T: Babe but you know I love you right? I'll always be there for you...
B: Well, don't just say that you love me, show that you love me! Help me out in the house, render a helping hand when I'm struggling etc. That's how I will know and be sure that you love me...
How many of us are keen on activities? Like, it really means a lot to you when people generally and in particular your spouse, go out of their way to help you out with chores, projects etc.? If this is you, then it could mean that your primary love language is ACTS OF SERVICE.
Acts of service simply means doing what your spouse would love you to do to show love to him or her. These acts include: Washing the dishes; cleaning the house; making food; taking the kids out; folding the clothes; laying the bed; washing the car; taking the trash out etc. For some people, acts of service happens to be their primary love language and they feel very loved when their spouse carries out some or certain activities around the house.
Is it possible for spouses to both have acts of service as their primary love language? Yes! It is very possible. There's a story about two people - while they were courting, the guy visited her often and helped her with chores and this made her love him more. In fact, it could be said that it was one of the reasons she finally decided to get married to him. Maybe she thought "I love men that can help with house chores" and he fitted that description perfectly. But then what happened? They got married and he stopped assisting with the chores because of a stereotype from his upbringing.
To fully understand and come to terms with the love language of acts of service, our ideas of the role of men and women would need to be shifted in some way. We live in an age where it is no more clear or agreeable what should be done by a woman and what should be done by a man. Many people saw their fathers carry out certain or no activities in the house and some saw their mothers do majority of the chores and this created a stereotype.
Sadly but certainly for your good, you might need to forget about the picture of your parents if your marriage is important to you because you're married now and it is about making your spouse's love tank full and not about what your father did not do or what your mother did. If you realise how important something is to your spouse, you will be willing to break stereotypes if that's what it takes to show him/her love. "There are no rewards for maintaining stereotypes but there are numerous and tremendous benefits for meeting the emotional needs of your spouse".
It is highly important to note that this is one love language where the pictures of parents come alive. However, these pictures in some way have to be dropped if progress is to be made in each (unique) family.
If your spouse's primary love language is acts of service, here are some suggestions:
1. Make a list of the requests your spouse has made and try to do 1 every week.
2. Tell your spouse to make a list of the things s/he would love you to do.
3. Try to remember an act that your spouse has nagged about consistently and try to do it because this in itself is worth more than a thousand roses.
4. If you have more money than time, you can hire someone to carry out the chores which will definitely relieve your spouse of stress.
5. Ask your spouse to tell you the daily acts of service you could do which would speak love to him or her.
Thank you so much for stopping by and we look forward to seeing you next week. Have a blessed and fruitful week.
OneLove,
SomzyBrown
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