I WISH HE WAS THERE TO CATCH ME...

Majority of the children, teenagers, youths, men, women talk about the impact of one parent (i.e. their mother) in their lives. You will hear even big men say that they were raised by their grandmother or by their mother. Although not all mothers are there for their kids when growing up or all through their lives, research has shown that majority of them are. The instances you hear of mothers abandoning their kids is quite low compared to fathers and as such we are not focusing on mothers in this topic.

I grew up with some friends that had fathers who were not physically present for them not because they passed away but because of one reason or the other. I literally had discussions with a lot of guys and a few ladies who had experienced this and if I am being honest, it broke my heart. Each time we had conversations surrounding this, they would voice out saying "I wish my father was there for me...". Even at this stage of my life, I have met more people that have missed out on the fatherly care or guidance and they have expressed how sad it is to live without a father or a father that cares.

I had some challenges with my dad especially when I was a teenager because I thought he was being overly protective. I will fight with him and decide not to talk to him for days knowing that he could not handle such treatment from me. I remember reporting him to one of my friends one day and she said "you should be happy that you have a father who loves you, a father who is there to protect you and a father that you can even fight with..." This statement made me realise the impact of non-fatherhood in the life of a child, teenager or even an adult.

Looking back, I remember how I would say to my friends "forgive your dad and move on, he didn't know he was missing out on a great son/daughter...give him a call or just send a text to him to say you love him...". My friends will argue with me and give me reasons why they should not call or even be in contact with their fathers. According to them - "someone has decided not to count you worthy to be in your life, why should you then count him worthy?" Now that I look back, it is  totally understandable that they reacted that way. There is a vacuum that the absence of a father leaves in a child especially the male child and this has led to this write-up.

There is a saying that many fathers abandon their responsibilities to mothers as if the child(ren) was brought to life by just one person. As a result of these common reoccurrence, many children miss out on having a fatherly figure in their lives. If you're a man reading this article, you have a duty to be responsible for your child(ren) whether or not you have benefited from fatherhood. Growing up without a father could be really tough and you do not want your child to go through the same thing you went through. Children, teenagers, youths and even grown people, need fathers to guide them. Mothers may be stronger than you can imagine but they cannot handle it alone. Even if they handle it, they will miss out on certain major parts of the child's life. There needs to be a balance in the raising of children and fathers need to step up their game.

This a call to boys, guys, men - you have a duty to be THERE for your children, not just financially but in every area of their lives. You have a duty to properly train your child(ren). You're a co-partner in this so please do not neglect your roles and responsibilities. If you have a father who was not there to watch you grow, teach you and guide you through life as a man, I sincerely apologise for this because you may not see the importance to do the same to your children whether male or female. Looking at the impact this had on you should encourage you to be there for your child. Although I agree that you may not know how to go about this but you can get mentors or men that are fatherly to help you become a better you. 

Let me also ask for a favour? Can you try to understand that your child needs a father just as you needed one? Can you try to understand that your child would not make the same mistakes you made if he has a fatherly figure to help him, guide him and train him in the way that he should go? Can you try to ignore the pain (even though extremely hard) and get a fatherly figure (i.e. someone who can mentor you) to help you overcome these fears?

Your child needs you! Your child would need you to be there for him or her! They will need a fatherly figure to show them certain aspects of life that their mum cannot really show to them. Please be that man that your children and even other children around will be proud to talk about and call father. Your past was bad without a father, make your future good by being a great father, a great uncle, a great teacher, a great mentor to your kids. According to Bishop TD Jakes - Being a father is and could be a painful process but you have to be ready and willing to stand there, stay strong and go through the pain of building your family because at the end of the day it is for a good cause.

We all have a part to play in this. As girls, ladies, women, we need to show how important men are and encourage them even when what they do is little in their sight. I am not here to argue on whether or not women also need encouragement. Yes they do but this is about the men and not the women. 

Thank you so much for stopping by, we hope you enjoyed reading this and we hope to see you next week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.