DOES HE TICK ALL THE BOXES?

Fantasies are bound to happen, plans for life are expected to be in place, bucketlist are also expected to be available but a not too recent trend are the qualities and what to expect from a MAN. Nothing is wrong with having a list of expectations of the preferred man that a lady would love to spend the rest of her life with. If we do not think it  through and pen it down, how then are we expected to remember or know what to look out for in a man. The List can be endless from TDH (Tall, Dark and Handsome) to working in an "oyel" company, to having a ride, having an apartment of his own etc..... 

Becca had a list of what she expected and wanted in a guy. As a focused and determined lady, she never compromised on this list especially the major ones. She had a picture of a perfect home with a perfect man and everything being blissful. She wanted a ready made, plug and play bespoke kind of man. A lot of men had actually walked up to her, some with the best of intentions and others to waste her time, because of how beautiful and smart she is. They all never ticked all the boxes on her list and she never hesitated in letting them go. According to her, "it is possible to get a man that is all round perfect".

She decided to attend a younger cousin's wedding where the chairman of the occasion offered an advice to the single ladies there - "There is always the right man for every woman and vice versa but never look out for the perfect because God does not work with the perfect, He uses the imperfect to perfect all things. There is no perfect man or woman out there but you can make everything perfect. You can make an imperfect man or woman into being your perfect man or woman. It is good to have a list but be careful not to lose the right man or woman for you because he or she does not tick all the boxes on your list."

The above speech hit Becca "below the belt" and she is questioning her principles and list. Is it wrong to have a wish list for the kind of man one wants? Should this list be the all in all or should it be one that is flexible?

We would like to know your thoughts on this so please do drop your comments. Thanks for stopping by. We reposted this  write-up because we think it is still relevant.

OneLove

SomzyBrown

Falling in Love vs. Staying in Love

A friend of mine once said:

I have discovered that love does not guarantee the success of a relationship. Love cannot help you stick to one person all year round, and on the other hand, cheating is not always a product of not loving your partner. In fact, loving someone does not guarantee not falling in love with someone else.

Relationships work out mostly because of our head and not our heart. It works out because of our emotional maturity, empathetic intelligence and self discipline because time will come when you’ll see more beautiful, handsome, romantic, intelligent, sexy, rich, curvy and God fearing people than the one you’re in a relationship with.

In those times, love will not help you; self control will help you, emotional intelligence will come to your rescue and commitment will keep you going. With those characteristics, no matter how you feel for someone else, the person you’re committed to will rank first in your life.

You think happily married people do not see better people than the ones they got married to? You think they do not feel funny sometimes? You think they do not catch feelings for other people? They do! But the understanding that commitment is greater than feelings is the great arsenal that do destroy that impulse. You can fall in love with anyone, but building a relationship takes absolutely more than what attracted you to them and takes more than love.

We are too fond of loving when it’s convenient and sweet. We are too fond of loving when love is there but that can only last for just the first 3-6 months of the relationship. After then, you’ll realize that the feelings have dropped, it’s now your responsibility to make it work, not love’s responsibility.

Relationships cannot be ready-made. You have to build it and it’s never always about love, it requires commitment and intelligence. On the long run in marriages, it’s not just love that keeps them together forever, it’s determination and commitment.

Everyone falls in love; it takes little or no effort to do that. But staying in love? Building a relationship? Only the strong and committed ones do that. That is why we must find that one person and commit to that one, discipline yourself and bridle your emotions.

Building a relationship is hard work, it is like building a career, it is like pursuing a dream. It’s always tough, at some point it will be so bitter but you can make it work by putting your heads together, you can scale through the trying time by being focused and committed.

The kind of love that attracts two people together is not the kind of love that will keep them together. Be emotionally strong and be self disciplined.

This is a deep one o! I enjoyed reading it and I hope you did too. It's better to stay in love! Thanks for stopping by and we hope to see you next week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

THE CONSEQUENCE OF PRIDE

The consequences of pride in a marriage or relationship could be irreversible. If someone tells you that he/she has a perfect marriage or relationship, just know right away that he/she is not telling the truth. Couples fight and fight badly for that matter, but it's the ability to revise ones stand, communicate with respect, and be honest with each other, that determines the survival of any marriage or relationship. 

If you remove pride and arrogance in your marriage or relationship, you would realise that the relationship/marriage is already 90% promising, stable, peaceful and can stand the test of time. It is important to invest in your marriage through giving, talking and compromising here and there. Your business as a stakeholder should be what to do to make your home peaceful and stable for you, your spouse, and your children's enjoyment. 

Stop running to third parties who equally have their own challenges which they are probably hiding and managing. You may end up getting nothing positive or helpful from such friends, family members, church/mosque members, and colleagues to whom you are exposing or trading what should be the secrets of your home. However, when push comes to shove, you might need to speak out or go for counselling. 

A broken home is like a war. No party goes uninjured. Each party goes with an injury that they nurse for the rest of their lives. That is the reality. Whichever party claims unaffected/uninjured is a chronic liar, chronic pretender, and an unrepentant soul, l mean he/she is stone hearted. Such a person has no idea of what a good home should be. He/she is ignorant of the positive impact of unbroken relationship on the home itself, the community, the church/mosque congregation, and the society at large. 

No amount of success in life could compensate for failure at home. Ensure that your home is not scattered. Repair it now before it is too late. If your home is experiencing separation now, ensure that you shed your pride and compromise to arrest it from drifting to a broken home. 

Stop narrating your home affairs around to seek sympathy. Most people you have taken your story to, and are supporting you, are in their own homes, keeping their homes intact, sympathising with you, while you are already out of your own home. 

To be sincere with you, what you will be treated to outside your home will not be what you bargained for. Think now and go back. May God help and bless you. In marriage, we are all managing each other and there is no perfect marriage and till death, couples must continue to manage each other. If your marriage will last, manage your spouse, there is no perfect marriage out there. 

Anonymous

I came across this write-up and thought I share it with you. I have added one or two words/sententences to it but I hope we have learnt one or two things from it. Although I agree with majority of the writer's message, I would state that if your life is at risk in that relationship or marriage, please seek help. However, do not let pride make you allow little issues destroy your relationship or marriage.

Thank you so much for stopping by, we hope to see you soon. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

TRUE LOVE REQUIRES SACRIFICE

Every kind of relationship requires that we put in efforts to make it work. Relationships with friends require a lot of sacrifice. Relationship with God requires a lot of sacrifice. Relationship with your spouse requires a lot of sacrifice as well as patience and some other virtues that we know about. Is it easy? I must confess - it is very difficult but it is workable.

Someone (elderly) recently said that it is sad that now adays many people are not willing to make sacrifices or exercise patience with their spouses and this should not be. The willingness to make sacrifices and make things work is highly important and we all must be ready to do this.

Siblings quarrel because they are different and although some of them have the same background and upbringing, they still fight against each other. Now you're in a relationship with someone who you were not even brought up with and you expect that you will agree on everything? Let me shock you- it is IMPOSSIBLE!

No matter how close you are to your spouse, there will be issues. What matters is your maturity at handling it. I am an advocate of being in a relationship with or getting married to someone of like-mind and like-passion but no matter how similar you are, there will still be issues. 

The first thing I would advice each of us to do is to understand first and foremost that there is a difference between a man and woman and a lot of difference in the way they think and analyse issues. Taking the step to understand this doesn't mean that there won't be issues but at least you have taken a good step in ensuring that you do not always misinterpret his/her action and words.

Men and women think differently. Most times a man means what he says but many times, a woman doesn't mean what she says. For example, a woman can say "I am tired of this relationship and I just want it to be over already. He doesn't care and he doesn't have my time..." The truth is that she is tired because he doesn't care and so if he changes by becoming more caring and spending more time with her, she would be happy. She doesn't necessarily want the relationship to be over.

A man is most times rational while women are most times emotional. Women say things depending on how they feel at the moment but men think things through and go through a lot of process before they say things.

Learning to understand each other is key! Making sacrifices for each other is important! Don't give up so easily or quickly so that you do not make the same mistake in the next one you run to.

Thanks a lot for stopping by and we look forward to seeing you next week by God's grace.  God bless you.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

BE GRATEFUL!

Gratitude! Gratitude! Gratitude!

I've been thinking since the beginning of the week about many people who have made life worth living. People who have gone out of their way to ensure that I am happy and fine. People who genuinely care about everything that concerns me. Sometimes I wonder why I get so much care and love and many times I do not think that I deserve it. However, it is something I am grateful for. I do not think that I appreciate people as much as I should and I know there are also some people like me.

Having a support structure in this life is very key and so it is necessary to appreciate those who make sure that we are supported. I am sure you have such people in your life and I really want to encourage you to think about these people and express gratitude to them. It could be your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, parents, siblings, colleagues, neighbours, friends, classmates etc.

No matter how bad a person is in life, it is impossible not to have at least one friend or at least one person that has shown you love and care. Many times we take for granted the sacrifices that our friends and family members make for us. We forget to take out time to appreciate the people who go all out to ensure that we are fine. This should not be the case. I would advice and encourage us to express gratitude to everyone who has been there for us. This action would require that we think deeply but I think it is worth the stress if it is in anyway stressful. 

Gratitude is important to God but it is also important to express gratitude to everyone who has been there for us in one way or the other. Please take out time to think and appreciate these people who have been there for you. God bless us as we say "thank you".

Thank you so much for stopping by and we look forward to seeing you next week. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown