THIRD PARTY - YAAY OR NAAY??

Tunmi and Aisha are in a serious relationship. Before we go on let me ask this question - What comes to your mind when you hear serious relationship? Well, serious relationship in my opinion means that they are not playing around but intend to get married to each other. So no side chicks or side bobos (smiles). Anyway they have been having conversations around marriage so yeah they are in a serious relationship.

Like every relationship, they sometimes have issues and on one or two occasions, these issues are serious. Please let me just drop this here - don't ever believe anyone that says they don't have issues in their relationship or marriage. This is a big fat lie because there is no relationship without issues. It's just that people undergo different issues and you might not find two relationships going through the same kind of issues.

Whenever they have serious issues that they believe is too much for them to handle, Aisha runs to their Mentor to talk about the issue. She tells her in confidence and so most times it stays between them but other times, Aisha wants the matter resolved so she involves her Mentor's husband and they both have a conversation with Tunmi and Aisha. These talks and advices have helped their relationship and made them understand or address issues better. The conversations have also made their relationship stronger according to them. However, there's a problem... 

Tunmi does not have an issue with Aisha talking to the Odekos (their mentors). He actually appreciates the role that they have played in his life and that of Aisha individually and collectively.  They've been very instrumental to their relationship and he is grateful for that but he was having a discussion with some of his friends recently about how it is not adviceable to involve third parties in your relationship. In their opinion, it is okay to have Mentors who can advice you but you shouldn't take your issues to them.

Tunmi who was previously fine  with Aisha talking to the Odekos, complains about it now and she's confused. He says he doesn't appreciate the fact that she talks to them about their issues and she's not sure where this is coming from. She's a bit concerned.

To be continued... 

What do you think guys? It's okay to have Mentors right? Do we all agree with this fact? Should we involve them in our relationship? If we do, how involved should they be in our relationship or marriage? 

Thanks for stopping by. Please let us know your thoughts. God bless you 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown 

WHEN YOU'RE NOT ON THE SAME PAGE...

Frustration!

Emeka got into the relationship out of frustration. He was extremely frustrated. Efforts had been made on his part to ask some girls out who had told him no and because his friends had made jest of him, he had a bet with some of his friends to get Chidera.

Can you imagine that? Chidera was being really serious about this relationship and in fact foregoing some of the principles dear to her to please and remain with someone who was in a relationship with her based on a bet. Sad! Really a sad situation to be in.

Let me just drop this here - there's no reason neither is there anyone that is worth dropping your values and the core of you for. Because most times things like this lead to regrets. Obviously there are certain sacrifices and compromises that have to be made in a relationship or marriage but when something is at the core of your person, you shouldn't because you want to please someone forgo such values or principles.

Chidera had lost herself! She had become so distracted! She was not herself anymore! She used to be keen about making impact, about her academics and many other things but she had lost them all... She appeared not to care about what was becoming of her life even though a  lot of people tried to talk to her about it.

After Emeka was done proving a point to Chidera, he dumped her. It's sad that she fell a victim with Emeka even though his plan or bet was not known to her. She would have felt better if she was dumped but still held onto her values and did not lose guard. But she did! She dropped her values and disregarded her friends and many other things.

Chidera was heartbroken, she couldn't believe that such would happen to her.  She was undeserving of such behavior or treatment. Her friend Sandra, stayed with her despite all the embarrassments she faced while trying to talk her out of being with Emeka. She was the shoulder that Chidera leaned on after being dumped. She gave her confidence again. She helped her get back in track. Chidera was depressed and weighed down because she had lost a lot because of this relationship but thank God for friends like Sandra.

We all need to be careful who we associate with, get into a relationship with or get married to. We need to ensure that at least to a great extent, we are all on the same page - have the same or very similar values, same or similar principles, are embarking on the same or similar journey. Some people come into our lives to distract us and cause to fail (we need to be careful not to allow this happen).

I really pray that we will do our due diligence well when it comes to who we say yes to or get into a relationship with and who we choose to get married to. We need to be on the same page as much as possible. God will help us all in Jesus name. Also take time out to pray - please don't joke with this. I beg you. 

Thank you for stopping by. God bless you real good. Have a blessed week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU'RE NOT ON THE SAME PAGE???

Chidera wanted to keep Emeka so badly that she was going to do anything he asked. She had her virtues and principles but getting Emeka to be her boyfriend was one of the highlights of her life so she didn't care if she had to forego some of her principles to keep him.

One of Chidera's friend, Sandra had noticed the drastic change in Chidera's behavior due to her association and relationship with Emeka and she tried talking her out of the relationship. Chidera wouldn't listen. She had got all she wanted in a man (at least so she believed) and she wasn't going to allow anyone take him from her. Sandra wasn't going to give up on her friend and at every opportunity, she had conversations with her:

"Chidera, you've changed a lot since you got into a relationship with Emeka and I wish it was a positive change but it's not. What's going on? You know Emeka is having a bad influence and impact on you but you keep pushing yourself to stay with him, why?"

"Sandra, I love him and that's what matters to me. I don't think there's any negative impact he's having on me. So why don't you just let me be and enjoy my relationship with my boyfriend. Can I also plead with you not to bring up any conversation regarding this?"

Chidera's response was really surprising to Sandra but she made up her mind not to get upset. She kept talking to her about the need to stop her relationship with Emeka because of the negative impact the relationship was having on her. 

Chidera used to top her class, almost every Lecturer knew her because of how smart she was. Infact many students made reference to her as well. However, since she started dating Emeka, the opposite has been the case. Many others apart from Sandra have spoken to her but that's one conversation that Chidera is not interested in having. She doesn't see the change or has decided not to see it all in the name of love.

Unknown to Chidera, Emeka got into the relationship not out of love but out of....

To be continued...

Thank you so much for stopping by. We hope to see you soon.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

SAY THE RIGHT WORDS!

Someone once said that words are very powerful and that we should be careful of the words we say. Another also said that you can sow powerfully into your future by the words you speak.

I remember saying certain words and things I wanted to see in my spouse, children and career when I was 18 or so. I knew words were powerful but I didn't know how powerful until I got married and started seeing the things I said manifest/come to pass. This made me more deliberate about speaking the right/positive/biblical words over every area of my life and I have seen positive results. 

I know that we might have had terrible experiences and gotten discouraged over many things especially good relationships and marriages but this should not discourage us from speaking the right words and saying the things that we want to see in our relationships or marriages. Words are powerful and it's best to invest in positive and right words. Let's speak rightly as often as we can.

Knowing this should encourage us to speak words over our spouses and unborn children. You can determine how your spouse, children, home, career would be by the words you speak today. Speak right words and you'll reap great fruits! Forget about what may have happened in the past, those things are not sufficient to stop you from speaking rightly or to make you speak negatively.

Thank you so much for stopping by. We hope to see you soon.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

HOW LONG IS LONG ENOUGH?

There are so many questions these days around the amount of time, number of weeks, months, years that is adviceable to be in a relationship for before getting married. Many wonder if there is a set time for this and I'll talk about this below.

Marriage is very important and it's highly necessary to know certain things about a prospective spouse. In order to do this, it is important that you spend quality time with the person cos only then would you really find out things that you need to know (especially whether the person matches your desires or is your spec).

However, there is no set time to when you should get married to someone you've been in a relationship with. I don't advice really long relationships (i.e. 4 years) even though some of these have led and could lead to marriage. There are people who only get into a relationship and stay for a year and gbam they feel ready to get married.

As long as you've done your due diligence about this potential spouse well, prayed and asked God to reveal things that you need to know and you're sure that you will love to spend the rest of your life with this person then I believe you're good to go. This could be for 6 months, 1 year or more but the bottom line is that you're surely willing and ready to spend the rest of your life with this person.

I guess from the above we have answered the question that there is really no set time on how long you should date or be in a relationship with someone before you get married. Also please don't be a time waster, I beg you in the name of God. If you know the relationship is going no where, why are you deceiving him or her by staying in it? Call it off if you're sure you can never get married to the person. No one deserves to be given false hopes please. 

Thank you so much for stopping by. God bless you real good.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

DON'T IGNORE THE SIGNS!

 

A friend of mine told me about something his girlfriend did and this particular act scared the life out of him and everyone around her. No one could talk to her and she wasn't willing to listen to anyone who tried. It got so bad that she went silent on everyone that she considered important. Yes, it was that serious!

She came around much later and at a time that he had decided to move on with his life. She pleaded with him and he forgave her. They continued with the relationship and got married. Before they got married, she repeated the same action twice but always came back with a concrete reason on why she had to 'disappear'. This usually happened after an argument and now that they are married, it hasn't stopped.

We hear everytime that there is no perfect person anywhere. While this is VERY true we need to be careful not to use this as an excuse to get into a relationship or get married to just anybody OR to go ahead with a marriage when we know there are some backend issues that we can't live with.

Yes, your friends and family members would put pressure on you but remember that they won't be there in the marriage. You will be able to talk to them and share your pains but they would never fully understand what you're going through. So this shouldn't be a reason to get married to someone you're not comfortable with for good reasons.

When you see the signs (which you will see), don't ignore. You know the things you are uncomfortable with, you know the characters that turn you off. He does something, she says something or does something that doesn't sit well with you... 

Sit, think and check to be sure that it's just a one-off or a one-time thing. Be careful to only go on with the things you know you can cope with or you're comfortable with. The signs you see today will remain if they are not deliberately worked on so be sure that you can cope with such character, habit or behavior even in marriage.

Thank you so much for stopping by. God bless you and open your eyes to see those signs that are important. May God also give you wisdom so you choose your life partner wisely. Amen.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

SOMETHINGS ARE NOT WORTH IT!

Domestic abuse has been talked about a lot. Although this is not the only kind of abuse that exists, it is one of the most rampant. Everyone heard about the story of one of the popular gospel musicians and many felt really sad that she went through all of that.

Domestic abuse is not an easy subject and I wouldn't consider myself an expert or authority in this area. However, I'll share a few things that I believe would or could help someone.

Many times the fear that victims of domestic abuse/violence face is the common: WWPS (What will people say?). They forget that their life is so precious and even more precious than comparing their lives to others or being bothered about what friends, neighbors, family members will think of them. Please move past what people will say or think of you and first of all save yourself and your children (if you have any).

If you by chance happen to be one of those people undergoing or have undergone domestic abuse please I beg of you don't blame yourself. It has nothing to do with you. This is the lie of the devil. Save yourself from the man/woman who lacks control over their emotions or physical abilities. Please do not subject yourself to such unnecessary pain cos it's not worth it. Yes there might be areas you need to work on because as we said earlier, no one is perfect but this is not a licence for anyone to beat or physically abuse you in anyway.

If you're in a relationship and you can see traits in your partner, please I beg you in the name of God, it is not by force to be with that person. Run for your life! You can pray for God to touch and change the person's heart but you can do that from afar. The fact that the person never used to be like that is not a reason to stay. Run far away until there is a 💯 percent assurance that the person has repented and is a changed person (I. e. no longer exhibits such traits).

Please you do not deserve to be maltreated or killed all in the name of love and no this is not allowed! Save yourself and not even in the name of your children should you choose to remain in an abusive relationship/marriage. 

The argument by many is that God hates divorce. Oh yes he does but God is not against separation so you can separate yourself from that spouse who may end up killing you if you don't take action. I'm really not sure of how best to express this but please your life is very important! And nothing is worth dying for. So please save yourself and let God help you.

Thanks for stopping by. God bless you real good. Have a blessed week and hope you enjoyed your holiday 😘.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown