YOUR SPOUSE MUST BE YOUR BEST FRIEND- CHOOSE THE RIGHT PARTNER 2

Men need to learn a lot from Solomon o! (Smiles) But there's also a whole lot for women to learn. This week we continue with the write-up by our father (Mr. Leke Alder) on this relationship/marriage matter.

Enjoy the read:

When it comes to sex, we have to go to another one of Paul’s letters – his first letter to the Corinthians. That letter even resolves the issue of sex positions. It says in essence  that all positions are okay, it depends on the couple. This is based on the principle of mutuality: “The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality – the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out.” 1 Corinthians 7:2‭-‬6 MSG. Paul tells us that sexual drive is incredibly strong, but marriage serves as containment mechanism: “Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder.” 1 Corinthians 7:2-6 MSG. ‬‬

You’re not going to find information about romance in Paul’s writing. Paul was not a romantic kind of guy. He thought that kind of stuff was an inefficient use of his time. He preached celibacy. 1 Corinthians 7:1. All that trying to please a woman thing, Paul thought it was all a distraction. All the man wanted to do was preach the gospel and get into trouble. And he already told us marriage was not his thing, that he didn’t have the gift. 1 Corinthians 7:7. The first major mention of romance in scriptures was Isaac petting Rebekah. King Abimelech was a peeping Tom in that incident. Genesis 26:8. But the authority on sensuality, sexuality and romance in the Bible is Solomon. He had 700 wives, 300 concubines. No wonder he died young. He died at the age of 58 or 59.

Solomon wrote Song of Songs. It’s R-rated stuff but God deliberately included it in scriptures, possibly to give the “spiritual” guys headache. We like to spiritualise everything and we soon run into absurdities over-spiritualising Song of Songs. “You’re so beautiful, my darling, so beautiful, and your dove eyes are veiled by your hair as it flows and shimmers, like a flock of goats in the distance streaming down a hillside in the sunshine. Your smile is generous and full – expressive, strong and clean, Your lips are jewel red, your mouth elegant and inviting, your veiled cheeks soft and radiant. The smooth, lithe lines of your neck command notice – all heads turn in awe and admiration! Your breasts are like fawns, twins of a gazelle, grazing among the first spring flowers.” (Song of Songs 4:1-5). If you’re a man and don’t know how to toast that’s a template right there. Solomon says focus on anatomical specifics – her eyes, her hair, her lips, her cheeks, her neck. Ladies take a deconstructivist approach to the question of beauty. They deconstruct human anatomy, they don’t do wholism: “She’s so beautiful. Look at those eyeballs. They’re big!” “Her hair is so long!” “Her skin just glows!”

Now, Solomon drew his analogy from an agrarian economy. It’s why he talks about gazelles grazing. In 21st century language the babe Solomon wrote about in Song of Songs would be called a Victoria’s Secret model. And he’s not finished. He dives into the architecture of her anatomy: “The sweet, fragrant curves of your body, the soft, spiced contours of your flesh invite me, and I come. I stay until dawn breathes its light and night slips away. You’re beautiful from head to toe, my dear love, beautiful beyond compare, absolutely flawless.” (Song of Solomon 4:6‭-‬7 MSG) A smart man knows his wife is beautiful beyond compare! Notice Solomon spoke about skin tone. Skin tone matters to women. But it doesn’t come cheap! Financing your wife’s beauty regimen is one more reason you need to be successful. There’s something called supplementary budget in marriage. ‬‬

Solomon buys her first class ticket, invites her to Israel: “Come with me from Lebanon, my bride. Leave Lebanon behind, and come… You’ve captured my heart, dear friend. You looked at me, and I fell in love. One look my way and I was hopelessly in love! How beautiful your love, dear, dear friend – far more pleasing than a fine, rare wine, your fragrance more exotic than select spices. The kisses of your lips are honey, my love, every syllable you speak a delicacy to savour. Your clothes smell like the wild outdoors, the ozone scent of high mountains. Dear lover and friend, you’re a secret garden, a private and pure fountain. Body and soul, you are paradise, a whole orchard of succulent fruits. Ripe apricots and peaches, oranges and pears; nut trees and cinnamon, and all scented woods; mint and lavender, and all herbs aromatic; a garden fountain, sparkling and splashing, fed by spring waters from the Lebanon mountains.” (Song of Solomon 4:8‭-‬15 MSG). ‬‬

Four things to note:

a. Solomon called his wife his friend. Your spouse must be your friend, your best friend. Friendship occupies a large swath of space in marriage. You won’t always have sex, you won’t always have opportunity for romance… What’s left is friendship.‬‬‬

b. The lady is culturally exposed. Solomon wrote about her cultural taste. From Solomon we learn cultural exposure increases worth and value. Develop yourself culturally. Read, travel, go to museums, go to the theatre, read fashion magazines, window shop… Read wide, not just motivational books. It’s how you develop cultural taste.

c. We’re also introduced to her perfumes and body scents. Every woman has a pheromonal signature. It’s unique. When you add the right body spray to the mix you have a heady stuff with a capacity to mess up a man’s head. Men have a range of what they respond to individually. Mrs. Solomon apparently likes fruity flavours, as well as mint and flowery notes. You’ve got to understand perfumery – know what to wear for different occasions. There are perfumes appropriate for office and there are perfumes appropriate for socials. You ought to know the difference, know what suits you.

d. Solomon tells us how she got him. It’s called “The Look” – “You’ve captured my heart, dear friend. You looked at me, and I fell in love.” Song of Songs 4:9. In fact the NLT translation uses the word, “hostage” instead of “capture.” ‬Do you know what the look is? It’s when a lady looks at a man, makes it plain she wants him and wants him to know she’s looking at him. That’s the look. Not many men can survive it. Song of Songs 4:9.

Do these things apply to boyfriend/girlfriend relationship? We shall see next week when we continue. Stay tuned! We'll be right back.

Thanks for stopping by, we appreciate you.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.