How many of us know that you can buy all the gifts in the world for your spouse and s/he will not be satisfied because you are not speaking his/her right love language? That's the reason we've decided to bring to you a summary of this amazing book. We hope you learnt one or two things last week and we also hope that you will learn a few things this week.
It is highly important to know that what makes Mrs. A feel loved emotionally might be totally different from what makes Mr. A feel loved emotionally. As we said last week, we all need to take time to study what makes our spouse's love tank rise up and what could make it go low so that we can carry out actions that would bring about the former and forsake actions that could lead to the latter.
Quality time means being available and spending time with your spouse by giving him/her your undivided attention. You can spend time with your spouse but your attention is divided - I.e. you're with other people (so your spouse doesn't have your full attention) OR you're on your phone, OR you're watching TV. Undivided means 'not shared with any thing or anyone'. Your focus is on one person - your spouse. Gary Chapman also says that quality time means 'doing something with your spouse that s/he enjoys' and this leads to the next point.
Togetherness - this according to Gary Chapman is a very important part of quality time. Togetherness is different from proximity as two people can be in the same room and not be together. Some spouses think they are spending time together but unfortunately they are just in close proximity. Spending time with your spouse actually communicates that you care about him/her, you enjoy being with him/her and you like doing things together.
Quality Conversations - this has to do with sympathetic dialogue. The Writer says that most times when people complain that their spouses do not talk, they do not mean that s/he doesn't say anything. Rather, they mean that their spouses do not engage in sympathetic dialogue which is where feelings, experiences, thoughts are shared in a friendly manner. If quality time is your spouse's primary love language, it means you must have and make efforts to have these conversations. I mean feelings have to be expressed, you cannot be blank or have the "I don't care attitude" when your spouse is saying something that is important to him or her.
Gary Chapman suggests 5 things to do in order to effectively listen to your spouse and they are:
- Maintain eye contact when your spouse is talking;
- Do not listen to him/her and be engaged in something else while they are talking;
- Listen to know how s/he feels about the situation;
- Observe body language and be sympathetic;
- Refuse to interrupt while s/he is speaking.
Learning to Talk - It is not enough to listen to your spouse pour out his/her mind or be physically present, you also need to talk to them. If your spouse's primary love language is quality time then they would also expect that you get intimate with them by expressing how you feel about what they've been through or what they've just shared with you.
Quality Activities - If your spouse's primary love language is quality time, you need to discover the kind of activities that he or she expects you (or that he or she would like you) to do with him/her. It's not enough to say that you'll work on it. You need to create a list of the activities that s/he has talked about and find ways in which to carry out this activities with them showing that you care about making their love tank full. Gary Chapman states that Quality Activity is important because it creates/provides a memory bank from which you can draw from in the future. There are different activities that you can engage in with your spouse, discover which is important to them and engage in such.
Remember that QUALITY TIME is about - Doing things together, being together, giving each other undivided attention etc.
Thank you so much for stopping by and we look forward to seeing you next week.
OneLove,
SomzyBrown
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