I DID IT COS I HAD TO...

So based on the different comments that people sent to me about the “he put a ring on it” story, we have some things to discuss.

The first thing is Desperation. There is a lot of pressure being put on people lately and it is really sad. It is easy to say that it is these ‘pressured’ people that are allowing the pressure but I tell you, it is not easy. In as much as they might not want to feel the pressure, the moment a million people keep saying the same thing to you, you are programmed to think about it regardless of whether you want to or not.

But then should desperation or pressure lead you to marry just anybody or say yes to just anybody? No! I am sure you were expecting that answer. It should not. You have your self-worth whether you believe it or not and it does not matter that you are fat, thing, ugly, beautiful, disabled etc. none of this is and should be a factor to make you desperate to get married. Marriage is good and enjoyable but please do not get into a relationship or accept a proposal because you feel it’s the only or last opportunity that you will ever have.

You have your self-worth whether you believe it or not and it does not matter that you are fat, thing, ugly, beautiful, disabled etc...

In this story, it could be said that Bunmi was desperate to get married. She had insecurity issues and so a man proposing marriage to her, took that insecurity away. At last, someone saw her as ‘marriable’ and this was exciting for her. Although Tunde had not expressly told her that he wanted to marry her, neither had he given her a ring to show for it, he obviously loved and cared about her. However, this was not sufficient for Bunmi. Having said that, this has nothing to do with the length of time that people court for. We talked about time because she had barely left a relationship and then gbam! She's getting married. I know of a couple who courted for 3 months and got married afterwards. Guess what? They are still doing very well till today. It is more about the reason for accepting a proposal than the length of time it takes to get engaged and get married.

Desperation could lead you to making a costly mistake and this is why you need to check your reasons for saying or deciding to say yes to anybody. If any decision is to be made in haste or made out of self-pity or made out of the discouraging words of relatives and friends, it is definitely not the decision of marriage. Yes, you heard that! Do not be in a haste to make the decision to get married to someone. The people who push you will not be there to help you in your marriage and as such this should make you extremely careful. The truth is that you do not want to get married and then start blaming yourself and killing yourself for having made such decision (i.e. getting married to someone that you do not even know well).

How do we deal with this? patience! Patience! Take a deep breath and do not rush. You are over 30? You are in your early 40’s ? Yes, please be patient and develop yourself. Which is better? To be with the person that will love and take good care of you though he comes late or to get married in a haste to someone who cares no bit about you. Also let me just drop this here: Please never force yourself on a guy or on a lady! And this leads to our next discussion …stay with us and see you next week.

Thank you so much for stopping by, we truly appreciate you.

OneLove,
Somzybrown