THE "NOTHING" SYNDROME 2

 

In this relationship journey, it is highly important for us to understand certain things. Last week, we talked about one statement that a lot of ladies and women make even when it is glaring that there is something wrong, they say "nothing, I am fine".

Sometimes while it might be a tactic to get the man to ask the question (i.e. "what is wrong") so many times which to her would show that he really cares (don't ask me why), other times, she does not know what exactly is wrong with her and that's the reason she says nothing is wrong. Another thing is that most ladies tend to become really vulnerable with their spouses (more than men do) and in a bit to shy away from this vulnerability or make the man know that they can handle things by themselves, they hide under the shadow of saying "Nothing". To them, this is being strong. 

I will share my personal story: 

So I am a lady and definitely, I have got the "Nothing" syndrome (smiles). Sometimes I am tired and frustrated about certain things but because I do not want to be seen as being weak or as someone who is incapable of managing certain things or as someone who nags, I keep it to myself and decide to say "Nothing..." . I have a lot of nice and caring people around me but whenever anyone asks me for what is wrong, I say "Nothing!". I did not realise how annoying this attitude was and is to men until one day he shouted at me: "What exactly is the problem? Why would you be going through something and refuse to talk, how would it be so obvious that something is wrong with you and when you are asked, you say nothing" He said. I kept mute and still wasn't ready or willing to say what was wrong. This got him really upset but I could not be asked.

Now, my brother and I have lived together for a while and in his opinion or thought, we are close and should have gone past the stage of forcing each other to talk. This is true to be honest but it has nothing to do with closeness and this is one thing that men neee to understand. When a lady refuses to talk, it's not because she doesn't trust you or doesn't consider herself close to you.

Back to the story- my brother had gotten really upset and could not hide his feelings anymore. His annoyance is or was understandable because he was really concerned about me. I have since then made efforts to consciously work on it. I think I am better now even though I still say "nothing..." a few times. 

I shared this story to let you know how men see this issue and to inform you that we are all in this together but we can make the decision to consciously work on speaking out (at least to someone that is trustworthy) when there is a problem.

Men as said last week, you need to be patient. Everyone is a work in progress. It would take some level of patience on your part to understand that sometimes your wife or girlfriend is not intentionally making you suffer by leaving you in the dark on what is wrong with her. Also please, when she decides to talk about it, please I beg you, do not judge or talk down on her like saying " so that's what you could not say" or "Why can't you be strong " because this might make her regret coming out of the "Nothing syndrome" cos if she hadn't, you would not have spoken to her that way or in her opinion, "judged her". 

Thanks for stopping by, we hope to see you next week. Next week, we would address one act that men do a lot. You can make an attempt at guessing.

OneLove

SomzyBrown