THIS WASN'T HOW I PLANNED IT!

 

If you're one of those people who have been pressured or asked numerous questions about not being married, this is for you. I know you might have heard this a million and one times but seriously this is the truth - it is Better to get married late than to get married to the wrong person.

A lot of people get pressured into getting into a relationship or marriage. Some parents would even say to their wards "Just bring any one home" "There's no perfect one out there so just bring someone home to us". As a result of this, many do not do their due diligence properly, they bring 'anyone' home and decide to get married to 'anyone' not taking their time to prayerfully discover if this 'anyone' is the right person for them.

I had a discussion recently with some people and I said that parents or guardians who make their children rush into getting a relationship or marriage are the same ones that would be full of regrets when they discover the wife or husband of their child is not who they thought he or she was. 

In my opinion, it is better to wait and be sure that you want to be with someone or that you are both compatible in all important areas before jumping into the decision of marriage.

So just incase you're angry at the fact that things didn't go the way you planned or expected, please know that it is somehow going to work out for your good. Please do not be pressured and thanks for not yielding to all the pressure that might have come your way.

Yes, it's the end of 2021 and you really hoped that that handsome man would find you or that you'll find that beautiful woman and it hasn't happened yet. I know that there were a lot of disappointment, heart break and what not but please do not give up! Remain hopeful and prayerful and you'll share the testimony of how God worked it out for you. 

Managing just anyone shouldn't be an option for you. People who go into marriages saying there's no perfect one and settle for less are most times full of regrets. Please be patient, work on yourself, engage in activities and be hopeful cos although it's the end of the year, God is writing your story and so it's not the end of  your life.

He'll come; She'll come and in due time by God's grace.

Thanks for coming to this blog every now and then and thanks for being amazing. God bless you real good. Merry Christmas in arrears and a happy new year in advance.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

PAIN, SHAME AND GUILT...2

Memories of all that my dad did to me as a young girl affected me in so many ways. I became really shy and all that clouded my mind was how mean and heartless my father was. My friends always talked about the lovely relationships they had with their fathers and this made me really jealous. I wished I could say same but any discussion about my dad brought serious tears to my eyes.

Talking to guys became very scary for me because it felt like they were all the same and would do the same thing to me and so I avoided the male gender like a plague. I thought I could even have some as friends but I was too scared to allow my last experience repeat itself. 

I had vowed never to forgive him for the hurt, the pain and the shame I felt as a result of his wicked nature and inability to control himself.  But then I met someone...

We became close and I fell in love with him. However, I was really bitter and this affected our relationship. He tried to be patient but now that I think about it, I wouldn't have been patient with me at that time as well. I lost him and it was sad so I knew I had to fix this problem. I spoke to a senior friend who in turn introduced me to a Therapist. 

Undergoing Therapy wasn't the easiest thing but it was certainly the best thing ever. I had to express how I felt in a way that I had never done before and I felt relieved (at least to an extent). During this period, I discovered and  decided to forgive my dad. Hmmmmm, this was extremely difficult but it was highly necessary because without this forgiveness, I was going to remain hurt and I would keep hurting everyone around me. 

It took time to understand and grasp why I had to be the one to forgive. "Shouldn't it be my dad running to me for forgiveness for all that he did to me as a young daughter of his?" I thought but then my Therapist said that I needed healing and I needed to be a happy person again and so if I wanted all of this, I had to forgive and let go.

I became a better person after forgiving my dad. I gradually became capable of talking to guys and maintaining friendship or relationship with them.  I am definitely in a much better place as I regain my dignity and sanity.

If you have a similar experience, please speak to someone about it and take the step of forgiving whoever might have abused you or wronged you. You are doing it for you because you deserve to be free and happy.

Thanks for reading my story. I hope it has inspired you in one way or the other. 

Anonymous

Thanks for stopping by. God bless you and see you soon. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

PAIN, SHAME AND GUILT.

There's so much to say yet so little to explain. So much has happened to me within this short period of my life than even some older people. I mean where do I start from? Is it from the abuse I experienced by my own father? Strange right? Well, maybe not so strange. My blood father took advantage of me when he was supposed to be the one person that protected me from any form of abuse. Yes, I mean my biological father, not my stepfather...

I had no clue what was going on cos I was really young and naive. I couldn't talk to my mum about it because she always went on about how much she loved and trusted her husband. Was I going to be the one to destroy her 'sweet' marriage? Oh no! I wasn't going to do that. 

My dad would casually call me to his room especially when he knew mum was busy in the kitchen and would touch different parts of my body especially my private part. He would have sex with me and what not.  The first time this happened, it was extremely painful and I became so withdrawn. My mum noticed and would ask for why I had suddenly become a quiet girl but I couldn't say a word.

I went from being at the top of my class to nearly missing the last position in my class. This wasn't funny at all. The saddest part of this was that I'll get beaten by the one person that was behind my failure. He'll beat me and call me all sort of names but still come for my body. Sad right?

My poor and innocent mother noticed that my father was fond of me and she was happy that he was close to his first daughter. She even got worried that my dad wasn't as close to my other Siblings as he was to me. God forbid! Thank God he wasn't trying any rubbish with them at least so I thought.

To be continued...

Thank you so much for stopping by, we hope to see you soon.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

I THOUGHT I COULD FIX IT...

 

Seek help! Seek help! Be a receiver of help. 

How often do you say to yourself- "I've got this figured out"; "I'll be fine"; "I'll fix this"...

While it is true that you can fix somethings and while it is true that you indeed will be fine, you cannot fix everything by yourself.

I once wrote about the need of a mentor in one's life and this is key because sometimes you need to talk to people that have gone ahead of you but also ensuring that they are right for you and have the same mindset or belief or values as you do.

What happens if you don't have a Mentor? There must be someone in your corner or space that you can talk to. It could be a sibling, distant relative, senior friend, close friend, aunty, uncle, colleague etc.

Many people suffer from the "I'll be fine " syndrome because they bottle a lot in and do not end up being fine. I've been here a few times and I know it's terrible and uncalled for. It's not worth it. Many times I have conversations with God about how I feel but other times, I need to talk to someone physically.

I am here to encourage you to seek help!

There was a time in my life that I went through something that almost broke me and almost made me lose my self-worth. I couldn't even believe that this was happening to me. I couldn't really talk about this to anyone because I felt so ashamed to open my mouth to say that I was going through that stuff. But guess what? I finally opened up to few people. Things didn't turn around immediately but I felt light after having these conversations with some people I respect. Not all of that issue is resolved but I'm in a better place.

To be honest, this is something I struggled with for a long time. I don't like to ask for help not because I am proud but majorly because I hate to bother people with my issues. Many times, we cannot sort out our issues ourselves and we need to be willing to admit this and seek help. However, this help must be sought from the right people. Be sure that you can trust this person you want to pour your heart out to.

Even the Bible encourages us to seek and we shall find. If you're struggling with anything at all, do not hesitate to ask for help. The fact that your mum, dad, aunt, uncle or close friends appear to be able to handle things doesn't mean you should put yourself under pressure.

Get all the help you can afford to get, you will feel better if you do!!!!!!

Thanks for stopping by.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.