HOW MUCH TIME DO YOU SPEND TOGETHER??

It is of great wonder to many as to what could be going on with many relationships today. While speaking with a beautiful woman, mother, wife on this, she shared some important points that I feel is worth sharing with you all.

When asked why many relationships or marriages fail, she said “Now a days, there are no one on ones. People do not seem to be interested in talking about things with their spouses,  they will rather chat about them.” The fact that you chat everyday does not mean that you know each other. When you chat on whatsapp, facebook etc. you cannot read the tone of the message that is being sent and this implies that you cannot know how he or she will react to a particular matter.  She explained that when  in a relationship, there is a need to KNOW the person you are in a relationship with. Although you cannot know everything about them, there are certain things that you will and can only know if  you are willing to take the step to do so.

The truth is that a lot of things are assumed between people in relationships. Assumption is the worse thing that can happen to anyone. The man fails to talk, the lady also fails to ask questions and vice versa.  Sadly, each of them pretends to be fine and cool when in actual fact they are not. According to Mrs. Nkem, you cannot assume that you know him or her when you in fact have no clue as to what he or she is like and how he or she would react in certain circumstances.

There is a need for you to KNOW who you intend to get married to. You cannot assume that you know him or her.

If you ask  a lady or a guy when last she had a one on one, they could say “Oh last week when we went out”. People go out to the cinema, to the beach etc. While all these things are good and adviceable, there is also a need to connect by spending time with each other. Mrs. Nkem says that ladies and guys go out for events and are of the opinion that they are connecting but in actual fact they are not.

Technology is one instrument that seems to make it impossible for people to have one on ones. Although technology is good, it should not take the place of people meeting up with their spouse or having a tête-à-tête as they are highly important.

“It is so bad that these days, some people can say that they have been in a relationship for about 2 to 3 years but they do not know each other. When confronted with this, they will give the impression that they know their spouse but unfortunately, they only have surface knowledge.

Knowing your spouse or boyfriend/ girlfriend does not end at knowing his/her best food or his/her best sport. While this is part of it, it is just a tiny bit. Knowing your spouse entails having serious and deep discussions about the things that are of interest to him or her; his or her background; his/her belief etc.

If the truth be told, there are many things that you will not know until you sit down with a person, look him/her in the face and have a conversation. Sometimes people get into marriage based on the ‘surface’ knowledge that they have of their spouse and they begin to say “I never knew he was like this”. Let me burst your bubbles, he had those traits while you were dating but you refused to avert your mind to that.

People need to realise that spending time especially physical time helps you know a person. Some people say “we have been together for about 5 years so I can say that we know each other well” but many times this is not the case. It is not about the number of years that you have spent together. It is about the quality of time you spend with each other, asking the right questions.

There is a need to know your spouse so take that step. Bring up conversations, see his/her reaction to things you do or words you say. SPEND TIME with each other.

Thank you so much for stopping by. We hope to see you next week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown