Despite all attempts by Tunde to make Bunmi stay with him, she decided to leave him. In other words, she broke up with him. It was so hard for Tunde to cope with this. He was so pained, hurt and could not come to terms with the fact that he had been left alone. Bunmi felt really bad that she had to do this to one of the coolest and nicest guys that she had met but then she moved on quickly. Remember that she had been in 10 relationships already? Breaking up was not new, she only felt bad because Tunde was a good guy.
Tunde was still trying to get over Bunmi, it was difficult but he was getting there gradually. Something then happened - while on instagram one day, he saw a picture of a lady who looked like Bunmi and another guy. This picture was quite funny and he could not believe his eyes. He called another friend of his to try help him see who the lady in the picture was and of course it was his dear Bunmi. She had just gotten proposed to and the guy had put a ring on her finger. Whao! How could this have happened in less than 5 months?
Tunde had many questions in his heart. “Is it that she was double-dating while she was with me? Or had she been a relationship with the guy before? When did they both meet, become friends, get into a relationship and then…?” All the answers to his questions were no where to be found. Bunmi’s insecurities had to do with the fact that she was not ‘marriable’ or she felt she was not marriable. Someone broke that by asking for her hand in marriage and it did not matter to her whether herself and the guy were good together.
But really, is that good enough? What do we think? I really want to hear opinions on this.
I do not like to judge, in fact I have no right to judge any one and so I cannot (to be honest no one is permitted to judge anyone). However, I am forced to think really deep about what could have happened. But what will my thoughts do? My thoughts cannot change what has happened. Anyway now that the guy has put a ring on it and yes they are getting married soon, what can be done? While trying to analyse this whole matter, my friend said to me – “What do ladies like about rings?” Although I had no answer to this question, I was not shocked because some other guys have asked me the same question. Now to my fellow ladies, what do we like about rings?
My friend jokingly made a statement, well maybe he actually meant it – “since it is about this ring matter, the next girl I meet or ask out will get a ring immediately. At least the ring would make her stay”. Although he was in so much pain saying this, he got me laughing but of course I had to laugh in my heart. Is it all ladies that would jump into a relationship or remain in one because the guy has given them a ring? Personally if anyone tries that with me, he has failed because I am not really about the rings. What about you? I mean I love rings but rings with nothing attached to it and so if you give me a ring because you just want me to remain with you, hmmmm...
It is no news that now a days, many ladies are ‘really moved’ by the fact that he is or he has plans to propose and not about the most important things. Ring does not equal commitment, neither does it equal love. Rings and proposals are good, don’t get me wrong but they are good if they are done for the right reasons. That he gives you a ring does not mean that he loves you! The fact that he gives you a ring does not mean that he would be committed to you.
In those days when and if a ring was given, you were sure that the two people involved were sincere and wanted to get married for the right reasons. It is therefore sad that these days, ladies even force a guy to give them a ring. They threaten to leave the relationship if he does not give them a ring. Mehn! With this ring issue, we have to be very careful. Guys seem to feel that this a weak point for many ladies and they are capitalising big time on this.
We definitely have some issues to talk about and so we hope to see you again next week. But before then, please drop your comments and advices for Tunde and some 'Bunmi's' out there. Thank you so much for stopping by.
OneLove,
SomzyBrown
I think for some ladies, the ring signifies commitment. You know that 'he is the one feeling'. For me though, I wasn't even expecting a ring,the proposal was enough for me.
ReplyDeleteVery true dear. I think the ring thing is a good idea but I think the real effect that it should have has been watered down and that's sad. Thanks for commenting dear
DeleteI think for some ladies, the ring signifies commitment. You know that 'he is the one feeling'. For me though, I wasn't even expecting a ring,the proposal was enough for me.
ReplyDeleteI think before the ring, you must have seen prospects. Some guys decide to take it slow doesnt mean they ain't committed and some are quick to act doesn't mean they only wanna lock you down. Beyond the rings, one should know a sincere heart when it arrives
ReplyDeleteMy 2-cents
I agree. We just need to be careful to be honest. God help us! Thanks so much for dropping your comment.
DeleteI think the question some ladies need to answer is, "what does ring or marriage proposition really do to you?"
ReplyDeleteThe thing is,the Bunmi's of the #Instagram and #BellaAsoEbi age, where fancy and well-thought out marriage proposals are scripted and acted out by the guy to blow the girl's mind, and send her into a state of emotional confusion ( I didn't mean that), has become the dream of most girls today. They watch these marriage proposals and long for when a guy will arrive the mall with a chopper, go down on one knee with a big rock in his hands, and propose to her in front of thousands of people. They dream of when their own marriage proposal video/photo and aso-ebi will make it to Bella Naija too. Let's face it, when a girl goes to her friend's wedding ceremony, then another friend and then another, even at 23 years, she becomes apprehensive. Some of them begin to feel insecure,and you may even hear them say things like, "You know I am not getting any younger"
But all these are just secondary discuss. The primary thing is, Tunde isn't pained that Bunmi got proposed to. Not at all. But he is surprised that barely 4months of their parting ways, Bunmi hot engaged. He is surprised and asked, was she double-dating him? If not, then could it mean that all the while Bunmi was professing deep love for him,it wasn't sincere, because she was quick to jump into another relationship barely after 2weeks or so that they parted.
I feel any man who really loved his girl would feel hurt by that singular act, likewise any girl too.
But Bunmi can argue that she was looking for ways to get over Tunde, as she too was in pains during the period. Fair enough.
But that will also mean that Bunmi finds her self worth and esteem when she feels wanted by a man. It still boils down to the case of insecurity on the part of most girls. And insecurity can never do good.
Methinks that the worse time for anyone to get into a relationship is after you just left one, cos during this period we humans are most emotionally vulnerable; when the heart is wanting for affection and acceptance. During this period, if one is not careful, rash decisions are made cos we are more emotional than reasonable.
The first 8 to 1 year of a breakup can be used for healing cos truly the heart and mind need healing after a breakup, however peaceful or bad the breakup was. It can also be used for self discovery, a time to be true to yourself by asking yourself what you did wrong in your last relationship and how you can be better.
You see, why all these are important is bcos life is a vicious cycle. Marriage is not a bed of roses. It is personalities that get into marriage. The world is filled with so many broken homes today, that produced so many Bunmis and Tundes; kids who didn't get a full dose of parental love and acceptance, so as they grow, they want it so badly. It gets worse for a girl cos they are emotional beings. A girl who didn't grow up with her father in her life will long for that experience. And one way she feels she can get it is in relationship.
So if one relationship breaks, she moves to another without batting an eyelid, then to another, until one proposes to her. One can argue that such unions have a high propensity to also collapse because of the obvious reason; a lack of deep values and principles in Bunmi(note, it could have been the guy too that had this type of childhood devoid of love and acceptance, but like I said girls are more affected than boys cos they are more emotional). And if this union had given birth to a baby Bunmi, growing up in another broken home, the cycle repeats itself.
This is one theory why there are more broken homes today than was obtainable in the past.
To the Tundes, although hurt, should not give the next girl a ring just to tie her down. Guys really don't have time for that. If he doesn't want to dig an early grave he shouldnt give just any girl a ring.
Whao! So much to take in and I really appreciate this. We hope we all learn from this. Thanks a lot for sharing your thoughts on this.
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