IT JUST CAN'T WORK!

We had a short (2) series on open relationships and some people sent messages to me expressing their negative views on open relationships. Ifeanyi did the same as we can see here and here for those who missed the last two write-ups.

The thought and implication behind open relationships is actually not advisable for anyone at all. Like someone said "Why will I be in a relationship and be hoping for another relationship?". This is so profound as to what an open relationship implies. You're currently in a relationship but because you do not know whether or not the person you're in that relationship with is seeing someone else or considering someone else, vice versa - you have to also hope for a better person. 

I'm not sure how people do this but it's not healthy. Open relationships should be frowned upon for the following reasons:

1. It breaks commitment - It makes it okay for people to double date or double relate (lol just thought about this one) which in itself is extremely wrong. You need to be in a relationship with one person and it should be exclusive. If you can't handle the commitment to one person that a relationship requires, then don't get into one or break up from the one you're in. Also if you can't stay committed to a relationship, what would occur when you get married?Check this!

2. Trust is non-existent: You can't tell me that you trust someone you're in an open relationship with. The person is permitted to consider and be in a relationship with another person/people while with you and so you'll have to keep thinking and over-thinking and this doesn't make sense. In fact, the person can even get married while still open-relationship zoning you. You don't want to spend all the time you're with this person thinking of whether or not he/she has now found another person they like. It's not worth it please!

Quite frankly, you can tell that I am against open relationships as it is very very unnecessary in my opinion. Please don't offer this to anyone and do not accept it from anyone. Anyone who suggests this doesn't love you and in the first place is very selfish. Why can't they stay committed to you? Why must they keep checking for other options and then dump you?

This is applicable to both male and female and not just one gender. Neither a female nor male should suggest open relationships. It is highly disrespectful and unnecessary. If you can't continue with a relationship anymore and for whatever reason, please politely break up. Don't deceive the next person or yourself!

Thanks for stopping by.  See you next week by God's grace.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown 

OPEN RELATIONSHIP - YAY OR NAY? 2

 

Tolu and Ifeanyi ate to their fill and then it was time to talk about the reason for the meet-up in a very nice place that they had never been to before (or that Ifeanyi had never been to).

Tolu: "I'll be traveling to America in the next three months and I'll like us to decide what we want to do with our relationship... " 

Ifeanyi: Wait, I don't understand. I know you had talked about your desire to travel to the US but when did you make arrangements and why am I just getting to know about it?

Tolu: Babe I'm sorry about that. Things happened really fast and I didn't want to inform you when I wasn't sure that it would go through. But now that I'm almost sure it'll be successful, I'm letting you know

Ifeanyi: Okay, fine...not that I forgive you but let's talk about the other statement you made. What do you mean by we need to decide what we want to do with our relationship? Do you want to breakup with me?

Tolu: No I wouldn't do that to you Ifeanyi but I've been thinking about a lot and just wanted to here your opinion about this. So now, how do we go about this?

Ifeanyi: Well, like we've been handling it...We put in efforts to make the relationship work...That's the only way I know we can go about our relationship. 

Tolu: Fair point. But I was wondering if we could actually leave the relationship open. We are still together but then if we find someone that we love, we date the person and later on when I get back, if you're  still available we get or plan to get married.

Ifeanyi: Did you just suggest an open relationship to me? Gosh! I can't believe this. What! What! What or who do you take me for? So I'll be here trying different relationships while remaining in the relationship with you and if I'm still single when you... Infact, just go Tolu! I can't believe you'll say this to me!

Tolu: Babe it's not like that. I actually never thought you'll object to it...

Ifeanyi: Stop talking Tolu! Please stop! It's okay, I wish you all the best in all you do. Three months is still a long time but it's over between us right now. There's no reason waiting till it's time for you to go. We can as well just break up now. 

(Ifeanyi walks out of the classy Restaurant really heartbroken).

I'll really like to know your views on open relationships. Please drop them below 👇👇👇👇👇👇

Thank you so much for stopping by and God bless you. Have a fantastic week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

OPEN RELATIONSHIP - YAY OR NAY?

 

Tolu and Ifeanyi were in a relationship for two years and things were pretty smooth between them. Ifeanyi really had plans in her heart to get married to Tolu because he was all she wanted in a guy. However, Tolu had not said anything in that light. He loved her (well so he proclaimed) but marriage wasn't something he was ready for.

Ifeanyi was really hopeful and nothing was going to change that. She was sure that Tolu would bring up this important topic and that they'll begin to plan 'their' wedding.

One Friday night, Tolu called Ifeanyi up and said that he had something to discuss with her. Was she going to be served breakfast? No it couldn't be. Their relationship was going well and there was no reason for that to happen. Was she going to get proposed to? Well as much as she really wanted this, she wasn't sure this was about to happen. 

Tolu sent the address for the meet-up to Ifeanyi and it was a lounge that she had never heard of or been to before. This made her more suspicious (at least she was sure that it was something good). She left work really excited about their meet-up. They met often on Fridays but they usually went to regular hangout spots. This one seemed special so she got all glammed up for the occasion.

Ifeanyi arrived at the venue before Tolu but she didn't mind. She sat down and had time to take pictures because the place was really fanciful and classy. Tolu called after one hour that he was running late but Ifeanyi took no offence. She kept having fun and even met other people as well.

Tolu was getting really late and Ifeanyi had gotten tired. The only thing that would make her happy was if the meet-up was a proposal. Hopefully she was right.

Finally, Tolu appeared. He was really sorry about the delay. He apologized and said that he was stuck in traffic even though he also couldn't leave the office early. At this time, Ifeanyi was tired and really just wanted to hear what he had to say. But Tolu being Tolu got her out of the anger mode and they ate and drank to their fill.

To be continued...

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

MY IDEAL WOMAN MUST BE...

Jude was having a conversation with some of his friends and he told them about the kind of woman he wants to get married to " a woman that is God-fearing; Smart, can have intelligent conversations, is sexy etc. His friends cheered him up by saying "na  correct guy you be..." 

However, the question that came to my mind when he said all these was "Are you God-fearing? Can you have intelligent conversations? Are you smart? Are you attractive? Are you all of these things that you really desire in a woman?"

Many times it is easy for us to say this is what I want or desire in a man/woman that we want to get into a relationship with or get married to but we are not willing to take time to work on ourselves to be what we desire in somebody else. What this means is that many of us keep placing expectations on people that we ourselves cannot meet.

No human should be the same person at every given time. Some of us have the attitude of "I can't change, this is who I am" but what if you meet someone who is like that as well? Will you complain that the person has areas of his/her life to work on? If you expect something from others, you should ensure that you match that expectation or even surpass it.

It is very acceptable to have an ideal woman/man but make sure you're also all of that and even more.

You want a woman that is very spiritual but are you? Are you taking steps to get close to God and walk closely with Him?  

You want a man that is financially capable but are you in any degree financially okay? Or do you just want to be a liability on him?

You want your spouse or expect that your spouse would have changed in certain areas but have you changed? Or do you assume that you are all perfect and there's no need to change certain characters or habits?

I hope we all are able to see  that life is much easier when we are able to tolerate people. When you realize that you're not perfect and that you're a work-in-progress, you realize others are also work-in-progress. This is not a licence to settle for less in marriage or to say that anything and anyone is acceptable. No! 

The point is that as you desire to be with someone who is all cute, handsome, has 6 packs... you're also working on yourself and ensuring that you're beautiful, fit, smart etc. You should  develop yourself and make changes where there needs to be one. 

Whether you're single or married, we all need to intentionally work on ourselves and be better versions of ourselves daily. 

Thanks for stopping by. God bless you.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

I AM WISER AS A LOVER...

The story of Jerry and Jessica is one that many people face in our world today. Although Jerry had stated that Vals day meant nothing to him, he was now willing to forget about himself and focus on his partner, Jessica who Vals day means a lot to.

There are a lot of ideologies in relation to Vals day. While some people think it's just a normal day, some are of the opinion that it is a day that their partner should show them love in a special way. I said special way because some people would say "are they not supposed to show love everyday...". 

Love should be shown everyday but I do not think that it is a bad idea that people have set aside a day to be intentional about it. However, I would say please don't put yourself or anyone under any pressure. It's a good thing but don't force it on anyone or make anyone feel bad about it.

Jerry later looked deeply into Jessica's point and realised that knowing what Jessica loves and doing it is best. Even though he doesn't  believe in it, his babe does and that should matter to him. This year, he got her a wonderful gift and she more than loved it.

Many times, as Lovers we focus on what we want and how we like to celebrate certain events and we totally forgot or ignore how our partners like to celebrate events. This in itself causes a lot of issues in relationships and marriages. 

This is a call to us - show love everyday and if you love Feb 14 or your partner does, show love and allow him/her enjoy it.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

WHAT EXACTLY DOES SHE WANT?

 

Jessica was extremely unhappy and she queried her boyfriend last year for failing to celebrate her on social media or even get her a gift for Vals. She felt so heartbroken that she attempted breaking up with him. Jerry found it really strange that she reacted in that manner for the following reasons:

Firstly, at the beginning of their relationship, he told her that he doesn't celebrate Vals as he doesn't believe in showing love on just one day. Jessica's response to this was positive, she said it wasn't a big deal as she was indifferent about it. 

Fast-forward to Vals day - Eighty percent (80%) of Jessica's friends either got a huge gift or posted lovely pictures of them being pampered by their boyfriends/partners and this made her feel really bad. This in actual fact was the reason she was about to breakup with her boyfriend...

Secondly, According to Jerry, he has been sending and buying gifts for Jessica and he has lost count on how often she receives a gift from him. He also mentioned that apart from these gifts being really 'big' gifts, they were gifts that Jessica really needed and appreciated. "So what else does she want?" He wondered.

Why she would complain and almost break up with him because of one day (that no one knows how it came about - a day like every other day) that he failed to give her a gift baffled him... Why she was quick to forget about the other gifts she had received from him was a shock to him.

Jessica agreed that she said she was indifferent about it but really she would have appreciated it more if the previous gifts were gathered as one on the day of Vals at least so she could also put it up on social media and tell her friends about what she got. And no Jessica is not young ( so it's not about age at all).

Some people, in fact many people are of the opinion that there shouldn't be a day set aside for loving your partner or celebrating him/her. According to them, you should do this everyday and not just because society compels you to do it.

Please what do you think about Vals day? What do you think about Jessica and Jerry?Do we have some 'Jerrys' or 'Jessicas' here?

Please share your perspective.

Thanks a lot for stopping by and we hope to see you next week and also read from you this week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

HELP, I'M CHOKING!

There is a saying "Heaven helps those who help themselves". I'm not sure where or how we came about this saying but it is very relevant to our topic today.  

Many times and almost Everytime, you are the only one that can help yourself get out of toxic or unhealthy relationships. People around you can say anything, give all the right or wrong advices  but guess what?  The decision is left for you to make. You have to help yourself come out from any choking or toxic relationship.

Everyone has an opportunity to get it right maritally (especially if you involve God) and if you're patient enough to allow Him give you the 'go ahead' or tell you not 'to go ahead'. Sometimes you hear Him tell you through your conscience that that guy or lady would not treat you right if you get married or is not right for you but the pressure from parents or friends make you ignore it. Many times, you see signs, 'scary signs' that you shouldn't ignore but you consider what people would say and then you decide to go ahead with it anyway.

I always tell people that praying about who to get married to or whether to say yes to a particular man or ask the woman out is not as difficult as many people say it is. Truly, God will not come down from heaven to tell you to get married to someone..His voice might not even be loud but consider how you talk to Him normally (if you do). Situations like this are not different from other issues that you take to Him. He follows a pattern most times, so watch out for those patterns concerning this issue on whether to go ahead with him/her.

Involve God even before you say yes but if you've already said yes or gone ahead without involving him, it's not the end! Involve him now and let him lead and  direct you as to whether to go on with this guy/lady. Even after God directs you as to whether or not to go on, remember that the choice is yours.

God is always willing to help so involve Him always so as to avoid stories that choke. 

Happy new month guys. It is my prayer that we all will experience and share good news in Jesus name. 

Thanks for stopping by. God bless you real good.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.