Having looked at the 5 love languages (a summary of each), it is important that we conclude with some salient points. The first point is that you have to take a step in knowing which of the love languages is PRIMARY for you and thereafter which is PRIMARY for your spouse. What makes you feel most loved by your spouse? What is that thing that you desire most? What do you think would make your love tank full? Is there something your spouse does or does not do that gets you really upset? What is that thing?
The above questions are just to help guide you in discovering what your primary love language is. Sometimes it could be the opposite of what your spouse does (I.e. if your spouse is always judgmental and critical of you and this gets you really upset, it could mean that your main love language is words of Affirmation). If it grieves you deeply that your spouse rarely gets you a gift (no matter how small), then we can be sure that your primary love language is receiving gifts. If you get totally upset about your spouse's non-reaction/reaction to physical touch, then maybe your love language is physical touch.
Another way to discover what your primary love language is to see what you love to do for your spouse. There are chances that you do certain things for your spouse because those things are important to you and you expect them to be done in return to you. This in itself isn't absolute because some people carry out certain acts because they have seen others do it. However, it could be a helpful guide in discovering your primary love language.
Many men make the mistake of thinking that their primary love language is physical touch because the male is physically pushed to have sexual release on a regular basis. However, if they check deeply, they will discover that physical touch isn't necessarily their primary love language. It could be for some men but it isn't for all men. A story was shared about a man who said that his primary love language was physical touch but said he would feel unloved if his wife spoke harshly to him than if she refused to have sex with him. After this expression, it was discovered that his primary love language is words of affirmation as this meant more to him than physical touch.
After discovering your primary love language, you have a duty to discover that of your spouse. This could be discovered alongside yours but it all depends on you as an individual. Although it is important that your spouse satisfies you and makes you happy by filling your love tank, you have the same responsibility.
Love is a choice that we all need to make in the journey of relationship and marriage. If you truly love your spouse, you will make efforts to ensure that his/her love language is carried out/met by you. By doing this, his/her love tank would be full and the truth is that when your love tank is full, you definitely want to make the love tank of your partner full. Do not let your marriage be a routine, let there be friendship and love. Make the choice to make your marriage and your home an amazing place for you, your spouse and children (if you have any).
If your spouse tells you that s/he doesn't feel loved by you, the first step shouldn't be to count all the things you've done to show them love or to defend yourself. Think deeply and ask questions on what you need to do to make them feel loved because for all you care, you might be doing a lot of things which mean nothing to your spouse. Your aim should always be to get your spouse's love tank full and in order to do this, you need to know his/her primary love language.
I pray that each of us will treat our spouse's right by God's grace and that we would make efforts in ensuring that their love tanks are full by discovering their primary love language and fulfilling them.
Thank you so much for staying with us all through. We hope you had time to read through everything, if not please try to read the previous posts and drop your comments if you have any.
OneLove,
SomzyBrown
No comments:
Post a Comment