WHY THE BEEF?

Bridget is getting married and she informs her friends about this new phase of her life but while some of them are happy for her, some of them begin to pass rumors around that she forced herself on the guy or maybe she's even pregnant. None of the rumors are true but they are a sign that they are not happy about the good thing that is taking place in their friend's life.

Many of us are very guilty of this. We do this often - We see our friends doing well in their relationship or marriage and we 'beef' them. We get jealous and spread rumors about them instead of rejoicing with them. You hear that a friend, acquaintance or colleague is getting married or has just had a child and for some reason known to you alone, you are unhappy.

This is not good and I'm here today to encourage us to stop. I saw a picture after I had written this and it really summaries my message to you today. I'll like to encourage us to rejoice with those that rejoice. The fact that it hasn't yet happened to or for you, is not a licence to be unhappy or jealous. Learn to celebrate people's successes. Your turn would come and instead of people spreading rumors about you, you will want them to celebrate with you.

Although this is in regards to relationships, it is applicable to every area of life. We all need to form the habit of rejoicing and celebrating with people. There's absolutely no reason to mock people's victories, downgrade it or water it down. If you want people to rejoice with you, then you must rejoice with others. And even if you cannot be bothered about people rejoicing with you, still rejoice with others.

Whenever a negative thought comes to your heart about your friend, colleague or loved one who is doing well or celebrating milestones, pray for them and say it loud that you rejoice with them. This way, you'll be able (if you're serious) to erase any ill feeling or thought towards them.

I hope that we will all try to be better people and that we will celebrate people's wins instead of spreading false rumors or downgrading their victories. If they are getting married, celebrate with them. If they've just gotten a new appointment, celebrate with them, if they are pregnant or they've just had a child, celebrate with them.

Thanks for stopping by. God bless you real good. Have a blessed week.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

HE TICKED ALL BUT ONE!

I have had series of conversations with people (especially married) about this and I have discovered that many people did not have ALL their boxes ticked. Some had majority of the things on their list ticked, some did not have plenty things ticked and for some it was half and half. I also realised that although not all the boxes were ticked, many of these people went on to get married or get into a relationship with these people. The question is why?

For some people, they said that they realised that many of the things on their list wasn't relevant or at the core of what they really wanted. Some wrote the list because their friends had a list and did not want to be the odd one out. Regardless of what inspired you to have a checklist, it is okay to have one but please review often and with the help of God you'll do this rightly. It is important so that you're not driving people away because of the things that are minute or unimportant.

I know of someone I respect so much who said she had all her boxes ticked except for one thing on the list but guess what? She decided to get married to the man. She struggled with it for a bit but resolved that she could do away with that one thing even though it would require a lot of things and sacrifice from her.

For me, God-fearing; family-man; good cook; good looking etc. were some of the things I was particular about and so even though there were other things on my list, theae once stood out and I could make a decision based on them. I struggled with some other things which were on my list but not present in him or some things that I didn't want but I resolved with myself that those things were not at the core of me and although they were cool, they were not 'so important' (i.e. they would not affect me or the relationship negatively).

In summary, it is okay to have a list but don't be too rigid with the list. Be willing to adjust or do away with some things on your list. Sometimes the things on your list are not as important as what you really need in a person and God might be trying to tell you this. There's no perfect person but this also doesn't mean you should settle for less. However, be willing to review and accommodate certain things (you know those things better). 

Allow God lead you in making this decision and it's my prayer that you get it right maritally in Jesus name.

Thanks for stopping by, God bless you real good.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

CAN ONE PERSON TICK ALL THE BOXES?

 

When we talk about ticking all the boxes, what do we mean? Okay so let's explain in the simplest way possible and with an example: 

Bayo desires to get into a relationship or marriage and has certain attributes that he'll love to see in a lady that he intends to be with (e.g. great cook, outer beautiful, intellectual etc.) Bidemi wants to be with a guy who has six packs and plenty money etc. While some people (especially ladies), write down these attributes, some others just have it in their head and are quick to move on when a potential guy or lady doesn't meet up.

Is it wrong to have a list? Absolutely not! Everyone is allowed to have expectations of the preferred man or lady that they would  love to spend the rest of their life with. The List can be endless from TDH (Tall, Dark and Handsome), beauty queen to working in an "oyel" company, to having a ride, having an apartment, having a figure eight shape, 'lepa', six packs etc...

But what happens when a man or woman doesn't tick many or some of the boxes that you have either in your heart or on paper? Should you take a risk to be with such a person with the hope that things would be fine? Sometimes the things on these lists are overrated or too stringent, they may be things that are possible to find in a person but they may also be very rare attributes. Deciding to keep waiting for a person that ticks ALL the boxes when the unticked ones are things that do not really matter or things that can be changed easily, might not be a wise decision.

The truth is that many times we know what we want but do not necessarily know the kind of person we need and because of this many of us either end up with the wrong person or neglect the right person for us. God knows who is best for us, He knows who we need as against who we want and if we involve Him, He'll help us know when we're just being ridiculous or the things to take off the list.

To be continued...

Thanks for stopping by and God bless you.

OneLove

SomzyBrown

SHE BROKE MY HEART...

Sunday got into a relationship with his beautiful girlfriend, Blessing. It seemed like they had it going smooth but in less than 3 months, the so called 'blissful' relationship was over. Sunday thought he was going to get married to Blessing and if anyone had told him otherwise, he would have fought with the person. Sunday was unhappy about how things turned out and was confused for a while on what to do.

The question is: After a breakup up, what next? Should you eat yourself up or what exactly should be done?

The first thing I would like to say is that people get into relationships for different reasons and they also break up for different reasons. Eating yourself up because one relationship didn't work out the way you thought it would is not worth it. Although hard and painful, you have to move on and enjoy your wonderful life. Nobody likes to be dumped but no one likes to be with someone that cannot put him or herself together.

Moving on after a break up is dependent on the person involved and the circumstances that led to the break-up. For some people, after a break-up with their boyfriend or girlfriend, they decide that they would not get into another relationship with someone else until they are completely healed or until they have completely gotten over the terrible feeling of being jilted or whatever the case may be. Some other people go into a relationship immediately after a break-up not necessarily because they planned to but because while they were trying to get over the heart break, someone else was there to console and encourage them and it just made sense to be with that person.

We are all different and we react to hurt or disappointment differently. This is one of the reasons you should not compare your situation to that of another person. Although, there is no hard and fast rule about this, one very important thing is that you need to ensure that you have gotten to a point where your heart has totally forgiven the person that broke-up with you or that you broke up with . The reason for this is that it is not good to carry along gabbages from a previous relationship into a new one as this would affect how you treat or view the new person in your life. You really should not go into a relationship comparing the former guy or lady to the new guy or lady because they are totally different people. Making comparisons in your heart or through your words and actions is the worse thing you can do to a person you are in a relationship with...

To be continued...

Thank you so much for stopping by. God bless you.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

HOW FAR IS TOO FAR?

When we talk about cheating, most times we refer or we are referring to men. I'm not exactly sure why this is so because the truth is that both men and women have the capacity or the capability to cheat on their partners. 

This is a very sensitive topic and it is one that keeps coming up in almost every conversation nowadays. Many people have had terrible experiences with unfaithful partners or spouses and it is quite a discouraging experience for some. It is very sad that many of the things that shouldn't be normal are now the order of the day. You hear things like "all men cheat so just be grateful that your partner still takes care of you". No! This shouldn't be. 

The moment you decide to be in a relationship or to get married, you are making the decision to be faithful and committed to this one person. You owe yourself as well as the person you're with, the duty of faithfulness. I don't care what goes on around you or the fact that many people are trying to make 'unfaithfulness' seem like it is normal and uncontrollable. It is very controllable but you have to guard your heart, your mind, your soul, your body, your conversations etc. Be careful of what you listen to and what you allow into your space. Listen more to testimonies of faithful and committed people than the opposite. Be intentional about making your relationship or marriage work.

The truth is that we all know when we are going too far in our conversations with the opposite sex but sometimes because we  enjoy the attention we are getting, we refuse to stop right there and then. It is important that we all make decisions to stay faithful in our relationships because whether you're a man or a woman if you haven't made a conscious effort to stay faithful or to stay committed, you will get tempted and when the temptation comes you will most likely yield to it. 

This is a call to each and everyone of us whether you are a man or a woman, cheating is bad and it begins from the inability to set boundaries with so called 'close' friends. The truth is that sometimes you know when you've gone or when you're going too far in having conversations or sharing certain pictures or part of your life with somebody of the opposite sex. We all need to watch it  and we all need to be careful. 

We all need to make the commitment of faithfulness and break this annoying 'norm' that seems to exist in our day. In previous times, cheating was frowned upon and the few people who engaged in it were judged by their friends or family members and called to order but nowadays, faithfulness is rare and people who choose to be faithful to their marriages or relationships are mocked. God requires that we are faithful to our spouses - that's His standard and we should strictly adhere to this.

This should not be the case. We can all be faithful in our relationships and marriages. We can all decide to take this step no matter what we see happening around us whether by people close to us or not. We can be faithful and we will be faithful by God's grace. I pray God helps each and everyone of us in Jesus name.

Thank you so much for stopping by. God bless you.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

DESPITE HOW BAD... MOVING ON WAS NECESSARY.

Tayo had become so mean and uncaring to me and I wasn't sure why he was being like that. Like I said earlier, I went to his house but he shut me out. He didn't open the door for me and even though I stayed out for a bit longer, he didn't come out. This incident made me know that he had made up his mind and was totally done with the relationship. I wish he told me why he all of a sudden stopped loving or maybe liking me but then he didn't. Even if I had offended him, (which I was unaware of), it couldn't be so bad as to totally shut me out of his life.

I tried to get over Tayo but it was really difficult. I spoke to my friends about it because none of it made sense to me. I tried to wait for Tayo hoping that he would come back to his senses and reach out to me or apologize for just deciding out of the blues to shut me out but this was a dream that never came true. Sadly but importantly, I had to move on with my life. It was a good relationship but then it had obviously come to an end, hopefully for good.

Getting into another relationship was the least thing on my mind at the beginning of the year...I thought and hoped Tayo would be the last guy I'll be with but I was very wrong. Things had changed and it was time to make that decision again. It was a difficult one but I had to move on.

I got into a relationship after 2 years and although I was with someone really amazing (in my opinion), I was finding it difficult to enjoy the relationship. I later discovered that this issue was as a result of my experience with Tayo. I had not gotten over the surprising incident and this was affecting my relationship. I spoke with a senior friend about it and he advised me to get closure. By getting closure, he explained "Talk to Tayo and let him know how you felt and still feel then make the decision to forgive him. Although difficult, try to pray for him so that forgiving him would be easy." This was hard but it was definitely needed. 

Calling Tayo was difficult but more difficult was the sleepless nights I had thinking about whether or not he would respond to my request to have a conversation with him. Thankfully, he responded and I was able to pour out my heart to him. He sounded remorse and had a lot of excuses as to the silent treatment but none of that meant anything to me anymore. I had gotten what I needed by pouring my heart out and in my opinion, prayer would solve the rest. Gradually, I began to appreciate and enjoy my new relationship.

I don't know what your experience in relationships have been but if you have had a bad experience or a relationship that didn't end well, you need to get closure because failure to do so could make you have a terrible experience in your next relationship.

Thank you so much for stopping by, I hope that you are able to get closure where you need to by God's grace and to move on with ease.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

I HAD TO GET CLOSURE!

My name is Juliet and although I have been involved in a lot of relationships, I am still single. Please don't join my parents in asking why I am still single because I do not have an answer to this question and I'm being serious. I have been in long relationships that should have led to marriage but then like they say "things happen!". 

I am a very beautiful lady and no I'm not trying to brag, I'm just stating the obvious. However, I have been in relationships with the handsome, ugly and unkempt. To be honest, I think I have seen it all when it comes to relationships but hopefully the man I get married to will be the handsome and perfect person for me. I shared this to state that although I am very beautiful, I am not selective. Once I like you and you like me, we are good to go (smiles).

Sharing my story is not one that I do often but then I am sharing it this time because there's been an argument/discussion about whether or not you need to get closure after a relationship comes to an end. In my opinion, you do not need closure for every relationship but there are certain relationships that you must get closure for. If it was just a fling (nothing serious), you don't necessarily need to get closure because you guys were not serious to begin with. However, if you guys were serious (not necessarily talking marriage) but you loved each other and you had to go your separate ways because of one reason or the other,  you'll definitely need closure.

Tayo was a good guy whom I knew loved me and I loved sincerely. We were in a relationship for about 2 years (this is one of my long relationships). He wasn't so handsome but he had a great personality and we clicked on many angles. Things were going okay until he started avoiding me. This was strange because it happened suddenly. There was no fight, quarell and I didn't think I had done anything wrong to warrant the silence. Even if I had done something wrong, he could have told me about it instead of giving me attitude and avoiding me.

During this period, I was the one making efforts to call, text, check up on him. No efforts were made by him. I don't know how people do it but as an adult, if someone offends me, I will talk to the person and try to see how we can resolve it. Even if we don't resolve it, I'll make sure it is addressed one way or the other. 

Tayo's attitude was so annoying and I wasn't enjoying it at all. I made attempts to visit him in his house but he never opened the door for me the few times he was at home.

To be continued...

OneLove,

SomzyBrown