FIGHT YOUR FEARS AND TAKE THE STEP

Many of us have fears and we do not know how to overcome such fears. I have come to realise that you overcome your fear by actually fighting against what you are scared of. The question then is - How do you fight? In my own opinion, you fight your fears by confronting them. The first step is to agree that you have fears; recognise the fears and then fight them. It is important to note that whatever you are afraid of is not and will never be greater than you. People have gone through the same thing before and if they overcame their fears, you can surely overcome yours. This therefore means that you can overcome your fears because you are bigger than it. I will share an experience with you, it might be funny but it has taught me a lot.

I had phobia for or let me say I was afraid of making a particular kind of food. I do not exactly love to cook but I do it when and if I have to. By the way, if you come to my house, I would not starve you (trust me!). Anyway back to the story - I learnt how to make this particular type of food about 7 years ago but since then I have found every possible means to run away from it. Why was I running away? I did not believe in the fact that I could make it and I did not want anyone to make jest of me whenever I made it. Although there was a time in which I lived alone and there was practically no one to laugh at me if it went wrong, I was still afraid to take this step.

Whenever it was time to make this food or anything related to it, I stylishly ran away. To cut the long story short, I recently had to tell myself that running away from this, makes no sense. I therefore decided that I was going to make the food whenever the opportunity came. I pray before I cook, many times but this time I prayed hard because I was not just making the food for myself but for the whole house. I made it and everyone liked it! I was quite happy but I knew that there was still more work to be done. I would have to continuously do this whether it turns out good or bad to finally be the best at it and overcome my fears.

The above 'personal' story of mine was shared just to encourage you. We all have one or two things that we are really afraid of doing. Either because you have shared it with some people and they have shown some sign of disbelieve in you or you are the problem (like me) because you do not believe in yourself. Your fear maybe driving. Please do not laugh at this because quite a number of people are scared of driving (especially in Lagos, Nigeria). While some of the people who are afraid have driven before and have had bad experiences, others have never driven but they are just too afraid to begin.

Some people are afraid of the idea of marriage, either because of what they have seen or heard or for other reasons best known to them. The fact that marriage doesn't look good in some instances does not mean that it is not good all round. This is one fear that you will need to fight because you can only win what you fight to win. Be careful in making a decision and be properly guided by God but do not be afraid.

There is no point running away from your fears because you will definitely have to face it someday. So why don't you fight it now that you are aware of it. People may laugh at you or make jest of you, but it really does not matter. You know where you are going and what you want to achieve and so the sooner you started fighting this fear, the better for you. Take that bold step now and let go of your fears!

Thank you so much for stopping by. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

WHEN ALL SIGNALS SAY LEAVE BUT...2

Sandra waited for about two (2) months giving Michael sufficient time to sort out whatever issues he had to sort out. Well, so she thought. But did Michael ever come out of this awkward behaviour towards Sandra? Your guess is as good as mine. NO!

"Two months is sufficient time for someone to sort out whatever issues they have." Sandra thought. But this was not sufficient for Michael or he just couldn't be bothered. "Should I stay with him and endure the silent treatment for another week/month or should I just take Michael's advice and move on with my life?" She asked. NO!!!!

Why would Sandra think of that? Stay and endure what? Hmmm let me be calm on this matter but really staying with someone that OBVIOUSLY doesn't want you is not the best thing to do. Let me allow you think about this. Take a moment to think about Sandra and Michael's story before you continue reading. 

Now, what do you think is the best thing to do? If you are in a relationship with someone and the person all of a sudden changes his/her attitude towards you (I.e. it is obvious that things have changed and you don't relate as you would normally), what should you do? Furthermore, you have tried to make things work but the other person just doesn't seem to care and is not interested in you. What do you do? 

I asked a few people the above question and they gave very similar responses. The responses I got were: "LEAVE" "You have no business remaining in the relationship"; "Call it quit immediately"

The truth is that you and everyone around you deserves to be treated right in a relationship. No one deserves to be treated like crap or like someone who cannot function without the relationship. You need to know when ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Why should you be giving me silent treatments? Why should it be okay to ignore me? Why should you begin to treat me like trash? If you do all these then it means you do not deserve me and I do not deserve to be in the relationship with you.

See what Sandra did, she began to blame herself for the actions of someone who clearly didn't value her. This is what many people do and it's not right. You do not need this at all. You need to be able to tell yourself the truth but not to blame yourself for someone else's decision not to be with you (directly or indirectly). Take the lessons learnt but please move on from that relationship.

Please note that if you're married, it's a different ball game except the situation is life threatening. However, if you are not yet married to this person, you are at liberty to run for your life and you really should run. 

Thank you so much for stopping by. We hope you have learnt a thing or two from this post as well as the last one. We look forward to seeing you next week by God's grace.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

WHEN ALL SIGNALS SAY 'LEAVE' BUT...

Sandra: Baby what's going on? You've been giving me silent treatment for a while now and I really do not understand what's happening. Have I offended you? If I have, please let me know because I am not comfortable with the silent treatment" said Sandra to her boyfriend, Michael. 

Michael: "Nothing is wrong Sandra and I do not think I am giving you silent treatment." He said with a strong voice and serious face.

Sandra:"But I would not just wake up one day to say that you are giving me silent treatment if you are not. Normally when I come around, you get cheerful and we have conversations but these days you do not say anything to me. Even times when I try to talk to you or make you laugh, you ignore me without any form of remorse. Baby, please let me know what is wrong as I'm not comfortable with this..."

Michael: "I have told you already that there is nothing wrong. So can we move on from this?" 

2 weeks later

Sandra: "...Baby, you know that if there's anything I hate, it's being treated like I do not exist or I do not matter. I have asked you for over 2 weeks why your attitude has all of a sudden changed but you have refused to say anything. You say that you are not ignoring me or giving me silent treatment but you rarely talk to me..." 

Michael: "You know what, leave if you want to leave. You can end the relationship If you are no longer comfortable with me... I've told you nothing is wrong so just let me be"

Sandra: "Who said I am no longer comfortable with you? There's evidently an issue on ground and I'm trying to see how we can sort things out but all that's on your mind is that I leave the relationship? Is that what you really want? Are you seeing someone else? Is that the reason for this attitude?"

Sandra could not believe her ears. How they moved from her trying to know what the problem was and why her boyfriend was giving her silent treatment for over 2 weeks to him telling her to leave the relationship was surprising. She was really confused at this point because Michael's statement was a clear indication that he was tired of the relationship.

"What could I have done wrong to Michael? We seemed to be having a pleasant relationship and I don't know what happened." Sandra thought it was all her fault and that she must have done something wrong and so she began to blame herself for Michael's wrong attitude. She did not want to end the relationship like that so she decided to stay and endure pending the time Michael would come out of this mood that he was in.

But did things change? We will find out next week. Thank you so much for stopping by and we look forward to seeing you next week. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

I DON'T HAVE TO BE LIKE YOU...

Comparison is something that affects a lot of people and we live in a generation where people literally think they have to be like someone else to be great. We get caught up in things that do not really matter and then we get ourselves into trouble by placing unrealistic demands on ourselves not because we really want to achieve a particular thing but because we just want to be like someone else.

Someone wrote an article which I am sharing with us in this post. As we read, please get the point and let it be a turn around for those of us who consciously or unconsciously compare ourselves to our peers or people higher than us. I have added a few words to the article but enjoy:

In January, Omotola Jalade shared on her instagram page that she was grateful that at 40, her last child is already in the University. Remember she has four kids and she got married quite early. Funke Akindele (Jenifa) congratulated her on the post. Funke is 41, and just had her first babies in December of last year.

Now, if you try to compare these two women, you would fail at it because they are both accomplished. Will you say Funke is unfortunate for just having her first babies at 41 while Omotola's last child is already in the University? They have different unidentical lives but they are both fulfilled. 

My point is - Stop comparing yourself with others! Your life journey is not the same with anyone, irrespective of societal expectations. Not everyone will get married in their twenties, not every couple will have a baby nine months into marriage, not everyone will become a millionaire in their thirties, some people will get their dream jobs at 40, it doesn't mean that they have failed. Some will become CEOs at 55 but this does not in anyway equate failure.

Please learn to focus on your life. I know it's a difficult thing to do in this era of social media where everyone seems to be doing well in life except you. Don't compare your life journey with others, not even your classmates. There are only CLASSMATES, they are no LIFEMATES in this life. You are your only mate in life. 

Let me also add in relation to social media, that people only put up the best part of their lives on social media. When a couple is having serious fights, they will not put it on social media...When a company is going through serious financial challenges, they would not advertise their problem on social media...When that friend who just got a car had to steal to get it, he or she would not make this announcement on social media. You only see what people want you to see so comparing yourself to another or others is not ideal. Be yourself! You can be great but you don't have to do it because your friend has done it.

Whenever you're tempted to compare yourself with others (which makes you feel pressured and sad), come back to this post and digest every word. So you better save it, because I will too.

#OluMabel

Written by

Olubunmi Mabel

Thanks for stopping by, we hope to see you next week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

HOW CAN I LOVE YOU BETTER??

We had a series on love languages some weeks ago and many people who have been unable to read the book (as well as those who have read the book) found it very insightful. I would like to use this opportunity to say a big thank you to everyone who checked it out and dropped kind comments. Please, if you haven't read them, you really should as they would open your eyes to a lot that you might not know about your partner. 

Just incase you're wondering why this is coming up again - I have brought up this topic today because I had a discussion with a friend whose husband is very caring and loving. We (myself and another friend) feel that he does 'too' much (by too much we just mean he is trying so much as a husband...). However, it is funny that this lady friend does not see it that way. According to her, "He is nice and does all these nice things like cook for me, clean the house etc. But these things don't move me..." We expressed so much shock at her reaction but then this brought my thoughts back to this fact:

You can be the nicest person in the world but if you're doing things outside the core love language of your spouse, they might not make a difference to him/her. As said in one of the series, there is a tendency to render acts that are important to you to your spouse. For example, if you love to receive gifts, you will find it easy to give gifts and because it comes naturally to you, you tend to give gifts to your spouse. But if your spouse's love language is acts of service, your gifts might not mean so much to him or her. So you will need to work on rendering acts of service to him/her (I.e. the love language that is important to him/her).

Why are we going back to this? My conversation with this friend just showed how ignorant so many people are on the topic of love languages. If you do not take anything away from today's write-up please take away the fact that your spouse's primary love language could be different from yours. If it is different from yours, then you need to learn his/her love language. After learning it, you should speak your spouse's language to him/her. Speaking your own love language (if your spouse does not have the same love language as you do) is not ideal and you might not get the appreciation that you expect. In fact, it might make your relationship or marriage become stagnant as neither yours or the other person's love tank is full despite the efforts. If you are clueless as to how to go about this, there is no crime in asking your spouse for what makes him/her feel loved. It is better to do this than to waste time doing something that means nothing to him/her.

Is this for married people only? No it's not. This is for everyone whether you're currently in a relationship or not. We all need to learn these things as it would help in our relationships with people that are dare to our hearts. 

Thanks a lot for stopping by. God bless you and have a wonderful week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown