ASSUMPTION KILLS!

So I have had the opportunity to speak to people about this and I have heard about the numerous experiences that people have had. I have also had personal experiences in relation to this and I have come to the conclusion that it is highly important to define your relationship or friendship with people (especially the opposite sex).

Assumptions never work in this regards. People's observations do not also work in this area of life. To put it down simply, "I think he likes me, I think he wants to date me" or "I have been watching you both and I think you are meant for each other..." do not work in this system. It might have worked for some people but it is not a safe place to be in.

Never assume that he likes or loves you if he has not said it with his mouth. His expressions and attitude towards you is not enough to make you think that he likes you or that he wants to be in a relationship with you. Sometimes, she might just be genuinely friendly and lovely; he might just be naturally caring and amazing. She might find it too difficult to caution herself when it comes to being nice and caring and you might misinterpret her actions. Your misinterpretation of her action is what leads you to thinking that she is interested in you but this is not always the case. 

Although ladies and guys need to work on these tendencies, you also need to be careful not to think that everyone who is overly nice or caring has an interest in you. There's a reason we have mouths and thank God for phones these days. If you cannot sit down to talk about it, you can chat about it. There is totally nothing wrong in clarifying your assumptions. If after speaking to him or her, you realise that your assumptions had been wrong, it would hurt. It would hurt badly but trust me, this is certainly better than the kind of hurt you would have had to experience later on. 

Never assume! Define your relationships with people not just in your heart but with the words of your mouth to whom it may concern. Please, people have made these mistakes and if you have experienced this before, you will know that it is not a nice place to be in. This is not to say that you should demand a relationship from someone you think might be interested in you. Not at all! Just ensure that you are both on the same page with your friendship or closeness so that neither of you gets carried away with butterflies while the other person is just being him/herself.

One of my brothers once told me something and at the time he told me, I thought he was being too 'extra'. He is a very friendly person and I think he is one of the most friendly and jovial people I have met and because of this friendly nature of his, he had a lot of friends (especially females) and still does. He said "I ensure that I tell all my female friends that we are just friends so that no matter how nice I am to them because I am being myself, they will have the understanding that I am just their friend. I asked why and told him that this would hurt some people especially people who became his friend because they really liked him. He answered in the affirmative and said that one particular lady shouted at him and said "I never thought of dating you" but he explained that he was just trying to be careful. This might sound too much but this saved him from hearing that he had broken some hearts when he in fact was not in a dating relationship with these people.

You might be viewed as being too forward but this is better than getting hurt at a time that it might be too late.

Thanks a lot for stopping by. May God help us all. Have a wonderful week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

A LITTLE SOMETHING FROM ME TO YOU

To the one whose heart is broken,

Weep no more and trust that you 

Will someday sing a victory song

And this feeling would be long gone

To the one who has lost self worth

You are more beautiful than you can imagine

Work on be coming a better you but

Do not focus on the mistakes of the past

To the one who has been told "No one will come for you..." do not be discouraged.

You'll be tempted but do not take any step On the advice to compromise your standards.

To the one who has been all good but nothing seems to be working fine,

Hold on, keep doing what you do and 

You will be amazed at what God will do. 

The difficulties you face today will be no more.

Believe in yourself, do not doubt that you're good.

Love yourself cos without this you can't receive the love of others.

Develop yourself!

Brace up!

Be strong!

Stand strong!

Be hopeful!

OneLove,

SomzyBrown 

ISSUES ARE BOUND TO HAPPEN IN RELATIONSHIPS BUT...2

Another thing that leads to unresolvable issues is the fact that many times we think we have a right to demand certain things or behaviours from our spouse based on what we consider to be right. We fail to understand that people are different and act in different ways because we all have different personalities. It is a known fact that no two people (no matter how similar they seem) are the same. You hear people say "you act so much like Dorcas but the only difference is that while Dorcas is hot tempered, you are not..." 

No matter how close in behaviour or character you are to your spouse, there will be some differences that you must be willing to accommodate if you want the marriage or relationship to last long.

We all need to be mature about the way we handle other people especially our spouses. We should treat them with respect and this still boils down to understanding that they are different from you and you need to be tolerant with them.

No matter how similar people are, there's always one difference or the other between them. 

In relationships, many people fight, quarell and keep malice because they fail to understand that their spouse is way different from them. They expect their spouses to act in the exact way and manner that they would act if they were in their shoes. This however cannot be the case, you need to accept in your heart that your spouse is not the same person you are and that you cannot force him or her to be who they are not.

The willingness to accept people the way they are and not to try to change them, is a sign of maturity. As earlier said, this is not to say that you should sweep things under the carpet just because you are trying to be understanding. Talk things over but if there are unimportant things that you shouldn't waste your time fighting over, please move on and do not be in a hurry to judge your spouse.

She is different from you and can never be like you. He is not you and will never be like you. 

Respect each other for who you are, work on areas that you know affects your spouse and people around you. Be tolerant, be accommodating, see every issue or problem as a step to becoming closer to your spouse and not an opportunity to tear each other down. 

Another thing that can be done is to focus on the strengths of your spouse as opposed to his or her weakness. No matter how different a person is from you there are some good traits that he or she has that should be appreciated. 

Although you cannot change anyone, people depending on the phase of life that they are in, go through series of changes. Be willing to accept that people change, so the fact that your wife was this way or is this way now does not mean she would be that way in 2 years time. Please be willing to walk with your spouse through whatever change or phase they are going through.

Thank you so much for stopping by, we hope to see you next week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

ISSUES ARE BOUND TO HAPPEN IN RELATIONSHIPS BUT...

Is it possible to have a relationship or marriage where there are no issues at all?

Very impossible!

Is it possible to have a relationship or marriage without controversies? 

Again, I say No!

The reason for this is that no matter how close spouses are, they are different, have different characters, are of a different sex/gender and so on. Some people when asked may say otherwise, but do not be deceived, every relationship or marriage is posed with one challenge/issue or the other. The difference is that  some people are skilled and better at handling it than others. However, the truth is that - everyone can be skilled at handling such issues.

We have established that there is no relationship or marriage without one issue or the other. However, these issues can be resolved without it being blown out of proportion. It takes a wise and understanding spouse to see the good side and bad side of his or her spouse but to choose to focus on the good side. Everyone in my opinion should aim to do this! No one is perfect but we can all work towards perfection. It is important to note that it is not the duty of the wife alone, neither is it the duty of the husband alone to resolve issues and establish peace, everyone has this duty and everyone can achieve this!

But how can you achieve this?

You can achieve this by choosing to be tolerant. Tolerance has been defined as "the ability or willingness to endure the existence of opinions or behaviour that one dislikes or disagrees with". From this definition, let me point out that it is not everything that your spouse does that you will agree with and it is also not everything that your spouse does that will make you happy. This is what leads to issues or quarelld. As much as it is advisable to be with someone that has the same belief as you do, even this person will do some things that you might disagree with. However, you must be willing to tolerate him or her.

One of the reasons many people have issues that they find difficult to settle is because they have failed to tolerate each other. This does not mean that they are bad people,  it just means that they at that time lacked the capacity to endure or be patient with their spouse. Tolerance is one of the key attributes that one should have in a relationship or marriage because it helps you overlook the wrong or bad attitude of the other person. Now this does not imply that you should not talk about these issues, you should talk to your spouse about the things he or she does that you do not like but please and please, talking about it does not mean that you should make a big deal out of it or blow it out of proportion.

People have broken up or gotten into a divorce over things that could have been avoided. Someone recently said that himself and his wife have had tough and trying times, some of which they know have been the basis of some other people getting a divorce. However, they both decided to tolerate each other and they have come quite far by making the decision to get stronger and better even through the storm. 

Another important thing to note is this : Your spouse is different from you and s/he cannot act like you! Yes!

We shall continue with this next week. Thank you so much for stopping by,  we hope to see you next week. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.