SHE BROKE MY HEART...

Sunday got into a relationship with his beautiful girlfriend, Blessing. It seemed like they had it going smooth but in less than 3 months, the so called 'blissful' relationship was over. Sunday thought he was going to get married to Blessing and if anyone had told him otherwise, he would have fought with the person. Sunday was unhappy about how things turned out and was confused for a while on what to do.

The question is: After a breakup up, what next? Should you eat yourself up or what exactly should be done?

The first thing I would like to say is that people get into relationships for different reasons and they also break up for different reasons. Eating yourself up because one relationship didn't work out the way you thought it would is not worth it. Although hard and painful, you have to move on and enjoy your wonderful life. Nobody likes to be dumped but no one likes to be with someone that cannot put him or herself together.

Moving on after a break up is dependent on the person involved and the circumstances that led to the break-up. For some people, after a break-up with their boyfriend or girlfriend, they decide that they would not get into another relationship with someone else until they are completely healed or until they have completely gotten over the terrible feeling of being jilted or whatever the case may be. Some other people go into a relationship immediately after a break-up not necessarily because they planned to but because while they were trying to get over the heart break, someone else was there to console and encourage them and it just made sense to be with that person.

We are all different and we react to hurt or disappointment differently. This is one of the reasons you should not compare your situation to that of another person. Although, there is no hard and fast rule about this, one very important thing is that you need to ensure that you have gotten to a point where your heart has totally forgiven the person that broke-up with you or that you broke up with . The reason for this is that it is not good to carry along gabbages from a previous relationship into a new one as this would affect how you treat or view the new person in your life. You really should not go into a relationship comparing the former guy or lady to the new guy or lady because they are totally different people. Making comparisons in your heart or through your words and actions is the worse thing you can do to a person you are in a relationship with...

To be continued...

Thank you so much for stopping by. God bless you.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

HOW FAR IS TOO FAR?

When we talk about cheating, most times we refer or we are referring to men. I'm not exactly sure why this is so because the truth is that both men and women have the capacity or the capability to cheat on their partners. 

This is a very sensitive topic and it is one that keeps coming up in almost every conversation nowadays. Many people have had terrible experiences with unfaithful partners or spouses and it is quite a discouraging experience for some. It is very sad that many of the things that shouldn't be normal are now the order of the day. You hear things like "all men cheat so just be grateful that your partner still takes care of you". No! This shouldn't be. 

The moment you decide to be in a relationship or to get married, you are making the decision to be faithful and committed to this one person. You owe yourself as well as the person you're with, the duty of faithfulness. I don't care what goes on around you or the fact that many people are trying to make 'unfaithfulness' seem like it is normal and uncontrollable. It is very controllable but you have to guard your heart, your mind, your soul, your body, your conversations etc. Be careful of what you listen to and what you allow into your space. Listen more to testimonies of faithful and committed people than the opposite. Be intentional about making your relationship or marriage work.

The truth is that we all know when we are going too far in our conversations with the opposite sex but sometimes because we  enjoy the attention we are getting, we refuse to stop right there and then. It is important that we all make decisions to stay faithful in our relationships because whether you're a man or a woman if you haven't made a conscious effort to stay faithful or to stay committed, you will get tempted and when the temptation comes you will most likely yield to it. 

This is a call to each and everyone of us whether you are a man or a woman, cheating is bad and it begins from the inability to set boundaries with so called 'close' friends. The truth is that sometimes you know when you've gone or when you're going too far in having conversations or sharing certain pictures or part of your life with somebody of the opposite sex. We all need to watch it  and we all need to be careful. 

We all need to make the commitment of faithfulness and break this annoying 'norm' that seems to exist in our day. In previous times, cheating was frowned upon and the few people who engaged in it were judged by their friends or family members and called to order but nowadays, faithfulness is rare and people who choose to be faithful to their marriages or relationships are mocked. God requires that we are faithful to our spouses - that's His standard and we should strictly adhere to this.

This should not be the case. We can all be faithful in our relationships and marriages. We can all decide to take this step no matter what we see happening around us whether by people close to us or not. We can be faithful and we will be faithful by God's grace. I pray God helps each and everyone of us in Jesus name.

Thank you so much for stopping by. God bless you.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

DESPITE HOW BAD... MOVING ON WAS NECESSARY.

Tayo had become so mean and uncaring to me and I wasn't sure why he was being like that. Like I said earlier, I went to his house but he shut me out. He didn't open the door for me and even though I stayed out for a bit longer, he didn't come out. This incident made me know that he had made up his mind and was totally done with the relationship. I wish he told me why he all of a sudden stopped loving or maybe liking me but then he didn't. Even if I had offended him, (which I was unaware of), it couldn't be so bad as to totally shut me out of his life.

I tried to get over Tayo but it was really difficult. I spoke to my friends about it because none of it made sense to me. I tried to wait for Tayo hoping that he would come back to his senses and reach out to me or apologize for just deciding out of the blues to shut me out but this was a dream that never came true. Sadly but importantly, I had to move on with my life. It was a good relationship but then it had obviously come to an end, hopefully for good.

Getting into another relationship was the least thing on my mind at the beginning of the year...I thought and hoped Tayo would be the last guy I'll be with but I was very wrong. Things had changed and it was time to make that decision again. It was a difficult one but I had to move on.

I got into a relationship after 2 years and although I was with someone really amazing (in my opinion), I was finding it difficult to enjoy the relationship. I later discovered that this issue was as a result of my experience with Tayo. I had not gotten over the surprising incident and this was affecting my relationship. I spoke with a senior friend about it and he advised me to get closure. By getting closure, he explained "Talk to Tayo and let him know how you felt and still feel then make the decision to forgive him. Although difficult, try to pray for him so that forgiving him would be easy." This was hard but it was definitely needed. 

Calling Tayo was difficult but more difficult was the sleepless nights I had thinking about whether or not he would respond to my request to have a conversation with him. Thankfully, he responded and I was able to pour out my heart to him. He sounded remorse and had a lot of excuses as to the silent treatment but none of that meant anything to me anymore. I had gotten what I needed by pouring my heart out and in my opinion, prayer would solve the rest. Gradually, I began to appreciate and enjoy my new relationship.

I don't know what your experience in relationships have been but if you have had a bad experience or a relationship that didn't end well, you need to get closure because failure to do so could make you have a terrible experience in your next relationship.

Thank you so much for stopping by, I hope that you are able to get closure where you need to by God's grace and to move on with ease.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

I HAD TO GET CLOSURE!

My name is Juliet and although I have been involved in a lot of relationships, I am still single. Please don't join my parents in asking why I am still single because I do not have an answer to this question and I'm being serious. I have been in long relationships that should have led to marriage but then like they say "things happen!". 

I am a very beautiful lady and no I'm not trying to brag, I'm just stating the obvious. However, I have been in relationships with the handsome, ugly and unkempt. To be honest, I think I have seen it all when it comes to relationships but hopefully the man I get married to will be the handsome and perfect person for me. I shared this to state that although I am very beautiful, I am not selective. Once I like you and you like me, we are good to go (smiles).

Sharing my story is not one that I do often but then I am sharing it this time because there's been an argument/discussion about whether or not you need to get closure after a relationship comes to an end. In my opinion, you do not need closure for every relationship but there are certain relationships that you must get closure for. If it was just a fling (nothing serious), you don't necessarily need to get closure because you guys were not serious to begin with. However, if you guys were serious (not necessarily talking marriage) but you loved each other and you had to go your separate ways because of one reason or the other,  you'll definitely need closure.

Tayo was a good guy whom I knew loved me and I loved sincerely. We were in a relationship for about 2 years (this is one of my long relationships). He wasn't so handsome but he had a great personality and we clicked on many angles. Things were going okay until he started avoiding me. This was strange because it happened suddenly. There was no fight, quarell and I didn't think I had done anything wrong to warrant the silence. Even if I had done something wrong, he could have told me about it instead of giving me attitude and avoiding me.

During this period, I was the one making efforts to call, text, check up on him. No efforts were made by him. I don't know how people do it but as an adult, if someone offends me, I will talk to the person and try to see how we can resolve it. Even if we don't resolve it, I'll make sure it is addressed one way or the other. 

Tayo's attitude was so annoying and I wasn't enjoying it at all. I made attempts to visit him in his house but he never opened the door for me the few times he was at home.

To be continued...

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

  

SHE COMPARES ME TO HER EX!

Bimpe and Bolaji have been together for a few years. They love each other and this is obvious to everyone who knows about them or sees them together. Like every relationship, they have had little issues here and there but so far, they have been successful at settling all discords. There is however an issue that Bolaji seems not to be able to get over with. It saddens his heart every time he remembers and although he has tried to explain things to Bimpe, she does not seem to understand his point of view.

Bolaji is certainly not a perfect man (no one is) but the moment Bimpe complains about something, he tries his possible best to work on it. Bimpe who fails to recognize that different relationships work differently, makes the mistake of comparing their relationship to that of Tunde and Sayo. Tunde and Sayo look like a perfect couple because they are always giggling, going out and doing some stuff that Bimpe considers to be great. Bolaji does not find this funny but Bimpe keeps doing it. One day she says he is different from her ex and another day, he does not treat her like Tunde treats Sayo.

A lot of things happen in people’s relationships or marriages that you know nothing about. Although it is not wrong to admire people’s relationship, the greatest mistake that you can make is to compare your own relationship to another. The truth is that you can never know the entirety of what goes on in another person’s relationship. You only see the picture they paint and so although they might look perfect, they might not actually be and although they might look imperfect, they might just be having a swell time. Some people show genuine love but some others pretend about it.

If you have issues in your relationship, settle it without making reference to how another couple settled their issues. Trust me, issues can be settled amicably and this would take the two people involved coming to an agreement of what they did wrong and deciding on how to avoid such in the future. Comparing your spouse to another lady or guy that you have seen out there would make the situation worse. So even if your intention is to draw the attention of your spouse to a bad behavior or attitude, if you do this by comparing him or her to that other person, you might end up losing him or her.

I have heard people say: “men do not like it when their babes or wives compare them to other men out there”. Although this is very true, I would like to say that it goes both ways and comparison is not good for anyone. Women as much as men, do not like to be compared to other women. Like I said earlier and I am saying again: “If you want your spouse to work on something, tell him or her in a very nice way and you can definitely do without comparing him or her to another person”.

Another reason it is adviceable to refrain from comparison is the fact that it could weaken your spouse whether you realise it or not. You might say that that is not your intention but then that might be the effect. Some people based on the comparison exercise that goes on in their relationship or marriage, just tell the ‘comparer’ to go be with the ‘comparee’ since he or she thinks that that person is the ideal man or woman. You really do not want to make him or her think unnecessarily, so avoid comparison and save your marriage or relationship.

Relationships and marriages work differently. The fact that one idea or act works well with party A does not mean that the same will work for party B. I know that it is easy to say and not exactly easy to do but then efforts have to be made to avoid this. Comparing yourself, your relationship or your marriage to another will not make you or your relationship better, it will rather make it worse.

Thanks a lot for stopping by. God bless you real good.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

I WISH SHE WAS EXACTLY LIKE MY MUM!

As human beings, from two different backgrounds, we are bound to have differences. It is important to note that it is VERY OKAY to disagree with each other and it is VERY OKAY to be unhappy about a few things that your spouse does. However, what is not okay is to begin to compare your spouse to other people, especially your Parents. 

When you have a very good relationship with your parents, sometimes, you automatically want your spouse to behave like them. For the ladies, you may be looking out for 'sweet Daddy' moments in your husband, while the men may be looking for 'your mum' (Sweet mother) in your wife.

Both ways, we are wrong!

I remember seeing a quote a while ago which was about comparing our behind the scenes to someone else's highlight and I thought to myself, this applies to marriage as well. Some of us compare our spouses 'behind the scenes' to our parents 'highlights' and this should not be.

We want a family man, husband, father, provider, best guy, go to person etc... We want a woman that can keep a home, a wife, a mother, a cook, a best friend, a prayer partner etc... All these things are possible but you  need to give your  spouse time.

Your parents didn't become all that they are overnight. God worked on them and they put in efforts daily until they became these people we admire so much. They went through a lot of 'agreeing to disagree' moments, unending compromises, deep sacrifices and an overdose of communication to become who they are today (the list is endless, because different strokes apply to different folks).

Can I shock you? Your parents are still learning how to be better to/for each other. Marriage is a University that one can never graduate from. There are things our parents will never tell us, and there are struggles they will never share with us. In the same vein, there are things we will never share with our kids.

Life is in stages, we learn, unlearn and relearn everyday. Please give your partner a breathing space. Support him/her by praying for them, and you will see results.

PS: We need to stop looking for our Fathers or Mothers in our partners, everyone is unique in their own way. There was something you saw in him/her in the beginning. Hold on to whatever it was/is, and help them build on it positively.

Oluwasade O.

Thank you for stopping by, and we will be back next week. God bless you

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

HOW THE JOURNEY TO FOREVER BEGAN.

"You are welcome" her father said to me as I walked into the house and I responded saying thank you. I had learned a few Igbo words so I used some of them as I responded to their greetings and questions. I was asked loads of questions and I believed I did well but guess what? And the end of it all, they said they were not going to give me a feedback yet. In their words "we have to meet with the elders and then decide." I was more than ready to get married to Sandra but her parents were making it difficult. Why should it be so difficult because we are from different ethnic groups?

At this point, I was so frustrated and furious that I couldn't say a word to Sandra or her parents. Although I got to Sandra's village with my hopes high (I mean after serious prayer and fasting), I left the village so sad and heartbroken that I couldn't say a word to Sandra or anyone. My mum kept calling all through my journey back but I couldn't pick up because I wasn't sure of what to say. 

I got home and decided to stay away from Sandra for a bit because I didn't want to take out my disappointment and frustration on her but this was quite difficult. I loved her so much that it was hard to stay away from her. She tried to encourage me to give them time but I wasn't having any of it. I had tried my best and I was beginning to agree with my friends. Indeed, there are other ladies and maybe I should really just move on with the hope that I'll find someone else. While all these were going through my mind, Sandra said "If you really love me and want us to spend our lives together till old age, please bear with me and my parents. I have tried talking to them and it's very tiring but please be patient..."

This was hard. I really loved Sandra and I was willing to wait for her parents approval but I was just tired at the amount of time it was taking. Despite the thoughts and temptation to give up, I made up my mind to wait.

Few weeks later, I got a call from Sandra's mum giving me the good news. I was more than excited to hear that the 'Elders' had decided in my favour. We were so excited and we began to make plans and preparation for marriage and in less than 6 months, I got married to the woman of my dreams. The wait was long but in the end, it paid off and we were both full of joy.

Thanks a lot for staying through with me on this. I hope that you've learned one or two things from my story.

Anonymous

Thanks for stopping by, we hope to see you soon. God bless you.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown