CAN I EVER LOVE OR BE LOVED??? 4

I got scared everytime uncle Chinedu came around the house. I could no longer trust him or look at him as the uncle that I really liked and had great respect for. My impression about him had become bad and I was unsure that anything could change it. I tried to take the last incident off my mind but it was quite difficult. Seeing him made me remember that day and so I hated seeing him.

One Thursday morning on our way to school, mum told my sisters and I that Uncle Chinedu was going to pick us up from school. This news would normally have been a good one but at this time it was not. Rather it was one that made me shiver. While my younger ones got really excited about this, nothing but great fear gripped my heart. I asked mum why she could not pick us up by herself and although this was an unusual question, she answered by saying that she had to pay an urgent visit to my grandma who was sick.

Uncle Chinedu had promised not to hurt me and even though this was not convincing, I tried to believe him. As soon as we got home, I went straight to the room to change, prepared lunch for my younger ones and went back into my room. My immediate younger sister had noticed my cold attitude towards uncle Chinedu and wanted to know why I was acting that way. I was the closest person in our family to Uncle Chinedu but that seemed to be changing. I told her nothing was wrong and in a bid to make her believe me, I went out to play with my younger sisters and uncle Chinedu.

It was time for siesta and my sisters had soon disappeared. My younger ones had learnt to observe siesta, so the moment they finished with their lunch and home-work, they went straight to their rooms.  It was scary being left alone with uncle Chinedu in the sitting room. "What would he do this time around?". I tried to avoid any form of eye contact with him because I thought that could make him remember what he did the last time and make him think of other possible things to do to me.

I went into the kitchen to wash the dishes and clean up the mess that my younger ones had made. I enjoyed doing this alone or maybe I had just gotten used to doing it alone. While I was cleaning up, Uncle Chinedu called me and said he wanted to talk to me. "Oh! What could he possibly want to say to me." I wondered. I tried to disregard all the ugly thoughts that crossed my mind but it was hard. I was going to ignore him but then that would have been rude so I went to him. 

He started by saying "I have noticed that you have been cold towards me and I don't know why". "Was he really saying this? That he did not know why I was being cold?". Well, I remained silent while he said all he had to say. He aplogised for what happened the last time and asked me to come close for a hug but I was very reluctant. He then said "Common! It's only a hug" "Well, a hug wouldn't hurt" This was my thought while I moved close to him. 

Thanks for stopping by, we hope you enjoyed it and hope to see you next week.

OneLove,

Somzybrown

CAN I EVER LOVE OR BE LOVED??? 3

One Tuesday afternoon, uncle Chinedu picked us up from school and brought us home. This was not strange because mum called on him whenever she was unable to pick us up from school. We were very excited that he was going to stay with us until mum got back because this meant that we were going to get a lot of goodies. Although getting goodies was a norm to many of my friends, the story was quite different for my younger sisters and I. Whenever we asked mum about why she never got us chocolates, icecream, cakes she gave the excuse that she did not want us to have bad teeth. Anyway this was uncle Chinedu's opportunity to spoil us and trust me, he used it really well.

Mum not being at home was not strange and not bad as she had taught me to do a lot of things like cook; take care of my sisters and take care of the house. Although at that time, it was a hard task and the most annoying thing to do, it is something I am very grateful for now because many of the things I can do today is as a result of what I learnt during my young age.

So I had been waiting for the right time to ask uncle Chinedu about why he was not married. "This day feels like a good day to ask him" I thought to myself. It was a good opportunity to ask uncle Chinedu a lot of questions without being told "shut up! You are too forward". Mum never liked us asking older people private questions because she said we could be judged as being rude. Whenever she was around us, we behaved ourselves but the moment she was far from us, we were back to asking questions as they came to our minds.

Uncle Chinedu so I have been meaning to ask you - why aren't you married? "Why are you asking such a question, what do you know about marriage?" He said with a grin of his face. "I just want to know, there's no particular reason" "Well maybe because I haven't found the right woman yet" he said. I was still trying to understand what he meant by that when suddenly I felt a person's hand come over my neck. I was quite scared as I did not remember anyone coming into the house during our conversation. This person's hand went from my neck to my face and it just felt awkward. I turned and discovered that it was uncle Chinedu (of course it was). I did not know what to say because firstly, I did not understand why he decided to do that. No one had touched me like that before and I was going to shout at him when I remembered  all the sacrifices he had made for my mum, my sisters and I.

A lot of things kept running through my mind and I just could not understand what Uncle Chinedu was thinking when he came up to touch my neck and face. "Was it as a result of the question I asked or what exactly could this be about?" I asked myself. This was not the first time he was staying with us alone at home but this was the first time this was happening. "Why are you looking afraid? I was just playing with you. I won't hurt you". He said to me. These words were the most annoying words that I had heard in my life. How could someone I respected and trusted touch me in such manner and tell me not to be scared.

I thought of how to tell my mum that we did not want him in our house anymore but she was going to ask me for the reason and I really did not want to talk about it. I also thought I was taking it too far. "Maybe in all sincerity he was only playing with me" I told myself.

Thanks for stopping by, we hope to see you next week. Stay tuned! 

OneLove

SomzyBrown

CAN I EVER LOVE OR BE LOVED??? 2

My parents prayed and fasted about this issue because for a reason best known to them, a male child just had to come forth. As a young girl, well not so young though, I saw the ferventness in their prayer and I actually silently prayed that their prayer will be answered. Did God answer their prayer? Well your guess is as good as mine! He did answer their prayer of a child but not the gender that they wanted. They tried one more time and it was a girl again. At this point, they did not need a prophet to tell them that they had to stop trying and to just thank God for the beautiful girls (4 of us) that God had blessed them with. Although quite hard, my parents had to learn to love my sisters and I and also, to be grateful for us.

Due to the fact that my mum had no male child, she always had people, especially grown up guys (or should I call them men) helping her do stuff that we (her daughters) could not do. She never lacked help and in fact, she did not really feel the effect of not having a male child. She was indeed blessed. Some people say that her beautiful girls (my sisters and I) made things easy for her because people just naturally liked us and were always willing to come to our rescue. I remember one time, mum needed to take the car out for repairs but she also did not want to leave us at home by ourselves. Mum obviously could not do both by herself and dad wasn't home either.  She called on Uncle Chinedu to help and in no time, he was at our house. He took the car out, got it repaired and brought it back in good time. Mum was so grateful for a man like Uncle Chinedu, he was indeed a blessing to her.

Dad had gotten really busy at work and so we rarely saw him. He usually left the house very early and came back late. I wonder if it was the lack of a male child that made him stay so late at work and leave the house early but he was not even there to be asked such a question. It would have been good to have him around because apart from the fact that house-keeping was a lot for mum, we also needed him to be part of our lives.

Uncle Chinedu was one of the nicest uncles that we knew. He was the one who visited our house the most. Although he was being really helpful to my mum, he ensured that he got us things whenever he was coming over. We loved him not just for the gifts but because he made life easy for us. He soon became the fatherly figure that we had lost due to dad's busy schedule. Uncle Chinedu helped with our home work from school and whenever mum was tired to drive us to school, he made sure he was available to help out.

We soon got so used to Uncle Chinedu. He was so caring person and I wondered why he was not married. I really wanted to know why a good man like uncle Chinedu was not yet married but I was not sure it was a question I wanted to ask him. "Sooner or later, you will be bold to ask him" I thought to myself. Myself and Uncle Chinedu were beginning to get close because sometimes when mum had to go out, he stayed at home with us.

Thank you so much for stopping by, we hope to see you next week as we continue with this series.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

CAN I EVER LOVE OR BE LOVED??

 

My mother was and still is the most wonderul person that you can ever meet. She takes on people's problems and issues like they are hers and even at the most difficult situation, she ensures that she finds a solution. She was and still is such a blessing not just to her family members but to friends and even to strangers. Mum gives! She can give for Africa. She is very peaceful and this and many more I have learnt from her. She treats my friends with so much care and sometimes people think she is their mother. 

 

Growing up was all fun because of her. She was married to this very handsome and wonderful man who of course was the man of the house. They loved each other so much and this was glaring to the world. They had great plans for their home and they looked forward to actualising these plans. Before their marriage, they had both analysed and discussed on how they were going to handle their boys when they were born. They unanimously wanted two boys and were ready to raise them in the best way possible.

 

Like the saying goes: "God works in mysterious ways", this actually did come to pass in my parent's lives. God decided to bless them firstly with a beautiful girl (me). They tried their possible best to take care of me and show me love even though I wasn't really the one they were expecting. The first four years of my life was filled with a mixture of happiness and sadness. While my parents were excited that they had a child (which many of their friends did not have at that time), they were not happy that it was not a male child.

 

After four years of waiting for their 'looked forward to' boy, they got blessed with my younger sister (Ireti). Ireti was a gift to me, I do not particularly think she was a gift to my parents at that time because Ireti's birth was yet another dissapointment to them. However, she was a blessing to me because there was someone to talk to irrespective of whether she understood me. Finally I had someone to play with, even if it meant just touching her face and pulling her hands and legs. Ireti was and is very adorable, I was and I am very happy to have her as my sister.

 

As if this was not enough, my parents kept trying and hoping that the next child will be a boy.  Three (3) years later, they not so surprisingly gave birth to another beautiful sister  of mine (Bimbo). Bimbo was actually the cutest baby ever. She was beautiful in all ramifications and anyone who had her as a child was blessed to have her. But were my parents blessed or did they consider themselves blessed? Well, all they wanted was for God to compensate them by giving them a male child but since that male child wasn't coming forth, they were supposed to move on and enjoy the 3 beautiful girls that God had blessed them with, right?

 

At this point, what do you think happened? Did they get tired or did they try one more time to see if they could at least get 1 out of the 2 boys they really looked forward to having??

 

Thanks for stopping by, we hope to see you next week.

 

OneLove,

 

SomzyBrown

 

JOY IN MY RELATIONSHIP.

So this has been on my mind lately regarding JOY in relationships. Every relationship is filled with the good, bad, ugly, ups and downs, interesting times and not too interesting times but the beauty of it all is to never let anything take away the joy and love within.

JOY according to the Webster dictionary is defined as the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires.  It is also defined as the expression or exhibition of such emotion.

What defines your JOY? What brings you JOY? Is your JOY attached to material things or your partner?? Does what you regard as JOY depend on immediate feelings or emotions? Do you have a defined goal and purpose with your partner regarding your relationship? You need to understand that JOY differs from happiness and people do mix this up. Happiness is mostly dependent on and influenced by external events occurring now while JOY is an inbuilt feeling not easily influenced by external factors and are mostly good feelings irrespective of current outcomes.

In maintaining JOY in your relationship, the following principles are to be observed:

• Always have and maintain a right perspective to all situations irrespective of the factors around you. What you focus and feed rightly, you give strength to.
• Contentment is regarded as a state of happiness and satisfaction. No one is perfect, be contented with what you have especially with your partner but that does not mean one should not strive to improve.
• Life is filled with challenges, so expect battles and as the “boy scout” motto says – BE PREPARED… also stay strong.
• Always remember that discipline improves and understand the reason for the discipline, that’s the only way it can be effective.
• I love this principle of you having a core as this showcases your confidence and a chance to prove your worth.
• In the process of having a core, ensure you have a long term vision with your partner as this will give you direction.
• Always remember to love life and live it to the fullest wisely. Take a break from the norm, give yourselves a treat, enjoy the moment.
• “A fool’s way is right in his own eyes but whosoever listens to counsel is wise”, cultivate an attentive listening habit and never cease to seek counsel as no man is an island of knowledge.
• Always pursue inner peace with yourself as this will open your mind to creativity alongside a life without worry.
• Oh yes, LOVE YOURSELF 1^st because you cannot give what you don’t have. When you are able to do this, you will be able to love your partner and others easily.
• Never go weary of being good as this conquers evils. You cannot conquer evil with evil.
• Discover friendship and first of all be friends with your partner because true friendship survives the test of time and hardship.
• Learn to easily forgive as love prospers when a fault is forgiven. Never dwell or linger on an issue for too long as this widens the gap between the two of you.
• A grateful heart will always be a joyful heart. Be grateful for all things as this opens many doors to greater things
• Allow yourself to cry it out when you have a bad day but never dwell on it for too long. Pick yourself up and refocus. You are human and it’s okay to have a meltdown.

Always remember that JOY takes time, it is like you sowing a seed and there will always be a harvest time but the ground (your heart) in which you plant the seed will determine the number of fruits you will reap. Therefore, guard your heart with all diligence because out of it flows the issues of life.

Oluwatobi Emmanuel

Thanks for stopping by, we hope you enjoyed this write-up by our guest writer. Have a blessed and fruitful

Falling in Love and Staying in Love - Two Different Acts.

I have discovered that love does not guarantee the success of a relationship. Love cannot help you stick to one person all year round, and on the other hand, cheating is not always a product of not loving your partner. In fact, loving someone does not guarantee not falling in love with someone else.

Relationships work out mostly because of our head and not our heart. It works out because of our emotional maturity, empathetic intelligence and self discipline because, time will come when you will see more beautiful, handsome, romantic, intelligent, sexy, rich, curvy and God fearing people than the one you are in a relationship with.

In those times, love will not help you; self control will help you, emotional intelligence will come to your rescue and commitment will keep you going. With those characteristics, no matter how you feel for someone else, the person you are committed to will rank first in your life.

You think happily married people do not see better people than the ones they married? You think they do not feel funny sometimes? You think they do not catch feelings? They do!

But the understanding that commitment is greater than feelings is the great arsenal that do destroy that impulse.

You can fall in love with anyone, but building a relationship takes absolutely more than what attracted you to them and takes more than love.

We are too fond of loving when it is convenient and sweet. We are too fond of loving when love is there but that can only last for just the first 3-6 months of the relationship. After then, you will realize that the feelings have dropped, it is now your responsibility to make it work, not love's responsibility.

Relationships cannot be ready-made. You have to build it and it is never always about love, it requires commitment and intelligence. On the long run in marriages, it's not just love that keeps them together forever, it's determination and commitment.

Everyone falls in love; it takes little or no effort to do that. But staying in love? Building a relationship? Only the strong and committed ones do that. That is why we must find that one person and commit to that one, discipline yourself and bridle your emotions.

Building a relationship is hard work, it is like building a career, it is like pursuing a dream. It's always tough, at some point it will be so bitter but you can make it work by putting your heads together, you can scale through the trying time by being focused and committed.

The kind of love that attracts two people together is not the kind of love that will keep them together. Be emotionally strong and be self disciplined.

Author - Anonymous

A friend of mine shared this write-up and I was wowed! I thought it will be unnice not to share with you (smiles).

Thanks for stopping by guys, we hope to see you next week.

OneLove,
SomzyBrown

The Simple Act That Makes a Big Difference

Someone I call my big brother directed a movie, in fact owns the movie “COUPLE OF DAYS”. I finally got to watch it a few months ago and there is so much to learn from it. He is not paying me to do this, in fact he does not know that I am doing this but if you have not seen that movie, I will strongly advice that you do. I would share some of the things I learnt here but please try to watch this movie whenever you can.

Marriages and relationships will have a lot of issues and challenges. In fact, ‘impossible’ is the word for trying or attempting to take them away. However the way such issues are handled is what really matters. Some people are really childish in the way they handle issues but this is not a wise thing to do. The fact that a person or your partner does something very disgusting does not imply that you should never talk to him or her again. Things get worse when you act in this manner and if your intention is not to talk to him/ her for two (2) days, it could increase if your partner is also like you.

If a relationship or marriage means a lot to you as an individual, you will handle it with care and not just allow anything take it away from you. People give many reasons to prove that their partner deserves no form of forgiveness but really is there anyone that does not deserve forgiveness? God always forgives us when we fall and He expects us to do the same thing. He expects us to forgive our partners when they do a wrong act or behave in an unexpected manner.

Forgiving your partner does not imply you being in support of what he or she said, did or engaged in. It means deciding to understand that he or she has made a mistake and moving on from that mistake or error committed by your partner. In order for forgiveness to be effective, both parties have to be willing to let go of a lot things. Forgiveness is a conscious effort, it will not just jump at you - it is also a gradual process, if you begin by forgiving your spouse when she commits a 'small' wrong, when there is a seemingly 'big' wrong, you will be able to forgive.

How much can you overlook? The problem many of us have is that we cannot tolerate anything. When she makes the slightest mistake, you scream at her; when he fails to do something, you decide to keep malice. I am a strong believer in speaking out your mind whenever you are offended but sometimes you just need to chill. You need to analyse things and sometimes you just need to overlook that mistake.

Practice makes perfect and so you need to practice forgiveness. Although this is in relation to relationship and marriages, it is applicable to everyone (whether you’re in a relationship with them or not). Forgiveness is deserved by everyone around you and everyone in the world so start practicing this with those that offend you at work, at the market place, on the road etc.

When you fail to forgive, you build up strife and strife is not good for anyone.

The people who appear to be having a lovely relationship or marriage are not people with little or no issues, rather they are people who have decided to forgive each other (regardless of how great or small the offence is) and have decided to move on.

You have to be ready and willing to forgive and let go of whatever wrong that your spouse does to you. Would it be painful? Yes of course. Him cheating on you; she failing to tell you about her past; you bearing a lot... yes you might have done so much but forgiveness is a big sacrifice that you have to make in a marriage or relationship. It is a continous task. I remember a Pastor once saying that "the moment he got into his marriage with his wife, they made a decision to never go to bed without settling any disagreement or issue that they have".

This might be harsh but it is the truth - if you have not learnt how to or worked on the act of forgiving, you are not ready for relationship/marriage. In this season of love, let us remember this "you have not succeeded at loving if you do not know how to forgive". Quote by me.

Thanks for stopping by.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown