EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE ALRIGHT!

When I look to the sky

It all of a sudden looks dry

What exactly could be happening

If the moon& stars aren’t dying?

My hope seems to be lost

My heart counts the cost

Why on earth am I living

If I can’t help the shivering?

My thoughts are very weak

And my soul seems to leak

The bloodshed is too real

That I just have to be still.

I wonder if things will ever change

Every time I open a new page

This is just too much too bear,

But nobody seems to notice my fear.

I look to the Heavens& see a Creator

that loves and cares for me like a mentor

“Don’t give up”, he says to me

although this is hard, I’ll let things be.

There’s so much more to life than these

Everything would be fine& I would enjoy the bliss

Things happen but they will surely get better

My hope will get back as I read His letter.

Thank you so much for stopping by and we hope that you enjoyed reading this poem. See you next week by God's grace.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown 

I DON'T NEED A MENTOR!

I met Bidemi some years ago and he was everything that I prayed for in a man. We started a relationship and things were going really well. Bidemi was interested in getting married to me, well so he said. I was happy to hear this but I tried not to get too excited until he had put a ring on it. You know how you hear of stories where the guy had professed love and intention to get married but one thing or the other happened and he went on to be with someone else. I didn't want to get too excited until I was sure that this was really going to happen. I loved Bidemi so much and I knew he loved me but I was patiently waiting for him to take appropriate steps in this regard.

As much as we loved each other, we had our differences which often led to a misunderstanding. Sometimes it took us days to resolve our issues and other times it took a longer period. Whenever we had serious issues, I really wished we could talk to someone about it but there was no one to talk to. I had a Mentor but when I asked about who his Mentor was, his response was "I don't need a Mentor!" I was shocked to hear this but I decided that I was going to explain the reason we all need a Mentor. After I explained this to him, he agreed that having a Mentor is key especially because you need to be accountable to someone. 

Agreeing to the importance of a Mentor was not sufficient, so we took steps to find a married couple who could mentor us in our relationship. He also got a Mentor in his field. We chose a couple that we can run to when the chips are down and who will be able to redirect us and ensure that we are on the right path in our relationship and later on, our marriage. This really helped us as we both could talk to neutral people about some important things in our lives without being judged and without them taking sides. We have learnt a lot, we are still learning a lot from them and we are more than grateful to have them in our lives.

Mentor! Mentor! Mentor! Many people agree that it is important to have a Mentor in their career and/or line of business but some people do not think that it is necessary to have Mentors in their relationship or marriage. Mentors are very important for everyone. As an individual, you need a Mentor but if you're in a relationship and you're serious about it (hoping to get married) you also need a Mentor, strongly!

Just in case you're wondering who a Mentor is and what role they play - A Mentor is a person who provides guidance and support to another person who looks up to him/her. A Mentor is expected to lead you and ensure that you're on the right path and when you fail or make an error, correct you and redirect you. This is my own definition but I hope it somewhat helps in understanding who a Mentor is and what role they should play in your life.

In choosing a Mentor(s) especially when it comes to relationship or marriage, please ensure that you choose people that share the same or similar value so that they do not advice you to do things that you do not believe in or things that are against your values. Like Bidemi and Tolani, things have gotten better in their relationship because they got a Couple as Mentors who have been able to help them and guide them rightly.

Beware of people who do not see the need to have Mentors because it means that they do not want to be accountable to anyone and this is a danger sign. There must be someone that he or she looks up to and you can talk to when he or she is misbehaving or having a downtime.

You need a Mentor especially in your relationship or Marriage. You need someone that you can talk to and ask questions. They have gone ahead of you and so you can learn from them and even avoid making the mistakes that they made. You do not know it all and you can never know it all so please do not underestimate the value of having a Mentor(s) in your life and in your relationship. Like we said earlier, ensure that you choose the right person. Also please ensure that whoever you both choose as Mentors are neutral people. By neutral, I mean not your parents or a relative because there is a tendency that they will take sides with either of you.

We hope that you see the need to get a Mentor(s) especially in your relationship. Thank you so much for stopping by and we hope to have you here again. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

SEXUAL COMPATIBILITY- IS THIS A THING?

"Babe I really love and cherish you. You are the best thing that has happened to me and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Tade said to Mayowa. "I love you too baby and I would love to spend the rest of my life with you but I don't think I can fulfill the condition you talked about" Mayowa responds.. "Babe, if you love me you will do anything to make this work". "I really love you but allowing you check me out to find out if we are sexually compatible isn't something I will do. If you can't get married to me without that then maybe we should go our separate ways..."

I have had numerous discussions with different people and this write-up is from one that I had recently. During this discussion, I was asked a question - "how do I know if I'm sexually compatible with someone before we get married?" I gave an answer which I would share with you all. 

To be honest with you, there is nothing like sexual compatibility before marriage and this is not a question that should pop up especially if you are a child of God. The only way you can discover whether or not you are sexually compatible with someone is by engaging in sexual activities before marriage which is not allowed.

 If you believe that God LED you to be with the guy or lady that you're with, then you should trust that God has sorted out your sexual compatibility with that person. It is not in your place to start trying and checking to see if you are sexually compatible with someone because that would lead you to engaging in fornication which is a sin.

Many guys in trying to justify the need to check out sexual compatibility usually give the example that when you want to buy a car you have to test it to be sure that it is what you really want. Whilst this excuse has been going on for a long time, it talks about a car and not a person so it doesn't fly. A car is a thing, you are a person and you are totally different.

As a Christian, please you do not need to test the waters, you do not need to start trying sex out before marriage. Please wait patiently for when you are married to this person because really how many people will you check sexual compatibility with?

To answer this question, I said NO. My answer remains the same whether you're getting married in 5 days, 2 weeks, 3 months, 1 year, 4 years etc. You cannot know if you are sexually compatible with someone before you get married to them. You'll discover after you've gotten married.

I'm not saying that it is easy. Far from it! I'm only saying that you should have faith and trust that the person you have decided to get married to is sexually compatible. If after you've gotten married, you are not impressed, then work together to satisfy each other. In fact that's supposed to be the fun in marriage. You're expected to keep trying things out with your spouse, discovering yourselves, experimenting, etc.

You're not condemned or judged for making a mistake if you have made one but please do not try checking how compatible you are with a person before you get married. If he or she says its s condition in their family or village, please find your way. It might be hard but there are benefits attached to it. 

I pray that God will help each and everyone of us in Jesus name.  Amen. 

Thanks a lot for stopping by and we hope to see you next week by God's grace.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

APPRECIATING THE ONE YOU LOVE

Do you remember all the promises you made to me at the car park in our first year? How the trees waved and the crickets stridulated just to confirm they were witnesses to this union. The moments we shared under the moonlights; those simple words that helped us get through every other day?

We always knew what we wanted. We planted this love and groomed it daily, cut off behaviors and people that were like weed to us. My dear it’s our tenth year and we have remained steadfast and true to one another. To be sincere, there have been times I’ve thought of leaving this route and following some other humans that can be compared to angels, beautiful and shiny, but I’ve come to realize you are the only one that has been sent to guide my life. 

Now we are here with real life experiences. Remember the elders said we’d find out the strength of our love when we grow old? We’ve come this far already. We are older and wiser yet stronger even though we are in between jobs and not having it great. Getting married to you was the best thing that happened to me. The morning kisses, reading while I lay beside you, eating your burnt food, sharing chores, the fights and how we settle them. How you remained simple and sweet.

Do you see those wonderful kids that you bore me? They’ve brought me joy and happiness. Don’t get jealous, you remain the only one that brightens our lives. You know we are getting grey, old and weak but you’ve stayed true to those promises we made under those trees a very long time ago. 

As I listened to one of my all-time favorite song by Chrissie Hynde and UB40, I realized how you’ve been lifting me whenever I’m down and when I’m sad, you’ve been my favourite clown. 

 Mojirola Tortema

This appreciation letter is to remind us of the fact that it is important to appreciate the one we love. Many times we get so busy and carried away doing other things but celebrating and appreciating our spouses. This should change. We all need to learn to celebrate and appreciate those we love not just on their birthdays or anniversaries. Everyday, the one you love deserves to be appreciated and celebrated.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.