said Ibukun to her closest friend Shola. "Ibukun! You cannot just generalise like that! Not all men think that you have to be abusive to a lady to earn her respect" Shola tries to explain to Ibukun. "Well I have proof Shola. I grew up seeing my dad treat my mum like trash. He would talk to her anyhow and sometimes beat her for the singular reason that she had a different opinion from his. My mum had no say in the house and it just made the way my dad treated her look normal. 

"I'm sorry about that Ibukun. I understand what you mean but I don't think your mum's experience is enough proof that all men are like that." "My mum is not the only proof Shola, my elder sister has been married for just about a year and it feels like ten years already because of the scars both on her body and in her heart. She is bitter everyday but she cannot leave her marriage because she has learnt 'endurance' from my mum. This is something that I hoped will never happen to me. Tomi knew about the whole situation with my family and I somewhat thought that engaging him in all that was happening would make him treat me better but I was wrong. He has done the exact same thing that I dreaded all my life. So maybe in actual fact, this is how all men are. I was hoping that along the line I would see someone that is different from the picture of my dad and brother-in-law but that person seems really far away and I just may never find a different person."

"Ibukun! Ibukun! Don't talk like that please. I cannot fully say that I understand how you feel but I don't think it's right to talk like this. You guys are not even married yet so there's still hope and I know that you can find a man that would truly love you, not abuse you and respect your opinion even if it differs from his. Please get it out of your head - it is not normal for a man to be abusive (emotionally or in whatever way) and any man who is, does not deserve you. The fact that it happened to your mum and to your sister does not mean it should happen to you. In fact you must ensure that history does not repeat itself. You have to break this chain so as to avoid passing on the same experience to your children. You deserve to be treated right, in fact every woman does, so don't settle for less because you think that's the best you can ever get.

To be continued...

Thank you so much for stopping by, we hope to see you next week by God's grace.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

YOU CAN MAKE THINGS WORK...

On my way out with some of my friends, we heard some women having a conversation and one of them said “if my husband does…I will just divorce him”. This struck a conversation between us and we expressed our shock as to how nowadays people are not willing to tolerate even the littlest mistake in marriage. In the words of one of my friends, “people treat marriage like relationships”. Although relationships are not just to be broken anyhow (hence the need to be extremely careful before getting into one), a relationship can be broken. A relationship is way different from a marriage because you have not yet said “I do” to the person you are with.

Marriage is way different and it is sadly gradually becoming really trivialized. He comes back late from work and you go “I cannot deal with this” or maybe she forgets to cook for you and you go “I am tired of this woman”.  No one is trying to say that coming back late from work is good or bad but then, you cannot at the slightest mistake/error/mishap say that you want to divorce a man or a woman. The truth is that the other woman that you think will cook that food when you divorce this one or the other man you think would come back early from work when you divorce him, might do that but then they would also have areas that you are not comfortable with. So are you going to keep divorcing and remarrying? Think about this!

The problem we have nowadays is that because this divorce thing has become very common, many people (especially youths) now go into marriage with the idea that “if he/she misbehaves, I will divorce him/her”. This is a very wrong mentality and we need to be careful about this. It is wrong and highly unadviceable for you to ever go into a marriage with the idea behind your heart that once your partner does something wrong, you will just get a divorce. I remember a Pastor once said “My wife and I made up our minds when we got married that divorce is not an option” and this got me thinking. We can learn from this: DIVORCE SHOULD NOT BE AN OPTION and should not be the first thing we think about when something in our marriage goes wrong.

Sadly but truly, people are no longer willing to tolerate even the littlest thing and this is really bad. There are extreme cases, I agree that might warrant you making that decision and I would not go into that today. But my focus is on the fact that we need to start renewing our minds about this divorce thing. We need to start working on being patient and tolerant people and not giving up at the slightest opportunity or mistake.

If you are already married, please try not to think of divorce at the slightest opportunity. Please try to be willing to make things work no matter what it may cost you. Your marriage is not a football ground where players can just be changed anyhow. Marriage is deeper than this and so we need to be extremely careful. Please be patient! I am not in your shoes and I might not know how difficult it is for you at the moment but you can think deeply about it. Your marriage is workable! Maybe just a little patience, a little understanding will help. If you are going through this, I really pray God helps you with this and gives you wisdom.

For those of us that are not yet married, we need to consciously get this mentality out of our heads! Please do not get married to anybody with the thoughts that “if he or she makes a mistake, you will just get a divorce”. This is wrong. We have to build ourselves to the level that we become very tolerant and patient people. Marriage is the coming together of two different people from different backgrounds and sometimes with different characters. What this implies is that there would be a clash but then how you handle the clash or differences is what matters.

God’s standard has not changed and this is different from belonging to the old school or new school. God says that “He hates divorce” and so that is His standard so why do we think that being a 21st century Christian or person changes this standard? No! It does not in anyway.

I really pray for each and every one of us (myself inclusive) that God will help us to understand the real essence of marriage so that we do not take it for granted. I pray that we exhibit the fruits of the Spirit so that our marriages will be better for it. I pray for a high level of tolerance and understanding in Jesus name (Amen!)

OneLove,

SomzyBrown