"What month do you think we should get married? I am thinking of April, what do you think?" It sounded exciting that this was what Caleb wanted to discuss with me but I thought there was more to it. "Caleb, yes April is good but is there something else you want to discuss with Me?" He replied saying "that's all darling. Is there a problem?" "No dear. I was just wondering" I said thinking deeply about what he said. We began to make plans for our wedding as soon as possible and of course my activities in his house increased.
Luckily and amazingly, Caleb and I got married. I say 'luckily' because he could have ended up not getting married to me despite all my hardwork and activities. Well, I thank God that it all worked out and we have 2 little boys now. However, sometimes I look back at the things I did and I have regrets. I sold myself so cheap and even though I knew at the time that it was not the right thing to do, I kept on doing it.
A promise to marry though good and backed up with a ring, was not and will never be the marriage itself. The fact that Caleb had promised to get married to me was not a licence to give him my whole self. It was not my duty to cook for him, wash his clothes or clean his house same as it was not his duty to pay my bills or feed me. It is quite sad that many people during relationships begin to act like they are married but this is not right. I fell victim so I am not trying to be a judge. You might say "but it worked for you, so why are you advising against it?" The fact that I got married to Caleb still doesn't make what I did right. I knew this before I got into a relationship with him but I got carried away. Also, there were times we broke-up and I felt so terrible with myself because the things I had done made me feel cheap.
A friend of mine had a similar experience but in her case, they did not get married. She later realised that her 'husband to be' (the person she had been performing wifely duties for) was planning to get married to someone else and was just using her. This made me cry because I had warned her about it but like some of you think, she felt I was being a hypocrite. Experience they say is the best teacher but it does not have to be your personal experience. You can learn from other people's experience so that you do not make the same mistakes that they made.
I am grateful that I got married to Caleb but what if we didn't get married? I would have acted like a wife doing all the chores and then gotten heart broken, feeling useless and used. My heart would have melted because I loved him but also because I had engaged in wifely duties when I was not his wife. The safest thing to do is to avoid any form of chores until you are married. Looking back at this, I am not happy about it and that is why I decided to write this to encourage some lady out there who is busy cooking, washing and cleaning the house of a man who might be the husband of another.
Your self-worth should be intact even if for one reason or the other you have to break up. Some men will blackmail you saying "if you love me, you will do this for me" However, you should not allow this tie you down. The fact that you are engaging in domestic activities in his house does not mean that you love him and does not guarantee a space in his home (i.e. as his wife) so you shouldn't allow the blackmail make you do what you do not intend to do.
Some people may say "So you mean we shouldn't do anything at all?" Although I strongly advice against it, once in a very longggggg while isn't bad but it shouldn't be your weekly, monthly or yearly duties.
Anonymous.
Thanks for stopping by people, I hope we all gained something from this. We really look forward to seeing you next week.
OneLove,
SomzyBrown.
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