WHY YOU SHOULD SATISFY YOUR SPOUSE 2

Biola and Bukky met at a marriage conference recently and after the conference, they decided to talk about one of the points that the speakers raised and this led to them sharing their experiences. 

Bukky has been married for 2 years. She is not really a sex person but 85% of the time when her husband initiates it, she ensures that she responds because she knows how important it is to him. However, her husband complains that she doesn't initiate sex even though he knows that it is not really her thing. According to her "I try to make it very interesting for him by spicing it up with....but he still feels that it is wrong for me not to initiate sex."

Bukky used to be terrible at responding to the sexual requests of her husband because as said above, she is not a sex person. This became a big problem and they had to seek help from a marriage counselor who told her that it was her responsibility to satisfy her husband even when she is not in the mood. The counselor told her almost the same thing that Femi told Dayo and she decided to make conscious efforts to satisfy her husband and not reject his sexual requests. On the issue of not initiating, the counsellor made Bukky's husband realise that not everyone is the same and as such it could be hard for Bukky to initiate since it is not really her thing.

Biola on the other hand has been married for five years but her story is quite different. Her husband and herself are not really into sex and so it only occurs once in a while for them. Her husband has been crucified by his friends because they believe that every man LOVES sex and every man must LOVE it. At the beginning of their marriage, she noticed this and felt something was wrong with both of them. They are a happy couple and they do other things together. In fact, a day does not go by without them giving each other a kiss and talking deeply about how much they love each other but sex occurs once in a while because it is not really their thing. 

As couples, it is highly necessary that we know what is very important to our spouse because that is the only way that we can satisfy them and make them happy. When Dayo's wife initiates sex, he is expected to respond with open arms because by doing that he is satisfying his wife. The same thing applies to ladies. Dayo's case is very uncommon (because many MEN love sex and request for it) and so most times it is the man who initiates when it comes to sex and he should not be deprived. In my opinion, I do not think it is wrong that Dayo's wife initiates sex almost all the time. I also do not think that there is something wrong with Dayo because he doesn't love sex.

Bukky is expected to agree to her husband's request for sex so as to satisfy him. It is also important that her husband knows what to do to satisfy her. Sex is just one of the ways spouses get satisfied (as discussed last week). Also, I do not think it is wrong if both a husband and a wife are not really into sex. What matters is that they know what and how to satisfy each other. 

Please drop your comments below and let us know if you have any thoughts on this.

Thank you so much for stopping by and we hope to see you next week. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

WHY YOU SHOULD SATISFY YOUR SPOUSE

Femi and Dayo have been friends for a while now and they share a lot about their lives. On one of the days that Femi visited Dayo, he noticed that Dayo's wife wasn't looking happy and entertaining as she always is. Based on the relationship and friendship that they share, Femi decided to ask for what the problem was. Dayo couldn't really say much because they were in his house but the moment he saw Femi off, he poured out his heart to his friend. " ...Guy you know I am not really a sex person and I have never been but my wife is and this has caused a lot of problems for us. I do not hate her but I just do not really like sex. I have been thinking about it and it seems like I have a problem but I have come to realise that sex is not a thing for every man" said Dayo.

This topic is centred around the married people but I believe that it is a discussion that everyone (married and single) can learn from because all or many would get married someday. Some months ago, we talked about different love languages and how that everyone is expected to know the love language of their spouse and ensure that they feed the love language of him/her. One of the love languages has to do with physical touch and sex is a major part (chairman) of physical touch...

"I understand you Dayo but please if your wife is a sex person, you have to give her what she wants because if you don't, it means that you are starving her of what really matters to her and that's not good at all. Let me ask you a question- does she initiate sex? If yes, when she does do you push her away or what do you do? Femi adviced and asked his friend.  "Well, because I am not really into it, she is the one who initiates it 90% of the time and really I must confess, I turn her away many times." Dayo responded.

"Ha Dayo!!!!!! That's very bad and poor of you o. If the tables were turned and your wife rejects your sex initiation or pushes you away when  you demand sex, how will you feel? Won't you feel dejected and rejected? And wouldn't you feel that she does not value your marriage because of that? Please don't do that again, my friend. This is one of the things that could lead to the end of a marriage. It is wrong to deprive your spouse of something just because that thing is not very important to you"


Dayo began to realise that he had been acting really badly to his wife. He thanked his friend for being real and sincere with him and there and then assured Femi that he would never turn  down his wife's requests and sex initiation. He said it was going to be tough but he would make conscious efforts not to. Dayo further said he was not sure about initiating because it is not really his thing but that he would ensure he does not say no to his wife again.

Dayo has been crucified by some other men for not being a sex person because these men believe that EVERY man loves sex and it is impossible that Dayo doesn't.

What do we think about this? Is it true that all men MUST love sex and if a man doesn't, does it make him less of a man?? Is it also an abomination for a woman to be the one who loves sex and is it wrong that she initiates it almost all the time?

We shall continue next week but before you go, please drop your comments. Thanks a lot for stopping by. 

OneLove,

Somzybrown.

HOW MUCH TIME DO YOU SPEND TOGETHER??

It is of great wonder to many as to what could be going on with many relationships today. While speaking with a beautiful woman, mother, wife on this, she shared some important points that I feel is worth sharing with you all.

When asked why many relationships or marriages fail, she said “Now a days, there are no one on ones. People do not seem to be interested in talking about things with their spouses,  they will rather chat about them.” The fact that you chat everyday does not mean that you know each other. When you chat on whatsapp, facebook etc. you cannot read the tone of the message that is being sent and this implies that you cannot know how he or she will react to a particular matter.  She explained that when  in a relationship, there is a need to KNOW the person you are in a relationship with. Although you cannot know everything about them, there are certain things that you will and can only know if  you are willing to take the step to do so.

The truth is that a lot of things are assumed between people in relationships. Assumption is the worse thing that can happen to anyone. The man fails to talk, the lady also fails to ask questions and vice versa.  Sadly, each of them pretends to be fine and cool when in actual fact they are not. According to Mrs. Nkem, you cannot assume that you know him or her when you in fact have no clue as to what he or she is like and how he or she would react in certain circumstances.

There is a need for you to KNOW who you intend to get married to. You cannot assume that you know him or her.

If you ask  a lady or a guy when last she had a one on one, they could say “Oh last week when we went out”. People go out to the cinema, to the beach etc. While all these things are good and adviceable, there is also a need to connect by spending time with each other. Mrs. Nkem says that ladies and guys go out for events and are of the opinion that they are connecting but in actual fact they are not.

Technology is one instrument that seems to make it impossible for people to have one on ones. Although technology is good, it should not take the place of people meeting up with their spouse or having a tête-à-tête as they are highly important.

“It is so bad that these days, some people can say that they have been in a relationship for about 2 to 3 years but they do not know each other. When confronted with this, they will give the impression that they know their spouse but unfortunately, they only have surface knowledge.

Knowing your spouse or boyfriend/ girlfriend does not end at knowing his/her best food or his/her best sport. While this is part of it, it is just a tiny bit. Knowing your spouse entails having serious and deep discussions about the things that are of interest to him or her; his or her background; his/her belief etc.

If the truth be told, there are many things that you will not know until you sit down with a person, look him/her in the face and have a conversation. Sometimes people get into marriage based on the ‘surface’ knowledge that they have of their spouse and they begin to say “I never knew he was like this”. Let me burst your bubbles, he had those traits while you were dating but you refused to avert your mind to that.

People need to realise that spending time especially physical time helps you know a person. Some people say “we have been together for about 5 years so I can say that we know each other well” but many times this is not the case. It is not about the number of years that you have spent together. It is about the quality of time you spend with each other, asking the right questions.

There is a need to know your spouse so take that step. Bring up conversations, see his/her reaction to things you do or words you say. SPEND TIME with each other.

Thank you so much for stopping by. We hope to see you next week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown 

IS IT POSSIBLE TO BE FAITHFUL TO ONE?

(Bayode and Bidemi are having a phone conversation)

Bayode: Wetin dey happen my guy?

Bidemi: I dey o. How your side na?

Bayode: Guy, I just dey o. 

Bidemi: You no fit just dey o, na new year be this o.

Bayode: That's true. Abeg no vex, happy new year jare.

Bidemi: Same to you Bro

Bayode: How your babes na - Folake, Bimbo, Shade...?

Bidemi: Ha! Guy! This is a new year o. No more dating plenty gals - Folake is fine and I have decided to stick with Folake alone even though I just dey pray say she no go fall my hand. This is the year of staying faithful to one woman. 

Bayode: Am I dreaming? Did I hear you correctly? Whao! This is good news. My friend has pledged the allegiance of faithfulness. I need to give a testimony about this. Jokes apart Bidemi, I am happy to hear this. I just hope you stick to this new attitude. No go change your mind abeg. 

Bidemi: Thanks my friend. I intend to o. God help me.

This is the beginning of a new year. Once again, I wish you a happy, fruitful, FAITHFUL year in Jesus name. This year, we will like to advice and plead that we take after Bidemi as seen in the above conversation - to be faithful in our relationships, marriages and even in other areas of our lives. Stay faithful! Stay committed! It is not a crime not to cheat on your spouse! It is not a crime not to cheat on your girlfriend or boyfriend. You've never tried it before? Well, it is very possible. Bidemi used to date more than one person but made the decision to stay faithful. You can be like Bidemi.

Sometimes we underestimate and take for granted our spouses and this should not be. If you're reading this and you're thinking to yourself "But I have always been faithful to my spouse..." Well this is also for you. If you've been faithful, this year you need to do some more - decide to be more faithful. 

For those who think that being faithful makes you look like a fool, sorry sir, sorry ma but you are very wrong. Being faithful shows your level of maturity and it shows that you are wise. There's really no price for unfaithfulness but there is a great price for being faithful! There's a price for staying loyal. The price might not come immediately but there is a price.

Also, please and please the fact that your husband or wife has shown signs of unfaithfulness does not mean you should join him or her in the game. We pray that your spouse will be faithful to you but do not because of his or her actions, change from being good and faithful.

Finally, please make a commitment to be faithful to your spouse not only this year but forever. It is possible and you can do it, yes you! If you've been unfaithful in the past, you can change that behaviour now. If you've always been faithful, please do not stop. Once again I wish you a happy new year and a FAITHFUL one. Let me leave you with a quote I saw "When you're in love, being faithful is not a sacrifice but it is a joy".

God bless you and thanks a lot for stopping by.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

YOU DESERVE A ROUND OF APPLAUSE!

In less than seven (7) hours, it would be time to say that we are in a new year - 2020.  Yaay!!! We made it to the end of 2019 and we shall experience 2020 soon.  This is really exciting and you surely deserve a round of applause. 

Today is the last day of the year 2019 and I am sure many of us have been reflecting on how the year went. Many of us had expectations and while some came to pass, maybe others did not but this is not a time to feel bad at all. Rather, it is a time to be filled with hope and the assurance that all things work together for our good. It may not seem like you have things to be grateful for but if you search deeply, you will realise that you have more than enough to be thankful for about the year 2019. So please give yourself a round of applause for being fantastic and for surviving the year 2019. I am also very grateful for you, yes you, thanks for staying tuned and for being a consistent reader. 

We are beginning the year 2020 on a very BIG note. By this, I mean that we will experience the fulfilment of all and even more than the things we hoped to happen in 2019. It is my prayer that none of our expectations will be cut short and all our heart desires will be met according to God's will. 

Concerning relationships and marriages which is our core on this blog, it is my prayer that:

God will bless marriages and make people who are married and expecting, bring forth their own children. God will bring the right men and women as husbands and wives for those that have been trusting God either for a husband or for a wife. God will restore broken homes and cause His perfect peace to reign in every home. We will have the right connections and relationships in Jesus name. God will heal the brokenhearted and replace ashes with beauty. God will also give everyone a heart of forgiveness to forgive those who have wronged us in one way or the other. (AMEN!!!!)

Have a fulfilled and fun filled year guys. Please do not allow any form of negativity in your mind about 2020.  Forget about the things that did not work out or go according to plan and be grateful for your life. Once again, you deserve a round of applause for making it to the end of the year and for entering into 2020. Let every bad thought, opinion, negativity be dropped in 2019. Welcome to 2020, we shall have good news all year round in Jesus name, Amen. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

DON'T GIVE UP...STAY STRONG

Tunde: (picks a call from his mum) Mummy good evening ma. I'm not sure I will be coming home for Christmas but hopefully before the end of the year I'll come around ma...

Dayo: Guy, I thought you said you will go home for Christmas, why have you suddenly changed your mind?

Tunde: Bro, it is not a sudden change of mind o. I really want to go home for Christmas but I've been thinking of the events that might take place. My siblings will be around with their spouses and children and I'm so sure that I will not escape the private talk with my mum on when I am bringing her a wife and giving her grandchildren. My other siblings have given her grandchildren but she is not satisfied until I give her mine. We've had this discussion almost every year for the past 5 years and I just need a break from that.

Dayo: I totally understand you Tunde. Many of my friends and colleagues got married this year. I am even part of the groom's men for one of my friends whose wedding is coming up on the 29th of this month. I remember him saying "this year won't pass me by..." and it didn't. But for me, I had hope at the beginning of the year that this year would be my year but Biola messed up so we're back to square one. My mum and Dad have also been on my case but then I can only keep hoping that I will find the right woman and at the right time.

Tunde: It is well Bro, God will do it in His own way and at his own time but really nobody should put us under any pressure.

Some of us might have a similar situation to that of Tunde and as a result might be scared to go home for the festive season because of the numerous questions on when you will get married. This write-up is to encourage you not to be discouraged or disheartened. You might have had plans and hoped like Dayo that you will get married this year but please this is not enough to make you give up on those dreams and desires of yours. Yes, it might not have come to pass but there are still seven (7) days left for God to turn your situation around. If nothing happens within the 7 days we have left till the end of this year, do not give up still. We also write to encourage you to follow God and live in accordance with His ways because He cares for you, yes YOU! And there is HOPE in Him.

We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year in advance. We hope to see you in the new year. God bless you real good and may He grant your heart desires according to His will in Jesus name, amen.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

IS IT OKAY TO SAY THAT ALL MEN ARE THE SAME??? 2

There are so many discouraging stories out there and there is a likelihood for people to give up on relationship or marriage or to think that they can never have a great experience. Whilst it is true that people have had it tough in marriages and relationships, their experiences are not sufficient and should in actual fact not be sufficient to make one say that one's experience would be the same. 

As we saw in the conversation between Ibukun and Shola last week, the fact that Ibukun's mum and her sister had been abused by the men that they got married  to and that her own fiance had also abused her does not mean that every man out there is an 'abuser'. As her friend advised, generalising such experiences and saying that all men are like that would do no good. Rather, it would put in so much fear such that when she meets someone (I.e. a man that is a good man and not an abuser) she might not recognise this because of the stereo type.

Although the title of this article points at men, it is the same for women. Some  men have had bad experiences with women (though it is something they rarely talk about because of the way they are wired) and as such there is also a tendency for a guy or man to be scared of getting into a relationship or even getting married at all. The same thing applies here, not all women are the same and the fact that you have had it tough with one woman or some women, doesn't mean that you cannot have it good with  a woman.

Not all men are the same!

Not all women are the same!

Your experience can be different!

Do not generalise!

Be positive!

Do not give up!

I really use this opportunity to pray for those who have been abused or maltreated by one or many men/women. I pray that your heart gets healed and that you are able to forgive those who have hurt you. I also pray that you will see a reason to trust again and that your next relationship experience (hopefully the last) would be a pleasant one which would counter your previous experience(s).

Thank you so much for stopping by, we hope to see you soon by God's grace. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.