There are certain people who sometimes would prefer that their partner stays with/around them rather than buying gifts or touching them or engaging in activities for them. If this is you, please raise your hand. Yes! I see you, and you. If you just raised up your hand, it means that your primary love language is quality time.
Just before we continue, if this is your first time here on the series of love language, kindly read the introduction Post ; post on Physical touch and last week's post on words of Affirmation. Also I'll use this opportunity to encourage you to take the love language Test This would help in knowing and understanding your love languages in the order of priority.
Quality time means being available and spending time with your spouse by giving him/her your undivided attention. You can spend time with your spouse but your attention is divided - I.e. you're with other people (so your spouse doesn't have your full attention) OR you're on your phone, OR you're watching TV. Undivided means 'not shared with any thing or anyone'. Your focus is on one person - your spouse.
Togetherness - Togetherness is different from proximity as two people can be in the same room and not be together. Some spouses think they are spending time together but unfortunately they are just in close proximity. Spending time with your spouse actually communicates that you care about him/her, you enjoy being with him/her and you like doing things together.
Quality Conversations - this has to do with sympathetic dialogue. The Writer says that most times when people complain that their spouses do not talk, they do not mean that s/he doesn't say anything. Rather, they mean that their spouses do not engage in sympathetic dialogue which is where feelings, experiences, thoughts are shared in a friendly manner. If quality time is your spouse's primary love language, it means you must have and make efforts to have these conversations. I mean feelings have to be expressed, you cannot be blank or have the "I don't care attitude" when your spouse is saying something that is important to him or her.
Gary Chapman suggests 5 things to do in order to effectively listen to your spouse:
Maintain eye contact when your spouse is talking;
Do not listen to him/her and be engaged in something else while they are talking;L
Listen to know how s/he feels about the situation;
Observe body language and be sympathetic;
Refuse to interrupt while s/he is speaking.
Learning to talk - If your spouse's primary love language is quality time then they would also expect that you get intimate with them by expressing how you feel about what they've been through or what they've just shared with you.
Quality Activities - You need to create a list of the activities that s/he has talked about and find ways in which to carry out this activities with them showing that you care about making their love tank full. Gary Chapman states that Quality Activity is important because it creates/provides a memory bank from which you can draw from in the future. There are different activities that you can engage in with your spouse, discover which is important to them and engage in such. Going to a park, going to the cinema, going on a date, camping somewhere together etc.
Remember that QUALITY TIME is about - Doing things together, being together, giving each other undivided attention etc.
Thank you so much for stopping by, we hope to see you next week.
OneLove,
SomzyBrown
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