WHY SOME RELATIONSHIPS FAIL.

Sharon: Ruth, I don't feel loved anymore and I don't really know what's happening. Charles used to be in my space a lot when this relationship started and sincerely speaking, I enjoyed every bit of it. Now he seems so busy and I don't understand why I cannot cope with that. I know he loves me but I can't seem to enjoy my life without him being around. I don't know if this is because I have gotten too used to him. 

Ruth: Sharon, I understand you. I don't think anyone should be too busy for their partner but could it be that you are feeling this way because you haven't been as busy as you used to be? Being in a relationship is cool but you need to get to the point where you are also comfortable with being around yourself because the truth is that your partner would not always be around you. It is not also wise to let your happiness or joy be dependent on his presence. It is okay to miss him and look forward to spending time with him but please you need to build your own circle and be full of life whether or not he is around.

Sharon: Hmmmm this makes a lot of sense but that's really hard, especially if it is something you are not used to. I understand the importance of building your own circle but how do you do this when you are so used to being around someone that his absence almost makes you go nuts?

Ruth: Good question Sharon. I used to be like that a long time ago. I know I have been in many relationships that you know about but I learnt this lesson really late. For a long time, I thought that I could not be happy without a man and this led to me getting into different relationships. I thought that the only way I could derive joy and satisfaction was by being with these guys or men. I enjoyed some of the relationships but I certainly have regrets over some of them.

There was a particular guy who made me feel worthless. I think he got to know that I loved him so much and couldn't do without him so he capitalised on that. He said all manner of things to me, he abused me physically and mentally that I almost lost my mind. I knew the right thing was to leave him but it was the most difficult thing. He called me all sort of names and I was beginning to believe that I was who he said I was. I couldn't talk to anyone about the things I was going through because we looked so perfect to many people and I wasn't ready to be ridiculed. 

Thankfully, aunty Tabitha came visiting one of the days there was an incident with him. She noticed that I was down and asked for what was wrong but I denied that anything was wrong. I tried to pretend that everything was okay but she pressed until I told her everything. She asked me to see a Psychiatrist and paid for my session with the Psychiatrist.  It was during this session that I realised what the problem was. 

To be continued...

Thanks a lot for stopping by, I hope to see you next week. Please keep staying safe and may God heal our Land, amen!.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

COUPLE CRUSH - WAY TO GO?

A few years ago, I came across a celebrity couple on Instagram. They looked so adorable together and I totally fell in love with their love.

They became my couple crush🤩 and I talked about them a lot. (Well, to anyone who cared to listen). At the time, I would go to their individual pages on Instagram, just to check out their photos/videos and captions. 

I watched almost every of their wedding clip that I came across, and I will just be 'awwwwing' up and down. (Lol)

I remember my bestie and boyfriend (Now husband) got tired of me, because I was always looking for videos of them, and I would grin at the sight of it.

Fast forward to few years later, I heard that their marriage was over. Ah! This one hit me really hard.

I kept wondering how two people that looked so adorable and inseparable could go their separate ways. Like, how is it possible to look so in sync and then fall out of love?

Ever since then, I stopped having any couple crush. (I cannot put myself through the stress of high blood pressure on another person's issue). I just admire them and look away.

Moral of my story:

• You can admire a couple but don't judge your relationship by what they portray to you.

• Picture perfect doesn't mean the relationship is perfect.

• No relationship is perfect, however, you can have two people that are perfect for each other. (Pray to God to give you the one that is perfect for you).

• Don't put pressure on your partner to be like your 'couple crush' and do not compare him/her to anyone (People show you only the side they want you to see).

• Never covet another person's relationship, every relationship is unique. (Draft your relationship rule book yourselves).

• Do not pray for your relationship to be like another person's, because you never know what battle they are fighting. (Who knows, God may just grant your wish, if you are not careful).

• Instead of wishing/praying to have another person's relationship, evaluate your relationship, talk about what needs to be fixed and take it to God. (Individually and together as a couple).

He (God) is ever ready to work with an open, teachable and willing heart.

Oluwasade Oladeinde

Thank you so much for stopping by and thanks to our guest for this beautiful write-up. We hope to see you next week by God's grace. 

OneLove

SomzyBrown.

HE IS MARRIED BUT I LOVE HIM...

 

"No, please don't tell me that you want to go ahead to get into a relationship with that man. Please don't say that I beg you!" Said Tricia

"I've always known you to be smart so yes that's what I intend to do. Do you have a problem with that Tricia?" Stephanie responded angrily.

"Of course I have a problem with that Stephanie. Why on earth would you decide to get involved with a married man? There are still good single men out there so why must it be someone that is married? Please leave someone's husband alone!"

"Miss Adviser, thank you very much for the advice but I'm sorry, this advice cannot fly. I have made up my mind and I will do just what I want to do. Maybe you can ask the single men that are available why they are not coming around because I cannot keep waiting. I've waited for too long and I'm done. Even the ones that are available are not mature so what are we then saying?

"I know waiting could be hard, tiring and difficult but Stephanie, I do not think that the solution to this is being with a married man. Morals aside, what if his wife finds out? Also if marriage is the desired place, are you saying that you will get married to him? How will you feel if you were married and someone did this to you?

"I haven't said that Tricia but all I know is that I love this man and I'm not going to allow you or his wife take him away from me."

...

A lot has been said about this topic and to be honest, it is a painful thing to go through. Some people (ladies and men) do not think there's anyhing wrong in getting into a relationship with a married person. I'm not here to sugarcoat anything - IT IS WRONG! 

There is a reason why they are married and it is not in your place to destroy anyone's marriage even if they appear to be having a rough time. You will get married some day and I'm sure you won't be happy to hear that someone is messing around with your spouse. 

If he or she is married, please leave him or her alone. Although it could be tempting, there's no tenable reason to get into a relationship with a married person. Even if they promise the whole world to you, please do  not yield to this temptation.

Furthermore, I always advice that if you have a friend of the opposite sex that is married, you need to give him or her some space. If you feel you missed out on such person, I'm sorry about that but you cannot change the fact that they are married. If you want to remain close friends with such person, wisdom is profitable to direct. One wise thing that you can do is to get close to the spouse. However, no matter what, do not be the reason for a marriage to break-up.

Married men and women please also leave the single guys and ladies alone. Stay faithful to your spouse, please and please.

Thank you so much for stopping by and I hope to see you again next week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

IT IS OKAY TO JUST BE FRIENDS

 

Meeting people is one of the things I enjoy the most. Some people refer to me as a friendly person but it is beyond this for me, I LOVE meeting people and having conversations with them about themselves and life in general. I have met many people and I am so sure that  chapter is not over yet. I have also had many close friends whom I really appreciate and would love to remain my close friends but I have lost some friends due to one reason or the other. Some wanted something that I could not offer and vice-versa but in all, I am rest assured that the right ones have stayed and will always stay.

Now down to our main discussion – The question is – Can I be in a relationship with any and every person I admire? Must there be something ‘extra’ with every close friend I have?

Have you ever looked at someone and tried to imagine if you guys could work something out? Have you ever wondered why you never got into a relationship with that beautiful and pleasant lady or why that handsome, hardworking and good looking guy never deemed it fit to ask you out? “She is so cute! She is all I want in a lady!” you will say and this is because you admire her so much and you think you guys will make a good couple. Well, you might be right but will you always be right?  How many times have you felt this way and how many people have you felt this way towards? Good question right?

In all honesty, I have admired some people and I have thought to myself “I think we will make a good couple, God what are you saying?” or I would go – “God why can’t you just make him talk to me or say something to me”. I am quite sure that such thoughts have crossed your mind as well so we are in this together (excited!). But really, let us examine this – can we in all sincerity get into a relationship with every ‘dear’ friend that we have? Is it possible to date every beautiful lady or handsome guy that we meet?

Yes you will have many friends, yes you will meet a lot of people but can I shock you? You cannot get into a relationship with every close friend you have! You cannot be in a relationship with everyone that asks you out or shows signs that they want to be with you. The sooner you discover this, the better for you. Also the sooner you realise this, you will learn to appreciate friends and not always expect that something ‘extra’ would come out of the friendship. It is good to get married or get into a relationship with your friends but this would not happen with every single friend you have. 

I have written this article to encourage YOU not to always think of the possibility of being in a relationship with everyone you meet or come in contact with.  Please focus on building friendships because this is highly important in life. If we dated every other person, who will be our friends? If we got into a relationship with every one that asked us to get into one with them, who will be our close friends? Some people are just meant to be friends and nothing but friends and some others are meant to be close friends and nothing but close friends. Some others (very few) are meant to be more than friends and more than close friends but this is a discussion for another day. The moment we begin to take just friends for close friends, close friends for just friends and so on, we might be making terrible mistakes. So people, let us watch out and be careful!!!

Thanks for your constant support. Until we meet again next week, remain blessed.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.