Cheating has become a big issue in marriage. Faithfulness goes beyond not sleeping with someone that is not your spouse, it includes your level of intimacy with the opposite sex. So if you see it as more fun to chat with a particular opposite sex always, always saying everything about your home to a particular opposite sex, always telling them your wins and struggles first (before considering your spouse), always picking hidden calls, you touch private places with someone that is not your spouse, you share emotions with someone else… If you're engaging in one or more of the above, then you could be regarded as someone who is cheating. In other words, you do not necessarily need to have sex with the person you have those conversations with before being tagged as a cheat.
"Cheating is not always about sex".
"Affairs are way beyond sex, and a
lot more about desire: desire for attention, desire to feel special, desire to
feel important," Perel says. It is 'that' desire that keeps you wanting what you cannot or should not have. This could mean sex, which is true for most men, or companionship,
which is most often the case for women, according to Fisher.
Some activities to look out for are:
- Talking to
other people and giving attention to them as much as you give your partner...
- Sexual
intimacy
- Emotional
intimacy
- Flirting
- When one
starts to develop feeling for someone else other than their spouse.
- Even without
actual physical contact. Cheating is cheating. It's just like saying you
met someone on the internet and doing online dating but because nothing
intimate has happened, you say you didn't cheat. Oga/Madam, you have cheated!
- Giving your
children more attention (physically, emotionally, spiritually,
financially) than your spouse is cheating.
The big question is: Why do people cheat???
The reason people cheat is very simple. In my opinion, people cheat because they want more than they are getting or more than they have. People cheat because no matter how challenging or tough their relationship with their spouse is, they have not learnt to turn the other cheek and be content. People cheat because it looks easier to be with someone else. They cheat because the other man or woman is capable of doing things to them that their spouse can't do or isn't doing. Some people cheat because they are idle. Overall, people cheat because they are highly indisciplined!
How can we avoid this popular but unacceptable act called "Cheating"?
Nothing validates cheating! No matter the
situation, there is no tenable excuse for cheating! Having said that, it is important for husbands and wives to be responsible and to ensure that they perform their respective roles and duties in the home. As partners, you should communicate more and spend quality time with one another. This would help in preventing cracks in your marriage. It is important to know that before you do
anything, you need to think about it (is my conscience saying it is right? will my spouse be happy about it? if my spouse does the exact same thing to me, will I be
happy?).
Ayomide Agbeja
Hi Author, this really is an amazing topic and also a good read here. But I have a question... In A family of 5, father, mother and 3 kids; the mother was caught cheating with a young man seen as a "family friend" and was caught by the husband many decades ago which she apologized for and was forgiven but only to start giving funny attitudes to the husband especially when things weren't going well for the man to the extent that she stopped allowing him touch her and sometimes locking him out from the room. This was tolerated by the man for years until he got fed up and met another lady outside who had a baby for the man. The man however did not regret his actions and now decided to stay with the new woman leaving his wife and 3 grown up kids in his house. Who cheated here and who is really at fault on the matter?
ReplyDeleteWhao thanks for this.
DeleteThey both cheated in my opinion.Obviously the wife cheated first and her actions or inactions led to the man cheating as well. This is really sad but I really hope they can work it out somehow.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteNice, insightful write up
ReplyDelete