COMPARISON CAUSED ME MORE HARM...

I was scared that Francis wouldn't give me a chance. I pushed him away when he came asking that we make things work  even though I had no reason to do that. Our issue was solely because of my stupid decision but he still made attempts and I was foolish to push him away.

This event broke me so badly and till today I regret allowing comparison affect my relationship. Francis and I would have made a perfect couple to be honest. I always looked forward to the day that we would get married but that's all in the past now. I've shared this story to plead with and advice you based on my experience. Please don't ever compare your life, relationship, marriage to that of any one. Whether or not you have the full story, please restrain from this act. I'm actually pleading with you.

Comparison does more harm than good and it makes you think that there is something better happening outside your life or situation. Yes the things going on in other people's lives, relationships, marriages might be sweet and interesting but it's not enough to make you make rash decisions. Be grateful for what you have and your position. Admire other people but do not compare yourself to them.  

Many people fail to understand that people most times do not show the struggles and hard times that they go through. We look at the 'fun' 'good things' happening around people and we judge based on that which should not be. If you knew the secrets and events behind the scene of some people's lives, you will be grateful for your life and not compare it to that of another. Also let me say that even if people do not have bad sides or challenges, you still do not have a reason to compare yourself or events to theirs. You are unique and different so please face your life and guard it well.

Francis's girlfriend learnt the hard way but she got the necessary lesson and won't make such a mistake again. I really hope that by following her story, you have also learnt one or two things.

Thank you so much for stopping by. God bless you real good.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

THE GREATEST MISTAKE I WILL NEVER FORGET! 2

Francis and I were lovers to the core. Everyone who knew us together could sense something was different about us. Francis was not perfect (no one is) but he was everything I wanted in a man. I loved him and it was obvious that he loved me too. My parents were happy with my decision to be in a relationship with Francis and so I already knew that by the time we were ready to get married, there wasn't going to be an issue at least not on my family's side. They had met him a couple of times and really liked him.

We kept building our relationship and everything was going smoothly until a close friend of mine decided to start saying somethings. She did not speak negatively about Francis but she began to tell me things about her boyfriend/fiance which made me start the comparison game. I say this with sadness because I have always been a preacher of 'no comparison'. I believe that people are different and many times you do not have the full story so you can't afford to compare yourself, your relationship or marriage to that of another person. Even if you have the full story, please always say no to comparison'.

Unfortunately, I began to see Francis in another light. He had not done anything wrong but because he wasn't doing the things that my friend's fiance was doing, my attitude changed towards him. I became so cold and everytime he asked for what was wrong, I ignored him. Things got so bad in our relationship that we had to break it off. 

It was after this breakup that I realised my friend had been lying to me about the things  she said her fiance was doing. Gosh! How stupid was I to have allowed a lie affect what was sweet to me? How could I even begin to treat my boyfriend in a terrible manner based on what was allegedly going on in my friend's relationship.

Even if all that my friend said about her boyfriend was true, it wasn't enough reason for me to start acting cold towards Francis. He is a good man and does not deserve any of the things I did to him. He was being the best in the way that he could and I had no issue whatsoever with him because he was just perfect for me. I totally regret allowing what my friend claimed was going on in her relationship to affect my relationship and this is something that I regret till today.

This period was a tough one for me. How unwise could I have been? I thought of going to apologise to Francis and to see if we could come back but I was too ashamed to do that. "Will Francis render a listening ear? Will he even reconsider me despite how badly I treated him? Should I tell him why my attitude changed towards him?" These thoughts ran through my mind.

To be continued.. 

Thank you so much for stopping by. We hope to see you soon by God's grace.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown 

THE GREATEST MISTAKE I WILL NEVER FORGET!

You know what they say about Godsent people right? They do the things you always prayed for or imagined without giving you any form of stress. I had that experience and at the time I didn't understand why this person came into my life but I knew for a fact that he was Godsent.

Francis and I met during the course of an event. I am very outgoing but Francis seemed like a very shy person. We sat on the same table and he didn't even utter a word to anyone. Everyone engaged in chit-chats but this guy was just quiet. I wondered what kind of a guy he was but I decided to overlook and focus on the event we came for. It was a tech event so the speeches and presentations made me very excited and kept me occupied.

After the event, Francis was nowhere to be found. At the time, I didn't even know his name. I was about to pick up my bag when I noticed that there was another bag (masculine) on the table. Some of the guys who sat on my table were still around so I asked if it belonged to any of them but they all answered in the negative. While I was asking, Francis stood behind me as if he was waiting for me to conclude my talk with the guys. He then said "You have my bag ma'am". Ha this guy that had not said a word to anyone. I replied "oh okay, I saw it laying on the table and decided to look for the owner by asking people around". He was grateful for this kind gesture and asked if I could walk him down to the entrance as he was about leaving. I did. Did I mention that he was really handsome and soft spoken? Oh yes, he was/is.

We got to the entrance and he asked for my number. There's no harm in meeting new people right? I gave it to him without any form of hesitation. Gone are the days when people 'do shakara' when they ask for your number right? Well, I thought so. We got talking, got really close and I knew that I liked him. I don't know why shy people always take their time to ask the person that they like/love to be in a relationship with them. This was my experience with Francis. It was obvious that he liked me but for a few months he did not say anything about it. He enjoyed our friendship and conversations but that seemed to be all he was saying. 

After about five (5) months of me being sure that I'll get into a relationship with this guy, he decided to ask me out. Praise the Lord! Halleuyah! Trust me now, I pretended like I wasn't expecting it and took my time before saying yes to him. Anyway. I finally said yes to him and we began our relationship journey. 

To be continued...

Thanks a lot for stopping by. We hope you had a good read and we hope to see you soon.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

THREE MONTHS TO OUR WEDDING, AN INTERESTING ISSUE CAME UP.

Amaka: Our wedding is in 3 months time and I'm so excited.

Chuka: I know right. I'm happy you're excited.

Amaka: Ch-Chuka, why are you sounding like this? Aren't you excited as well? Or shouldn't you be excited?

Chuka: Hmmmm I am but I'm just thinking about a lot of things...

Amaka: A lot of things? Like what? Are you fine? Hope all is well.

Chuka: All is well but Babe don't you think it's important that we check somethings before we actually decide to go ahead with this marriage.

Amaka: Ha! what do you mean check somethings? Check what and what? Also why are you bringing this up now? We've picked a date for the wedding and we've registered for pre-marital classes so what exactly are you talking about?

Chuka: So a friend of mine was talking to me about how difficult it was for him to cope with his wife when they got married especially because she was in-experienced sexually... He adviced that I do not make the same mistake that he made and this has been on my mind for some time. I won't tell you his name cos I don't want you to judge him. 

Amaka: I appreciate you opening up to me about this. To be honest I understand what your friend means but my question is, if he had tried out his wife before getting married, would there have been some level of trust between them? Also, if he tried her out before marriage and realised that she was 'in-experienced', won't he have dumped her?  He would have dumped her and gone in search for an 'experienced' person and in the course of this search maybe he would have slept with numerous people. I've also heard a lot about this sexual compatibility thing before marriage and it really baffles me. Let's call a spade, a spade - this shouldn't happen especially amongst Christians. 

Amaka: I've not been married before but I know that two people come together in marriage to unlearn, relearn and learn many new things. They come together to start a new life as one, forgetting their pasts and putting aside their differences for the better. It is important for each person to be willing to do this so that they can grow in the marriage together. Sex outside marriage is a sin, it doesn't matter the name we call it. We must be willing to trust that our partners are right for us and that they will be compatible sexually when we are married. We'll explore and learn together but to try it out before marriage is a no no! We both know our stand on this, which is also God's standard so please do not let what your friend told you make you go against God's standard...

There have been lots of discussions surrounding sexual compatibility/incompatibility and I thought to drop my thoughts on this. I also wrote on this sometime last year, please check this Link to read up on that write-up. May God help us singles to say no to the sexual temptations that come our way and even in marriage to stay faithful to our spouses in every way.

Thank you so much for stopping by, hope to see you soon.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

 

HOW I MET MY BEAUTIFUL WIFE...

Juwon: I can't believe we are in the month of June already! When did we wish each other a happy new year? When did we talk about February and Valentine that the whole world was on about?

Dimeji: Time flies so fast Bro. I am also very surprised that we are already in the month of June. Before I forget, happy new month. I pray that this month will bring about a lot of blessings for all of us and that God will surprise us greatly...

Juwon: Amen! Amen! Amen! I receive it...

Dimeji: Do you attend white garment? Why do you have to say Amen three times?

Juwon: Is it by attending white garment? Lol. You prayed a powerful prayer and I felt saying Amen once or twice won't do justice to how I feel about the prayer.

Dimeji: Powerful prayer? 'Abeg you won turn me to Pastor now now?' (Do you want to make a Pastor immediately?)

Juwon. No Bro but I'm serious about this. Don't you feel like the year is running too fast to even achieve all the things we planned to achieve? Remember how at the beginning of the year, we said certain things would happen. We are already approaching the end of the first half of this year and most of these things are still pending.

Dimeji: I totally understand what you mean Juwon. It's hard to believe that those things we wrote down, prayed about, got vision for would still happen before the end of the year but you know what I intend to do? I intend to believe and trust God to make them happen. I've heard of stories of how in less than three (3) days, somethings that some people had been waiting for for three (3) years or more happened. There are still 6/7 months left in this year. I'm not going to give up at all and I think you should do the same. Don't give up! Trust God that these things will happen and they will. 

Juwon: My major issue is getting married... everyone including myself is on my case. Do you think it is still possible to meet the right lady this year again? And even if I do, it's not possible to get married this year.

Dimeji: I understand your fears and worries. We are both single and we desire the same thing, let us put our hope and trust in God. I know that He will surprise us. Don't worry, our testimony is sure. When we share the stories of how we met our wives, people will be amazed. They will invite us to speak and encourage people like us and we'll choose topics like "How I met my beautiful wife" or "God's time is the best - meet my Angel sent from God"...

Juwon: (Laughing) That last part got me. Thanks for the encouragement Bro. I can now face the remaining part of this year, believing and trusting God to surprise me. I know that He's got my back and He will not put me to shame.

Dimeji: I'm glad you are encouraged. God bless you Bro. A song just dropped in my heart now and it's for both us "Hold on, help is on the way. He said He'll never leave you nor forsake you. Stay strong, help is on the way..."

We wish you a happy and fruitful month with surprises and answers to your innermost desires. Please don't give up! Trust God. Thanks for all your support. We love and appreciate you. Have a wonderful week and God bless you.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown