EMOTIONAL ABUSE KILLS THE VIBE!

“You are eating all the food in the house and getting fat when your mates are out there making money!”

“You are always on your phone instead of going out to search for a job!”.

“You are good for nothing. It’s like I just wasted my time getting married to you.” “Why do you always make me feel like it was a mistake deciding to be with you? What have you contributed to my life?”
 “I have been taking care of you right from the day we started dating and now that we are married, you have become a burden to me and I am tired.”

These and many more were the words of Afolabi to his wife as she sat depressed in the sitting room taking in all of it without being able to mutter a word.  Chrisabel and Afolabi have been married for a while. Chrisabel is a graduate and she once had a job which she lost just before she got married to Afolabi. She has put in efforts to get a job but to no avail. Their kids started coming and they both decided it was best to put the job search on hold to enable her take care of the kids. However, since this decision was taken, it has been one insult or the other from Afolabi.

Now that their kids have started going to school, she has decided to search for a job but she has been unlucky. Afolabi is not helping matters because he talks down on her at every single opportunity. He makes her feel like a failure and an incompetent person even though she is where she is because of their joint decision and for their kids sake.

At first, Chrisabel had her self confidence intact, believing that with persistence, she would get a job. Her current situation has however taken a toll on her that she no longer believes in her capabilities. She feels useless and is beginning to believe that what her husband says about her is true. Nowadays, she is constantly depressed and she feels left out on a lot of things.

This quote by Iyanla Vansat, a Life Coach, best captures the above situation. ‘‘Family is supposed to be our safe haven, very often it’s the place where we find our deepest heartache’’. People most times abuse their spouse emotionally without realizing the effect of their actions. A Philosopher, Kamaran Ihsan Sali once said “Hit me but do not wound my emotion. The pain of body will terminate, but the wound of emotion will be painful.” Emotional abuse goes straight to the mind and it is capable of driving people crazy. It causes low self esteem and the constant feeling of depression and rejection. An individual who has gone through emotional abuse from her spouse or loved ones may never get to realize her potentials. She may never get to know the things that she had the ability to do because all she heard was that she was good for nothing. It keeps a person constantly on the ‘‘I am not good enough’’ mindset.

People may not always have control of their lives, things may not always go the way they plan, but I believe that at these points in anyone’s life, family and most importantly, spouses should be there to support and encourage them. 

Emotional abuse is one that is not gender restrictive or age restrictive. Women get emotionally abused and so do men. Children also get emotionally abused and all of these is not right. You can speak positive and right words to your spouse, to your children and even to your friends.

Do not forget, the wounds which can never be seen on a person's body, are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds. Do not be the source of that wound to your spouse or child or anyone around you.

Iseh Kuseme

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OneLove,
SomzyBrown