HE LED ME ON

I woke up that fateful Saturday morning to a phone call from my best friend. "Babe!" She screamed over the phone. "Your crush is getting married soon. I mean Ken." This must be one of Sharon’s silly pranks as usual. I thought. She was very good at playing pranks, but this was not a good day for this so I rebuked her immediately. "Come online let me show you something." Out of curiousity, I turned on my data and my eyes were greeted with Ken’s wedding invitation on all my friends status. Ken was actually getting married to another lady, but that was not the worst part. He was getting married on my birthday. I quickly switched off my phone, locked my apartment and hurried out, heading straight to the bridge under which flowed a large body of water.

I met Ken 7 years ago, at a time when I was facing serious financial challenges. I had just been admitted to study law in the prestigious faculty of law, University of Nigeria. Ken was in his penultimate year and the LAWSA president at that time. I lost my dad the year I was born and my mum died in my final year in secondary school. Having worked hard to pass my WAEC and JAMB exams to gain admission to study law, I was worried about how to finance my education. I sat down alone at the corridor of the first year class. He was coming to invite the first year students to the induction ceremony organized by LAWSA every year for freshers and on seeing me in that mood, stopped by to talk to me.

"Fine girl...", he began, "what are you doing sitting here all alone?" I replied that I was fine but he insisted on talking to me. I finally opened up to him about my financial challenges. He asked for my number and I obliged him after promising to attend the induction ceremony. He promised to pick me up at 5pm after lectures and left. I couldn’t take my mind off his ever smiling face. I was sure a lot of people had seen me sitting in that position but nobody ever stopped to ask me what was wrong. This was one person who genuinely took keen interest in my well-being and although I had promised myself that I would simply focus on my studies and make the best grades I can make and not engage in any form of relationship, I couldn't help but wonder if I wasn’t already falling for this stranger.

True to his words, at 5pm prompt, my phone rang and he informed me that he was outside the female hostel. I hurried downstairs to see him looking as fashionable as ever. He came in his car and we left together for the ceremony. As part of his commitment towards my education, he paid my fees for that year and for all the subsequent years so that all I have to worry about was money for feeding and textbooks. Despite that, he still gave me money from time to time and took me out whenever he was available.

He made it a point of duty to stop by my class to ensure that I was fine before going to his class every morning. And just when I thought that he was just a nice person and there was nothing really attached to it, he began to take particular interest in my dressing. On saturdays, he would take me shopping and would insist on me picking clothes that were fitted and brought out my exact shape. He complimented me all of these times and would tell me how I looked beautiful in those clothes and how I should endeavour to wear clothes that brought out my shape. How I should also consider contesting for Miss LAWSA, the faculty’s beauty pageant.

To be continued...

Chidinma Grace Nwokocha

Thanks so much for stopping by and see you next week by God's grace. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

THE STALKING STALKER MAN! 3

Kindly read the previous write-ups so that you are able to follow

....

That was nine years ago. Yesterday evening, I delivered a cake to one of my distant cousins whose mother-in-law was to clock 60 in about a week. When I entered her house with the cake, Joshua was sitting on the sofa in a white t-shirt and jean. I almost didn’t recognize him because of his afro and the beards that lined his jaw. "Joshua!" I screamed in excitement. We hugged. We had lost touch since my parents moved from Lagos to Osogbo and I travelled out for my Master’s degree. My cousin just stood there, watching us.

 "Sis Lizzy, I have missed you. Look at how fresh you are. So you reside here in Abuja?" Joshua asked. "Yeah. My husband was transferred here few months ago. Joshua, You just forgot about me ehn. "Joshua chuckled. ‘I’ve been trying to reach you. I’m so sorry.’

"Are you based here too?" He shook his head. "No, my fiancée lives here." It was then I noticed an elegant lady sitting beside him. I froze.

"Lola!"

The lady smiled and rushed to my side. Memories of the incident at the secretariat returned and I couldn’t hold back the laughter. I stared long at her and looked at Joshua. "I can’t believe this!" "We are getting married in two months." Joshua said.

My mouth opened. Lola held Joshua’s hand. "Yes ma’am. And you are invited to our wedding." She reached into her bag and brought out a wedding card.

"How did this happen?" Joshua narrated how he had met Lola at the NYSC orientation camp. He was standing on the queue for registration when she called his name. He’d been shocked to see her. "The experience at the secretariat was still fresh in my mind. I just said hi and looked straight ahead." Lola rolled her eyes playfully at him. "I felt hurt when he reacted that way. He avoided me throughout the orientation camp. I was really upset." Joshua turned to Lola. "Remember the day we met at the mammy market, I was eating when you brought your food and sat beside me."You wouldn’t even look at me and you answered me in monotones. I cried that night."

I smiled, sitting down curious. "Were you already having feelings for him?" Lola nodded. "I started having those feelings towards the end of 300 level, but I knew there was no way Joshua would ever talk to me. When I saw him at the orientation camp, I felt God wanted to give us a fresh start. But Joshua didn’t give me the chance." I chuckled. "You can’t blame him." Joshua leaned forward. "When we ended up in the NCCF family house, I knew there was no way I could avoid her anymore. I saw her every day. During the morning devotion, at the bible study, in the kitchen, on my way to my p.p.a. We just kept bumping into each other."

"He was the reason I left the family house for my own apartment. My pillow can testify to those wet nights. When he kept ignoring me, I pleaded with God to take the feelings away but he was so stuck in my heart and I was frustrated. I tried getting into another relationship just to distract myself but I was out in a couple of weeks. It was worse because I kept seeing him at the family house when we had our meetings."

Joshua squeezed her hand and smiled. "I can’t even remember how we became friends." Lola laughed. "I can’t forget. Rural rugged. We sat beside each other on our way to Gangara. We talked about the incident."

"Yes I remember!" Joshua exclaimed.

My cousin clapped her hand. "This is interesting. Lola, you didn’t gist me your love story like this o."

Lola giggled. "The day I introduced Joshua to my parents, I was so scared. But they didn’t even recognize him. With his muscles and beards, he’d changed. Mum loved him the moment she set her eyes on him. It was long into the preparation for the wedding that I reminded then of that incident. My parents were shocked at first and then they laughed about it."

Joshua looked into Lola’s eyes. "She is the best thing that ever happened to me." Lola covered her face with her hands.  "I’m blushing."

I stared at these beautiful souls, mesmerized. I stood up to leave. It was almost time to pick up my kids. As I drove out, I thought of how beautiful life would turn out if we run with God’s plan only as he gives us instructions per time.

**

The writer also wrote some other things encouraging everyone to be patient and to seek God's phase concerning every decision.

Thank you so much for following us through on this series, some of the lessons we can learn are: You do not need to show everyone that you are a loverboy/lovergirl; the fact that God has told you something about who your spouse is, does not mean you should start stalking the person. You need to ask for wisdom and direction.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

THE STALKING STALKER MAN! 2

Please read last week's post so as to follow this series

...

At the beginning of my final semester, I had an appointment with the vice president of my fellowship, a petite lady we refer to as Mama, concerning the forth coming cultural Sunday. She wanted me to bake the cake for the event and had planned for us to meet to discuss on the cost involved.

As I approached the fellowship secretariat, I saw a white Ford parked in the compound. Some of the fellowship members were hanging around and I was wondering what was going on. When I tried to open the door, it was locked. I heard loud voices inside. I knocked. The treasurer opened the door and allowed me in.

Right there in the center of the room, Joshua was on his knees. A woman who bore a striking resemblance to Lola stood close to a pot-bellied man. Lola stood at a corner, staring at the floor. There was a police officer in front of Joshua. "Stand up. We are going to the police station." The policeman said, his hands firmly by his side. Mama went on her knee, pleading with the police officer. I joined her. Soon, the fellowship excos were pleading with Lola’s parents. Joshua remained on his knees, tears running down his face. "Why will a responsible young man be following my daughter up and down like a dog." Lola’s father barked. Lola’s mother clapped her hand. "Lola is our only child. We will not take this nonsense!"

The fellowship president stood in front of Lola’s father. "Please sir, Have mercy on him. They are both members of this fellowship and we are assuring you that this will not happen again." Lola moved close to her father and wrapped her hand around his waist. He glanced down at her and you could easily tell that he adored her. "Dad, please let him go." He turned his gaze to Joshua. "If I hear that you come close to my daughter again, you will regret that you were ever born."

Outside a small crowd had gathered. Most of them were the fellowship members. They talked in whispers, watching Lola’s parents leave the secretariat. Joshua was in my room that evening. He looked so beaten as he lay quietly on my bed. He didn’t eat the food I made even though it was his favourite. Later that night, he returned to his room.

When we got to the gate of his hostel, I tried to cheer him up. "You’ll be fine." I whispered.

For some weeks, Joshua’s story trended in the fellowship but soon everybody forgot about the incident. After my defence, I got ready to say farewell to my undergraduate life. Joshua was in my room the eve of my departure, as I packed my belongings into my big box. "Yesterday, during my devotion, that incident with Lola flashed back and I had to ask myself, how did I get that far? What I did was horrible." Joshua said as he rolled my mattress and tied it with a rope. "I’m glad you learnt your lesson. That fear of losing what we so desperately desire can cause us great embarrassment. The best is to trust God to bring our desires to fulfilment."

"I sent her an apology letter. She responded. She said she was sorry for embarrassing me. I wanted to reply and let her know that it was all my fault. But I felt going back and forth with letters will just resurrect the old feelings." I smiled. "God will lead you to the right person." "Big sis, marriage is the last thing on my mind now. My focus is to grow in my relationship with God and develop myself. Did I tell you I registered for a programming course?" "Really? That’s very cool." He smiled. "Yeah. I want to build my tech career and just get a life. I’m not sure I want to think of a relationship for a long time. Maybe I won’t even marry."

To be continued...

Thank you so much for stopping by, we will continue next week by God's grace.  Till then, stay blessed and have a wonderful week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

THE STALKING STALKER MAN!

I was washing my clothes at the back of the hostel when I heard some sisters from my fellowship talking about a brother. His name is Joshua. I was in 400level when Joshua got admission into my school. We lived in the same area in Lagos and his mother had assigned me the duty of a guardian. I had to leave home before the resumption date to help him with the registration process.

It was such a relief to discover that I didn’t have to chase Joshua around or worry about bad peer influence. Joshua came to the university a vibrant Christian. For an eighteen-year-old boy, his maturity amazed me. He had been saved right from his early years in the secondary school and had been on fire for God ever since. When he joined us in NIFES, the campus fellowship I attended, he immediately became part of the prayer team.

What was this about him desperately pursuing a sister in the fellowship? I wondered as I walked towards the clothing line to spread my clothes. When the ladies saw me, they scurried away. As I wrung out my clothes and hung it up to dry, I silently hoped this wasn’t about Lola.

A year after Joshua got into school, he told me God revealed to him that Lola was going to be his wife. He shared with me his convictions, the scriptures and his intention of letting her know how he felt. I’d told him to be patient and he hadn’t said anything about her since then. The following day, as I approached the faculty of engineering, Lola ran towards me. "Sister Lizzy, please wait." I stopped. Immediately, I sensed this had to do with Joshua. She stood in front of me, clearly upset.

"Please, tell Bro Joshua to stop stalking me." I stared at her, shocked. Stalking! Has it gotten to that? "Are you sure of what you are saying?"

"Yes! I’m tired. I have told him I am not interested in a relationship with him. What part of that does he not understand? I was reading in the faculty of social sciences, he showed up. I moved to pharmacy, he appeared. I went to education, the same thing. He hangs around my hostel, shouting my name every time I walk pass. Twice, my roommates told me he came looking for me. I just want him off my back!"

"I didn’t know about this. I’m so sorry. I’ll talk to him."

When Joshua showed up in my room that evening, I lashed out at him. "How can you be following Lola around? What’s that nonsense?’

"But I heard God. I knew what God said to me."

"You didn’t hear God! You are just obsessed about her. Your mind is deceiving you. This is not how God works. She said she is not interested. Let her go. You even follow her to her night classes, Joshua. It’s irritating. For goodness sake, what is wrong with you?"

Joshua sat on my bed with his head bowed. I thought I had talked sense into his head. What I didn’t know was that my words were as if I had placed a basket under a running tap.

TO BE CONTINUED...

The above is a story we came across and decided to share. We will continue next week but in the meantime you can begin to think of what Joshua did wrong or right. Thanks a lot for stopping by. God bless you all.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

A LOVE STORY YOU SHOULD LEARN FROM.

I woke up on Valentine’s Day to a beautiful gift from my bestie.... As a single lady, I honestly wasn’t expecting anything that day. The plan was to sleep, eat and probably take myself out later in the day. But then I saw a beautiful gift from my best friend and it just melted me to tears.

Now, Ife and I (we call ourselves Twinie) have been friends for about 12 years. We met back in 100level and I instantly fell in love with her sweet nature (being the gragra babe that I am..lol). We have an inside joke where I accuse her of being the one who begged for my friendship but in actual fact, I know I am blessed to have her. She has always been sweet and so her valentine's gift to me wasn’t particularly surprising but just amazing.

It then got me thinking. How have we been able to remain best of friends all these years but I haven’t even been able to keep a love relationship for more than 3 years? What was so special about us to have kept us going strong all these years? If it worked for us both then I should be able to apply it into a love relationship to build a lasting one right? So I decided to dig deep and I came up with just 2 things my Twinie and I have done over the years that has kept us strong. Let’s ride together and this might also work for your current or next relationship as well.

Firstly, I truly cannot remember ever talking negatively or being part of a negative conversation about my Twinie. No one even found it comfortable having such conversations with me because they always knew it would never be entertained. If I had any ill feelings towards her, I shared it with her. Although I am also a new student planning to apply this principle into my next relationship, I truly think this works. It means not giving room for negative feedbacks or voices concerning your partner. This makes the fort too strong to be broken by any 3rd party.

Now that we have shielded ourselves against 3rd  parties we now had to shield ourselves from ourselves. The next thing I know my Twinie and I have practised over the years is the art of overlooking. So many times I annoy her (I actually can be very annoying) and she does sometimes too, but without discussing it, we sort of came to the unspoken agreement to just always overlook issues that do not worth dwelling on. We do not fan little issues into becoming big ones; we simply dismiss them before they have the chance to become big issues. Now this is not same as bottling in issues at all. The point is, once we realise it doesn’t exactly take away nor add anything to us, we simply ignore it, we take it like it never happened.

I only just realised this on Valentine’s Day and I literally screamed. Why on earth haven’t I been like this with all relationships? Why hadn’t I learnt the art of overlooking minor issues with others? Why hadn’t I learnt that not all issues are worth dwelling on? That I always didn’t have to prove a point in every case. I had done this with my bestie for many years and it has worked!! We hardly had issues, hardly. This has overtime resulted in less stress, less headaches, and of course a better relationship!

So here I am today sharing these tips with the whole world. Shielding your friend or partner from negativity and learning to overlook little issues has greatly helped my relationship with my bestie and I do think it can help you too.

Okay bye now while I go flaunt my bestie some more...lol.

*Ife Alonge (Twinie1) *

Thanks for stopping by and hope you enjoyed part of the love story 

OneLove, 

SomzyBrown.

LETS TALK ABOUT VALS DAY

I came across the post last year and thought I share again because it is still and very relevant. 

Feb 14 of every year has been a remarkable day since I knew myself and even before I was born and it certainly remains one. People have used this day as an opportunity to show love and share gifts with the ones they love. This is a very beautiful and amazing thing. Although I am of the believe that love and deep affection should be part of our everyday lives and we do not have to wait for a particular day to show love to our spouses and people around us, (I mean God shows us love every single second and we are his children so we should show love as well),  however, it is not a bad idea that we have this month of love or love-month to be extra deliberate about loving our spouses.

I will like to advice that we use this opportunity to show love not just to our spouses but to people around us, especially the people who are not necessarily recipients of love. Let us give people reasons to smile again. Let us be deliberate and intentional in stretching out the arm of love. Gifts are precious and you do not have to break the bank to get a valuable gift for someone to prove that you love him or her. 

NOTE: Giving a person what he or she needs is more valuable than spending millions of Naira on something that he or she doesn't really need. So this is a call for us to be sensitive to the needs of our spouses as well as people around us. Remember that nothing is too small, so please go out of your comfort zone and make someone or some people smile by stretching your arm of LOVE towards them and giving them the needs that you can afford.

Another advice I would like to give is for us to be extra careful during this period. As much as we are in a season of love, some people are also out there to destroy us. Please I would like to beg you - do not let this period be one filled with regrets when you look back at it. In order to compulsorily get a gift from someone, some people get tempted to give up their bodies, their pride and compromise on the things that are very important to them. Please do not be part of these people. Some people will do it but it should not be you. Hold on to your beliefs! Hold on to your faith! Do not compromise!

This is also a period where some people get tempted to cheat on their spouses because they feel s/he is not giving them or is not capable of giving them what they want. Is this right? No sir! No ma! Please stick to your spouses and do not let the love of money/gifts be the reason that you will depart from them. This day will come and go and so the fact that you think you need a gift by all means is not a good enough reason to be moody or to cheat on your spouse. S/he would definitely have reasons for not giving you a gift so do not be downcast or tempted to do something that might destroy your marriage or relationship.

Can I shake a table?

Please women DO NOT start feeling entitled because Vals day is around the corner. Your husband or boyfriend can get you a gift but it goes both ways. You can also get him a gift. There is no law that says women are the only ones that have the ability to receive gifts! Men are humans as well and so they have the same ability to receive gifts as you do. Yes, it might not be an expensive gift (based on your capacity) but he deserves to get something from you as much as you feel you deserve to get something from him.

Once again we say - HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY in advance. Enjoy yourself but remain pure - let nothing be missing or broken

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

DON'T GIVE ME FLOWERS!!

Guys! We are one week and a few days to one of the most celebrated days in the year, isn't that exciting? Some of you might be saying "Why should I be excited when I am not even sure of receiving any gift?". My first advice is that you should be hopeful because one secret admirer somewhere (if you are the kind of person that accepts such gifts) might decide to send something to you. My second advice is that you make it a point of duty to send a gift to someone. It is good to receive but it is more pleasant to give.

Anyway, let's get down to the topic for today.  In the spirit of the upcoming VALS day, a lot of questions,  memes and the likes have been coming up. Many people have asked this question: Is it wrong to ask your partner for what kind of gift he or she wants for Vals?

To be honest, surprises are good if you are sure you know the major needs and 'likes' of your spouse. If you give him or her something really expensive but not needed, s/he might say thank you for it but would have preferred if his or her need was met. Sometimes (and its not impossible) you might not know the exact need of your spouse and in order not to give him/ her the wrong thing which s/he might accept but not be thankful for, I do not think it is wrong to ask for what he or she wants. I believe that spending valuable time with your partner would in one way or the other reveal the needs and 'likes' of your spouse. Even if you're not sure of your partner's needs at the moment, you should at least have an idea on the 'likes' - the things that he or she would appreciate.

In the picture above, the lady received flowers and beat the flower giver with the flowers saying "I said it is wig I want and not flowers". I mean if the man had asked for what she wanted it would have saved him the beating and he would have gotten her the wig. The most important lesson to learn from this is that is highly necessary to know what your spouse wants and/or likes and to give him or her what would be appreciated.

What if you can't afford what your partner wants?  - well I believe that partners should be sensitive and know the capabilities of their partners. But just in case he or she thinks you can afford what you really cannot afford then you can stylishly ask for a list of things needed and supply according to your sincere capability.

I know that there are some people that don't believe in celebrating Feb 14 because they feel love should be celebrated everyday and not just on a particular day. Everyone has a right to their thoughts and beliefs and that's perfectly fine. However, the above does not apply only to preparation for vals, it applies to birthdays, anniversarys and just general gift giving days.

We hope that you learnt one or two things from this. Thanks a lot for stopping by. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown