Attending this conference is the best thing that has happened to me in a while (I am very serious). Although I attended the conference reluctantly, I learnt a whole lot and I am glad that I did not decline the invite. From the different speakers, I was able to figure out that I was indeed beautiful and I could beautify my life the more by working on certain areas of my life and developing myself. Before this conference, I had focused on my facial beauty so much that I was already losing the inner beauty which is more important. I learnt that although a beautiful face is good, that is not what necessarily keeps a man. The facial beauty could fade but the inner beauty never fades.
In fact, one of the speakers had spoken like she had a book where every single thing about my life and all the incidences that had occurred were written. She was so down to earth, yet so real. She talked about the fact that many people give excuses for acting in a particular way or engaging in a particular act. According to her: “your so called disadvantage should not push you to a greater disadvantage. The fact that you think you are not good enough or not beautiful enough, should not make you do crazy things”. This was definitely for me. I knew and accepted that I was not facially beautiful but I also allowed this ‘thought’ of mine push me to doing crazy things and this definitely was not good for me.
I decided to make a conscious effort to develop my inner self. I began to work on myself when I realized that even though I did not consider myself facially beautiful, I could work on my character and charisma which would get people attracted to me. I began to read a lot because I also wanted to be able to have intellectual conversations with people. This ‘inner-self’ development was going on well but I sometimes fell back to where I was coming from.
The supermarket guy (SG) and I remained friends but remember I said that I was not sure about being ready to commit to any relationship. The conference made it worse for me. Worse in the sense that it made me decide to cut off contacts with guys for a few months so that I could really work on myself and get my self-esteem. He seemed really nice and different from the other guys I had ever had anything to do with but I was quite different now from when he met me. I was still lonely but I now had a different view about life generally and I was ready to be a better me.
SG’s attitude towards me was beginning to change and I guess this was as a result of the new thinking cap that I had put on. I refused to give an answer to him but I still wanted us to be friends. He was obviously not ready to accept my lovely offer of friendship so he left. He had asked me to do something that the former me (i.e. before the conference) would have done, regardless of the short time in which I met him but thankfully at this time there was a change. I was so glad that I could say no because this rarely happened. I had gotten so used to doing somethings that I said yes without thinking when the request came.
Despite all these positive changes and development, there were times that I would still look at any guy and say “maybe he is the one” and the moment he came to speak to me, that was it. The decision to avoid contact with guys for a few months did not last long at all. I got into further relationships and worse things happened to me. I thought I had grown! I thought I had gotten to the point where I could boldly say that all that I did was now in my past! I thought I was beginning to re-enhance my self-worth but I was quite far from it. I fell again!
Thank you so much for stopping by, we hope to see you next week.
OneLove,
SomzyBrown
No comments:
Post a Comment