DO NOT ALLOW INSANITY CREEP IN... 2

In order to heal quickly, I would recommend that you get occupied with something you really love to do. This is not to say that this will work like magic but the truth is that if you give something your attention, you get a result from it. If you give more attention to your work, you get good results from it. If you give your break-up situation all your attention, then you get a result from it. However this result will most likely not be a good one. The result will be more hurt that might even lead to hatred. You really do not want to get to that point because it is not good to ‘hate’ anyone. So why don’t you get busy? If your mind is on other things, the easier it becomes for you to easily let go. It is a gradual process but you will surely get there.

When you break up or go through a heart break you become really vulnerable and as a result you might just run into the arms of anyone that stretches such arm to you. I understand that you might need someone to talk to but please be careful. Not everyone that stretches a hand of help while you are going through this phase is meant to be a part of your life. There is a tendency to go with someone who stays with you while you are hurting but does this make you compatible or does it make it right? Not necessarily. You need time to think properly and a few days after a breakup or heartbreak is not sufficient time to think. You cannot afford to rush into making a decision at this stage because it might not be right.

I know of someone who after she broke up with her boyfriend, immediately got close to someone and in less than a month or so she got into a relationship with that person. They broke up and then a close friend was really there and so she got into a relationship with him as well. This is not a joke, it really did happen.  If one is not careful, it will keep going round like that.  I do not blame this lady or anyone that might find his/herself in such a situation. However, I will advice against it. The fact that you are vulnerable should make you extremely careful. People might be there to help you go through that phase but you do not need to be in a relationship with them. You need to take your time to think because you do not want to make a mistake again.

There is a need for reevaluation and this is not something that is popular especially in our generation. We live in a ‘blame-society’ and this does not help matters sometimes. People try to point fingers at who committed a wrong instead of thinking about what can be done better by them  subsequently. When a break-up happens, regardless of who broke up, it is important to analyse the situation. What did you do wrong or what are those things that you could have done better? If you are able to do this as against wallowing in self-pity or blaming someone else, you will certainly be a better person.

It is also a time to develop yourself. No one is perfect and so there is always some work to be done. There are some bad characters that need to be changed and there are some good characters that need to be developed. You should not only recognize the wrong or bad characters but make haste to work on them and change for the better.  Read books, speak to people, learn from people’s mistakes. Experience is the best teacher but it does not have to be your personal experience. You can learn from those around you. I always tell God to please take away anything in me that my husband and children should not meet in my life and to also take anything in him (my husband) that my children and I should not meet in his life. This is because I desire to be the best to my husband and children. However, I am not praying alone, I am certainly developing myself and learning how to be the best. Prayers get answered but there is also some personal work and development to be done. Self-development can never be too much.

We hope to see you next week as we continue with this.

OneLove,
SomzyBrown.

DO NOT ALLOW INSANITY CREEP IN...

Hi guys,

Welcome to this new week. How is the new year coming up for us? I trust God to make it the greatest year that we have ever experienced. 

Two weeks ago, I promised to write about an interesting topic but I could not do that due to the fact that last week was the first week of the year and there was a need for encouragement.

I am sure you are wondering what this topic is about. From the story of Folarin and his babe, it could be seen that a lot of people go through heart breaks. Now you know what this is about (smiles).

**************************************

When people break up, does it mean that both parties are guilty? Not necessarily, I will say. The truth is that sometimes both parties are guilty but at other times, it could be that one party has done something extremely wrong and terrible that the other party cannot deal with hence the need to go out of the relationship. Sometimes, it is a mutual understanding between the two parties – maybe they discover that they are both not compatible and so they mutually decide that it is best to go their separate ways.

Our main focus is not really on what leads to people breaking up because for all we know, there are a thousand and one reasons why this happens. The focus therefore is on: how to deal with breakup.

While some people do not really get affected by a break up or heart break, many others get really heartbroken after a break-up and as a result they say all sort of things. Some will say “I don’t think I can ever love again because I gave my all to this relationship”; others may say “what is the essence of being faithful in a relationship”. Some people make up their minds not to trust again but are all these decisions good?

The first thing I would like to say is this: regardless of whether you did the breaking up or the other party did, you need to release the person from your heart. He might and in fact, he wronged you? She cheated on you… but for your own sake, you need to release them. You do not want to keep being bitter about such person because it will in some way affect you.

I agree that this could be difficult, especially if you have spent so much time with this person and gotten used to being with him or her. However, there is a reason that the break-up happened and as such you cannot keep hating yourself or being down about it. Please do not get me wrong, you might have your down moments where you analyse and reanalyze what went wrong or maybe you even cry and weep over it but the point I am trying to make is that you cannot afford and you should not put yourself in that position for too long. You need to move on with your life. There is a lot more to be done and so dwelling in that place for too long is not good for you.

Moving on might be hard but you have to do this because nobody (no matter how nice) can move on on your behalf. It is a personal decision that can be taken by you alone. This does not necessarily mean that you will totally forget about the person but you need to be 'sane'. I know that people do crazy things when their heart gets broken but this happens because they dwell on the issue for too long. No heart break should get you to the point of insanity! It is not worth it. Not at all!

Moving on means not allowing the mishap affect your life. You have work to attend to and yes you have to attend to it. You have books to read, and you have to read them. You have projects to work on and truly you need to get busy with those projects. There a lot of things to achieve so yes you have to achieve them.

I am sure you are saying that this is not easy and I agree with you. I also agree with the fact that people heal differently. For some people it could take a week, for some others months and some others a year or more. Regardless of how long it takes you to heal when something hurts, my advice is to try your best to heal quickly. When you heal quickly, you are able to do so much more with your life than wallow in self pity.

In order to heal quickly, I will recommend somethings that I have learnt not just from personal experience but from other people's  experiences. 

Please stay with us and we will be back next week.

OneLove,
SomzyBrown

SOMETHING GREAT IS HAPPENING...

So it is a new year and I am very excited to welcome you to this beautiful and glorious year. Great things are set to happen in your life, in fact they are already happening and I rejoice with you all.

        HAPPY NEW YEAR AND WELCOME TO 2018.

I know that I promised to write about a particular topic this week but then it is a new year and I just thought I encourage us. Please bear with me and we will definitely talk about the ‘promised’ topic from next week by God’s grace.

This new year brings about a new phase of your life and it is my prayer that GOD WILL BRING TO PASS all that He desires for you. Nothing and I mean nothing will steal your joy this year in the name of Jesus.  I pray that it will be the best year that you have ever witnessed or experienced in Jesus name. You will have every reason to rejoice in the mighty name of Jesus. (AMEN!)

Many people come into the New Year with what we call “new year resolutions” some others come into the new year with a “list of things” that they want God to do for them. This is not a bad idea at all but I will like to say or make a prayer that “Only that which God desires for you; Only that which is God’s Will shall come to pass in your life”. It is a hard prayer but it is important. Many times the things we think we desperately need might not be the things that God thinks that we need and other times the things we think we need might also be the same things that God thinks we need. This goes to show that the most important prayer is to ask that God's Will and not your will be done in all areas of your life. In order to be in line with God’s Will, it is my prayer that He does that which is right in His sight and not in your sight.

It is a new year and it is time to put into practice all the things that we have learnt so far. In this regard, I am referring to ‘things’ generally but also specifically – relationships. We have read books, listened to very deep messages on relationships and marriages; read blogs etc. It is time to practicalise all that we have learnt. This is not to say that we should stop reading books or listening to messages or reading blogs (don’t stop reading my blog o!). However my point is that we should not be ‘readers’ or ‘listeners’ only but doers of what we have learnt so far.

I am really looking forward to great testimonies from you all.

*God is blessing marriages and causing people who are married to bring forth their own children.  *God is bringing forth the right men and women as husbands and wives for those that have been seeking God either for a husband or for a wife.  *God is making great provisions for those who have been trusting Him for such. *Business ideas are coming the way of those who are believing God for it.  *We shall celebrate marriages and not just weddings.  *God is restoring broken homes and causing His perfect peace to reign in every home.  *We have the right connections and relationships in Jesus name.  *God is providing jobs and new jobs for those who need them. *God heals the brokenhearted and replaces ashes with beauty.  *You reap the fruits of your labour in Jesus name. (AMEN!!!!)

Have a fulfilled year guys, plenty love from us at SomzyBrown.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

WE WERE SO IN LOVE...2

The act of Folarin scolding and shouting at me did not happen once or twice. I really wanted to know what was going on with him because I cared about him so much. I mean this was someone I had spent a good part of my life loving so I definitely was concerned about him, and us (i.e. our relationship). All I wanted to know was where we were headed in our relationship but then it seemed like that was the worst question to ask. Although I was scared that he was going to leave me, at this time, I really cared about his own problems and just wanted to be sure that he was fine. 

Unknown to me at the time, he was going through a lot and so my question apparently made things worse for him. I guess he did not mean to be harsh to me because I had known him for too long and he had never spoken to me in such manner. I know it is said that people change but this change was a drastic one and so I concluded that it was an error and not really his intention. I kept trying to reach out to my ‘lover-boy-Folarin’. 

Surprisingly, Folarin did not want to pick up my calls or respond to my texts. He refused to talk to me for days and I sincerely felt he was just acting up. This continued and even got worse. He did not ask us to break up or anything, he just refused to speak to me, reply my messages and so on. It appeared to be a joke at first and my thought was that he was just being childish. This went on for weeks, months and I tried and tried but nothing good seemed to be coming forth.

One day, I decided to pay Folarin a visit in his house. He had told me not to come to their house without prior notice and I perfectly understood. Personally I do not like people coming to my house without having first informed me. I always like to be aware of who is coming to see me and when. More so, I live with my parents so prior knowledge of visitors is key. This made it easy for me to understand Folarin on this matter. However, this time around, I had no choice but to go unannounced.  He was not picking my calls or replying my messages so there was practically no way to inform him of my intended visit. I also needed to know what exactly was going on with us so I took the risk.

I got to his house and thank God, he was around. I did not realise how much I had missed him until I saw his face. “Folarin, what’s been happening? Why are you treating me like this? What have I done wrong? What have I done to deserve this?”. Silence was the only answer I got from Folarin and this broke my heart the more. The moment I tried to know why he was not saying anything, he asked me to leave and when I did not, he threw me out of his house.

Do people just suddenly change? How do you spend a long time professing love to someone and at the slightest trouble become really hostile to the person you claimed to love? I had a lot of questions but the answers were certainly not going to come from Folarin. 

To cut the long story short. It has been 2 years since this happened and I still do not understand how we went from 100% to 0% within the twinkling of an eye. I do not hate Folarin but I was definitely angry at him and very much bitter towards him because he could at least have said something. Although it took a while to forgive him, I finally gathered the courage and strength to forgive him. It’s been very hard moving on but one thing I can boldly tell you is that I am finally getting there.

I learnt a lot during the period that Folarin’s misbehavior started. I was bitter and hurt but I learnt not to hate him. Every time the temptation or opportunity came for me to speak badly about Folarin, I (though very difficult) refrained from it.

Thank you so much for stopping by. 

Please kindly look forward to next week because we need to address a particular issue that is highly important. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

WE WERE SO IN LOVE ...

My relationship with Folarin started 6 years ago. Oh my goodness! He was actually the best thing that had happened to me. We were friends for about 2 years and so altogether we spent 8 years with each other. Things were pretty cool between us and we were so excited about our relationship that our excitement even made other people happy. Folarin was (and still is) very cool headed, he is lovely, sweet and kind-hearted. Oh my goodness, he is such a gentle man and sometimes he over does it. Although he had told me several times that I am very kind-hearted and sweet, I could not compare myself to him because he is just the definition of a perfect man (at least in my opinion).

Although he had not done the nowadays getting on his knees with a ring to ask me to marry him (you understand all those things that happen now yeah?), we both had an understanding that we were going to get married. He had told me times without number of how different I was and how that he saw me as his wife. I really did not understand why he said this but then he did say it a lot of times and I believed him. Sometimes I wondered if he said the same thing to other ladies (you know men and their sweet mouth) but then I came to a conclusion in my heart that he really cherished me and wanted me to be in his life forever.

I loved Folarin so much and he obviously loved me as well. We prayed and fasted together and our relationship was in no doubt, one made in heaven. He encouraged me whenever I was going through a hard time and I loved him for this and many more. Sometimes he would say to me “Ololufe mi, I love you so much and I want to love you forever”. This definitely made  me happy and there was certainly no reason to doubt his love for me.

Folarin had met my parents a few times and had taken the bold step to tell my father that he really loved me when my dad asked about what was between us. I had met Folarin’s parents and they loved me, especially his mum. He had complained about how strict and firm his mum was but the love I got from her was definitely a sign that she was willing to ‘soon’ accept me as her daughter-in-law.

We were not getting any younger and although we had met each other’s parents and knew what we wanted, nothing more was happening. I knew Folarin loved me so much and wanted to get married to me but he was not really saying it. His actions and expressions were signs that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me but then if he was not saying it with his mouth, was it right for me to infer and assume? I did not want to be forward but I also wanted to be sure that we were on the same page and so I decided to bring it up.

Bringing up this issue is one that I will forever regret. The reaction I got from Folarin is one that made me question the love we shared and especially the love and kindness he had shown to me. He scolded and shouted at me in a way that no one had ever done before. “What did I say or do wrong?” “Was I too forward?” “Was it wrong for me to ask a question that determined a lot about our lives?” “Maybe I should just have kept mute and waited for things to unfold”. I really wanted to know what was happening but Folarin certainly was not ready to talk.

To be continued...

Thank you so much for stopping by and we hope to have you here next week.

OneLove,
SomzyBrown

I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU.

While I was thinking and pondering upon what today's write up should be on, I had it impressed in my heart to write about this. Truth be told, there are so many issues and topics that could be written on, in fact for some of them I have already written on them but not yet published them. However for this to be so strong in my heart, I think it is needed and would be very helpful to you or someone you know.

We have gotten to the end of the year. Yaay! Who is excited about Christmas? Well I am! (Dancing and giving thanks to God). Anyone travelling to the village? (My igbo people how far na?) Or travelling anywhere at all? Has anyone gotten Christmas clothes? Wait! Do people still get Christmas clothes in our generation? Anyway that is by the way. A whole lot has happened within this year but above all, we thank God for keeping us.

Some people have had it really bad this year - could be the loss of a child; the loss of a spouse; loss of a friend; loss of cordial relationship; loss of a job or anything at all. All of these losses need not be physical death but regardless of what it has been, I am sure it has not been very easy. Maybe you had great expectations on how things should go and they did not happen; maybe you got many promises but also got disappointed by those who made the promises...

This write up is just to encourage you not to give up or back down. I have had my share in this so just in case you are saying that I cannot understand, I actually do.  I might not understand what you have been through but I know what it feels like to have desires and not get them fulfilled. However, God has not brought you this far to leave you. I know this sounds like something you have heard a million times but it is the sincere truth. Yes it is almost the end of the year and you are like "let us just hope 2018 is better!" Please do not doubt  but believe that a miracle can still happen this year and with assurance, 2018 will be the best year so far for you.

For my beautiful people who had their dreams come through on a good relationship or marriage, I say a big congratulations to you. For those of you who were believing that your marriage would be established this year but did not happen, congratulations. I say congratulations because God is turning your disappointments into a big big blessing. He will surprise you greatly and ensure that you are established at the right time and with the right person.

Whatever you are believing God for, whether marital or anything at all, trust Him and thank Him in advance because He has done it already. Do not let the words of people (no matter how close) make you lose hope. There is something great about you and your heart desires will be granted in Jesus name.

However, please be very sincere with yourself - if there is anything that you know you need to do better or develop, please do so. It is not enough to say that things are not working out, sometimes we need to evaluate ourselves and change for the better. However while doing this, do not let your trust be in any man. Remember - OUR HELP, ALL OF OUR HELP COMES FROM THE LORD.

There is this song I love so much and it goes thus:

No matter what you are going through,

Jesus is there for you.

No matter what comes your way,

Jesus will see you through.

................................................

There's a miracle in this place with my name on it (2ce)

All I do is dance, laugh, clap.

Yes! No matter what the problem or challenge is, do not give up because Jesus is actually there for you. No matter how tough and impossible some things seem, remember that nothing is impossible with God.

Please enjoy the rest of this year regardless of what has happened and trust me, you will be very fine.

Thanks for stopping by and please do have a lovely week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

I AM DIFFERENT FROM YOUR EX OR YOUR FRIEND'S BOO!

Bimpe and Bolaji have been together for a few years. They love each other and this is obvious to everyone who knows about them or sees them together. Like every relationship, they have had little issues here and there but so far, they have been successful at settling all discords. There is however an issue that Bolaji seems not to be able to get over with. It saddens his heart every time he remembers and although he has tried to explain things to Bimpe, she does not seem to understand his point of view.

Bolaji is certainly not a perfect man but the moment Bimpe complains about something, he tries his possible best to work on it. Bimpe who fails to recognize that different relationships work differently, makes the mistake of comparing their relationship to that of Tunde and Sayo. Tunde and Sayo look like a perfect couple because they are always giggling, going out and doing some stuff that Bimpe considers to be great. Bolaji does not find this funny but Bimpe keeps doing it. One day she says he is different from her ex and another day, he does not treat her like Tunde treats Sayo.

A lot of things happen in people’s relationships or marriages that you know nothing about. Although it is not wrong to admire people’s relationship, the greatest mistake that you can make is to compare your own relationship to another. The truth is that you can never know the entirety of what goes on in another person’s relationship. You only see the picture they paint and so although they might look perfect, they might not actually be and although they might look imperfect, they might just be having a swell time. Some people show genuine love but some others pretend about it.

If you have issues in your relationship, settle it without making reference to how another couple settled their issues. Trust me, issues can be settled amicably and this would take the two people involved coming to an agreement of what they did wrong and deciding on how to avoid such in the future. Comparing your spouse to another lady or guy that you have seen out there would make the situation worse. So even if your intention is to draw the attention of your spouse to a bad behavior or attitude, if you do this by comparing him or her to that other person, you might end up losing him or her.

I have heard people say: “men do not like it when their babes or wives compare them to other men out there”. Although this is very true, I would like to say that it goes both ways and comparison is not good for anyone. Women as much as men, do not like to be compared to other women. Like I said earlier and I am saying again: “If you want your spouse to work on something, tell him or her in a very nice way and you can definitely do without comparing him or her to another person”.

Another reason it is adviceable to refrain from comparison is the fact that it could weaken your spouse whether you realise it or not. You might say that that is not your intention but then that might be the effect. Some people based on the comparison exercise that goes on in their relationship or marriage, just tell the ‘comparer’ to go be with the ‘comparee’ since he or she thinks that that person is the ideal man or woman. You really do not want to make him or her think unnecessarily, so avoid comparison and save your marriage or relationship.

Relationships and marriages work differently. The fact that one idea or act works well with party A does not mean that the same will work for party B. I know that it is easy to say and not exactly easy to do but then efforts have to be made to avoid this.  Comparing yourself, your relationship or your marriage to another will not make you or your relationship better, it will rather make it worse.

Thank you for stopping by. we hope to see you next week.

OneLove,
Somzybrown