WHEN COMMUNICATION GOES WRONG...

Paul and Tessy are in a serious relationship.What do we mean by serious relationship? Well my definition of a serious relationship is that the two people involved are thinking, talking and making plans to get married. So they've gone past the stage of getting to know each other or deciding whether this relationship is for them or not. They are sure that they want to do this (get married) and plans are in order to achieve this. However Paul seems to have a little issue with Tessy.

"Tessy is a lovely person but sometimes I find it hard to believe that she's the same person when we have an issue or disagreement. Her tone changes and she sounds like she's about to eat me up for something that might be her fault. She's always willing and quick to address issues but then the way she talks when addressing these issue scares me to death..."

I read something today and I totally concur. Many times we talk about the importance of communication but we forget that that's not all that matters. The manner of communication is also very important. Some people like Paul's girlfriend are communicators (I.e. always willing to talk whenever there's an issue) but they lack proper manner of communication (the way they go about talking or addressing these issues).

You might be wondering what we mean by manner of communication and I'll give an illustration. There's a difference between "You hurt me really bad. It's not the first time it's happening and I'm not happy about it " and "You're such an annoying person. You enjoy hurting me everytime. Only irritating people do such and you'll never change". These two statements mean almost the same thing but the manner in which they are said, are different. 

The way something is said can ! be given a perfect or wrong interpretation. And so while communication in a relationship or marriage is highly important, we all need to learn how to communicate properly.

I pray that we all will make conscious efforts not just to be quick at communicating but to communicate in the right manner and with the right tone/approach.

Thank you so much for stopping by, God bless you and see you soon. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

THE STRUGGLE WAS REAL BUT I SURVIVED

Dolapo grew up with three brothers and one sister. She really loved them and put in so much effort to have a good relationship with them but she was the last born. Because she was the last born child, her older siblings thought she was spoilt as she always got everything she wanted and was hardly scolded for things they got beaten for. 

Was this enough reason for her siblings not to like her? Well, to them it was. She  struggled and made numerous attempts to please them just to get in their good books but everything failed. This was a sad period for Dolapo and she had no one to talk to or express how she felt to. For no important reason, her siblings were not interested in loving her in return. The moment you give hatred an opportunity, it gets worse until you consciously withdraw the hatred.

This sour relationship continued and it became the norm. Dolapo soon got into a relationship and she couldn't tell the people that she would have loved to share it with the most. When the guy asked  for her hand in marriage, she told her siblings. She knew they were happy for her but she still couldn't feel the love. On the other hand, her husband had a sweet and lovely relationship with his siblings and she was shocked that siblings could have a lovely relationship. His siblings transferred the love to her and she was happy. 

Seeing that her husband's family was different, she made an inquiry into how they made it work between them and made up her mind to do whatever it takes to work on having a good relationship with her siblings. They are not there yet but she's not giving up.

Siblings are very important in our everyday lives and we must make conscious efforts to make this kind of relationship work. It is on this note that I introduce you to my book titled: A SIBLING'S LOVE. The hardcopy is now available for purchase. Please reach out to me on ifeoluwayimika@gmail.com if you're interested. Cheers

Thank you so much for stopping by. Have a blessed week, see you next week by God's grace.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

WE MET IN A FUNNY WAY...

Chuks attended the same wedding that Tomide invited me to. Tomide's younger sister was getting married and so Tomide extended the invitation to few of his friends. Chuks was Tomide's colleague and very good friend. I am also Tomide's close friend. We attended the same secondary school and remained close since that time. 

There was a table reserved for Tomide's friends (as per big brother duties) and it so happened that Chuks and I sat next to each other. We chatted all through the wedding and I believed in my heart that I had found an amazing friend in Chuks. Our chats did not end at the wedding, we exchanged numbers and continued after the wedding. 

I had suddenly gotten attached to Chuks that if a day went by without talking to him, it felt like something was missing. We are still good friends till date and guess what? We got married to each other.

I shared the above story to encourage us to be open this year. Please be open to friendships and meeting people no matter how random because you never know which relationships would lead to your miracle. Not all meetings like this will lead to marriage but we all need to decide to be open. It's not all about getting married but about building relationships. You can meet people anywhere and under any unexpected circumstance so let's be open. 

To give more insight, Jennifer was served breakfast few weeks to Tomide's sister's wedding. She was really sad and bitter about it because she was hopeful that things would work between her and her ex-boyfriend but she was wrong. While trying to heal, she made up her mind to stay away from guys/men. She had made plans to just attend and leave the wedding after a few hours to continue in her sober mood but then she met Chuks. 

Imagine if she had allowed her experience rob her of the lovely relationship with Chuks. So you just never know. Make friends, be open and don't carry issues on your head. Everything will be fine las las.

Thanks for stopping by, God bless you all. We'll see soon by God's grace.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY...

There was a time when I heard about 2022 and thought to myself "the year is still far" but guess what? That year that seemed so far away has now come to us and is right in our faces. 

Let me use this opportunity to wish you a happy new year. I thank God for the amazing things that occurred in 2021 and I'm so full of hope at the mighty things that He will do this year. I pray that in this year, you'll experience favor like never before. You'll experience God's mercy in every area of your life in Jesus name.

For those believing God and hoping to get married this year, I pray that God brings the right woman/man your way and that you'll testify. It is my prayer that you won't settle for less (i.e. just anyone) because of pressure from family and friends but you'll meet the right person for you and with joy you both will plan to get married.

No matter what anyone says to you, please choose to stay positive and hopeful this year.  For your testimony will come but you have to do something first - DO NOT GIVE UP OR LOSE FAITH! You might be saying "Hmmmm...it's easier said than done" but please just try it out and see. You'll be glad you stayed positive and hopeful this year.

Also please do not allow anyone especially family members put any form of pressure on you. At the end of the day, you won't be able to put the blame on them cos you had a choice to make. Trust God to lead you and He surely will. 

Stay away from any negative thoughts or conversations saying all sorts which are against your desire and God's desire for you. Trust God to come through for you and He surely will.

Remember that there's no one without flaws or imperfections but ensure that he/she's imperfection is one that you can manage or cope with.

God will guide you all through this year in Jesus name. He'll connect you to the right people in every sphere of your life in Jesus name.

Thanks for stopping by once again and happy new year to you and yours. God bless you real good.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

THIS WASN'T HOW I PLANNED IT!

 

If you're one of those people who have been pressured or asked numerous questions about not being married, this is for you. I know you might have heard this a million and one times but seriously this is the truth - it is Better to get married late than to get married to the wrong person.

A lot of people get pressured into getting into a relationship or marriage. Some parents would even say to their wards "Just bring any one home" "There's no perfect one out there so just bring someone home to us". As a result of this, many do not do their due diligence properly, they bring 'anyone' home and decide to get married to 'anyone' not taking their time to prayerfully discover if this 'anyone' is the right person for them.

I had a discussion recently with some people and I said that parents or guardians who make their children rush into getting a relationship or marriage are the same ones that would be full of regrets when they discover the wife or husband of their child is not who they thought he or she was. 

In my opinion, it is better to wait and be sure that you want to be with someone or that you are both compatible in all important areas before jumping into the decision of marriage.

So just incase you're angry at the fact that things didn't go the way you planned or expected, please know that it is somehow going to work out for your good. Please do not be pressured and thanks for not yielding to all the pressure that might have come your way.

Yes, it's the end of 2021 and you really hoped that that handsome man would find you or that you'll find that beautiful woman and it hasn't happened yet. I know that there were a lot of disappointment, heart break and what not but please do not give up! Remain hopeful and prayerful and you'll share the testimony of how God worked it out for you. 

Managing just anyone shouldn't be an option for you. People who go into marriages saying there's no perfect one and settle for less are most times full of regrets. Please be patient, work on yourself, engage in activities and be hopeful cos although it's the end of the year, God is writing your story and so it's not the end of  your life.

He'll come; She'll come and in due time by God's grace.

Thanks for coming to this blog every now and then and thanks for being amazing. God bless you real good. Merry Christmas in arrears and a happy new year in advance.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown.

PAIN, SHAME AND GUILT...2

Memories of all that my dad did to me as a young girl affected me in so many ways. I became really shy and all that clouded my mind was how mean and heartless my father was. My friends always talked about the lovely relationships they had with their fathers and this made me really jealous. I wished I could say same but any discussion about my dad brought serious tears to my eyes.

Talking to guys became very scary for me because it felt like they were all the same and would do the same thing to me and so I avoided the male gender like a plague. I thought I could even have some as friends but I was too scared to allow my last experience repeat itself. 

I had vowed never to forgive him for the hurt, the pain and the shame I felt as a result of his wicked nature and inability to control himself.  But then I met someone...

We became close and I fell in love with him. However, I was really bitter and this affected our relationship. He tried to be patient but now that I think about it, I wouldn't have been patient with me at that time as well. I lost him and it was sad so I knew I had to fix this problem. I spoke to a senior friend who in turn introduced me to a Therapist. 

Undergoing Therapy wasn't the easiest thing but it was certainly the best thing ever. I had to express how I felt in a way that I had never done before and I felt relieved (at least to an extent). During this period, I discovered and  decided to forgive my dad. Hmmmmm, this was extremely difficult but it was highly necessary because without this forgiveness, I was going to remain hurt and I would keep hurting everyone around me. 

It took time to understand and grasp why I had to be the one to forgive. "Shouldn't it be my dad running to me for forgiveness for all that he did to me as a young daughter of his?" I thought but then my Therapist said that I needed healing and I needed to be a happy person again and so if I wanted all of this, I had to forgive and let go.

I became a better person after forgiving my dad. I gradually became capable of talking to guys and maintaining friendship or relationship with them.  I am definitely in a much better place as I regain my dignity and sanity.

If you have a similar experience, please speak to someone about it and take the step of forgiving whoever might have abused you or wronged you. You are doing it for you because you deserve to be free and happy.

Thanks for reading my story. I hope it has inspired you in one way or the other. 

Anonymous

Thanks for stopping by. God bless you and see you soon. 

OneLove,

SomzyBrown

PAIN, SHAME AND GUILT.

There's so much to say yet so little to explain. So much has happened to me within this short period of my life than even some older people. I mean where do I start from? Is it from the abuse I experienced by my own father? Strange right? Well, maybe not so strange. My blood father took advantage of me when he was supposed to be the one person that protected me from any form of abuse. Yes, I mean my biological father, not my stepfather...

I had no clue what was going on cos I was really young and naive. I couldn't talk to my mum about it because she always went on about how much she loved and trusted her husband. Was I going to be the one to destroy her 'sweet' marriage? Oh no! I wasn't going to do that. 

My dad would casually call me to his room especially when he knew mum was busy in the kitchen and would touch different parts of my body especially my private part. He would have sex with me and what not.  The first time this happened, it was extremely painful and I became so withdrawn. My mum noticed and would ask for why I had suddenly become a quiet girl but I couldn't say a word.

I went from being at the top of my class to nearly missing the last position in my class. This wasn't funny at all. The saddest part of this was that I'll get beaten by the one person that was behind my failure. He'll beat me and call me all sort of names but still come for my body. Sad right?

My poor and innocent mother noticed that my father was fond of me and she was happy that he was close to his first daughter. She even got worried that my dad wasn't as close to my other Siblings as he was to me. God forbid! Thank God he wasn't trying any rubbish with them at least so I thought.

To be continued...

Thank you so much for stopping by, we hope to see you soon.

OneLove,

SomzyBrown