APPRECIATING THE ONE YOU LOVE

Do you remember all the promises you made to me at the car park in our first year? How the trees waved and the crickets stridulated just to confirm they were witnesses to this union. The moments we shared under the moonlights; those simple words that helped us get through every other day?

We always knew what we wanted. We planted this love and groomed it daily, cut off behaviors and people that were like weed to us. My dear it’s our tenth year and we have remained steadfast and true to one another. To be sincere, there have been times I’ve thought of leaving this route and following some other humans that can be compared to angels, beautiful and shiny, but I’ve come to realize you are the only one that has been sent to guide my life. 

Now we are here with real life experiences. Remember the elders said we’d find out the strength of our love when we grow old? We’ve come this far already. We are older and wiser yet stronger even though we are in between jobs and not having it great. Getting married to you was the best thing that happened to me. The morning kisses, reading while I lay beside you, eating your burnt food, sharing chores, the fights and how we settle them. How you remained simple and sweet.

Do you see those wonderful kids that you bore me? They’ve brought me joy and happiness. Don’t get jealous, you remain the only one that brightens our lives. You know we are getting grey, old and weak but you’ve stayed true to those promises we made under those trees a very long time ago. 

As I listened to one of my all-time favorite song by Chrissie Hynde and UB40, I realized how you’ve been lifting me whenever I’m down and when I’m sad, you’ve been my favourite clown. 

 Mojirola Tortema

This appreciation letter is to remind us of the fact that it is important to appreciate the one we love. Many times we get so busy and carried away doing other things but celebrating and appreciating our spouses. This should change. We all need to learn to celebrate and appreciate those we love not just on their birthdays or anniversaries. Everyday, the one you love deserves to be appreciated and celebrated.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

UNDERSTANDING WHAT MEN LOVE IS KEY! 2

Today, we continue with the 10 things that men love...

6. MEN LOVE TO BE PRAISED: Candidly, I love praising men, the praise of man is my natural territory! When I noticed it almost landed me in trouble as men kept giving the chase, I stopped it altogether and focused on my husband. If you are a man-praiser, you will never lack a man's love all your life! You will be pampered, loved and cherished! I've never met a single man who does not respond to praise! Stingy, selfish, bitterly critical women who see nothing good in their men never have lasting marriages! Praise your husband silly! Appreciate his efforts in your life. Look out for his good qualities and sing it in his ears daily! I love praising my husband, it gives me deep pleasure doing so, he sure deserves it and he enjoys listening to it.

7. RESPECT HIM: Ladies who shout at their fiance, order him around and disgrace him in public because she has a masters degree in international marketing will stay a long long time as single before she finds an old man to marry! You must be humble if you want to be under any man's roof! Respect is the food of every man. Learn to respect your fiance, show honour to your husband. Saying "yes sir" when appropriate won't make you less of a woman! Learn how to talk to a man. Some women just don't know how to talk! Never correct him in public, don't send him on an errand in front of his friends, stop making jest of him in front of the children, it's bad!!!

8. SUBMIT TO HIM: God states it clearly, "wives, submit to your husbands." Submit your body and other things when he needs them. If you have any trouble with that, ask God, not me. Why was Abraham madly in love with Sarah? She didn't allow her exceptional beauty to make her proud, she was a very submissive, respectful wife who called her husband "Lord." Submission is also not just about the things you say but the way you act. You can say Lord but still not be submissive. 

9. SUPPORT: Men want women who can support whenever they need help. Render help to your husband even before he asks for it. Be willing to and ready to support your husband whether things are rosy or not. Please do not leave him to handle his problems by himself. He got married to you for a reason and this is one of your roles in his life as a HELPER.

10. MEN GO THROUGH SEASONS: The season of little, the season of managing, the season of abundance! No man wants a woman who runs away when he has challenges only to show up when he has made it and has millions flowing in his account!

Men are not difficult at all. These and more are what makes a man tick, thrive and enjoy the woman he has vowed to spend the rest of his life with. Can you be that kind of woman? Do you have what it takes to make your husband happy and fulfilled? Think about it.

Dr. Becky Enenche

Thanks a lot for stopping by and we hope you learnt a lot from this beautifully written piece. We hope to see you next time by God's grace. Till then, please stay safe and stay joyful. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

UNDERSTANDING WHAT MEN LOVE IS KEY!

Men are the simplest species I've ever handled in my life. No man is difficult, ignorance is what makes it difficult. If you want men to fall in love with you and to treat you like the greatest treasure on earth, you must understand what makes a man a man, the right buttons to click and how to enjoy a sweet, blissful, heaven on earth marriage with him!

1. MEN LOVE THEIR WORK: They are passionate about their work. A man must succeed. Not making progress in life is like being impotent, he feels castrated! You must understand this and give him space to succeed. This requires time, efforts, focus, sleepless nights. To demand he spends all his waking hours watching a romantic movie with you is to turn him to a perpetual failure! Idle ladies who  disturb their fiance at work per minute, per second to fill their lives are a big turn off!

2. MEN HAVE EGO: He needs it to be the head of his home and succeed. You must distinguish between ego and pride. A man with a healthy ego will listen to you but firmly and lovingly let you know his final decision. A man with pride won't listen to you at all, snob you and treat you like trash! A man with a healthy ego is not a dummy! Some women expect their men to take all their advice and follow all their instructions, that's not possible! He can't take everything. He will take the ones that make sense and put aside the ones that will land you in trouble. He is the head. You can't force your ideas on him, you can only advise, the final decision lies in his hand, shikennah!

3. MEN ARE MOVED BY SIGHT: It's so amazing so many ladies are ignorant of this. Look, if you don't want that guy to have sex with you, COVER-UP whenever you are with him. I don't understand how a Christian sister will go to her fiance's house with a mini skirt and your laps thrown apart right in front of him!... I pity men honestly, the temptation they face daily, only the God of heaven Himself understands because women are refusing to understand! In marriage, you must deliberately make your husband chase you around for sex, just one look at some wives, all the sexual desire the husband has flown right through the window! Stinking mouth, bushy armpit, torn underwear, ragged pant, smelling wrapper, etc. Yet the man is surrounded by sweet-smelling, well dressed, tantalizing, head swooning babes at work! You must keep packaging and re-packaging! Get a transparent bra that pushes the central focus forward, jaw-dropping lingerie, sex triggering perfumes and blow his imagination off as often as you can (this is strictly for the married).

4. MEN WANT PEACE OF MIND: Nagging, criticizing, shouting, yelling, abusing and cursing can destabilize a man, you should minimize it as much as possible in fact, stop it altogether. Some men hate coming home early because the troublesome wife will nag life out of him till late in the night! Once he wakes up, she repeats the cycle until he leaves home!...Men run towards women who give them peace not shatter them to pieces!

5. MEN LIKE QUALITY FOOD: Unless he didn't give you enough money or he likes it, concoction rice with ground pepper, onions, coconut oil and Maggi is an insult to him! Watery stew that drops to his elbow while eating is a big bomb on his head! Egusi soup that looks as if garri is sprinkled over a pot of water is a big slap on his face! His money should reflect what you cook, please! Maximize what you have, treat him like a king.

To be continued...

Dr. Becky Enenche

Thanks a lot for stopping by.  I saw this write-up and thought to share though we edited/omitted some part of it. We hope to see you next week. God bless you and please keep staying safe.

OneLove, 

SomzyBrown.

MARRIAGE WAS ON MY MIND REGARDLESS...3

If anyone had told me that I would be found in bed with Ifeanyi, I would have denied it completely. I don't even know how we got this far.  But what was I thinking? What came over me? How did I let things get this far? Now, let me clearly state that I do not blame Ifeanyi for this. No! I am not one of such people who would blame others for their actions even when they had a part in it. I guess my actions gave room for that to happen. I am just grateful that the one thing I had held on to for long wasn't taken away from me.

Being attracted to Ifeanyi was good for the relationship because they say it's good to remain attracted to who you're in a relationship with or married to. But was it healthy for me to  remain attracted to him even after all the signs? Was I supposed to bring my relationship with Ifeanyi to an end because of what happened? Well, I wasn't ready to let go. I still had it in mind to get married to him regardles of the signs. My mum's opinion did not matter and what I felt in my inner heart wasn't to be taken seriously. I was just going to put measures in place to ensure that nothing close to what happened, happens again. 

Few weeks later, I was scrolling through my Instagram page when I saw a video that made me question why on earth I was in a relationship with Ifeanyi. The video showed someone fighting at a club. I had judged the person completely when I realised that it could be anyone close to me. Ifeanyi had a club lifestyle but he was never going to get into a fight right? He drinks and smokes but that does not mean that he would treat me like my dad treated my mum right? I am a Christian and a strong one at that but it doesn't matter that Ifeanyi is not right? He drinks and I do not! He smokes and I detest smoking! I am even allergic to cigarette or weed. He goes to club a lot but I have never been and I do not see myself going to the club! I love to go to Church, I am even a worker but Ifeanyi would not and cannot even remember when last he visited a church.

So really why am I dating someone that is not compatible with me???

These thoughts and questions kept ringing in my head and I could not find an answer to them. My mum knew what she was saying but I was blinded by love so I ignored her. Ifeanyi and I have had numerous clashes and majority of them have been centred around his lifestyle. This video came up on my instagram page for a reason, it was high time I spoke some sense into my head.

Ifeanyi and I are not compatible even though I downplay this a lot. Majority of his beliefs are against mine and mine against his. There's really no point getting married to someone that I am not compatible with. I had previously consoled myself by saying that marriage would change Ifeanyi to the man I want him to be but really marriage does not change anyone. Whatever change we want has to be before marriage and even before a relationship.

I know there are many people like me out there but please do not make the mistake I made. I ignored all the signs not because I was pressured but because I just thought things could work out regardless. How can two work together if they are not on the same or similar page? It's very impossible because they will clash on many fronts.

It took a video and making some mistakes to realise this but please learn from my experience - It is highly important to get into a relationship and get married to someone of like mind. This doesn't mean that there won't be issues but it would be minimal compared to being with someone that doesn't suit you. Watch out for the signs, ignore none!

I hope you've learnt a thing or two. Thank you so much for stopping by. God bless you and have a fabulous week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

MARRIAGE WAS ON MY MIND REGARDLESS 2

Whenever I informed Ifeanyi about going to Church, he would smile and say "why do you like church like this?". With this statement, it was hard to invite him to Church. But why on earth was I trying to force him to do what he really didn't want to do? "I love him and that is all that matters" I would constantly say to myself.

Ifeanyi met my mum once and he was so nice to her. My mum said she liked him but at the end of his first visit to our house she reminded me of something "Chioma, why are you trying to let history repeat itself? Why haven't you learnt from my mistakes?...Please you can be friends with Ifeanyi but you cannot get married to him".

Mother's instincts, they say, are always right but I completely ignored my mum. I mean the fact that she had a bad experience with my dad does not mean that I would have a bad experience with Ifeanyi. Ifeanyi compared to my dad was nice and caring even though he engaged in a lot of drinking and smoking as well.

Our relationship got deeper and although I had told Ifeanyi that we were not going to have sex because I wanted to keep myself till marriage, I began to get so attracted to him that I couldn't resist the temptation. He wasn't going to force me to have sex, but he also wasn't going to say no if I offered. 

One thing led to another and one day when I couldn't hold it again, I jumped on him. He gladly took the opportunity and the process started. From caressing, to kissing, we went deeper. It got so intense that I did not know when we both took our clothes off. He was about to penetrate when I suddenly jumped off from the bed. "What are you trying to do, Ifeanyi?" I asked. "Now don't put it all on me...you started this and I only flowed with it". I couldn't believe that I had put myself in such a position. I hurriedly left.

To be continued...

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

MARRIAGE WAS ON MY MIND REGARDLESS...

I liked Ifeanyi so much and I was sure that he loved me. He was so cool headed and this really attracted me to him because you can say that I am a bit lousy. You know the popular saying that lousy people should date or get married to gentle people right? That was what I thought. He seemed to be just perfect for me, or at least so I thought.

My friendly and lousy nature doesn't mean that my head is not correct. Lol. So what I am trying to say is that although I am loud and friendly, I take somethings very serious and you will discover these things later. Ifeanyi had shown interest in me from the very first day we met and in fact he was ready to go meet my parents after two weeks. I told him to take things slowly because we hadn't gotten to know each other well and he had not given me the opportunity to decide if I wanted to be with him or not. 

I was love sick but I knew that it was highly necessary for me to be careful about my choice of a husband. I had had some good experiences with men but I had also had some 'not so good' experiences that I didn't want a repetition of. Ifeanyi had some traits that I wasn't comfortable with but I was beginning to overlook these things even though they are at the core of what I believe. 

Like I said earlier, he is a truly sweet guy and he has plenty money. Ladies would love that right? But he smokes and drinks...He believes in God but doesn't have a relationship with Him so I can't even call him a Christian. Now, apart from the fact that I grew up in a Christian home, I have come to know God for myself and I have a great relationship with him. I already saw signs that it wasn't wise to go ahead with Ifeanyi but I ignored the signs. I was in love and that was all that mattered to me.

In less than a month of meeting Ifeanyi, I said yes to him. He liked to go to the club but I did not have a club lifestyle so I couldn't go with him. He always opted for an alcoholic drink when we went out and although at first I couldn't stand the smell, I started getting used to it. We had so many differences but we loved each other and decided to overlook these differences.

To be continued...

Thanks a bunch for stopping by and reading. We hope to see you next week. God bless you and please keep staying safe.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

WHILE I WAIT FOR MR/MRS RIGHT.

Are you at a stage in your life where you're hoping and praying for Mr/Mrs Right to show up? I join you in this desire and I pray that he/she shows up soonest. However, what should you do before that time pops up? Firstly, before you meet Mr/Mrs Right, you must ensure  that you are RIGHT yourself. This does not mean that you must be perfect, it just means that you are in a position where you can confidently be referred to as a wife or husband material. Remember that to attract the right person, someone with certain qualities, you must have those qualities yourself.

Our writer today has the following advice and recommendations for us:

1). Know your identity: Who you are matters because without you discovering yourself you will have low self-esteem. It is funny to say this because it is so obvious, but you must know the details about you. When the purpose of a thing is unknown, abuse is inevitable. You must know - “Where you are”, “Where you are going”, “What you desire”, “What makes you tick”, “What keeps you motivated”, “What stirs up holy anger in you”, “What makes you very emotional”. You don’t need someone to ask you these questions before knowing the answers. If you don’t know who you are, you cannot know who you are compatible with.  Generally, people do not misbehave or exhibit wrong habits until they are pushed to do so. So you must know yourself first so you can recognize your preferred match.

2). Build and Equip yourself: After realizing who you are, you should then work on yourself. Keep your good manners and change the bad habits. You know there are some people who everyone calls ‘wife material’ and ‘husband material’. The reason is because they portray so many good characters that just makes them seem lovable. It is not about beauty or outward appearance alone, being ‘Right’ could also mean being polite, caring, interesting, generous, useful, etc. We should all work towards being Right because that is who you will attract. In relationships, it is very rare to find a nasty woman with a gentle man or a troublesome boy with an easy-going girl. Your character will attract your true peer. 

Some examples of building your character are:

 Spoken words – Learn how to talk wholesomely to people and how to speak in public places.

 Wise actions – This is the most sensitive part of life. Improve on your tolerance level, anger management, patience.

 Career – Work on building your career. You don’t need to have a job before you have a career. Even if you are unemployed, you should employ yourself for free. Ladies,  please note that many men are more attracted to busy ladies. There are a lot of things that you can do to build your career even when you are not currently working anywhere, merely looking for a job is a job and researching about your ambitions and goals is a job also. Stay busy, get out of your comfort zone and you stand the chance of meeting more responsible people.

 Generosity – Be generous, not only in relation to money but also in kind. A kind gesture makes you lovable. Just being generous with your courtesy could qualify you as a wife or husband material.

* For males, you should know by now that you will be the driver of the relationship/marriage. You need to be more equipped. For instance, when it comes to finances, you're expected  to be  more independent than the lady; you should be more enlightened so you can teach her; you should also be a motivator who would stir her to do great things.

*For females, learn how to do the domestic duties (it doesn’t mean it’s your job alone, anyone can do it). Get busy with your career life, live a balanced life, men nowadays don’t want to get married  to ladies that will become a liability to them. Be versatile because this makes you earn more respect.

*Be yourself at all times, let him or her love you for who you are not who you hope to be because you may never be that. There’s no need to try to impress anyone by faking the real you because in no time, you will show your true colour. The Yorubas say ‘Character is like Smoke’, trying hard to be perfect against who you truly are makes you unreal and makes people wary of you.

Finally, don’t get too tired of waiting for your Mr/Mrs Right that you settle for second best. Be very convinced before you ask her out or before you say yes to him. Don’t let the sugarcoated words of the men or the pretty-looking ladies confuse your choice-making, but rather, be convinced by discovering the heart that truly matches yours!

Folakemi Oshokoya

Thank you so much for stopping by and we hope to see you here again. God bless you and keep staying safe.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.