After Collins got married, I decided that I would not get into any relationship because I wasn’t ready for sex yet and I also wasn't ready for further heartbreaks. I decided to patiently wait for a good guy because I felt it was worth it. During the waiting period, I met a lot of guys - the rich, the good, the fine, the tall, the romantic, the caring, and my response to their request was always a capital NO. The story however changed when I met Raymond (too soon right?).
Raymond was extremely romantic and he pampered and spoilt me a lot. The love he showered on me was close to the love my father showed me when he was alive. Ray, as I fondly called him, was a combination of all the good qualities one could imagine. He was tall, handsome, funny, lively, romantic and intelligent. We argued on law related issues sometimes and on other days we discussed political issues. He was aware of my desire to get married as a virgin and tried his best to help me achieve it.
Our relationship seemed perfect and I was glad I had finally found the man of my dreams. What I didn’t know however was that whenever I was away on holidays, Ray brought in ladies and had sex with them. I never got wind of this until my final year when I suddenly came back to school for something important. I had to stop by his apartment to say hello and caught him red-handed with his ex-girlfriend. That was the end of the relationship.
After graduating from the University, I was lucky to get a very good job. I moved into a new apartment and I was ready to settle down with the next guy I fell in love with. By this time, all my close female friends had gotten married and some already had children. On the other hand, a lot of my male friends were also getting ready to get married but I was still single and it didn't look like I was going to get into any relationship anytime soon. Chuks however came into my life in no time and we fell in love.
This time around, I wasn't interested in sticking to the no-sex rule. Chuks was ready and willing to get married to me so I had no fear about any unwanted pregnancy. Besides, I was 28 and still a virgin, and in all my 28 years of life, being a virgin had never kept any of the previous men I fell in love with. Instead, they cheated on me as they liked and left me in the end. I was determined to keep Chuks. He was very tall, fair and handsome and I was deeply in love with him.
Everything looked perfect until the night I came back from work late. I stopped by his apartment on my way back from work to get something before going to my flat and met him and my best friend in a very compromising position. A month later, I was invited to their wedding. I would never have imagined that they were meeting secretly and had even gotten to the point of getting married. I knew they talked a lot but I assumed that their friendship was nothing but a professional one.
As I stared at their wedding invitation, I concluded that I was a failure. I had failed to find true love and no matter what I did, good or bad, I would never be good enough for any man. So I decided to end it all. The world would be a better place without me in it and everybody will be happy. All my friends were married and I was still single. "What is the use of this life anyway?" I wondered. I walked down the street and bought some very poisonous substance. I got home and after making sure that my flatmate was not in her room, proceeded to take the harmful substance, hoping to end it all. I passed out afterwards and was found by my flatmate when she came back the next morning to rest from the night duty. That was how I ended up in the hospital.
As I recounted all the experiences, I concluded that I was indeed a failure. Not only have I failed to find love, I have also failed to kill myself in the process. Now my life was even going to be more miserable because everyone would know that I had suicidal tendencies, and maybe I would be taken to a psychiatric home. The whole world would blame me for failing, my colleagues at the office would avoid me like a plague. I would be sad, depressed, and dejected. I wiped the tears from my eyes and sat up on the bed. I reached for a pen and paper and began to write, telling the world my story. My name is Angela, and THIS THING CALLED LOVE, has left my life more miserable and heartbroken than it met me.
© Chidinma Grace Nwokocha.
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