SUGAR MUMMY/DADDY VIBES.

"No! No! No! Please don't tell me that you intend to get into a relationship with that man. Please don't say that I beg you!" Said Tricia

"I've always known you to be smart so yes that's what I intend to do. Do you have a problem with that Tricia?" Stephanie responded angrily.

"Of course I have a problem with that Stephanie. Why on earth would you decide to get involved with a married man? There are still good single men out there so why must it be someone that is married? Please leave someone's husband alone!"

"Miss Adviser, thank you very much for the advice but I'm sorry, this advice cannot fly. I have made up my mind and I will do just what I want to do. Maybe you can ask the single men that are available why they are not coming around because I cannot keep waiting. I've waited for too long and I'm done. Even the ones that are available are not mature so what are we then saying?

"I know waiting could be hard, tiring and difficult but Stephanie, I do not think that the solution to this is being with a married man. Morals aside, what if his wife finds out? Also if marriage is the desired place, are you saying that you will get married to him? How will you feel if you were married and someone did this to you?

"I haven't said that Tricia but all I know is that I love this man and I'm not going to allow you or his wife take him away from me."

...

A lot has been said about this topic and to be honest, it is a painful thing to go through. Some people (ladies and men) do not think there's anyhing wrong in getting into a relationship with a married person. I'm not here to sugarcoat anything - IT IS WRONG! 

There is a reason why they are married and it is not in your place to destroy anyone's marriage even if they appear to be having a rough time. You will get married some day and I'm sure you won't be happy to hear that someone is messing around with your spouse. 

If he or she is married, please leave him or her alone. Although it could be tempting, there's no tenable reason to get into a relationship with a married person. Even if they promise the whole world to you, please do not yield to this temptation.

Furthermore, I always advice that if you have a friend of the opposite sex that is married, you need to give him or her some space. If you feel you missed out on such person, I'm sorry about that but you cannot change the fact that they are married. If you want to remain close friends with such person, wisdom is profitable to direct. One wise thing that you can do is to get close to the spouse. However, no matter what, do not be the reason for a marriage to break-up.

Married men and women please also leave the single guys and ladies alone. Stay faithful to your spouse, please and please.

Thank you so much for stopping by and I hope to see you again next week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

I WILL NEVER DOUBT 'ME' AGAIN!

 I was beginning to lose myself because I felt unworthy. Every where I turned, every thing I did, every word I said - none seemed to make sense or be appreciated. Each time I tried my best, I heard echoes of whispers telling me how bad and terrible I was. This made me doubt myself. 

 This made me question the little good I thought existed in me. I questioned the compliments i had ever received because I got contradicting words from the ones I really thought or expected to be on my side. All of these almost led to depression. I began to lose myself and lose my confidence. I began to see myself as less than i really am. I allowed discouraging words from people (who were probably envious of me) defeat me. I stayed in this down position for a while.

Until one day, I heard a voice that spoke words to me - these words countered all the negative words I had heard or accepted. I suddenly realised what I had done to myself - I could have countered these words with the right words. I knew I wasn't all that people had made me feel I was but I lacked the courage to counter these words. 

After hearing this voice, I Began to say nice and wonderful things to myself. I soon realised that it wasn't all about what people had said or not said about me but what I knew about myself. There's room for improvement. Oh, yes there is! and this applies to everyone because no one is perfect. But while I'm working on and improving myself, I am also going to love myself and be comfortable not just in my skin and personality but in who I am. 

I will love me because only when I have succeeded at this will I be able to love someone else. I'm not going to lose myself because of the words I have heard, especially terrible ones that put me in a place of doubt about myself and who I am in the real sense of it. 

People will always have opinions but I need to be careful not to allow these things affect me or make me change or even get me depressed. Enough is enough! I will take note of the areas that need improvement in my life and work on them but never again will I put myself in a position of depression. Never again will I allow people's words weigh me down! Never again will I feel like I am not enough!

I know who I am and I won't doubt it anymore.

Anonymous  

I hope you were encouraged! Life throws a lot at us but we have to stand strong cos if we don't, we lose ourselves. Loving you is important so please work on it! Never doubt yourself!

Thanks for stopping by.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown 

HOW CAN WE MAKE IT WORK??

Last week, we began an interesting topic on long distance relationships and we shall dive right into it today. Although I have been in a long distance relationship before, I wouldn't say that I am an expert at this. I have worked on a few tips that I believe might help people in long distance relationships but I am pretty sure there are more. Please note that this is something I have written on before but based on popular demand,  I had to bring it up again. 

1. Organize dates - This could be movie dates or any kind of date. Decide to see a movie together or the same movie at different times and then talk about how you felt while watching it or discuss your learning points. You can also send clips of the parts you enjoyed the most as this would give you both something interesting to talk about.

2. Hobbies: Discover each other's hobbies and encourage yourselves to do something about it. For example, if you partner loves to shop, you can encourage him/her to go shopping and talk to you about it. If you have the means, you can send some money or deliver a gift to him/her, encouraging them to carry out this hobby of theirs. You can also ask questions surrounding your partner's hobby. "How did basketball go today? Who won? How do you feel about the game" When is the next game" etc.

3. Communication: This is key in every relationship and the importance cannot be over emphasised. Please talk about anything and everything, from the beginning of your day to the end. Many times, ladies talk more than the guys but guys please you also need to share your experiences. Apart from talking, also learn to listen to your partner (don't always provide a solution just let him/her know that you are there and that you care). 

Also please engage in a lot of video calls so you can see each other, notice your reactions etc.,  this is the closest to being physically together though it can not be the same. Chat on Whatsapp and different social media platforms but do more of calls and voice notes, it could make you feel closer to each other.

If its within your power, plan surprise visits. You'll be amazed at how this can change a lot about your relationship. 

4. Settle Differences: In any relationship, keeping malice affects the relationship negatively and so this is something that we must avoid at all costs even if you have to be the one to play the fool sometimes. This is more important in a long distance relationship especially if you can't see your partner or might not see him or her in a while. The moment you allow issues linger for too long, you build a gap that might be difficult to mend. So as quickly as possible, settle your differences and focus on being better people. 

5. Constantly Celebrate Each other: Whether or not you're a social media person, you will need to do this as often as possible. Put his/her picture on social media - WhatsApp status, Instagram etc. this would make them know and feel loved and appreciated. Everyone loves to be celebrated so let your partner know that you're rooting for them at all times and also do this publicly.

6. Stay Committed: You can have friends of the opposite sex but ensure that there are clear boundaries between you. Be open to your partner about these friends and leave no room for doubt or suspicion. Try as much as possible not to hide anything from your partner because some day and in a way that you wouldn't like it, he or she might find out. Honesty is key in making your relationship work so please be open and committed. 

We'll stop here for now. I know there are many experienced long distance relationship people here, so please if you have further tips to share with us, please do. After reviewing it, we will be glad to share it on the blog.

Thanks a lot for stopping by and we hope to see you soon. God bless you and have a blessed week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS CAN WORK!

If you put in the work, long distance relationships can work! 

I had a discussion with someone about this and she said "I don't care whether there are good stories about long distance relationships but in my opinion, they don't work". Wondering why she said this? She has tried being in long distance relationships that didn't work due to no fault of hers (well according to her). In fact, she said she gave her all to these relationships but her partners always had one story or the other to defend them breaking up. Based on her experience, long distance relationship does not work.

While many people have similar experiences, there are other successful stories of long distance relationships and I think people just need to figure out what works for them. A man once shared "I met my wife via a social media platform. We were in different countries when we met but somehow we made it work and we are married now." This is one of the successful stories when it comes to long distance relationships and there are many more.

The truth be told, long distance relationships or marriages require a lot more work than marriages/relationships where the partners are together requires. If you're currently in one  or considering getting into one, you must be willing to put in the work (extra work) that is required to make it work.

You may ask "Why does it require more work?" Well long distance relationship requires more work because:

1. Communication: You have to do a lot of explaining and talking when it comes to communication. There's a different level of communication when you're with someone physically compared to when you're away from them physically. Thank God for social media, things have been made easy but conversations still get misinterpreted when said over the phone, sent through a voice note or a chat etc. 

2. Time difference: There are some long distance relationships that are not affected by time difference and this is because they are either in the same country (country where the times are synchronized) or they are in different countries with similar time zones. Majority of the long distance relationships I know of involve being in different countries with different time zones and mehn this is a lot of work. While one is just going to sleep, one other person is about to go to work vice versa. 

There are other reasons why long distance relationships require a lot of work but we will stop here for now. Our intention is not to discourage you from long distance relationships but to give some tips that may help in your long distance relationship or marriage and we really hope that you find them useful in one way or the other. 

Stay tuned and we shall discuss these tips next week by God's grace. Thanks for stopping by, God bless you real good.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.