PAIN, SHAME AND GUILT...2

Memories of all that my dad did to me as a young girl affected me in so many ways. I became really shy and all that clouded my mind was how mean and heartless my father was. My friends always talked about the lovely relationships they had with their fathers and this made me really jealous. I wished I could say same but any discussion about my dad brought serious tears to my eyes.

Talking to guys became very scary for me because it felt like they were all the same and would do the same thing to me and so I avoided the male gender like a plague. I thought I could even have some as friends but I was too scared to allow my last experience repeat itself. 

I had vowed never to forgive him for the hurt, the pain and the shame I felt as a result of his wicked nature and inability to control himself.  But then I met someone...

We became close and I fell in love with him. However, I was really bitter and this affected our relationship. He tried to be patient but now that I think about it, I wouldn't have been patient with me at that time as well. I lost him and it was sad so I knew I had to fix this problem. I spoke to a senior friend who in turn introduced me to a Therapist. 

Undergoing Therapy wasn't the easiest thing but it was certainly the best thing ever. I had to express how I felt in a way that I had never done before and I felt relieved (at least to an extent). During this period, I discovered and  decided to forgive my dad. Hmmmmm, this was extremely difficult but it was highly necessary because without this forgiveness, I was going to remain hurt and I would keep hurting everyone around me. 

It took time to understand and grasp why I had to be the one to forgive. "Shouldn't it be my dad running to me for forgiveness for all that he did to me as a young daughter of his?" I thought but then my Therapist said that I needed healing and I needed to be a happy person again and so if I wanted all of this, I had to forgive and let go.

I became a better person after forgiving my dad. I gradually became capable of talking to guys and maintaining friendship or relationship with them.  I am definitely in a much better place as I regain my dignity and sanity.

If you have a similar experience, please speak to someone about it and take the step of forgiving whoever might have abused you or wronged you. You are doing it for you because you deserve to be free and happy.

Thanks for reading my story. I hope it has inspired you in one way or the other. 

Anonymous

Thanks for stopping by. God bless you and see you soon. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown