Last week we began a discussion about Priye's boyfriend, David, who had disclosed certain areas of his past and on this basis, she broke up with him. It was a sad experience for David because he really hoped that he would get married to Priye and was disappointed that she broke up with him for confiding in her. The question is should we disclose our past to the person we are in a relationship with? If yes, how much of our past should we disclose?
Many of the relationships I know of are serious relationships. We have established on this platform what serious relationships are and so I will not over flog this issue. When you have decided to be in a relationship with someone, you have made the decision to deal with that person with trust. What this means is that you expect to be trusted by this person and you also expect that your partner would trust you. It is based on this fact that you have to reveal whatever may have happened in your past. Another reason to reveal this is because you love this person and you want him or her to know what you may have been through in the past. Your past does not define you so never judge yourself based on it!
Please note that revealing your past does not mean that you should be judged based on this. You might have the ideal person you intend to get married to but it is safe to always remember that no one is perfect. However, like I always say in my conversations with people, if you are not comfortable with a person's past and you know it will affect the way you view this person even when you decide to get married - please move on! Its better not to be a hyprocrite than to stay in a relationship because you do not want to hurt the other person. The likelihood that this would affect your marriage is high.
Deciding to be with someone irrespective of their past is a decision that you and only you can make because you are the only one in that relationship with them and you are the only one that would get married to them (if you so decide to). If you decide to go ahead in a relationship with someone with a past, then you must be strict on viewing them as they are now and not using their past against them.
A third reason why disclosure is important is that we live in a world that is extremely small. It would surprise you how many people actually know you or the person you are in a relationship with - it would not be nice for your partner to hear about certain 'pasts' from someone else or based on a rumour.
I know that the fear of losing out on a prospective wife or husband, deters or discourages people from disclosure but I do not believe it is worth it. I remember having a conversation with a friend about this and she said "anyone that breaks up with me because of...has lost a valuable person and I won't bother my head about that, neither will it stop me from disclosing this part of my past". This got me excited, she went through some breakups but also got married to an amazing person in the end.
Permit me to leave you with a comment from one of our faithful readers on this blog and truly, that summarizes my stand on this issue:
I personally think that one of the tests of real love is when one's partner still CHOOSES to love and commit to one after hearing some 'not so pleasant things' about one's past life experiences directly from one. I believe that it takes a lot of courage and trust in the other party for someone to reveal such things to their beloved partner. The guy didn't make a mistake for disclosing his past. It shows that the lady just likes the appearance of what the guy looks like now and won't stop judging him in her mind if they were to get married. A true love will take the guy's past as his past and focus on how they can both grow together and get better. After all, God first loved and still loves us despite we having being sinners in the past. Real love sees partner for who God made them to be and not who they used to be.
Thank you so much for stopping by and we hope to see you next time.
OneLove,
SomzyBrown.
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