Every Attention I got was a Blessing!

I was so tired of staying at home, so I decided to take a stroll out of the estate where I live. To be honest, I just wanted to be able to see people and know that I was not alone in this world (smiles). My younger sister who lived with me had moved out of the house because she could not cope with my ‘frustrated’ self. So I was home alone! The estate was so quiet and as I passed by, I could barely count one or two people on my way. I therefore decided to go to the supermarket. My thought was that “at least there will be some people there”. Indeed I was right, there were a lot of people at the supermarket and I made a new friend.

I met him at a supermarket not too far from the house. “He is charming and friendly” I thought to myself. He smiled at me and said “hey beautiful, can I have a chat with you?” No one had ever referred to me as beautiful and at that point I was almost getting depressed on the fact that I was ugly. This name was worth more than gold to me but I had to be careful - “Is this a name he calls every woman or lady he sees or am I really beautiful?” I could not help but ponder.

I had gotten so carried away with the fact that he had called me beautiful and I had forgotten to respond. “Hello!!” he said trying to remind me of the question he asked. “Oh I’m sorry, yes you can” I responded. We began to talk and he saw me as an interesting person but was I really an interesting person? I had serious doubts about who I was and this was bad for me. He further asked “I will like to continue this conversation with you, can I have your number please?” I was not going to say no to this, I was lonely and bored so why not? “Yes, this is it…”

We became friends and in less than two weeks, he popped the question. Do you think two weeks was too quick? Well I thought it was because we barely knew each other even though it seemed like we had grown close so fast. I was not sure I was ready to commit to anything yet and you will get to understand why. He acted like a good person. I say ‘acted’ because I have met many good actors in this life. People who you could call the nicest people but the moment you got into a relationship with them, everything changed. It was just safe for me to assume that everyone was an actor until proven otherwise.

Although I was really lonely, I had made some costly mistakes which I was not willing to make again. I was on the quest to finding the right man and so every guy I met appeared to be a potential one. The fact that I felt I was ugly made it worse for me and so every attention I got was a blessing. I am sure you are surprised at the use of the word ‘blessing’. To be honest, getting attention from guys was worth more than gold because this rarely happened.  I was tired of being or feeling so cheap (i.e. jumping at every guys request because it was rare) but then that seemed like the only way to boost my self-pride. Was it really working though? No!!!!

I could tell no one about this but then I finally decided to speak to a friend who made it a point of duty to encourage me in every way she could. Her encouragement meant a lot to me and I was grateful that I had finally let out my feelings to someone. She called me one day and told me about a Women's conference that she attends and which has helped her a lot. She invited me for the women’s conference but I was not willing to attend. She made me see reasons why I needed to attend but was I going to attend?

Stay tuned as I continue with this next week.

Thank you so much for stopping by. We cannot wait to have you back next week. Until then, stay blessed.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown