"BABE, WE CAN TALK THINGS THROUGH PLEASE..."

Bayo and Nike have been married for 2 years and although they are an adorable couple, they have had to deal with a lot of issues. One major issue that the beautiful couple had was based on a misunderstanding that Nike did not respect Bayo and that Bayo did not love Nike. This issue came up in different forms, shapes and sizes and on one of the occasions Bayo said something that really broke Nike's heart.

They had a heated argument and because of pride or let's still call it lack of understanding, no one wanted to be the first to apologise. Bayo felt Nike was the one who was wrong and should apologise and Nike also felt Bayo was at fault. No one was willing to be a fool and so this fight went on for 3 days. They were living in the same house but not saying a single word to each other. Nike couldn't handle it anymore and sent a message to her darling husband on the 3rd day saying, "Please let's talk about this when you get home. I'm not comfortable with the silence between us". Bayo got home and listened to what Nike had to say. While he was trying to explain how he felt, he said "...I've had to ask myself if I married the wrong person..."

The statement made by Bayo was really heart breaking and she really couldn't believe that her husband would say such because they had issues. She didn't like the way he was treating her but she never thought she missed it maritally. She knew that marriage required a lot of patience and understanding and so although the fights and turmoils were discouraging, she had no cause to think that Bayo was the wrong husband for her.

The truth is that in marriage or a relationship, there will always be one issue or the other which should be sorted out but it is not right to say or think that the fact that a couple is having issues means that they married wrongly or the marriage should come to an end. I listened to a relationship personnel recently and she talked about how some people think conflict isn't something that should happen when you're in love. She spoke about the fact that her husband and herself had a lot of issues to the extent that he said "I hate you..." She stated that conflict is normal and should be part of a relationship or marriage. 

You can watch here: https://www.instagram.com/tv/Byfq3c3Fxgm/?igshid=1ru2hetqqjife

You might have issues that will move you to tears but it is not enough reason to think that you married wrongly or that you made a mistake choosing your life partner or being in that relationship. So if you find yourself having isues with your spouse, your first thought or thought at all shouldn't be that you made a mistake. Rather, find a way to resolve it. Conflict is normal but resolving it is key. 

Thanks a lot for stopping by and we look forward to seeing you next week. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

ARE THERE STILL GOOD MEN OUT THERE?? 2

Femi kept showing signs of willingness and desire to make Bimbo his wife. He was a good man but Bimbo had so many fears, especially the jilting fears. She had prayed for someone like him but she was unsure as to whether he would change or whether he would truly keep to his words and go ahead to get married to her. After so much persistence and assurance, Bimbo decided that she would get married to him. Femi is a good man and she is glad that he came through and that she made the decision to be with him.

Back to the question - Are there still good men out there? This question is one that a lot of people either ask themselves or those around them. Although the topic focuses on men, the same question could be asked for women. A lot of people have been hurt and based on the hurt they have experienced, they jump to the conclusion that "all men are bad" or "all women are terrible". It is this conclusion that pushes people to settle for less. I know that it could be frustrating to meet terrible or bad people but it is not safe to assume that every man or every woman is like that.

I have met many good men and many great women. This is not to dispute the fact that some people act in certain ways that are unbecoming and should never be heard of. However, would we because of these people give up on marriage or come to the conclusion that there are no good men or women out there? NO! Yes we need to be careful, prayerful and watchful but as we can see from Bimbo's story, there are still good men out there.

Our advice to you is not to give up at all. It may appear like time is ticking and nothing is happening but trust me, if you hold on and you can trust God, you will not be put to shame. Please do not because of what people will say or because of the fear that no better man or woman would come, settle for less. Be patient and do not give up. Your good man or woman would come soon in Jesus name. Amen.

Thank you so much for staying with us on this. God bless you. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

ARE THERE STILL GOOD MEN OUT THERE?

Bimbo and Femi met about 8 months ago and they seem to be making good progress in life (smiles). Bimbo has not exactly had a good experience with guys and in fact she has given up on guys. However, she is beginning to have a rethink because of Femi. They have been friends for 8 months and they have dated for 4 months. From everything that has transpired between them, Femi is a great guy and he appears different from all the guys that Bimbo has ever met or dated. However, Segun (Bimbo's ex boyfriend) was like that when they first started dating. They dated for 3 years and he was really good for about 2 years. It was in the 3rd year that he began to misbehave and finally broke up with her few days to their introduction. 

Who breaks up just before an introduction? Like who really does that? This was devastating for Bimbo. She had experienced a lot of break ups but this one was the worst of all. She almost ran mad and gave herself a heart attack but thank God for God and her parents. She was just beginning to overcome the fear of the relationship not working out which is what led to the delay in introducing Segun to her parents. But what happened? She received a heart break not long after this fear appeared to have gone. 

Bimbo's parents were really upset about Segun's action and if they had their way they would have punished him for what he did to their daughter. Bimbo could not eat or sleep well for days and this was a big worry for her parents. I mean every parent would be worried for their child if they find themselves in the same situation. They knew such experience could be painful but they really didn't want their daughter to kill herself over a man. Bimbo was encouraged by her father who told her that it meant that Segun wasn't right for her and that the right man would come soon. Bimbo wasn't going to have any of her dad's speech until he reminded her of his story - 

Bimbo's dad got married at the age of 40 not because he really wanted to but because he suffered in the hands of many ladies. The final one he thought was right for him and different from others also jilted him. She went with another man because he had more money than Bimbo's dad and because he had promised to take her abroad. The funniest thing is that Bimbo's dad later discovered that she was pregnant for this other man even while they were dating. This was a painful experience for him but he was glad that she broke up because it would have been worse discovering after the marriage that she was carrying a baby for another man.

Another good side of the story is that not too long after the woman left, he found Bimbo's mother whom he describes till today as "the best gift from God". They have had different challenges because of their differences but each time he sees her, he is filled with joy and has no regret that he got married to her. After reminding Bimbo of the gift of her mum to him, he made her realise that there are still good men out there and that in due time she would be found by the right man because his prayers cannot be in vain. 

Could it be that Femi was/is the right man that Bimbo's father has always prayed for? We shall find out next week.

Thank you so much for stopping by and we look forward to seeing you next week. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

THE 5 LOVE LANGUAGES - LOVE IS A CHOICE

Having looked at the 5 love languages (a summary of each), it is important that we conclude with some salient points. The first point is that you have to take a step in knowing which of the love languages is PRIMARY for you and thereafter which is PRIMARY for your spouse. What makes you feel most loved by your spouse? What is that thing that you desire most? What do you think would make your love tank full? Is there something your spouse does or does not do that gets you really upset? What is that thing?

The above questions are just to help guide you in discovering what your primary love language is. Sometimes it could be the opposite of what your spouse does (I.e. if your spouse is always judgmental and critical of you and this gets you really upset, it could mean that your main love language is words of Affirmation). If it grieves you deeply that your spouse rarely gets you a gift (no matter how small), then we can be sure that your primary love language is receiving gifts. If you get totally upset about your spouse's non-reaction/reaction to physical touch, then maybe your love language is physical touch. 

Another way to discover what your primary love language is to see what you love to do for your spouse. There are chances that you do certain things for your spouse because those things are important to you and you expect them to be done in return to you. This in itself isn't absolute because some people carry out certain acts because they have seen others do it. However, it could be a helpful guide in discovering your primary love language.

Many men make the mistake of thinking that their primary love language is physical touch because the male is physically pushed to have sexual release on a regular basis. However, if they check deeply, they will discover that physical touch isn't necessarily their primary love language. It could be for some men but it isn't for all men. A story was shared about a man who said that his primary love language was physical touch but said he would feel unloved if his wife spoke harshly to him than if she refused to have sex with him. After this expression, it was discovered that his primary love language is words of affirmation as this meant more to him than physical touch.

After discovering your primary love language, you have a duty to discover that of your spouse. This could be discovered alongside yours but it all depends on you as an individual. Although it is important that your spouse satisfies you and makes you happy by filling your love tank, you have the same responsibility. 

Love is a choice that we all need to make in the journey of relationship and marriage. If you truly love your spouse, you will make efforts to ensure that his/her love language is carried out/met by you. By doing this, his/her love tank would be full and the truth is that when your love tank is full, you definitely want to make the love tank of your partner full. Do not let your marriage be a routine, let there be friendship and love. Make the choice to make your marriage and your home an amazing place for you, your spouse and children (if you have any).

If your spouse tells you that s/he doesn't feel loved by you, the first step shouldn't be to count all the things you've done to show them love or to defend yourself. Think deeply and ask questions on what you need to do to make them feel loved because for all you care, you might be doing a lot of things which mean nothing to your spouse. Your aim should always be to get your spouse's love tank full and in order to do this, you need to know his/her primary love language.

I pray that each of us will treat our spouse's right by God's grace and that we would make efforts in ensuring that their love tanks are full by discovering their primary love language and fulfilling them.

Thank you so much for staying with us all through. We hope you had time to read through everything, if not please try to read the previous posts and drop your comments if you have any. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown